The official trailer for the Need for Speed movie is a drama-laden ode to the resilience of the human psyche that you probably don’t want to miss.

Just kidding! It’s actually a CGI-fueled slice of overwrought nonsense, with some guy doing his best “I am a biblical badass” reading for a Fox TV series while the violins play in the background and supercars slam into one another and flip end-over-end in gravity-defying displays of aerobatic awesomeness. What’s going on? I have no idea; it looks like a cross between The Fast and the Furious and Vanishing Point, with maybe a hint of Ryan Gosling envy going on, but really it’s just VROOM VROOM SMASH BASH CRASH “oh my tortured soul” ZOOM ZOOM!

Am I being overly dismissive? Perhaps. It’s possible that Need for Speed will be a legitimately solid action flick packed with an exciting array of licensed sports cars duking it out in eye-popping street races. But you know what? I’m not holding my breath. Call me a cynic if you will.

Need for Speed is set to hit screens in the U.S. in March 2014.

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