No Right Answer: Best Secret Identity Ever

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Best Secret Identity Ever

Whose double life is the best?

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I always assumed Bruce Wayne roofied his dates and went out to be batman. At best Alfred takes them home. At worst Alfred is a dirty old man. Just sayin.

Let's not forget the second Sam Rami(sp?) Spider-Man movie where he takes of his mask in front of a whole subway train full of people.

BEST secret identity: Wolverine
Because for a hundred years even HE didn't know what it was :P

synobal:
I always assumed Bruce Wayne roofied his dates and went out to be batman. At worst Alfred takes them home. At best Alfred is a dirty old man. Just sayin.

Fixed that for you.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH CHRIS AND KYLE!?

(that joke really works better for the first half of the episode)

DVS BSTrD:
BEST secret identity: Wolverine
Because for a hundred years even HE didn't know what it was :P

*laughing*
Best Answer ever. Bravo good sir.

Kyle: Excellent hat. I feel like that should be on Feed Dump.

What, no Moon Knight and his multiple secret identities/personalities?

Also, how is Superman not in the running for worst secret identity? Yeah, I know the glasses joke is old, but its a valid criticism. No one would be fooled by that awful disguise, no matter how many other excuses are given to it.

these guys got it backwards

Clark Kent is the real guy and Superman is the costume. its been that way for decades now

Kill Bill got it wrong, they were going on the outdated silver age version

Superman was raised on Earth, Clark Kent is who he really is

Gailim:
these guys got it backwards

Clark Kent is the real guy and Superman is the costume. its been that way for decades now

Kill Bill got it wrong, they were going on the outdated silver age version

Superman was raised on Earth, Clark Kent is who he really is

In terms of personality, you're right. However, there are a lot more things that he discovers as being Superman that shows he's no where near being really 'Clark Kent', or the human persona he thought he once was.

First being an Alien. He learns that he doesn't even need to eat any more because of his energy gathering abilities. He finds out he might functionally be immortal.

I mean, if you and I suddenly developed super powers that put us up to Godhood, yeah, we'll try to be who we were... but there's going to come a time where the separation of what we thought we were and what we currently are will create such questions like 'who am I' or 'How do I even fit in'.

I think part of why people don't figure out who Superman is, is because no one is actually trying to figure out who he is. He doesn't where a mask, so he's not hiding his identity. I figure most people just think he's Superman all the time. Doesn't really explain why those that know Clark Kent haven't noticed the resemblance, though.

ObsidianJones:

Gailim:
these guys got it backwards

Clark Kent is the real guy and Superman is the costume. its been that way for decades now

Kill Bill got it wrong, they were going on the outdated silver age version

Superman was raised on Earth, Clark Kent is who he really is

In terms of personality, you're right. However, there are a lot more things that he discovers as being Superman that shows he's no where near being really 'Clark Kent', or the human persona he thought he once was.

First being an Alien. He learns that he doesn't even need to eat any more because of his energy gathering abilities. He finds out he might functionally be immortal.

I mean, if you and I suddenly developed super powers that put us up to Godhood, yeah, we'll try to be who we were... but there's going to come a time where the separation of what we thought we were and what we currently are will create such questions like 'who am I' or 'How do I even fit in'.

the point made in the video was that he "puts on a show" while being clark. that hasn't been true in DECADES

MortisLegio:

DVS BSTrD:
BEST secret identity: Wolverine
Because for a hundred years even HE didn't know what it was :P

*laughing*
Best Answer ever. Bravo good sir.

A New Car?
image
I've never gotten one of those before. Now I REALLY hope my parachute opens I pass my driver's test.

So Chris... still can't talk about video games, eh?

Batman has the worst secret identity. A teenager was able to deduce it by himself.

As for another bad choice: Matt Murdock/Daredevil. Admittedly, he did some good damage control once his identity leaked to the press, but the rumors still persist.

I wonder how many "because god damn batman"s will show up here.

How about frikkin Shazam. Who else has an entirely different body structure for their secret identity? Well, a number of them, but still!

ritchards:
So Chris... still can't talk about video games, eh?

Sadly no. Blame Nintendo, and their silly corporate rules.

Didn't Tony Stark actually claim to have a proxy in the comics? I seem to remember him saying something like, "Yeah I built this suit but I'm totally not Ironman, that's just some guy I pay." That might actually be worse than admitting to being Ironman. The government doesn't seem nearly concerned enough about a private weapons manufacturer hiring a one man army to wage war without the consent of Congress or the Commander in Chief. Oh and fuck Terrence Howard right in his suit stealing, wife beating ass.

