This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Metroid Dread.

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Transcript

Metroid Dread is, sadly, not a game about space bounty hunter Samus Aran ill-advisedly putting out a vanity reggae album, but a new Metroid game on the Switch that leans a little bit more into the space horror theme that lurks at the bottom of a lot of Metroid games like all the tasty cheesy bits in an ineptly tossed salad. It’s also a direct sequel to Metroid Fusion on the GBA but you kids of today probably won’t appreciate that much. “GBA, what’s that stand for? Granddad’s Babbling Again?” No you little bastards, Game Boy Advance, a significant handheld in the annuls of gaming. “Look, we don’t want to hear any more about what kind of advances you’ve been making on gay boys, Yahtz, least of all annul-related ones.” Bah, how could you nipple chafers understand the significance of a new Metroid game that actually adds to the canon and isn’t a prequel or a remake or an interquel or something best cauterized out of memory like Metroid: Other M. But since it is building on the plot developments in Metroid Fusion you might be confused by a few things if you aren’t up to speed, most significantly the fact that you don’t fight any Metroids in Metroid Dread. The main threat is the X, the shapeshifting parasites that Metroid Fusion introduced and which are slightly hard to take seriously because they’re little coloured blobs that look like they’d be cast as the baddies in an animated toothpaste advert.

Yahtzee Croshaw
Yahtzee Croshaw is a British comedic writer, video game journalist, humorist, author, and video game developer.

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