Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

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Cat + Internet = Internet surely?

Fronzel:
Snip

In truth we are, but i just dont think you can judge any handheld that has had a console tie in, because even at its worst, it was till on a console. And I just dont think that any solely handheld series has done that thats in the US. Consoles give you more, because they can do more, so its a deeper and involving story over all.

thefreeman0001:
i breath on mars using the money i didnt spend on an iphone to buy a space suit :)

That must be one awesome space suit, with a built in swimming pool and mini bar :O

Sonic Colors cost the Escapist $80?! HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!!

Man, I gotta get an iPhone one of these days. Apparently I'm sick of breathing Martian air.

And what the hell fell onto the imp at the end of the credits??

(And remember, people, keep your iPhone away from LRR's Paul Saunders -- he might have the desire to install Linux on it. ^_^)

Angry Birds, to me, is a less-fun, fancier-looking rip-off of Crush the Castle:
http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/crush-the-castle
to which there is also a sequel. The only real difference is the mechanism with which you release your projectile.

Last time I checked Cat + Internet = A blow to 'comedy' second only to the death of Bill Hicks.

As for breathing on Mars? There's an App for that...

The iphone isn't as big as everyone thinks guys...

http://mashable.com/2010/05/07/mobile-market-share-may/

Breathing on Mars isn't as difficult as you might think, Yahtzee...

You managed to find a venue that answered your criticism for lack of innovation and you made the funniest ZP video in quite a while. Bravo! It actually makes me wish I had an Iphone/Itouch/Ipad or something. And to answer how do I breathe on Mars: I am anaerobic organism. Think of me as a hyper-sentient Escherichia Coli.

Not that he probably cares, but Android OS phones have been outselling iType phones for a while now. But that's okay, he lives in Australia, I'm sure they are a little behind on the times. I mean, they just got fire last year right? ;)

In any case, that would explain all the comments for how people are breathing on Mars here.

Personally, I don't really care for gaming on any of these devices. I have both a Droid and an iPod touch. I also hate using these things as phones. They are pretty good portable web devices, which is why I have the Droid, but that's the main reason.

If I really want to game, I ain't picking up my phone or my music device. I'm picking up one of my gaming devices, you know, the ones devoted to gaming. And yes, a lot of the games are derivative, but at least they are fun.

Innovation doesn't equal fun. I could strap rocks to my feet the next time I played basketball, and that would be an innovation, but it would suck.

Apps are the gaming equivalent of appetizers. It's what you eat before you eat to make you more hungry.

team star pug:
Great review, but it raises the question:
Will we see a zero punctuation christman special? Like Blackadder's, but more synicle.

i love you forever.

the invader zim and blackadder christmas specials are by far the best ever

Puddle Jumper:
I brought an oxygen tank, yahtzee. Duh.

I brought a Palm Pre Plus and built my own oxygen, yahtzee. Duh.

Then I realized half these games were released on Kongregate half a year ago and just wasted time there.

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:
Snip

In truth we are, but i just dont think you can judge any handheld that has had a console tie in, because even at its worst, it was till on a console. And I just dont think that any solely handheld series has done that thats in the US. Consoles give you more, because they can do more, so its a deeper and involving story over all.

You're disqualifying a handheld system if it's ever had any console port at all? How do you justify that?

The difference between consoles and handhelds is technical; they're pieces of hardware, and hardware has little to do with art. There is a threshold of technical power required to depict things without necessitating too great abstraction, but it was surpassed around the time of the NES, I'd say, if not earlier. Compare a modern brown shooter to pretty much any RPG ever, on a current handheld or on an old system and you'll find that it's the latter that has the deeper story.

Video games have not gotten better in proportion to hardware, they've just gained more design freedom that is not necessarily used or produces quality.

He complains about motion controls when reviewing iphone games? Getting a little sad, Yahtzee.

Fronzel:
Sip

Mostly its potential.

deora2dude:

team star pug:
Great review, but it raises the question:
Will we see a zero punctuation christman special? Like Blackadder's, but more synicle.

i love you forever.

the invader zim and blackadder christmas specials are by far the best ever

I haven't seen invader zim but I've went out of my way to watch the blackadder christmas special a few times. Thanks, i'll check it out.

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:
Sip

Mostly its potential.

Are you no longer interested in the discussion or do you just have nothing to say?

Fronzel:

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:
Sip

Mostly its potential.

Are you no longer interested in the discussion or do you just have nothing to say?

Partly I've completely forgotten the discussion. But also partly I lost interest. I guess its just person opinion, but i just dont see handhelds as deep, since they are pick up, put down games.

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:

emeraldrafael:

Mostly its potential.

Are you no longer interested in the discussion or do you just have nothing to say?

