Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

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Granted. You have normal toes, from a derp's point of view.

I wish for a billion bucks.
(I know this is easy, so be more creative)

Granted, but they stampede down your street and wreck everything, then your neighbours beat you to death.

I wish I'd been more creative with the above solution.

Granted. Not content on their revenge. my neighbors follow me to hell where they perpetually torture me in a room with no doors, whose only content is a big unreachable speaker that plays the top 10 worst music of all time while I boil in lava. But, you're there inside, with me, because we've been fused together, catdog style.

I wish I hadn't thought that one up.

Granted, you now think of an even worse one :D

I wish I were the master of disaster!

Granted! You are now the master of disaster. You look disastrous, you smell disastrous, you speak disastrously, everything you do also looks and smells disastrous. disastrous. they aren't harmful or anything, they're just that.

I wish for a more efficient way of typing.

Granted, but there is a power cut in your area.

I wish for a better internet connection.

Granted. Your connection speed is now .01% faster.

I wish for you to live a healthy and successful life.

Granted, and as that wish was made in hopes of it being ruined, it isn't :P

I wish you find your soul mate.

*looks at night angel* there you are!!!!

I wish for peace

...Granted...he explodes while your on the toilet....also he's in the toilet too.

Good luck. :D

I wish for dice.

zombiekiller1907:
*looks at night angel* there you are!!!!

I wish for peace

Haha, left myself open for that one :)

OT:Granted, you call it 'my pet', but then it turns on you and eats you alive.

I wish for a new, good, season of heroes.

Sure, but it only aired in japan, and you only find that out ten years later, when the rest of the world has missed the best ten seasons of heroes, that aired only in japan.

i wish for a job

Granted! You are now judged by your handwriting, and also you're less ravishing. Much less ravishing.

I wish my coworker would quit acting like she's so much better than me.

Granted, now she acts like she's so much better than God.

I wish for immortality.

Sure, but you find out that it was ernie's rubber ducky. He's gone batshit crazy without it and has sold his soul to the devil in order to kill the person who has it(you)

I wish I could join the publisher's club.

Granted, but then the site shuts down.

I wish for a pet elephant named pookey.

Granted, but it's empty.

I wish for a time machine.

Granted, but you get aids instead.

I wish I could speak Japanese.

Granted, but you speak in a very irritating axxent, so much that everyone you talk to beats you up senselessly.

I wish to develop a silly walk

Granted, you lose one foot.

I wish to have super strength.

Here you go, fun(tm).
the best brand of beans in ghjkland.
recommended by 9/10 ghjknian moms.

I wish I would become a real boy!

Granted, you now become a real boy, and are immediately hit by a bus.

I wish that people would stop ruining wishes.

granted. But computers, animals and other things will keep ruining it. And Chuck Norris too. He's not a human you know.

I wish I could see Kim Jong Il, Stalin, Mao Tse Tung, Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, and Rick Moranis have an all out war and live to see who the winner is.

Granted, but just after seeing who the winner is, he shoots you.

I wish the predictive text function on my phone actually worked.

Granted! It works fine, its just now set in Japanese, which you won't totally understand.

I wish for Morgan Freeman

Granted, but his voice is replaced by Jennifer Aniston's :P

I wish for Gordon Freeman.

Granted, but he's shaved his beard, so he's not nearly as cool as before.

I wish for The Doctor.

Granted, you get doctor Phil. :P

I wish for a portal gun.

Granted, but Wheatly built it.

I wish for The Holy Hand Grenade

Granted, I don't know a Moogle was but here's a Furbie.

I wish for a perfect wish and wish for that.

Here you are... a DVD of "the perfect wish" you're lucky, this is the last copy of the movie that sucked so hard, its almost nonexistent.

I wish for a bad movie

*prints the picture* here you go. take care of it, don't let it get soaked in water.

I wish for a teddy bear

Granted. But since you put me in prison, I put poison in it.

I wish to get out of here.

You are alive again, but you are stuck in your casket, 6 feet underground.

I wish they weren't able to find any evidence that I killed you

Granted but the casket was recently thrown into a lake.

I wish for a pond in my backyard.

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