"John's not forgetting anything. He REALLY doesn't want to broach the subject of temptations into using god-like power you don't understand on yourself. Remember, the bad-crazies are fresh in his mind. Let's not forget the girl he knew that got addicted to Morpheus' sand-puch."
And then...a dog.
"Hiyo, Buster. Sadly, I don't have any living pets of my own right now."
Which then led to...
"What the fuck did you just do?"
Mark gave Jake a sheepish grin as he completed the post that connected all the dots together. It wasn't the best ending for a mini arc but it would do.
When Jake asked him what the hell he just did, Mark took a deep breath and started spouting off just what happened.
"So in that other Role Play that I'm in... Avatar Adventures... I have an adaptation of the Neil Gaiman character, Door who now not only has the ability to open locks and people and such but can open locked Einstein Rosen bridges to anywhere in space and time. During a previous arc a villain decided to detonate a Gigaton bomb in Shanghai. Door was in the process of evacuating the population when the blast went off. Using her "portal" powers, she opened a random portal through space time to direct the blast wave away from her. Coincidentally it just so happens that the portal exits in the birthing chambers below." Mark said as his breath was finally exhausted. He took another deep deep breathe.
"So... fast forward to the current mini-arc that I'm running where Door has been kidnapped by The Hammer Empire, of Danger Girl, and cloned for her "portal" powers and such. Portal tech being powerful in that you can directly insert troops and bombs directly to a target location rather than troop transport. The leader of The Hammer Empire happens to be a Karas... of Karas fame... and pretty much over powered compared to who's there. The second portal is that Arc's Door recognizing the subatomic particles that tell her where an Einstein Rosen bridge ends up at. She opens a portal and redirects the redirected blast towards the Hammer Fuhrer and destroys him." One more pause... one more deep breathe.
"And then there's the fact that Door's been stabbed through the gut by the Karas and is in the process of dying. Since I no longer have direct control over them... I did the only thing that I could logically do when looking at a character that has the potential to save the world. I sold my soul to Lucifer."
There was a pause before Mark looked around the Pub once more and found what he was looking for. Head deep in the trash was his boxer/hound mix.
"HANNA! BAD GIRL!" Mark scolded the mutt and called her to the table where he fed her and buster more fetus dumplings.
"Anyways... whatever happened to experimentation with drugs anymore... I thought that with all the bathsalt zombies around people would be more open to trying these sorts of things."
"Don't mention the sodding bathsalt zombies to me. That's a big thing in Pittsburgh. Anyway, you didn't happen to leave any weird sub-clauses, provisos, or loopholes in that contract, did you? Only, I'd be inverting the polarity of Lucifer's aura if I wanted him to save a character that badly. And just WHERE was Richard in all of this? Or the Marquis De Carabas?"
Dirty Cop James funs:
Mark shook his head and ran a hand through his black hair. The grin faded from very as he got a rather serious look on his face.
"The thing about my Lucifer, that is, when he was mine was that he was a rather nice fella. Sure he's the Great Antagonist... the Arc Nemesis... the Prince of Lies... The King of Demons... but it's really all a front. The reason is that if people... that's you and I and even those Bathsalt Zombies... were given free will by 'God.' Then we would have to be given a second choice rather than 'God.' Lucifer took on the role as that second choice... that is... it's a Good Angel wrapped up in the disguise of the Eternal Bad One. That's really my only loophole in the contact... the fact that he if I trade my soul for something of benefit to his universe... he won't come to collect when I die." Mark said... sorta confident in his logic.
"As for Richard and the Marquis... they're dead in my rendition of post Neverwhere. A raid on the Underground leaves a majority of the occupants dead or pissed off enough to create an army of their own." Mark said... not mentioning that it's based on the concept of the Seely and Unseely courts.
And then came the question as to what was going on which made Mark proceed to talk into the thin air once again.
"Same thing that always happens. Drinking with a few people at the bar. This time with April... an honest to goodness Angel-Hunter/Drug Peddler. John Constantine... the Alan Moore one not the Keanu Reeves one... and I just sold my soul to the devil." Mark said as he watched the scene at the bar once again.
Lucifer looked over at John and shrugged at him.
"You know... that's the sanest thing I've heard all day." He said as he poured Constantine a double whiskey off the top shelf.
"People... have a tendency to double cross each other over the pettiest of things. And personally... I'd rather not see them do it with the power to alter the universe... or the multiverse. If they wanna screw themselves over... let them do it the old fashioned way." Lucifer said as he flipped open a mother of pearl covered cigarette case and pulled out a cigarette, lighting the thing after he placed it in his waiting lips.
You sold your soul to the devil? Well I hope you sold it for cupcakes! Because I am hungry. And what's that about a drug paddler? *Cracks knuckles* I guess I will do my job!
Hellen goes to Lucifer. "Sub,Luci." Hellen said.
The Writer didn't say anything. He just started writing things.
As punishment for killing the Marquis, who is awesome, an English Coonhound named Emmy came in and unexpectedly farted nearby Mark's seat. Dog farts are horrible, and the capacity of Shara's dog was quite formidable in that respect. Emmy vanished soon after, and we pan to the Writer...
"...who has his gasmask on. Be glad I didn't use Gazuga. They're probably going to hire me to destroy a school rivalling Anime High School on that board with him, and it won't be pretty."
