Zero Punctuation: Splinter Cell: Conviction

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Funny... Yahtzee's been to the White House before... Coincidence???

ALSO, I AM GOING TO BUY THAT BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.

A little bit too much Anti-Americanism, but decent episode of ZP just the same.

I've never been a big fan of the series, and kind of felt that they overdid the whole thing a while ago.

Probably already mentioned, but....

Chaos Theory wasn't completely linear, there were usually several paths you could take in the missions for that one. Double Agent had a non-linear story(kind of), but I forget if the gameplay was completely linear or not.

Also I agree, being forced to kill someone who's only crime against you is that he was ordered to guard something is pretty bad.... Also quite a change from Chaos Theory where you could only get 100% by not alerting, knocking out, or killing anyone you weren't absolutely forced to.

Like a few others who replied here, I'm a Montrealer. And, I must say, I have no idea why anyone would suppose that Montrealers are stupid. I can understand "needlessly angry", "schizophrenic", "poorly maintained asphalt streets", even "poutine poutine el oh el", but why "stupid"?

Hmmm, Greek debt is now junk bond status, and the Greeks who have been sucking the welfare state dry (they get to retire at the age of 50!) protest ANY fiscal disciplinary measures with outright violence which has led to the DEATHS of real people, and nobody seems to say anything about it. A group of Americans (who happen to be largely white, but aren't the greek protesters also?) get together and protest fiscal irresponsibility with NO violence, and they are labeled modern day brown shirts. Double standard anybody?

IF the US is like a big gorilla that shits everywhere, than half of Europe is like an albatross around the neck, and the other half is a gay penquin.

DeeJayTee:
Like a few others who replied here, I'm a Montrealer. And, I must say, I have no idea why anyone would suppose that Montrealers are stupid. I can understand "needlessly angry", "schizophrenic", "poorly maintained asphalt streets", even "poutine poutine el oh el", but why "stupid"?

Yahtzee was just trying to pretend to be fair by picking on somebody other than the USA for two seconds. Sorry, you just got caught in the crossfire.

"everything is done for you". This is the main problem I see with modern games, things are too easy and automated. For the lowest common denominator, for the console gamer...

Funny review as allways, I'm not a huge fan of splinter cell series myself.

I personally liked the game, but I wanted to know why Yahtzee didn't comment on a particularly weird aspect of it. Why didn't the end credits have music for the second half of them? That's just odd.

PhiMed:
I personally liked the game, but I wanted to know why Yahtzee didn't comment on a particularly weird aspect of it. Why didn't the end credits have music for the second half of them? That's just odd.

Maybe he didn't make it that far because the game did everything for him? xD

tkwelge:
Hmmm, Greek debt is now junk bond status, and the Greeks who have been sucking the welfare state dry (they get to retire at the age of 50!) protest ANY fiscal disciplinary measures with outright violence which has led to the DEATHS of real people, and nobody seems to say anything about it. A group of Americans (who happen to be largely white, but aren't the greek protesters also?) get together and protest fiscal irresponsibility with NO violence, and they are labeled modern day brown shirts. Double standard anybody?

IF the US is like a big gorilla that shits everywhere, than half of Europe is like an albatross around the neck, and the other half is a gay penquin.

No need to go acting all butthurt about it. It was only a joke to point out the stupidity of the concept of invading America.

As a long time splinter cell fan i do concur that they pretty much removed everything that involved stealth and replaced it with 2 context sensitive buttons. Co Op is pretty fun tho'.

I am officially astounded... it has been less than 20 min and the latest Zero Punctuation has garnered over 200 posts. That aside, I have been meaning to address this for a while, but why all the hate on America? I happen to be American and rather like my little dysfunctional country, but why do you always take every opportunity to shit on Uncle Sam? I mean, yes, belittle a game for poor story telling, crummy visuals, anything your black heart so desires; this is what you do well. Making insightful commentary on a number of things you seem to be an expert in: the nature of religion, the complexities of interstate relations and global interaction by governing bodies, how one best styles their hair in the morning; these are areas that ones views are politely kept secret because if you spout on about them, you sound like an arrogant, ignorant, pretentious douchebag. This has revealed your penchant for the latter. Note this is not hate mail, I have faithfully watched, and enjoy much of your game criticism; I believe that you have little enough expertise in the field of all aforementioned nono areas to say, "kindly keep those opinions to your fucking self". We get it, you dislike America (though you have yet to elaborate why); we get it, you are an atheist (and any pretension to the possibility of a higher power is a submission to baser instincts); we get it, a hat is best worn instead of styling your hair at all (also helps cover up that damned persistent bald spot Rogaine can't seem to make go away); all this we understand. So if you will kindly review games again sans the whole holier-than-though attitude, at least I personally would appreciate it.

