Do you want to marry someone?
Yes
51.9% (273)
51.9% (273)
No
34.8% (183)
34.8% (183)
I'm a strong black women that dosen't need no man.
9.1% (48)
9.1% (48)
Already married (and planning to stay that way)
3.8% (20)
3.8% (20)
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Poll: Do you even want to get married?

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Yep. I would like to find the right person first, though.

Epicspoon:
Must resist urge to pick third option. MUST. RESIST.

Give in to the temptation!

Relish in Chaos:
I don't want to get married because I don't see the point in it. It's not a "commitment". It makes no difference whether or not you're married, so I'm not going to waste my own hard-earned money arranging some stupid ceremony and reduce my love for my partner into some legal contract due to outdated tradition, remarkably still prevalent in our society due to soap operas and sitcoms shovelling it into our faces like goddamn mashed potato.

And what if we get divorced? Then there's even more hassle with the cost and the legal bullshit.

Not really, just get a pre-nuptial agreement. That said, that can offend some people, but diplomatically acquiring one of those sure beats the hell out of you and the one you love(d) feverishly trying to take everything in a free-for-all.

I do want to get married though, despite not being religious in any way.

Slayer_2:
In a future far, far away.

....in the land of Las-Vegas.

It has no real appeal to me, but if my partner wants to, I'll go ahead with it. If somebody cares about it enough to make it into a big issue, I'm not going to refuse them that just because I'm skeptical of the matter. Of course, first I need to be sure that I've found somebody I could spend the rest of my life with. My current girlfriend has a lot of potential, but it's only been a year and a half, and we're both young, so I intend to give it a lot more time before I even start considering marriage.

The Brave Taco Man:

Doclector:

Spot1990:
Seriously dude? It's easier to just type love. We get it you don't like it but really?

Oh trust me. I hate many things. I hate politicians. I hate dumb people in supermarkets seemingly going out of their way to get in my way. I hate the oscars. The l word is on such an unbelievable new level of hate that I can't even see the word without getting angry.

The Greeks had 3 (well 4) words to describe love.

Eros-100% take
Philos- 50-50
Agape-100% give

Maybe I just made your head explode from anger. Maybe I gave you a way to use love in a way that is appropriate for different situations. I don't know.

Yeah, I've heard that.

Do I want to get married? No, I personally don't see the point of it. If however my theoretical partner at the time desperately wants to, than I'll grit my teeth and go along with it for their sake. I'm indifferent to it, so while I have no personal desire to get married it'll come down to what the other person wants.

Captcha = glazed donut

Yes please. :3

At this moment, no.

In the future, who knows? If I meet the right person, I might consider it.

I don't know if I ever want to get married. The legal benefits are pretty nifty though. I don't see any religious or cultural NEED to get married, so if I do, it'll probably be for all the tax breaks and stuff. I don't need some religious ceremony just to spend time together. It's not "living in sin" anymore, it's cohabitation. Back in the day, living together without being married was considered sinful and immoral (and you could get killed for doing it!). Times have changed, but marriage still exists and allows the government to reward those of us who want to formally say that we will live together, instead of just doing it and forgetting the whole silly business.
There's no tax breaks/legal benefits for cohabitation, and that's why I might get married. In a private residence, with the required "witnesses" and a justice of the peace. I don't see any need for an actual ceremony, and I'm not wrong for it.

been there, done that. never again.

for mods: don't even get me started. i may be a jaded cynic, but that doesn't mean to have to go around spreading negativity around like every other ponce that thinks thier opinion means anything to anyone. i'm quite satisfied just giving my answer and letting the 0 people who read it take it however they want. so just leave me be.

Someday yes, but that's looking unlikely.

I believe that marriage can work out, even though I've been badly effective by two terrible ones (not my own, I've never been married. I mean both of my mother's marriages).

The Brave Taco Man:
-snip-

I do. :)

If people don't want marriage, they don't need to have one. But I'm sure many wish to, and that's who will enjoy marriage. Everyone wins.

I'm getting married in June to my girlfriend of almost 7 years. We both decided we didn't want a ceremony so we're just doing the court house thing. We're both looking forward to the legal benefits.

Spot1990:

Relish in Chaos:
Could I ask those that want to get married...why? What difference does it make if you have some "official" paper telling you that you love each other? How is it a "commitment"? Is it just for legally convenient reasons (like the money and stuff), or religious reasons?

I literally don't understand it. Why would anyone, in this day and age, want to get married when you should just be able to love someone without having to throw some retarded ceremony for it?

