I left you because......

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I left you because there's a GIANT SPIDER BEHIND YOU

I left you because my kill count tally is higher.

I left you because you can't handle me selling out

I left you because you constantly left the bathroom tap running for no reason

I left you because you kept turning off the bathroom taps.

I left you because I love your cowboy hat too much

I left you because you burnt the cowboy hat I got you.

You kept killing the maidens.
How can I kill the knights if you kill the maidens?

I left you because you keep burning me.

I left because you never let go anywhere without your friend there!

Technology and magic don't play well together.

Because your flames burn my fur...I like my fur...

I left you because you're not taking a cold hard look at my motherf**king boat!

I left you because you sunk my battleship.

I left you because you tied my beloved to a railroad track!

I left you because you stabbed me for allowing you to stab me!

I left you because you're always fighting.

I left you because you scare the everloving everything out of me.
And you would not install a manatee-ramp in the house.

I left you because you scare the neighbors with your glowing.

I left you because you got all the attention when we went out.

I left you because I can't live with a person with a broken mind

I left you because you have changed!

It was only a one night stand...for more than one night... on and off.

I left you because all the fire and brimstone was getting on my nerves!

I left you because you're always surprised!

I left you because you always have a blank expression!

I left you because you always throw up on my dinner!

I left you because you love your firearms more than me!

I left you because I suddenly developed an allergy towards you!

You were troublesome (I knew that already, but I thought I could change you).

I left you because you care more about fire than my fur!

Because you tormented me incessantly!

Because you're not actually troublesome at all.

Because you coffee addiction is getting in the way of our relationship.

Because you thought you ruled over potatoes.

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