Blink twice if Nintendo is abusing you: Paid DLC announced before Pokémon Legends: Z-A even comes out

Y’all are in an abusive relationship with Nintendo and you’re in it so deep you can’t even see it. Nintendo promised the longest Direct ever to make up for its offensive Nintendo Switch 2 launch and it gave those that were starting to lose faith a reason to hold on a bit longer. It’s called breadcrumbing.

These blind fanboys were so desperate for Nintendo’s love that they ate up any little bit of positivity they could get from the Nintendo Direct, cheering for remake after remake after remake, applauding another add-on accessory to pay for, nodding at another Kirby Air Rider Direct even though the game has one single button (how much more info do we really need), and cheering on a paid DLC for a game that isn’t even out yet. While some of us were checking the time to see how much longer we had to sit through this hour-long advertisement, some people were practically shaking and crying like they just saw a K-pop idol at a grocery store.

Blink twice if Nintendo is hurting you.

Nintendo keeps pushing our boundaries because you are letting them

In an abusive relationship, the abuser will try to slowly break down your barriers and see how much they can get away with without you leaving. Nintendo saw that you’d pay for a $500 console with no games – and even pay money for a tutorial – and decided they could take this even further.

Pokémon Legends: Z-A is the highly anticipated follow-up to Arceus, all taking place within the walls of Lumiose City. It has a new combat system, new Mega Evolutions, and promises a more polished gameplay experience after some pretty lazy mainline games that almost felt unfinished (although fanboys would never dare say it to Nintendo’s face).

But the game isn’t even out yet. The Nintendo Switch 2 basically launched with Switch 2 Editions of existing games and everyone lost their mind; meanwhile, no Mario, no Legend of Zelda, no Pokémon. This game will be coming in October, but the Nintendo Direct surprised fanboys with more information ahead of the launch: You can buy DLC!

The game is not even close to being out yet, but Nintendo is already demanding you pay for DLC. I know none of you will question this, but WHY DIDN’T NINTENDO JUST INCLUDE THE DLC IN THE BASE GAME THEN IF IT’S ALREADY THERE?!? Oh yeah, to take more money from you bozos.

So here’s how much y’all gotta pay now to play the complete game upon launch:

• Pokemon Legends: Z-A: $60
• Mega Dimensions DLC: $30
• Kalos starter Mega Evolutions: $10

That’s $110 right away. If you want to excuse them for this, maybe you can beg Nintendo to raise the Mega Evolutions price a bit more. C’mon, just a bit. Please take more money from me, Nintendo, please. I promise I’ll keep buying your Switch 2 Editions and accessories and remakes, like Mario Galaxy for $40! I’ll do it, I promise, as long as you make the Mega Evolutions $15. Don’t sell yourself so short. I’m sorry I ever questioned you.

The fact is, Nintendo knows you’ll buy this stuff so it’s making you pay for it. If that’s the kind of relationship you want, I guess I can’t really help you. But if Nintendo is holding you against your will, blink twice.