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"I'm always prepared."

I load my revolver adn sharpen my sword. We arrive at a dingy ass looking place.


[EDIT: Never mind, Escapist is annoying me.]

I phone zombie again.
"Zombie, where the fuck are you? Trackers not working"

I look at my colleagues. All of them, chatting/arguing. Everyone kindly acknowledging the young one. What will Tom be like when he grows up? Cynical? Happy? Small? Tall? Skinny? Fat? Who knows...I activate another call.
"...Hello, can I speak to...Karkat Vantas?"
"This is Zombie. I'm interested in recruiting you."
"Woah, wait, no. I'm recruiting to do some awesome shit, and bring all the trolls back together or some shit."

After a long time, Karkat finally agrees and arrives. I prepare to call the others trolls, while Kanaya decides on the childs fashion, Nepeta teaches it how to live and survive and kill, Vriska teaches it how to manipulate, Sollux tells it how to hack, and Karkat tells it how he can't trust much in life. It's wonderful. My plan is working. I would look outside, but it's physically impossible. No one can find me, unless I wish to be found. Pretty sweet if I say so myself.

I kick down the door and find nothing.


"Sigma, trace any and all calls relating to the trolls! We'll find this grubnapping bastard yet."

I make a smoothie and down it.

"I'm trying to call him now, but he keeps ignoring me."

"Fucking hell Sig, gimme some warning next time." I pick up my phone and dial again. "Auxilio! Thank fuck, listen, I need a big favour from you. Real big." I turn the car around. "Hold up everyone, we'll get there soon."

After noticing a distinct lack of any unwanted visitors, I phone up...Tavros? Okay, fine. I introduce myself to him.
I call Feferi and introduce- you get the idea.
"Well I'd be fine wit)( joining all of you fis)(es. It sounds glubbing excellent!"
I do the same with Eridan.
"Wwhat? Of course I'll help you! That sounds wwonderful! I mean, considerin Fef and Nep are there."

I survey the group. Tavros teaching the grub how to treat animals, it a scarf, and Feferi? She feeds it I guess. Gives it tins of baby food and shit. In due time she'll teach it to swim.

I fall unconscious. As my vision grows dark, I find myself hoping It's a plane this time.

I leave about fifty messages on zombies phone, then hang up. With a fizzleing crack, my transporter malfunctions again, depositing me in...the cockpit of some sort of plane.
"Ahjshrgbzkrhjngz..Oh excellent! I've been taking lesso-"
The controls dissapear.
I raise my middle finger to the sky right before the plane crashes.

The car pulls up in front of a university. "Everybody out! Take everything you need with you, we're on foot from here." I lock the car and lead the others to the fourth floor, a tall woman is waiting for us. Every time she speaks she covers her mouth with the back of her hand. "Auxilio, thanks for this, I owe you big time." She smile at me, keeping her mouth closed. "It's nothing Arturito." I run my hand through my hair and reply. "It's Paddy now, and I need you to help us get somewhere."

I start handing out pictures of all the living trolls, except Terezi, and Zombie with orders to arrest them on sight, and to kill any who are with Zombie, but to not kill Zombie, and to kill Vriska on sight.
I then order the construction of an anti-Mall Fighter jail cell to hold Zombie without killing him or allowing him to commit suicide.

"Now where is this bastard? You guys might already know me. Saltarius...Crane? Or is it Graves now?"

[ignore this]

"Salt. He's nowhere conventional. Which is why I brought us to Auxilio. She'll get us there."

The plane smashes throough the roof of Zombies hideout, narrowly missing the Trolls. I stagger out, trip over Vriska and knock myself out on the floor.

"Right. Can't thank you enough for this. Now then, have you got any leads?"

I phone Gamzee.
"wHaT's Up MoThErFuCkEr? NeEd SoMe MoThErFuCkInG hElP?"
"Yes please."
"oKaY mOtHeRFuCkEr, I'lL bE rIgHt OvEr."

He soon arrives. Now for Equius.
D-->This is quite une%pected. I must ask, is any one type of high b100d with you?
"Yes. Gamzee Makara is here, along with Eridan, Vriska, and- you get the idea."
D-->Ah, perfect. I shall arrive shortly.
And so he does, and Gamzee teaches the grub about miracles. Equius, teaches it how to be STRONG. My plan, nearly done. The plane, does indeed land in the building, but Equius remedies it. He flings it out, and the place repairs itself. I remove Sigma from the premises.

"We don't need leads, Auxilio can take us straight to him." Auxilio takes my hand and leads me forwards, I gesture for Salt and Sister to follow me. We go down to the ground floor again and out into the streets, we enter areas of the city none of us recognise until she stops outside a large building and moves behind the group, observing. I turn to face the others. "We only use violence if absolutely necessary, OK?" I open the door and the trolls tun as one to look at me. "Hey." I hold up my hands to show I'm unarmed. "So where's Zombie?"

"Yeah. Absolutely necessary. We're looking for Gideon, last name either Megido or Crane."

I drop behind Paddy, and knock him out. I fling him back through the door, and shut it, in Salts face. I press a button and the building moves. We're in the middle of an ocean now. Yay.

I kick down the door and run after Zombie.


I sit up and rub my head. man that hurt.
The Trolls and Zombie are all crowded round some mini-troll/grub thing. Must be Salts spawn.
I get unsteadily to my feet. Staggering over to the sofa, I steal the remote from Vriska and put on the Jeremy Kyle Show.
I then proceed to teach the grub about smoothies and randomosity.

I dodge Zombie's blow and throw him over my shoulder onto the ground. "I don't wanna hurt anyone."

"Don't make me do this. Dammit, we were such good friends. Why did you have to do this?"

"Salt, I don't know what you're on about but your son isn't here. Paddy, leave and take your friends with you. I don't want any trouble, but I'm in the middle of something. Need I take extreme force, so help me I shall."

"You just kidnapped my son, dammit. Now give him back to me and we can go back to living our lives."

"You left all my" I make air quotes with my fingers. "'friends' back on dry land. I just wanna get paid and make sure the kid's OK. And now I guess I'm stuck here." I wander over to Nepeta and strike up conversation.

"Wait what? When the fuck did I do that! Salt, if this is one of your bullshit attempts to get me arrested, then stop it. I haven't done anything wrong. Guys, back me up here." All the trolls agree, in my defense. I push a button, and we're back in the country side.
"Now leave."

"I have two theories Salt. PMS, or Vriska isn't giving him any."
My blender mates with Zombies toaster and makes The Blendoaster.
"You guys want smoothies?"

"Really. Then who's the kid?"

"Mine. I found him, abandoned in an old, abandoned warehouse, in a box labeled, DESTROY ME. I think you'll find, I took him in, when no one else obviously would. Now leave Scott and me alone."

"Oh yeah, Zombie you've tried and in my case succeeded in attempting to kill us all numerous times. You've also committed-"
I hold up my fingers, and begin counting off of them.
"Terrorism, mass murder, arson, and normal murder. I believe thats whats classified as 'doing something wrong'"

"That kid is my son, and I'd appreciate if you stepped the fuck away and gave him back to me."

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