Ok, maybe get bob on the line for this one. Is there any superhero whose secret identity....is another superhero?

Rakor:
Ok, maybe get bob on the line for this one. Is there any superhero whose secret identity....is another superhero?

Actually, yeah. Kinda.

For awhile, Spider-man himself had a warrant out for his arrest after getting framed, so he came up with four other superhero identities he kept swapping between to keep people off his scent.

And I seemed to recall some superheroes once assumed identities as supervillains (and vice versa) to get info from one side so they could stop them in their other identity.

Mr. Omega:
Batman has the worst secret identity. A teenager was able to deduce it by himself.

As for another bad choice: Matt Murdock/Daredevil. Admittedly, he did some good damage control once his identity leaked to the press, but the rumors still persist.

To be fair, that teenager was Tim Drake, and he's a boy genius and self-trained detective.
As for Daredevil (which I was going to bring up), Matt Murdock's "I'm not Daredevil" bit is a running gag that's been going on since Mark Waid took over writing. It's pretty funny, since Matt's current love interest, the Assistant District Attorney of NYC whose name escapes me for now, teases him about it.

Ok, guys, about Superman:

You got it completely backwards. Clark was raised on Earth his whole life, he's more in touch with his Human roots than Kryptonian. Who he is as Clark is his real personality while Superman is essentially his ability to just let himself act out with a different side of himself. It's like who you are in real life and who you are on the internet.

No mention of.... I think it's Captain Marvel (SHAZAM), feel free to correct me, but the one whose secret identity is that he is a ten year old kid. Now that there is the best.

It's been said, but you guys are wrong about Superman. His secret identity IS Superman, not the other way around. ClarK is the exact opposite of Batman. Batman thinks he is Batman and Clark knows he's Clark Kent. His job is not saving the world, but reporting the news...or at least is was up until a few months ago.

I agree with Batman having an awful secret identity. He's the only one in the city that can afford those toys. Everyone he dates leaves disappointed. He randomly shows up every 2 years with a new young boy in tights. Jim Gordan is the worst cop and father in all of comics if he can't recognize the fact that his daughter is Batgirl, and how her on again off again boyfriend Dick Grayson is clearly Nightwing/Robin. It's absurd.

As for the worst secret identity. I'm gonna roll with Green Lantern Hal Jordan and Kyle Raynor. One wears a tiny mask and the other looks like the face guard of a power ranger, but while they're in street clothes....THEY STILL WEAR THE GREEN LANTERN RING. Everyone that they date knows they're a lantern. Hal gets attacked at an Air Force base with tons of people watching...and he just changes right into a Lantern...but nobody even questions it. It's stupid. They both openly hang out with John Stewart and Guy Gardener who are known Green Lanterns. It's really stupid.

The best secret identity is Bruce Banner. NOOOObody outside of the few that has witnessed the change could every know Bruce is the Hulk. He gets mad and crushes whoever he's fighting, then hops away. No interviews, no witnesses...nothing. It's perfect. A brilliant man turns into a hulking stupid (or intelligent depending on what comic or movie he in) brute.

canadamus_prime:
Let's not forget the second Sam Rami(sp?) Spider-Man movie where he takes of his mask in front of a whole subway train full of people.

This is because the people doing movies are complete morons, and miss the entire point. The basic arguement is that they feel that the audience can only truely empathize with a character you happen to see. As a result pretty much every super hero movie where the character is masked has some contrived way of arranging for the character to have their face displayed as much as possible, oftentimes only wearing a mask the bare minimum amount of time needed to sell it as the character. A lot has been written about this trend over the years, not just in more "recent" movies like Spider Man, but also in regards to things like Stallone's Judge Dredd where he took off the helmet (which is pretty much #1 on the list of no-nos when doing Dredd), to why they didn't do "Starship Troopers" more in keeping with the ideas from the books, where the "troopers" wore powered armor as opposed to trying to fight wars using partial body armor and assault rifles.

A lot of it also comes down to the actors, they want to be seen in the movie, playing the character, if you can't really tell it's them (it could be anyone in the suit) then it isn't as much of an ego-boost.

-

That said half the point of a secret identity is that it represents something a character can be threatened with other than to just beat the crap out of them. It allows for stories where a hero's identity is uncovered, or where it's placed in jeopardy in order to raise the stakes. The longer an established character has been around by definition the more times the device will have been used, and the more people will have learned the identity in the comics. When your looking at Spidey, Batman, Superman, etc... and decades of constant publication, yeah... obviously there are going to
be a lot of people who figured it out or were told.