It's not really about the paper as far as I know. Don't know if I'll ever get married but it seems to be more symbolic than anything. Getting up in front of people and making a promise to stay with someone for the rest of your life. It's a grand gesture. Asking why you get married is like asking why we do anything of things we do in celebration. Why do we give presents on birthdays and christmas? Do we really need to give each other gifts?

People celebrate Christmas for religious reasons (or, at least, most used to). Birthdays are literally you getting older, so it's justifiably cause for celebration (although even my family don't really give a crap about birthdays; my mother sometimes even forgets hers and, more often than not, we just get a takeaway or something to celebrate). Marriage is a bigger thing, in terms of the planning, setting a venue, the money, etc. Even just a small ceremony still costs money that could go to something more useful.

What if you get divorced? Then that'll cost even more money. Why does marriage have to be this endgame? You don't need these gestures to show people that you love your partner. Why should you have to prove that to anyone, especially people that aren't even part of your relationship.

I can see, maybe, if you have kids, you might want them to have the same name as you. But that's it, really. To me, it seems like nothing more than an (optional) name change and a legal document saying, "You're together under law, but you're gonna need to shell out a whole lot more money if you break up." You sure it's not society shovelling people years of outdated tradition and all those soap operas and sitcoms that make the whole soppy thing look like the greatest thing ever?

Since I'm engaged... I hope so. Money is an issue though, but it does force us to wait until we can get married with a religious ceremony in this country.

Marriage has many benefits; yes, some are legal, and some are financial. And some are romantic-fuzzy-wuzzy.

My parents (mother and stepfather if you want to get technical) married last year, after being together for almost 25 years. It was a really quiet wedding with NO guests, which kind of sucked, but eh. It's interesting how differently the military now see my mother (my dad's a military man), just for that piece of paper. The military wouldn't have treated her as any relation- my dad's ex-wife had more rights to his spousal benefits than the woman he'd raised two kids with, bought a house with, and lived with for a quarter of a century. So for those of you who think that "piece of paper" shouldn't affect anything, unfortunately there are other people who disagree.

Ren_Li:
Since I'm engaged... I hope so. Money is an issue though, but it does force us to wait until we can get married with a religious ceremony in this country.

Marriage has many benefits; yes, some are legal, and some are financial. And some are romantic-fuzzy-wuzzy.

My parents (mother and stepfather if you want to get technical) married last year, after being together for almost 25 years. It was a really quiet wedding with NO guests, which kind of sucked, but eh. It's interesting how differently the military now see my mother (my dad's a military man), just for that piece of paper. The military wouldn't have treated her as any relation- my dad's ex-wife had more rights to his spousal benefits than the woman he'd raised two kids with, bought a house with, and lived with for a quarter of a century. So for those of you who think that "piece of paper" shouldn't affect anything, unfortunately there are other people who disagree.

If people need/want to get married for purely pragmatic reasons, I can see why they might go down that route. As you say, society has chosen to endorse it to a certain degree. There are also perfectly valid pragmatic reasons to argue against it, of course, many of which get you painted as an anti-marriage zealot and the anti-christ of romance.

I still think it's strange that so many liberal, non-traditional people who argue violently against other decrepit institutions are so quick to prop this one up, is all. I honestly have no explanation for it, and no one has ever offered me a rational explanation for it.

Relish in Chaos:

People celebrate Christmas for religious reasons (or, at least, most used to). Birthdays are literally you getting older, so it's justifiably cause for celebration (although even my family don't really give a crap about birthdays; my mother sometimes even forgets hers and, more often than not, we just get a takeaway or something to celebrate). Marriage is a bigger thing, in terms of the planning, setting a venue, the money, etc. Even just a small ceremony still costs money that could go to something more useful.

Not what I was talking about. I was talking about how we celebrate things. People celebrate christmas by eating a big dinner and buying presents. People want to celebrate their love by getting married

What if you get divorced? Then that'll cost even more money.

That's a very defeatist attitude which can be applied to anything. Why do anything, everything can go wrong down the line and cost you lots of money.

Why does marriage have to be this endgame?

It doesn't, some people just like to do it.

You don't need these gestures to show people that you love your partner.

Something being unnecessary doesn't make it bad. It's the unnecessary things that give life beauty. Eating, sleeping, shitting and having a roof over your head are necessary. Beyond that it's just all the stuff you don't have to do, but want to because it brightens up your life.

Why should you have to prove that to anyone, especially people that aren't even part of your relationship.

