Postal 3 is Coming For Christmas

Postal 3, the latest addition to the classic, much-loved PC game series, is coming for Christmas.

“Not even an Al Gore weather forecast could have predicted the difficulties in seeing this project through,” Running With Scissors said in a groan-worthy line explaining the eight-year stretch between Postal 2 and Postal 3.

“If this press release sucks it’s because we had to write it ourselves,” it continued, practically reading my mind. “Our dearest friend, editor and original RWS member Bill ‘The Game Doctor’ Kunkel passed away this past September. We’d like to honor Bill and the Postal Dude’s best friend Champ, who also passed away earlier this year, by proudly self-publishing Postal 3 in their memory.”

[The Escapist’s coverage of Bill Kunkel’s passing can be read here.]

For those unfamiliar with it, the Postal series revolves around a character known only as “The Postal Dude” who’s trying to live his life in the not-quite-right town of Paradise. There’s no plot to speak of, just random, brutal violence, although it’s apparently possible to make it through Postal 2 without actually killing anyone. The game is best known for gratuitously graphic violence, a murderous toy named Krotchy, the Fudge Pack, appearances by Gary Coleman and the “cat silencer,” which I don’t feel comfortable explaining here. [You can dig it up on YouTube if you really want to know more.] It was also made into a universally-derided Uwe Boll film in 2007.

Postal 3 sees the Postal Dude relocated to the town of Catharsis, Paradise having been destroyed by a nuclear apocalypse. What happens next is largely irrelevant but sounds pretty much like more of the same: “What path will you choose when faced with the antics of a hypocritical scheming Mayor? A berserk cartoon mascot with Al Qaeda ties? A former Vice-President’s cadre of Eco-Zealots? How about Gay Segway ‘biker’ gangs, and a sociopathic cult leader Uncle with nuclear ambitions? Will you give in to your base instincts and fight fire with gasoline? Or will you rise above it to become something more, to serve and protect your fellow citizens from the rampant insanity of our modern society?”

Postal 3 is available in an unrated edition – no ESRB nonsense here! – with “masterpiece box artwork” exclusively through the Postalgames.com website. When the game will actually ship isn’t clear but Running With Scissors says ordering with two-day air or overnight shipping will get it to you before Christmas. A digital edition will presumably be made available at some point in the future.

“All of us here at RWS are blessed and we wish you and yours the very best of health and happiness this holiday season,” the studio wrote in a bizarrely sincere-sounding expression of good will. “Thanks to the greatest video game fans in the world!”