It's also important to note that the point of a secret identity was always to avoid accountability for what your doing. Being a vigilante or costumed *ahem* adventurer, is by definition illegal. A hero is by definition doing stuff the police can't, he's ignoring excessive force laws, committing routine breaking and entering, massive property destruction (prioritizing people, and stopping the bad guys, over "stuff") and other things. A lot of people have even made jokes about "who the bad guy actually is" over the years, but at the same time that's always kind of been part of the whole equasion where the police might be thankful for a hero being around, but are also technically hunting the guy, whether they unofficially approve or not. A Hero being uncovered means that he might go to jail, or at the very least not be able to be a hero anymore.

To put things into perspective, think back to two "recent" works. "The Incredibles" and Marvel's "Civil War". Before they kind of derailed "Civil War" with stupid politics the whole issue of registration largely came down to accountability. In short the registration act was more or less about turning everyone into an "Avenger" more or less, or in short what they did at the beginning of "The Incredibles" where the identity of a hero was known to the authorities even if unknown to the public. This was a mixed bag, and as you can see lead to all kinds of stupidity as "Mr. Incredible" and other heroes had to go into hiding due to people sueing for for stupid things when the hero was saving their life, collateral damage, etc... "Legality" simply made it impossible for a hero to do their job within the context of a greater society, which is a lot of the reason why a lot of heroes in say "Marvel" did not want to reveal themselves or give up their masks (at least by initial concepts), nobody wanted to find themselves in the same basic position you saw in "The Incredibles" which would inevitably lead to a ban on vigilante activity.... incidently while much darker this also came up LONG before either "The Incredibles" or "Civil War" as one of the key plot points of "Watchmen" with heroes being legalized, and then banned by popular demand, with only Rorscarch staying true to the calling and the idea of being a true hero... until the very end (even if he was a psychopath).

canadamus_prime:
Let's not forget the second Sam Rami(sp?) Spider-Man movie where he takes of his mask in front of a whole subway train full of people.

Yes, because as a niche freelance photographer, he's obviously famous enough for people on the street to recognise who he is from his face alone.

Also, that reminds me of this:

Okay, I'm going to write another post on this subject. To begin with I'll give a basic disclaimer that I think there was too much of a focus on MAJOR super heroes here, but that's understandable. To really find the best and worst we'd probabvly have to go into characters that don't have a whole heck of a lot of name recognition to find the winners. That said I'm not going to focus on that one.

I'm just going to say that I don't think this one was very well analyzed in one paticular area: Batman. See the thing that is being overlooked in the entire arguement is that Bruce Wayne isn't the only rich guy in Gotham, he's just a sort of local hero whose family was famous for doing a lot of charity work. There are tons of other rich dudes that he hob nobs with, and tons of other corperations/businesses that his company works with or competes with. Bad guys are always robbing rich folks in Gotham, or raiding some lab or whatever that isn't directly owned by Waynetech (or whatever they call it nowadays) so when you look at the big picture there are plenty of other people one could point a finger at as having the resources and technology to be "Batman". Not to mention that while Batman mostly fights crime in Gotham, he's also travelled all over the world, and been right there operating on a global level with the JLA for a very long time. We as readers know a lot about Batman that's easy to project, and say "wow, this would be really obvious" when we're not looking at it from the outside and all these other variables. Even Bruce Wayne's "tragic backstory" which we all find touching probably isn't the only one of it's kind, I mean Gotham is a criminal Wasteland, he's porbably not the only rich guy who has a reason to have a serious hate on for crime.

Especially now it's also a case where Batman has been around at the same time as Bruce Wayne, I mean we had that whole thing where Bruce was out of comission getting his back fixed, while Azrael was running around being Batman. Then we had Dick fill in for him, and even a point where Bruce Wayne was a wanted criminal believed to have fled the country while Batman was still right there.

I'm just saying it's not THAT bad, we just tend to look at it that way because we as comic readers tend to have a more omniscient perspective than the guys in the world. We're also looking at one of the longest running characters in continued publication, I think Batman was created in like the 1930s... and the world changed.

