Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

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I wonder how I managed to blow up the garden fertiliser by being thrown at it. Shrugging, I pick up a nearby newspaper, which bursts into flames. "Oh my god, I must have powers!" I say, before using said powers to kill everyone in The Room. Or at least, I would, if it wasn't a dieing dream of mine I had as Diablo threw me at Tox.

I respawn inside Diablo's brain, popping his head like a grape.

LIKE A GRAPE.

I respawn by bursting out of the grape.

"Oh yeah!" (Me)

I then kick Eric's face off.

"MY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

I rip off Eric's mouth with a rusty craving knife to shut him up.

However, Diablo's rusty craving knife is actually an incredibly blunt plastic knife.

I stare at it then give Knife a Rectal Exam with it.

I respawn, and head to the nearest electronics store. After gathering several armfuls of electronics gear, I barricade myself inside the 'Cuewt And Flwuffy Stuffed Animals' store, conveniently located to the electronics store.

I throw a fire bottle at Knife's fort, burning him to death.

Fort, what Fort? I most certainly never had a fort.
Anyway, I finish working on a robotic teddy bear, which I send out into the mall.

I steal it and slam it on Knife's Head.
"TAG!"
I run.

The force of the slam gives me a brain hemorrhage, and I respawn in the control centre of the mall. I set the language filter to Italian for no particular reason, then watch some good quality TV. And by that I mean ponies.

I stab Knife it a spoon and shut everything down.
NO PLOT!

"Plot, what plot?" I say to Diablo, before picking up the office chair I was sitting in and swinging it in his general direction.

I run into the food court and get a bucket of roasting fat and throw it at Knife.

I respawn, and tackle Diablo into the fountain.

I spawn on top of Knife.

"Yo."

I then squash him like a Goomba.

What Eric fails to realise, is that he is now drowning.

I spawn in the temperature control room of the mall. "ooo wonder what this does?"

Turns the dial setting it to -1 kelvin (Yes I know it's impossible), instantly freezing everyone, including myself. As my frozen body falls, it turns the temperature back to the original temperature.

I respawn, along with the newcomer. "Ohhithereyoumustbenewimknifeiwillbeyourhostforthisgameihopeyouenjoyyourstay!" I say, before flipping him into the fountain.

I spawn in time to hear the welcome from Knife, whose head I then bash against the fountain, killing him.

Zepherus14:
I spawn in the temperature control room of the mall. "ooo wonder what this does?"

Turns the dial setting it to -1 kelvin (Yes I know it's impossible), instantly freezing everyone, including myself. As my frozen body falls, it turns the temperature back to the original temperature.

I slay you with a plot hole I nitpick up.

I respawn, and weep tears of joy at the fact that people are here.
"I knew that that 'Learn Necromation in 10 easy steps' thing wasn't a scam!"

I respawn in Staples, grab a piece of paper, and make a paper airplane.

I fling it into the air, giving a random person a papercut that gets infected and later dies after their next post.

Ow! A papercut! I run to the sender, and drown him in the ridiculous amounts of blood spewing from my middle finger.

Then I die.

I cut various cans of soda and make a large didgeridoo that I shove in Zepherus' mouth before forcing toxic 7-UP into his mouth, causing him to die of diabetes and rabies.

I respawn and am killed by Tox, and then respawn again. I go to a dollar store, and get the gigantic loonie that is in the store. I then roll it down the stairs, commencing an Indiana Jones scene for whoever is unlucky enough to be down there to try to outrun it.

I respawn and die of confusion, being crushed by a "gigantic loonie", the definition of which I do not know.

The Thinker:
I respawn and die of confusion, being crushed by a "gigantic loonie", the definition of which I do not know.

As thinker respawns, I yell over to him. "A loonie is a Canadian $1 money unit." I then slide down a floor on the trunk of a palm tree.

I respawn, hear Zepherus, and yell back "I know, but what was a giant one doing in a pawn shop?" before running into a video store, watching all the original Mission Impossibles, and gaining the legendary powers of Barney. I then run into the Tetris store, intent on buying a I tetrimino (line block). However, since the store is out of those, I settle on buying a pet right Z tetrimino, who I name Ziggy.

I run into a hareware store, grabbing a teflon pipe, a couple of joints, and some super glue. I then go to a hair dressers to grab some 10 cans of hair spray.

I invent a machine that speeds up watches and plays chess. I get Ziggy to drop it on Zepherus, killing him.

A watch killed me? WHAT!?

I respawn, and run to the grocery store, and get a sack of potatoes. I also grab a BBQ lighter from the checkout desk, I make a break for my old body with the pipes and spray cans.

Unfortunately, I've converted the watch-speeding chess-playing machine into a movie projector that induces the symptoms of a rare virus know as "The Plots", and also induces extreme sleepiness. I find Zeph, and shine it on him.

I swerve into the mall in my white 2007 Ford Focus. I kick open the door and a mountain of bottles and cans fall out onto the ground. I light my cigarette and bumble around the entrance, avoiding the mall as much as possible. I. Hate. The. Mall...

But I do like food. I stop in the Food Court. The fire and blood is a minor point my friends, as I listen to death metal and this stuff makes me feel welcome. It seems there has been a fight, and people were killed with Nintendo 64 and original X Box equipment. It also appears that there is, for the time being, an endless supply of chili cheese fries. Do I endeavor? Oh hell yes. All those minimum wage jobs means I work a fryer like a champ.

...BLAST! Chili in a mini riot is a bad idea. I barely make it to bathroom, and the toilet seat pays the price. I just became That Dude: the one who pooped on the seat. Hovering above the seat, I notice through the crack in the door that someone has followed me inside. It is a naked man. Shit just got real (weird). He perches on a urinal in a Thinker pose... but he never expected that I would have the first strike. I burst from the stall and hit him with a full blast of dookie. "My body is a weapon! Ahahahaha!" I scream as I run out of the destroyed bathroom.

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