I (Also) Wrote That Crap

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OhJohnNo:
I really, genuinely like the idea of Bottlenose, as I too have a fascination with the way Dolphins are such impressibly huge assholes. As far as I can recall, Bottlenoses actually have to be separated from other dolphins at aquariums, because otherwise they will fucking beat the shit out of them.

Trekkie sounds like it would be a great comedy movie.

People like Bottlenoses because they look like they're always smiling, right? You know who else looks like he always smiles? The Joker.
And as interesting as Trekkie sounds, you'd have to get a metric fuckton of people on board with this to use their intellectual properties in the story, and it could have some Unfortunate Implications about us geeks to "normal" people (using the "People Are Dumb" Principle). Unless there's a message about fantasy vs. reality and how the vast majority of us geeks are quite pleasant people, in which case, green light that. Any of you other guys recall that CSI episode with the murder taking place at a STAR TREK knock-off convention?

captcha: vorpal sword
I expect that to be some cosplayer's prop weapon if Trekkie gets made.

as I read the article part of me was thinking "Dude!!! I have monies, let's make these happen, all of then" but alas I'm poor :( haha :P but you know, I think "Beavers" is actually a great idea for a B-Campy movie... let's Kickstarter it ;)

Sadly, in today's world SYFY probably would have bought and produced those scripts.

As people pointed out, The Trekkie could actually make a really funny comedy horror thing. I don't think you could do it too seriously though...

I would definitely watch The Trekkie but it reads more like a black-humour comedy than a horror movie.

The Trekkie actually sounds pretty awesome...good luck with getting the rights to use the IP's of Star Wars, Star Trek, Dr. Who etc. I don't think they would come cheap considering the 'message' of the movie (crazy fans of popular sci-fi are homicidal).

However, Bottlenose sounds too similar to that one horror-themed mini-episode of The Simpsons

Well the big screen might be out of the question for these (much to my dismay, seriously Beavers sounds freaking awesome) but have you thought about maybe making some sort of comic annual, with short comics based on your stories. You could sell it on the site, hell id buy it, you could get your fans to draw them *hint, hint*. Seriously, you see this sort of 'pulp silliness' all over top shelf comic racks.

Honestly Bob?

Sell it as a tongue-in-cheek movie and Beavers could be a massive gigantic hit in cinema's.

Ok maybe not that, but I'd still watch it.

Ooh, the Doctor Who Fan should have all their bones broken so that they could be reduced to a Jelly Baby! ;)

I dont know if Id go see them in the cinema, but Im not opposed to the ideas of Beavers and Trekkie. Id definitely watch those.

Although the ending to trekkie as described sounds to me like it needs a little work. Its got the pop culture, but doesnt have any of the dark humour of the themed murders and such. I hate when a hilarious B-movie throws away the humour because the humour isnt "big" enough and they want to go for a big set-piece finale.

Okay, am I the only one who thinks that "The Trekkie" actually sounds kind of awesome? I am? Okay.

One thing could make Beavers into something great: have it set in Canada!

Make.The Trekkie.Happen... Now!

I'm not really into killer animal movies, but The Trekkie sounds just awesome.

Count me among those who thinks that Bottlenose sounds actually pretty good.

Also, like many others in this thread, I'd watch Trekkie just for the nerd rage. Except, instead of singling out Star Trek or any one individual property, do a GalaxyQuest/Nebula-9 type thing and make up an "original" property for the main character, with the "real" fandoms getting cameos. You'd also have to throw in a Firefly nod, of course.

What DO you call Babylon 5 fans? The best I can come up with is 'Babbys', though I suspect the fans would reject that.

bigfatcarp93:
Okay, am I the only one who thinks that "The Trekkie" actually sounds kind of awesome? I am? Okay.

Every other post in this thread indicates otherwise.
you are not a unique snowflake, especially on the internet.

You know, Bottlenose actually reminds me of a science fiction short story I read a long time ago (more than ten years) in some "Best of" anthology. The story went that we actually figured out how to communicate with dolphins and we found out that they were pretty much rotten to the core and totally nasty creatures (like Bob said). But the thing was, because they could communicate now, they got rich because they knew where all the sunken treasure was in the oceans. So they basically built this business empire like some sort of oceanic mafia.

Can't remember who wrote it, but he was good enough to get into a "best of" collection...

The Trekkie has a very funny premise. You should go with it!

The Last Melon:

FEichinger:
To be perfectly honest ... I think I'd watch The Trekkie for its flat-out hilarity.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that had this thought.