It's not about proving your love, it's about expressing it.

You sure it's not society shovelling people years of outdated tradition and all those soap operas and sitcoms that make the whole soppy thing look like the greatest thing ever?

Very sure.

At the moment I have zero interest in dating, and I dislike the idea of getting married. Even when I meet beautiful ladies who have the same interests and values as me, I'd rather just be friends. Settling down and starting a family is something I can never imagine myself doing. I have very little patience for children. I had even less patience for kids when I was a kid.

So far I only need four things to be happy:
-friends
-video games
-good food
-music festivals

No, I have nobody to marry at the moment, nor am I currently capable of emotionally connecting with someone enough that one would be viable.

Spot1990:
That's a very defeatist attitude which can be applied to anything. Why do anything, everything can go wrong down the line and cost you lots of money.

I don't know that it's necessarily defeatist to acknowledge that relationships are subject to entropy. Monogamy is not really a natural state, it can be difficult to maintain, and people are as apt to grow apart as grow together. Putting ironclad legal restrictions on an organic entity such as a relationship just seems...crude. If people need to separate, it would be nice if they could do it without chasing each other through the courts for years. I've seen divorces turn the most civilized couples into pillagers.

BloatedGuppy:

Spot1990:
That's a very defeatist attitude which can be applied to anything. Why do anything, everything can go wrong down the line and cost you lots of money.

I don't know that it's necessarily defeatist to acknowledge that relationships are subject to entropy. Monogamy is not really a natural state, it can be difficult to maintain, and people are as apt to grow apart as grow together. Putting ironclad legal restrictions on an organic entity such as a relationship just seems...crude. If people need to separate, it would be nice if they could do it without chasing each other through the courts for years. I've seen divorces turn the most civilized couples into pillagers.

Once people live together, have children together, shared debt and shared bank accounts it's not as easy as "I don't love you anymore, I'm off and I'm taking my stuff." Shared homes still have to be sold and divided or bought out, there's custody battles, child maintenance, who owes what to whom. Really a divorce and a separation are about the same, getting a divorce just means getting an extra piece of paper signed. My own parents separation took years. My mother's previous marriage however, the divorce was not drawn out in the slightest and was quite amicable.

On the survey I said yes but really I'm half and half. I do but at the same time I don't because just think what your giving up and you kinda have to stay with the same spouse for years or months depending on if you get along. So I'm kinda neutral on this. Although you don't have to worry about finding a girl or boy every friday or saturday night at a club or bar or wherever you go.

Spot1990:
Once people live together, have children together, shared debt and shared bank accounts it's not as easy as "I don't love you anymore, I'm off and I'm taking my stuff." Shared homes still have to be sold and divided or bought out, there's custody battles, child maintenance, who owes what to whom. Really a divorce and a separation are about the same, getting a divorce just means getting an extra piece of paper signed. My own parents separation took years. My mother's previous marriage however, the divorce was not drawn out in the slightest and was quite amicable.

Wouldn't the act of marriage ITSELF be the defeatist attitude then? If used for this particular purpose, to legislate the details of its own collapse, isn't it just a form of break-up insurance?

I never really saw the point of marriage. If you are in a stable, loving relationship, isn't that enough? Why should a piece of paper make it any better?

BloatedGuppy:

Spot1990:
Once people live together, have children together, shared debt and shared bank accounts it's not as easy as "I don't love you anymore, I'm off and I'm taking my stuff." Shared homes still have to be sold and divided or bought out, there's custody battles, child maintenance, who owes what to whom. Really a divorce and a separation are about the same, getting a divorce just means getting an extra piece of paper signed. My own parents separation took years. My mother's previous marriage however, the divorce was not drawn out in the slightest and was quite amicable.

Wouldn't the act of marriage ITSELF be the defeatist attitude then? If used for this particular purpose, to legislate the details of its own collapse, isn't it just a form of break-up insurance?

No... That's not what marriage is. I said getting divorced and getting separated are basically one and the same. Nowhere did I say getting divorced is easier, I listed one example of a divorce that was easier than a separation, which was to highlight the fact that either can be difficult depending on who is involved. Nowhere did I even imply that marriage is "to legislate the details of its own collapse", because I said they're essentially the same thing.

artanis_neravar:
So it really does make a difference.

And now for my question if your significant other wants to get married, will you? If you say no then, if it doesn't make a difference to you, then why not get married?