When I talk about "minor characters" having worse backrounds/secret identities (and probably in some cases the best) one limited pool you could dip into, especially for "worst" is Batman's extended *ahem* "Bat Family". I mean seriously think of the origins of some of the characters that have been hanging out with Batman, ranging from say "The Spoiler" and "Anarky" whose relatively humble origins are kind of the point, to oh say "The Huntress", who has a mobbed up backround, reasons for some major grudges, and pretty much exclusively targets mobsters. Ditto for like "The Spoiler" at least to begin with showing up to harass one specific villain (Daddy).

I *DO* give Stark more credit for creativity though, but he was also created much further down the pipe from Batman, with a more initially modern eye. To be honest the characters are very similar. Stark's big gimmick for a long time was actually to claim Iron Man was a Stark Employee, and his head of security. Thus anyone noticing a definate connection between the two characters went into "duh" territory. Stark being busy also had Rhodey fill in AS Iron Man (it was Rhodey in the armor during "The Secret War") before "War Machine" was even conceived, and set things up for them to be in the same place, at the same time. Of course it should ALSO be noted that Tony Stark had his identity compromised by groups like "The Hellfire Club" over the years, and Iron Man as a series pretty much acknowleged that there was no way he was going to keep this together. While it happened many years into the evolution of the character (as opposed to right off the bat like in the movies) Tony came out as Iron Man publically, and even did things like serve as Secretary Of Defense. He largely pursued the whole Registration act from "Civil War" without being a hypocrit because he was able to continue being a super-hero, while remaining publically known. This is also why guys like Mr. Fantastic backed him (The Fantastic Four always had public identities, which was something they actually regretted on numerous occasions through the years).

Ah well, enough Rambling.

The whole point of this I guess was me getting around to saying that I find it kind of odd that we'd say "Batman" has the worst secret identity ever, when he's still using his after what is it now... 70 years of publication? Tony Stark kind of failed at his and had to give it up (as clever as some of his tricks were) quite a while ago now, and doesn't even have one anymore. How can what amounts to a failure at maintaining a secret identity, be declared the winner, for having the BEST secret identity? :)

I just realized something, if you really wanted to throw people off you'd pretend to be a superhero of the opposite gender.

So Bruce Wayne would get himself some bullet proof fake breasts under his costume or something and call himself Batgirl.

Although he would have to do a fake tough girl voice for it.

Therumancer:

canadamus_prime:
Let's not forget the second Sam Rami(sp?) Spider-Man movie where he takes of his mask in front of a whole subway train full of people.

This is because the people doing movies are complete morons, and miss the entire point. The basic arguement is that they feel that the audience can only truely empathize with a character you happen to see. As a result pretty much every super hero movie where the character is masked has some contrived way of arranging for the character to have their face displayed as much as possible, oftentimes only wearing a mask the bare minimum amount of time needed to sell it as the character. A lot has been written about this trend over the years, not just in more "recent" movies like Spider Man, but also in regards to things like Stallone's Judge Dredd where he took off the helmet (which is pretty much #1 on the list of no-nos when doing Dredd), to why they didn't do "Starship Troopers" more in keeping with the ideas from the books, where the "troopers" wore powered armor as opposed to trying to fight wars using partial body armor and assault rifles.

A lot of it also comes down to the actors, they want to be seen in the movie, playing the character, if you can't really tell it's them (it could be anyone in the suit) then it isn't as much of an ego-boost.

-

That said half the point of a secret identity is that it represents something a character can be threatened with other than to just beat the crap out of them. It allows for stories where a hero's identity is uncovered, or where it's placed in jeopardy in order to raise the stakes. The longer an established character has been around by definition the more times the device will have been used, and the more people will have learned the identity in the comics. When your looking at Spidey, Batman, Superman, etc... and decades of constant publication, yeah... obviously there are going to
be a lot of people who figured it out or were told.

It's also important to note that the point of a secret identity was always to avoid accountability for what your doing. Being a vigilante or costumed *ahem* adventurer, is by definition illegal. A hero is by definition doing stuff the police can't, he's ignoring excessive force laws, committing routine breaking and entering, massive property destruction (prioritizing people, and stopping the bad guys, over "stuff") and other things. A lot of people have even made jokes about "who the bad guy actually is" over the years, but at the same time that's always kind of been part of the whole equasion where the police might be thankful for a hero being around, but are also technically hunting the guy, whether they unofficially approve or not. A Hero being uncovered means that he might go to jail, or at the very least not be able to be a hero anymore.