If you do happen to read past my short little clearly ignorance fueled tirade, firstly congratulations are in order, whomever you might be. Secondly, this review noted a disturbing trend I have begun to notice in a lot of games, the latest Final Fantasy being chief among the offenders, is the sudden decision by game designer to assume the gamer has the average IQ of a salad bowl, and tie the player to a kindergarten security rope and drag the player through the narrative; the player a burden to the game itself, not something to immerse and fantastical setting, with deep plot layered atop sound game mechanics. Instead the player is to be dragged kicking and screaming through the game, offered a pretty cinematic and end credits as his only crowning achievement, ultimately leaving no emotional impact of any kind. To be fair, the average gamer has an IQ that far exceeds that of a salad bowl, we are closer to the turkey.

Kaleid:
"everything is done for you". This is the main problem I see with modern games, things are too easy and automated. For the lowest common denominator, for the console gamer...

I take offense here sir, the console gamer does not by default possess any less aptitude than the PC gamer, Mac gamer, Linux gamer, or any other gamer. We simply get more hate because, unlike the gamer who games on the computer, we are rarely splitting time between, say, playing Battlefield Bad Company 2 and updating our blogs, so we are massively under and poorly represented. Instead, we are usually opt to play the game, talk about as much trash online as a similarly populated PC exclusive (in this case, say Counter Strike) and leave well enough alone, rarely venturing into the strange realm of the interwebz, where l33t h4x0r5 and trolls lurk, ready to start flamewars wherever possible (fire in real life is quite dangerous, so we stay away from uncontrollable conflagrations).

Man, some of the Americans in this thread need to chill out. If you can't laugh at yourself, don't wonder why you have become so alienated to the rest of the world.

For the record, I love America, I've been there twice. I still laughed, just as I would laugh if he made an equally cutting and hyperbolic analogy concerning Australia. Don't confuse humour and hatred, guys.

Shamanic Rhythm:
Man, some of the Americans in this thread need to chill out. If you can't laugh at yourself, don't wonder why you have become so alienated to the rest of the world.

In advance, I would like to apologize for the application of the universal "we". I think that very few people on this form can claim to both be American, and not enjoy a sarcastic quip about America. However, as one who has seen all the Zero Punctuation and read all the Extra Punctuation (a fact I am not sure I should be proud or ashamed of), the joke is a bit long in the tooth. Its old and several reviews (video or otherwise) later, it seems that a George Lucas has been pulled. The charm of making fun of the big 5000000000000 pound gorilla as it lumbers throughout the global political area leaving waste and commercialism in its wake is lost when you have made the joke 12 times already. If you take something you have already done better, and do it again just to shove in more useless crap you are left with a net sum of useless crap. Yes, taken completely out of context, I can appreciate the joke; no, I refuse to allow that to pass unchecked when there are dozens of other jokes he could have used that are new and original; better, not necessarily, but interesting and creative, yes. And I especially expect Ben Croshaw to maintain that level of creative dignity when he refuses to allow anyone else to get away with it (see extra punctuation: on remakes and nostalgia).

I chose a bad time to watch this. I had to laugh inside my head. It just doesn't feel the same.

i have got splinter cell conviction and i think its the greatest game ever since
rainbow six Vegas 2 ! and i have played every splinter cell game and complete them all on the hardest difficulty and i think that splinter cell conviction really sucked you into the story

BUT ! - never take ANYONE'S word for a game
Example :

I LOVE - Command and conquer Tibuireame wars 4(and all the others) but i tell my friend he HATES it

HE LOVES - Final fantasy (all of them) he tells me all about them so i played the new one's and i thought they sucked SO HARD !

do you see what i mean ? (the example wasn't very good but oH well so's your mum in bed )