Partly I've completely forgotten the discussion. But also partly I lost interest. I guess its just person opinion, but i just dont see handhelds as deep, since they are pick up, put down games.

Jeez, you're just incapable of anything but just stating your opinion, aren't you? Why bother coming to discussion threads?

Fronzel:
Snip

The right to be able to? But relaly, think about it. Games lose something when they go to handhelds. you cant say you're a serious game when you're built for a system designed to be a pick up play for five minutes, then put back down and walk away.

I breathe on mars using my non-existent cell phone as an air compressor.

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:
Snip

The right to be able to? But relaly, think about it. Games lose something when they go to handhelds. you cant say you're a serious game when you're built for a system designed to be a pick up play for five minutes, then put back down and walk away.

We've gone completly in a circle back to "handheld games aren't serious games" without addressing any of my attempts to demonstrate the contrary. You yourself say you've forgotten what we're talking about. You're like a brick wall.

And you tell me to think.

the trick is...when breath on mars...always remember your towel... you see, wrap the towel around your mouth and nose, put a small potted plant in it along with your face and take 1/50th of a breath every 30 seconds...

Fronzel:

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:
Snip

The right to be able to? But relaly, think about it. Games lose something when they go to handhelds. you cant say you're a serious game when you're built for a system designed to be a pick up play for five minutes, then put back down and walk away.

We've gone completly in a circle back to "handheld games aren't serious games" without addressing any of my attempts to demonstrate the contrary. You yourself say you've forgotten what we're talking about. You're like a brick wall.

And you tell me to think.

I guess. I just dont see how something built to be played for shorts amount of time can be considered a 'serious game" it defeats the purpose of being serious. But, fine, just tell me this. Tell me one game on the handheld that wouldnt benefit from the port to the console if they could do it right. One game that wouldnt be deeper, more involving on a console with all the memory space, all the opportunity. Tell me one, and I'll admit i was wrong. because at the heart, thats my issue with Hand Helds. They're little things built to be time wasters. thats why flash games and most casual games are made for hand helds/quick little five minute plays on your computer.

Over here Blackberry is actually more popular

That last one has 2 android versions: Alchemy and Alchemy Classic

They are AWESOME!

Falseprophet:
It is a bit hard to breathe on Mars, but luckily the Android Marketplace has an app for that.

Ba-dumm TISH!

OT: if iphone had a keyboard I woild get one.

Why would I want crappy Apple products if there's Android and BlackBerry?

butt hurt mac fag, dont mind me with my custom rom and multitasking, android ftw.

emeraldrafael:

Fronzel:

emeraldrafael:

The right to be able to? But relaly, think about it. Games lose something when they go to handhelds. you cant say you're a serious game when you're built for a system designed to be a pick up play for five minutes, then put back down and walk away.

We've gone completly in a circle back to "handheld games aren't serious games" without addressing any of my attempts to demonstrate the contrary. You yourself say you've forgotten what we're talking about. You're like a brick wall.

And you tell me to think.

I guess. I just dont see how something built to be played for shorts amount of time can be considered a 'serious game" it defeats the purpose of being serious. But, fine, just tell me this. Tell me one game on the handheld that wouldnt benefit from the port to the console if they could do it right. One game that wouldnt be deeper, more involving on a console with all the memory space, all the opportunity. Tell me one, and I'll admit i was wrong. because at the heart, thats my issue with Hand Helds. They're little things built to be time wasters. thats why flash games and most casual games are made for hand helds/quick little five minute plays on your computer.

The World Ends With You would be the most lasting example. Mostly because you'd have to change the entire combat system in order to port it properly.

eightbitsprite:

emeraldrafael:
Snip

The World Ends With You would be the most lasting example.

OKa. I'll admit i was rong. TWEWY would be a good example.

emeraldrafael:
Snip

Actually, I find it kind of strange that you didn't think of it earlier, considering your avatar's Minamimoto. :P

I was half expecting him to mention Robot Unicorn Attack when the rainbow shot out of his iPhone.

eightbitsprite:

emeraldrafael:
Snip

Actually, I find it kind of strange that you didn't think of it earlier, considering your avatar's Minamimoto. :P

You always overlook the gems.

great review, I have an ipod touch and I love how fresh the games are but what I can't stand are how so many of the games you simply can never "win"

Flight control will always end with you failing, cube runner inevitably ends with a fatal crash. Most of the games seem to be about endless puzzle progression or "push me till I fail" which are not satisfying at all.

I want a sense of accomplishment with my games; win a race, complete a level, finish the game.

I love my iPod Touch, it is perfect for 90% of my mobile computing but I really am unsatisfied with the games. Touch-screen controls suck for platformers/shooters, iPod desperately needs buttons and an alternate interface like maybe a touch pad on the back for aiming and a D-pad/analogue stick on the left.

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