I'm glad I was the first out of a crapton of people here to say it out loud. :P

The first two are really bad. Though not serious, I guess.

Trekkie sounds quite hilarious, actually, though I don't know if it would be funny for 70 minutes (I don't see you getting more out of it). Maybe it would work as a short film?

A lot of people are championing actually making The Trekkie, but I can't imagine Paramount and Disney not mobilizing more lawyers than you could have red-shirts and Jedis to shut this thing down. The only way to make it would be to file all the serial numbers of the fandoms until it just became lame and boring.

It is strange, because it seems almost every year you hear about someone who got stranded at sea whose life was saved by a dolphin. So they are as likely to save your life as they are to batter and **** you in the rear!

If beavers got made, while I think it could be a good b-movie tongue in cheek horror-comedy as others have already said, I could never look at Angry Beavers the same again. Beavers might have the same issue as a movie Bob has talked about before, Night of the Lepus. Beavers are just too neat to be taken seriously as a monster. That's not scary, that's adorable! Were-beaver wouldn't be too farfetched. One of my friends had his D&D character turned into a were-squirrel.

Trekkie sounds like it would be hilarious.

When I read that Beavers could have been moved to rural Montana, that made me want to see it more. The Part of Montana I live in would be kind of cool to see the Queen Beaver (Queen Beav? I'll show myself out), and it sounds kind of awesome, admittedly.

Bottlenose, however, I'd just about died at the line about "They Really Are Like Us", so I really want to see that one, just because of the laughs that would ensue. Although, since you've mentioned Orca last Schlocktober, I could see that, with a good head on its shoulders, being relatively kind of cool all the same time. It's too bad we don't have a current day DeLaurentiis with us (I love Troma, but I think it would be a disservice to Bottlenose, in all seriousness). That being said, This would be a good laugh, all the same time.

and I didn't read Trekkie, so I can't comment at all on it.

A nice bunch of movies, though.

Yer, I'd unabashedly watch all of those.
I'd also buy Bobs dignity if I could afored it.
You really should pitch Trekkie to someone, or alter it into an NCIS episode at least.

My first thought when reading the "Trekkie" description was, "Come on, does he really need to put a link on bat'leth? Everybody knows what that is, right?"

Then I realized he probably did need to do that, and I felt sad.

two words:

MAKE TREKKIE!

You should rewrite Trekkie as a spec script for Big Bang Theory. They might hire you to do Halloween episodes for different series.

I CANNOT BELIEVE that I'm the first to mention the similarity between Bob's idea and the Trek/Star Wars geek face off in the 2009 movie Fanboys!

The beaver and dolphin ideas are serious B grade movie ideas that are fun to think of but--given how expensive it is to see movies in theaters these days--would almost certainly bomb in theaters and go to DVD or Blue Ray faster than you could say "money pit".

The Trekkie thing could appeal to geek-dom and fanboys of all types. You could include Harry Potter fans as well and even throw in a group of militant Fangrrls going toe-to-toe with misogynistic fanboys in the background brawl. Heck the Fangrrl thing could be the cause of the background brawl!

Now THAT could make it in the movie theaters!!!

DVS BSTrD:
I think the Sci-fi channel would be willing to do the dolphin movie. Need to think of a tagline for the Trekkie movie...
Murder: The final fronteer

Scrumpmonkey:
Is it me or does 'Beavers' sound like it should be a COMPLETELY different movie. Maybe with some Swedish handy-men and some slap-bass.

Their first kill could a pizza delivery man or a pool boy, and their blood would spray across the chest of the scantily clad house bound MILF who didn't have any change :P

WanderingFool:
Dammit... after reading Bottlenose, now I cant get the image of a pack (or is it school?) of Dolphins overturning a boat full of teenagers and raping them all...

Thinking about it, why isnt that a movie yet?

Also Trekkies needs to be made... and im not saying that because everyone else is...

A group of dolphins is called a pod, But i'd like it better if it didn't go by the old eighties trope of "punishing kids for their wicked ways". Maybe if it was some Mormon prayer group on a mission volunteer at a leper colony. >)

the 80's trope by the film opening with the pod of dolphins capsizing a boat with the crew of jersy shore and doing horrible, horrible things to them :P

OT: Trekkies, make it nao!

FelixG:

DVS BSTrD:
I think the Sci-fi channel would be willing to do the dolphin movie. Need to think of a tagline for the Trekkie movie...
Murder: The final fronteer

Scrumpmonkey:
Is it me or does 'Beavers' sound like it should be a COMPLETELY different movie. Maybe with some Swedish handy-men and some slap-bass.

