Don’t even consider trying to move to the world of Dark Souls.

Real estate values in the world of Dark Souls must be pretty low. The latest screenshots and concept art of From Software’s spiritual sequel to Demon’s Souls don’t make it seem like a very hospitable place to live.

Imagine if you were sitting on your back porch and a giant wolf peered at you, under a full moon, for no good reason. That alone would drive anyone to move to a better neighborhood.

Alas, giant wolves (and rats) are actually the least of Dark Souls‘ problems. I don’t want to be in the same room with a decaying, undead dragon, much less have to fight one. And is that… a huge Medusa made of lava? I’m not even going to talk about Venus Flytrap face.

You can’t perform the simple act of climbing a ladder in Dark Souls without being pestered. Just to get by, you’ve got to wear steel from head to toe. I get a little uncomfortable having to wear a sports coat for more than 2 hours, so being armored 24/7 just isn’t going to work for my lifestyle.

Dark Souls: Where giant, gross things will kill you, but hey, at least you can roast a hot dog from time to time. Not the best slogan.

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