Yeah, I suppose it makes a difference (due to a culture founded on outdated tradition). But, as Esotera said, you shouldn't be marrying someone for financial reasons. Love isn't about money.

To answer your question, no, because something as big as marriage should be one-sided, and if she gave me an ultimatium, I'd have to question our relationships and whether or not she really loved me (or vice versa). I wouldn't pretend that I actually wanted to get married, even if compromise can be a part of long-term relationships.

It does make difference to me, because it still costs money, and what if we get divorced? I know, people don't get married thinking that they might get divorced, but there's still a chance. I don't want to have to shell out even more money for something that I never wanted in the first place, when I could just use that money for something that's useful. Like a house, food, family, clothing, or just something for leisure.

Spot1990:

Relish in Chaos:
People celebrate Christmas for religious reasons (or, at least, most used to). Birthdays are literally you getting older, so it's justifiably cause for celebration (although even my family don't really give a crap about birthdays; my mother sometimes even forgets hers and, more often than not, we just get a takeaway or something to celebrate). Marriage is a bigger thing, in terms of the planning, setting a venue, the money, etc. Even just a small ceremony still costs money that could go to something more useful.

Not what I was talking about. I was talking about how we celebrate things. People celebrate christmas by eating a big dinner and buying presents. People want to celebrate their love by getting married

Not everyone celebrates Christmas by eating a big dinner and buying presents, although I'd argue that non-Christians shouldn't even celebrate Christmas in the first place. But that's another matter.

I see what you mean, though. I still don't see it as a reason to get married, since it's more than just a celebration. Birthdays and Christmas are one day respectively. Marriage is for life, or at least many years.

Spot1990:

BloatedGuppy:

Spot1990:
That's a very defeatist attitude which can be applied to anything. Why do anything, everything can go wrong down the line and cost you lots of money.

I don't know that it's necessarily defeatist to acknowledge that relationships are subject to entropy. Monogamy is not really a natural state, it can be difficult to maintain, and people are as apt to grow apart as grow together. Putting ironclad legal restrictions on an organic entity such as a relationship just seems...crude. If people need to separate, it would be nice if they could do it without chasing each other through the courts for years. I've seen divorces turn the most civilized couples into pillagers.

Once people live together, have children together, shared debt and shared bank accounts it's not as easy as "I don't love you anymore, I'm off and I'm taking my stuff." Shared homes still have to be sold and divided or bought out, there's custody battles, child maintenance, who owes what to whom. Really a divorce and a separation are about the same, getting a divorce just means getting an extra piece of paper signed. My own parents separation took years. My mother's previous marriage however, the divorce was not drawn out in the slightest and was quite amicable.

I guess it depends on a case-by-case basis, but I'm still not taking the risk.

Spot1990:

Why does marriage have to be this endgame?

It doesn't, some people just like to do it.

For many, people feel like they must get married because it's the just thing to do, as if they need to validate their relationship. I'd wager that's why a lot of people do it, as a side-effect of society hammering it into us, with the ever so reliable help of the media.

Spot1990:

You don't need these gestures to show people that you love your partner.

Something being unnecessary doesn't make it bad. It's the unnecessary things that give life beauty. Eating, sleeping, shitting and having a roof over your head are necessary. Beyond that it's just all the stuff you don't have to do, but want to because it brightens up your life.

OK. I understand that I'm sounding like I've got my head up my arse, but marriage doesn't sound like it would brighten up my life. Then again, nothing much brightens up my life and I've never been to a marriage.

Spot1990:

Why should you have to prove that to anyone, especially people that aren't even part of your relationship.

It's not about proving your love, it's about expressing it.

Again, with many, it's the former, subconsciously, at least. That's how I see it. But you don't need to express your love, and you certainly don't need to do it with a ceremony. Just saying "I love you" or just being together can be a form of expressing your love.

Spot1990:

You sure it's not society shovelling people years of outdated tradition and all those soap operas and sitcoms that make the whole soppy thing look like the greatest thing ever?

Very sure.

Have you ever watched Friends? Eastenders? How they dramatize the whole thing? The stuff that little girls grow up watching and have these elaborate, unattainable dreams of what their wedding day would be like? The ring, the dress, the cake, all this materialistic bullshit that shouldn't matter, yet is still prevalent in many marriages? No, I'm not saying everyone's like this, but the majority are.

Spot1990:
No... That's not what marriage is. I said getting divorced and getting separated are basically one and the same. Nowhere did I say getting divorced is easier, I listed one example of a divorce that was easier than a separation, which was to highlight the fact that either can be difficult depending on who is involved. Nowhere did I even imply that marriage is "to legislate the details of its own collapse", because I said they're essentially the same thing.