Their first kill could a pizza delivery man or a pool boy, and their blood would spray across the chest of the scantily clad house bound MILF who didn't have any change :P

WanderingFool:
Dammit... after reading Bottlenose, now I cant get the image of a pack (or is it school?) of Dolphins overturning a boat full of teenagers and raping them all...

Thinking about it, why isnt that a movie yet?

Also Trekkies needs to be made... and im not saying that because everyone else is...

A group of dolphins is called a pod, But i'd like it better if it didn't go by the old eighties trope of "punishing kids for their wicked ways". Maybe if it was some Mormon prayer group on a mission volunteer at a leper colony. >)

the 80's trope by the film opening with the pod of dolphins capsizing a boat with the crew of jersy shore and doing horrible, horrible things to them :P

OT: Trekkies, make it nao!

I aprove this compromise, but I wouldn't want the dolphins to get chlamydia :P

The Trekkie would make a fantastic Grindhouse type of movie. Please do it.

It could be Dexter meets Fanboys, combined with Deathproof and Hobo With a Shotgun. Get the humour, pop culture references and social commentary down, and you'll have yourself one amazing movie.

Trekkie should be directed by either Quentin Tarantino or Whoever directed that movie, Shawn Of The Dead.

I would watch the SH*T out of trekkie, Bob.

I thought they all looked like viable movies, I could see them in my head as I read about them. Each one struck me as being suited to a different route:

The way I saw it Beavers would be a good wide-release b-movie like Piranha 3D; it'd be tongue-in-cheek but you'd need a good budget to make it look credible, especially for the Bone Dam.

Bottlenose seemed like the best candidate for the SyFy treatment, all you need is to stick to the one running joke about how everyone believes a dolphin "couldn't possibly do these things because they're so NICE!". I'd love to see an old crazy fisherman who had his crew killed by dolphins in the 70s (let's say when Jaws came out), and who of course swears up and down dolphins are evil but whom nobody believes.

The Trekkie definitely has the most potential while being the most tricky; I see it like Fanboys, you just need to get the thing made and the audience will be there. I see it as less of a comedic horror and more of a dark comedy, but the main thing would be to keep the thing on the rails; I don't like it when geek culture jokes get too caught in the quick joke or the inside reference and fail to play the long game, which is what you need to do to have good satire.

Dude. Kickstart 'The Trekkie.' I'd back the shit out of it.

Edit: Ooooh, to bring the dead gamer portion into the modern age:

How about a Hannibal-like scene where The Trekkie talks a particularly vulgar COD player into swallowing his own tongue during an XBOX 360 match?

Then his corpse can be made the comm officer!

Yeah... I know, I'll sign the waiver.

I quite like the idea of Trekkies. Lovely idea to have a great big super hero brawl at a comic-con. Would love to see people duking out as to who is the best superman/dredd/whoever they dressed as.

When he was talking about "Beavers" he also brought up he had one involving giant bees. Well I am here to tell you that horror movie already exists. In Real life. In two different versions.

The Asian Giant Hornet. For a long time I was apiphobic (bees and wasps). They still make me nervous, but I can usually walk swiftly past them now. Use to be I would bolt for the door if I saw one. that's the regular size. I thought I would only see the word "giant" followed by hornet you know, in a monster manual or cheesy sci-fi movie. No, these flying nightmares are completely real. every year 50-100 people die by their account, each of them horrifically.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fTrSOFyfxs This is presumably how they would treat us as well if we were small enough Or (oh dear god the humanity) they were large enough. An entomologist described the sting of these bastards as "being stabbed by a molten nail" No outrunning them either. They can fly 25 MPH, have ridiculous agility in the air, and can cover up to 60 miles in a day. heaven help you if one gets you near a nest. The sting contains a phermone that calls 29 or so of its buddies to descend apon you like a plague of hellborn death engines, proceed to make this world a scary damn place and **** your shit the hell up! And somehow they are only the 5th most horrifying insect on the planet!

The other Killer bees. Ok so they aren't giant. but they are bad enough as is. They look just ordinary bees, which makes them worse, because you can't tell the danger until it is way too late. That's where all similarities end. Normal bees give you a chance to get away. Killer bees do not roll this way. "Territorial" and "Aggressive" are two words nature takes very damn seriously. Apparently especially when it comes to flipping insects! Your mere existence seems to piss off both of these nightmarish bugs beyond mortal comprehension.

I'm interested how these have shaped your writing now Bob. What projects are you currently working on, as a fellow film guy with a plethora of crap from the past as well, I find my projects now sometime cherry pick from the best bits of the older stuff.

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