Frederick II:
In advance, I would like to apologize for the application of the universal "we". I think that very few people on this form can claim to both be American, and not enjoy a sarcastic quip about America. However, as one who has seen all the Zero Punctuation and read all the Extra Punctuation (a fact I am not sure I should be proud or ashamed of), the joke is a bit long in the tooth. Its old and several reviews (video or otherwise) later, it seems that a George Lucas has been pulled. The charm of making fun of the big 5000000000000 pound gorilla as it lumbers throughout the global political area leaving waste and commercialism in its wake is lost when you have made the joke 12 times already. If you take something you have already done better, and do it again just to shove in more useless crap you are left with a net sum of useless crap. Yes, taken completely out of context, I can appreciate the joke; no, I refuse to allow that to pass unchecked when there are dozens of other jokes he could have used that are new and original; better, not necessarily, but interesting and creative, yes. And I especially expect Ben Croshaw to maintain that level of creative dignity when he refuses to allow anyone else to get away with it (see extra punctuation: on remakes and nostalgia).

I'm going to wait here for you to link to where he's made this same analogy before.

Waiting.

This is pure gold. Yahtzee, have I ever told you how much I love you?

There's nothing exiting about this game, mainly because stealth just isn't usually necessary. Silenced weapons are only necessary in situations with civilians and when there are no civilians, anyone vaguely skilled at stealth can be unstoppable.

I totally see what Yathzee means when he says he never could quite behind Splinter cell.
I love the stealth em up games, especially the Hitman and MGS series, but Splinter Cell wasnt really fun for me, it just felt like i was passing from one checkpoint to the next, not playing it because it was fun, I was just trying to beat the game.

A friend of mine ,who enjoy the same stealth games as me, loves the splinter cell games (except Conviction, he said it was crap).

Da Joz:
I just couldn't get into the splinter cell series.

Neither could I, I remember trying the first one when everyone was calling it a MGS killer (back when MGS mattered) and I found the game way too linear, the story completely dull and unoriginal, and the gameplay cheap forcing you to progress through trail and error which I completely hated.

With this game all they did was take out the trail and error difficulty which was the only thing making the game challenging and worth while for people into that sort of silliness, and replaced it with easy mode cover base shooting mechanics that just makes you want to play Gears instead.

I'm sorry, but if it wasn't for Michael Ironside and is awesome voice acting I really don't think this series would have survived as long as it has.

Hmmm, I feel like watching Total Recall now....lol

So, out of 3 last games I cared about, Assassin's Creed 2, Prince of Persia and Splinter Cell Conviction, only one of them isn't a piss-easy quick-time-event and DRM-broken game.

Color me surprised.

Laughed out loud at the "why would anyone want to take over America" part.

Splinter Cell always looked like it should be awesome but was so linear it might have coined itself a new genre, 'Rail Stealther'.

Frederick II:
In advance, I would like to apologize for the application of the universal "we". I think that very few people on this form can claim to both be American, and not enjoy a sarcastic quip about America. However, as one who has seen all the Zero Punctuation and read all the Extra Punctuation (a fact I am not sure I should be proud or ashamed of), the joke is a bit long in the tooth. Its old and several reviews (video or otherwise) later, it seems that a George Lucas has been pulled. The charm of making fun of the big 5000000000000 pound gorilla as it lumbers throughout the global political area leaving waste and commercialism in its wake is lost when you have made the joke 12 times already. If you take something you have already done better, and do it again just to shove in more useless crap you are left with a net sum of useless crap. Yes, taken completely out of context, I can appreciate the joke; no, I refuse to allow that to pass unchecked when there are dozens of other jokes he could have used that are new and original; better, not necessarily, but interesting and creative, yes. And I especially expect Ben Croshaw to maintain that level of creative dignity when he refuses to allow anyone else to get away with it (see extra punctuation: on remakes and nostalgia).

I'm going to wait here for you to link to where he's made this same analogy before.

Waiting.

Aha, I see what you have done hear. While he does not ever make the SAME analogy before, he continues to harp on the SAME subject matter, America and the fact that it is a big easy way to generate jokes and controversy (maybe). For most other critics, I would accept this joke as merely another in a running tally of "mandatory poke fun at America Joke", however, I hold Mr. Croshaw to a higher standard, as I have found he can be far more eloquent and insightful than that. Now call me unfair (because I am being unfair) but my distress is more of a response to the fact that Mr. Croshaw himself has repeatedly expressed that "living up to expectations" is a submission to mediocrity because one never planned to better, to exceed; rather one strives to placate. To me, this felt like that, the review lacked the flash and thunder of other reviews, it felt rather sterile (fecal jokes aside) and that is not what I have come to expect from Mr. Croshaw.