Eh, it's fine. I'm probably not making much sense. I tend to think of marriage as a ridiculous institution, so it colors my perception of the motivations of those involved. Different courses for different horses.

Relish in Chaos:

Not everyone celebrates Christmas by eating a big dinner and buying presents, although I'd argue that non-Christians shouldn't even celebrate Christmas in the first place. But that's another matter.

And I'd argue that Christians shouldn't celebrate December 25th but lets not turn this into a religious debate. So far this is quite calm, religious debates rarely end that way.

I guess it depends on a case-by-case basis, but I'm still not taking the risk.

Yeah, just as long as you know living with someone, sharing finances and having kids means breaking up is gonna be difficult with or without a marriage cert f one or both partners makes it so.

For many, people feel like they must get married because it's the just thing to do, as if they need to validate their relationship.

That is undoubtedly a problem that I'm sure exists, but I'm just saying why other people might want to get married.

OK. I understand that I'm sounding like I've got my head up my arse, but marriage doesn't sound like it would brighten up my life.

I used to think like that as well. Don't worry, this isn't one of those preachy "Oh you'll get over that comment" I'm not accusing you of being immature or wrong or anything. Guess I'm just saying maybe that'll change, maybe it won't. We're weird creatures like that.

Again, with many, it's the former, subconsciously, at least. That's how I see it. But you don't need to express your love, and you certainly don't need to do it with a ceremony. Just saying "I love you" or just being together can be a form of expressing your love.

No offence, but if you're going to argue the motivations of the majority you're going to need some evidence, if you're going to argue motivations even they don't know they have that'll take stronger evidence.

Have you ever watched Friends? Eastenders? How they dramatize the whole thing? The stuff that little girls grow up watching and have these elaborate, unattainable dreams of what their wedding day would be like? The ring, the dress, the cake, all this materialistic bullshit that shouldn't matter, yet is still prevalent in many marriages? No, I'm not saying everyone's like this, but the majority are.

Haha if people are using Eastenders as a guide to happiness the world has even bigger problems.

Not officially. The act of marrying someone seems superfluous to me. I mean, if you love someone, do you really need to have some ceremony to bind yourself to them? I'm not one for big, expensive parties or fancy ceremonies. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I'm not willing to commit myself to someone, nor do I think marriage is bad. I just think that I don't need to be married to spend my life with someone I love.

I'm the whitest, weakest,and malest, strong black women who needs no man

The way I look at marriage is that it isn't up to me.

If I one day meet someone that I fall in true love with, then it would be up to them. I neither do nor do not want to get married. I am not really against weddings and would probably enjoy it, but when it comes to them I am too impartial to the idea.

So yeah I can't really check any of the poll answers.

Absolutely. Never mind the religious aspects it's really about dedicating yourself to another person for the rest of your life if it all goes well. That being said I'll make sure I have enough divorce insurance (having gotten to really know her and what not) before popping the question. Divorce does indeed suck and I'm hoping that won't be an issue later on but I can at least count on myself to be both faithful and dedicated to whoever I wed.

Not sure. I'd be comfortable staying with someone indefinitely without, I feel, but I'm not opposed to the idea. Maybe for financial/legal purposes? Certainly not religious ones.

I don't even have to read the forum to know that most of these posts will be lists of why Marriage is/isn't bad. I don't really consider marriage to be a good or bad thing but it does seem to be a wholly useless title.

Think of it like this. Couple A are genuinely in love. They work together so well that it is actually jarring. They love each other so much that they stick together through thick and thin, sickness and health and blah, blah, romantic blah. Their relationship is going to go on indefinitely regardless of whether or not they are married. If anyone should be getting married, it is them. But all of the restrictions of marriage need not apply to them because they would find being unfaithful to each other an unfathomable concept in the first place.

Now let's look at couple B. They think they are in love but its the kind of fleeting relationship that seems to work for about a year before they start getting sick of seeing each other. If couple B does get married their already doomed relationship will be strained by the pressure of maintaining faithfulness and cohabitation. These people should not be getting married but are still able to make the ill-fated choice to do so.

Bottom line: Marriage is a redundancy for those who are actually in love and damning to those who are not.

Most likely? No.
If the ultra 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 chance of finding Miss Perfect comes to be, then yes, I'll gladly marry her.
Voted no cause I don't see that being possible.

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