To put things into perspective, think back to two "recent" works. "The Incredibles" and Marvel's "Civil War". Before they kind of derailed "Civil War" with stupid politics the whole issue of registration largely came down to accountability. In short the registration act was more or less about turning everyone into an "Avenger" more or less, or in short what they did at the beginning of "The Incredibles" where the identity of a hero was known to the authorities even if unknown to the public. This was a mixed bag, and as you can see lead to all kinds of stupidity as "Mr. Incredible" and other heroes had to go into hiding due to people sueing for for stupid things when the hero was saving their life, collateral damage, etc... "Legality" simply made it impossible for a hero to do their job within the context of a greater society, which is a lot of the reason why a lot of heroes in say "Marvel" did not want to reveal themselves or give up their masks (at least by initial concepts), nobody wanted to find themselves in the same basic position you saw in "The Incredibles" which would inevitably lead to a ban on vigilante activity.... incidently while much darker this also came up LONG before either "The Incredibles" or "Civil War" as one of the key plot points of "Watchmen" with heroes being legalized, and then banned by popular demand, with only Rorscarch staying true to the calling and the idea of being a true hero... until the very end (even if he was a psychopath).

Ok, saying everyone who works in movies is a moron is more than a little harsh, but certainly many of them that are tasked with adapting things from one medium to another tend to miss the point of many key elements of the source material. Case in point, secret identities.

canadamus_prime:
Let's not forget the second Sam Rami(sp?) Spider-Man movie where he takes of his mask in front of a whole subway train full of people.

Check out the reboot, he does it all the time. lol

How about Supreme? He didnt need one, he had a huge ego that killed criminals for the fun of it. An no one could stop him, no one in the Image universe could do anything but watch. He was what superman would be if superman didnt give a crap that he was superman. Well, until some hack messed with Supremes history and made him even more like superman with the identiy. Hell the original comic started with Supreme coming back to earth and people for got about him and we had all new heroes.

The best episode ever!! The costumes, and a double episode XD

Heh, those costume changes are a bit of fun.

The costume changes were enjoyed by all.

As for the credits:


Start watching at 1:20 if you do not appreciate literal toilet humor

canadamus_prime:
[
Ok, saying everyone who works in movies is a moron is more than a little harsh, but certainly many of them that are tasked with adapting things from one medium to another tend to miss the point of many key elements of the source material. Case in point, secret identities.

You'd be right if this wasn't a recurring problem, and one that has been addressed before. As I pointed out in my rant those involved in the movies have had this kind of question raised numerous times, and have answered flat out about why they insist on showing the actor's face in movies where they shouldn't be doing so. It's not like it happened once or twice, and then Hollywood caught on after lengthy explanations about why this doesn't work with the characters, and then changed. It's pretty much a matter of movie-makers deciding they are going to do what they are going to do, and pretty much F@ck the fans, because they think they know what's going to work better than anyone else does. Especially seeing as they will be quick to point out they aren't making these movies for fans, they think that if they put Stallone in a movie, people want to see it's Stallone doing the stuff, not Judge Dredd's helmet and Stallone's jaw (as it should be) and how "people" want to see that it's Toby Mcguire [SP] or whomever, as opposed to jut a CGI cartoon or some anonymous stuntman in a full body suit.

As a result I stand by my very harsh comments and judgements here. They aren't missing the point, they are intentionally trampling on it. This kind of thing has been a long-standing problem when it's come to adapting super heroes and such to movies, Hollywood having been resistant to the idea of selling the character, as opposed to selling the actor who happens to be playing a character. The idea being that the people who went to see the first "Judge Dredd" movie were there for Stallone for example, not to (OMG) actually see Judge Dredd.

Incidently I'll also say on a side note, that is is why I think they decided to do "The Avengers" the way they did. None of the characters involved are really big on "Secret Identities" which is why it worked. They outed Iron Man right from the beginning to avoid that whole issue (which DID happen in the comics). Captain America's identity hasn't really been a true secret for quite a while in the comics, and really the only one notably really missing his costume/mask for the most part is Hawkeye since Cap still puts his on for the fighting since 90% of when he's around it's not an issue.

This is also arguably going to be one of the problems with doing say "The Justice League" because it's going to more notably involved Hollywood's epic fails with the genere because a lot of the Justice League characters not only keep secret identities, they are also very serious about it, with it being a big deal for them that other members of the League know who they are where the world at large doesn't (and I believe there are a few members whose identities are secret even from the league, with their wishes being respected, mostly when dealing with those who stop in occasionally or act as reservists). The exact Avengers roster allowed them to work around that, with Justice League it's going to be a little more of an issue unless they just keep it to the big 3 in which case Batman would be the only one wearing an actual mask.

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