On a side not, I do not think any less of him for it. It was not some egregious error that has irreproachably harmed my image of him, I will still watch the videos and read his column, I am not above posting criticism about what I feel is lazy. Insulting American in this manner is lazy and for spectacular laziness, I will and feel justified saying that I expect, nay demand, more.

I honestly can't get enough of this game, although I concur Yahtzee's criticisms.

It's a bit unbalanced but hey, you can shoot a Splinter Cell in the face.
Sort'd.

DoomBlackDragon:
I will agrea the SC series has been very weak on it stealth game play. As you said it only one thing to do in the game not very big on options and Sam does play very sluggies. Great review. Glad I am not the only one wjo has a brain and can see the flaws in the game as clear a day.

I disagree. Splinter Cell does a lot more for stealth than some people give it credit for. It takes into account not just line of sight but "sound" and "lighting" as well. Obviously cover plays a factor in it.

And by "flaws", you mean by your bias and preferences which, by the way, you are entitled to but by no means law or fact. Some people will disagree with you and they have every right to. Doesn't mean you're wrong but it definitely doesn't mean you are right.

Frederick II:
Snip

The game is based in America. He made a pretty relevant point then elaborated with a joke. When he's done other games he always jokes about the regions they're in and the accents, culture etc - it's just most games are based in America so they're usually the subject of the treatment.

He even makes fun of England and Australia (where he's born and where he lives) on a regular basis, too. You want him to stop making jokes about Americans? Get on the horn to a games company and get them to stop making games based in America.

Frederick II:
Aha, I see what you have done hear. While he does not ever make the SAME analogy before, he continues to harp on the SAME subject matter, America and the fact that it is a big easy way to generate jokes and controversy (maybe). For most other critics, I would accept this joke as merely another in a running tally of "mandatory poke fun at America Joke", however, I hold Mr. Croshaw to a higher standard, as I have found he can be far more eloquent and insightful than that. Now call me unfair (because I am being unfair) but my distress is more of a response to the fact that Mr. Croshaw himself has repeatedly expressed that "living up to expectations" is a submission to mediocrity because one never planned to better, to exceed; rather one strives to placate. To me, this felt like that, the review lacked the flash and thunder of other reviews, it felt rather sterile (fecal jokes aside) and that is not what I have come to expect from Mr. Croshaw.

On a side not, I do not think any less of him for it. It was not some egregious error that has irreproachably harmed my image of him, I will still watch the videos and read his column, I am not above posting criticism about what I feel is lazy. Insulting American in this manner is lazy and for spectacular laziness, I will and feel justified saying that I expect, nay demand, more.

I'm going to stand by my first comment. If you actually feel insulted by this joke, you need to learn to laugh at yourself. And I dispute the claim that it's 'old hat'. It's topical humour, what with all the malarky surrounding the introduction of free health care.

lol! I get it! because a subroutine is a baby program!

that was great the jabs at America were quite true why would you want to take over america if your not american?

Desert Tiger:

Frederick II:
Snip

The game is based in America. He made a pretty relevant point then elaborated with a joke. When he's done other games he always jokes about the regions they're in and the accents, culture etc - it's just most games are based in America so they're usually the subject of the treatment.

He even makes fun of England and Australia (where he's born and where he lives) on a regular basis, too. You want him to stop making jokes about Americans? Get on the horn to a games company and get them to stop making games based in America.

UGH. I have NO PROBLEM WITH MAKING FUN OF AMERICANS. You seem to have failed to read my last post so to reiterate, I have a problem with LAZINESS. The review felt lazy and having read and seen his other work, he has eloquently and humorously addressed Americans in their represented medium in a far more effective way. Once again, I don't care; I am currently based in Japan, and if I have ever heard more criticism openly and vigorously flung at Americans, it must have been during a semi-comatose state of watching CBS. And yet I, the baka gaijin I am (and American to boot), manage to get along just fine with my peers, because I am not setting a standard of excellence for their critique. Ben Croshaw is a game critic, and much like a film critic, if laziness is abound, I feel something is lazy, and have the means to address the person in question to say as much, I am well within my right to do so. And Mr. Croshaw is well within his rights to outright ignore my foolish, clearly xenophobic rant. But perhaps the problem is that I have failed to succinctly express myself so, in as few words as possible:

YAHTZEE, DON'T BE LAZY. THIS REVIEW FELT LAZY. *NERD RAGE*

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