John coughed as he almost choked on his drink. The Devil was agreeing with him. This was either very bad or very good. Changing subject, John looked over at April.
John: Don't suppose you've got the angel Gabriel in there, do ya? Never liked that prick.
Dirty Cop James funs:
No... I sold it for some crack... I love me some crack
Lucifer nodded at Hellen though the nod was somewhat marred by a frown at being called "Luci" once again by Hellen.
"Nothing of note. Have you met our esteemed guests... John Constantine... I forget... what's your job title again? And this is April... a hunter of Angels. She also happens to be on the forefront of turning said Angel's into addictive drugs and pushing it on the populate of her dimension." Lucifer said as he poured Hellen a drink.
......... You do know I am a (dirty) cop right? So gimme yo crack!
"If she's a problem, why don't you just kill her?" Hellen asked Lucifer.
*CHOKE! COUGH COUGH WHEEEEEZE!*
As the vileness of the Dog fart dissipated, with the help of some fans, some cleaner and a metric crap ton of candles, Mark looked over at Jake and frowned.
"I think Homeland Security is going to be interested in that Dog of yours."
Ahhh Gabriel... or Gabrielle ... At least the one that Lucifer was familiar with. She was a real beaut. Red Hair... Alabaster Eyes... it was a shame she'd never spoil herself lounging around the with despoiler.
However... if there was one Angel that Lucifer disliked... it was Michael.
"Better yet... Michael? That bastard never got the Memo after Junior was born. He's still goes Old Testament on the mortals from time to time. I even had to get pulled in as a favor for the Boss and vouch for a Vampire that doesn't even drink human blood... can you believe that?" Lucifer asked no one in particular.
"Gabriel's part of my own personal stash. Archangels in general are more potent than any of the other members of the 'Celestial Host.'" April stated as she pulled out a bottle of "Sangua Angelique: Gabriel" and a pouch of Angel Dust.
Then Lucifer turned back to Hellen and chuckled.
"Because if I kill her HERE she'll just pop back up where she came from and walk right back into this very Pub." Lucifer stated ... and to prove his point, an old flintlock pistol materialized in his hands and went off, taking April's head clean off her shoulders.
A few moments later, as the cleaners were busy cleaning up April's body, the Pub's main doors opened up and April walked back in... taking her seat, though she had a big grin on her face as she realized that not only were Gabriel's blood and ground up bones on the counter... but there were a bag and bottle of Gabriel's processes Angel parts back in her pack.
Mark turned to Jake...
"I think we just found a dupe bug"
Ya heard me! The crack. Give it to me, or it's the big house for you!
"Then stop being an idiot, and kill her somewhere else." Hellen said to Lucifer.
Dirty Cop James funs:
Can't you wait for this damnable laxative to kick in first?
It's not like Lucifer hadn't thought about killing her somewhere else. It was all a matter of being patient and also it was also a matter of doing it in a place where the Angel Drugs wouldn't give her an advantage over Lucifer. She had killed her dimension's version of him and all that dimension's archangels.
"Patience, dear Hellen, patience. It's all a matter of waiting for the right moment. Like when the resurrection circuit is turned off... which I can't do."
No. I can't wait for your damn laxative to work.
"I see... If you need me for your plan, just ask." Hellen whispered to Lucifer.
"It's Shara's, so it's not mine to give, and she won't part with it because Emmy's an adorable so-and-so."
So there, Mr. Carabas-Killer. Incidentally, I think we can count Gabriel as a 'he'. He DID get tricked by Ellie (the succubus) into one wild night of passion where he got his heart ripped out and de-winged. Then again, Lucifer could be recalling a different interpretation in which...well...John wouldn't have cared, anyway, as he was just pleased as punch to hear that the Gabe was dead. However, when the Devil mentioned a bloodless vampire...
John: Hang on a minute. Wasn't a bird by the name o' Seras Victoria, was it?
John has the most interesting times! Meanwhile, Mark mentioned a dupe bug and Jake looked up suddenly, rather confused.
"What dupe bug?"
He was holding nine Soul Edges.
Dirty Cop James funs:
My Digestive System can only work so fast
Mark nodded... not that DHS would ever give a rat's ass as to what dog belonged to who, so long as they could bottle the stench and weaponize it, Emmy could be a Yorkshire Terrier that belonged to the bloody Queen of England and shat Ricin... DHS would be all over it.
"But... crap..." Mark said has he slid the crate of Excaliburs under the table and out of plain view.
Back at the counter it was more or less business as usual.
"Nope... one 'messiah' vamp by the name of Alex Elder. Something of a anomaly in terms of vampires. Just think of him as Neo meets Alucard." The Devil shrugged as he turned back towards Hellen and nodded.
"I think the only time that happens is when there's an invasion of sorts." Lucifer stated... thinking that it was best to just call in a demon invasion to force the matter... but there was still the matter of "Sangua Angelique" and the Angel Dust.
I don't give a crap (PUN!) about your Digestive System!
Hellen whispered to Lucifer."I have a plan. How about I fight her, and make here waste all of her energy on me."
Tomoya - Tomoya's booth.
After getting drunk (I'm amazed that he did manage to get drunk even though he is an angel...maybe he allowed it?) and passing out. Tomoya suddenly woke up. "WHOA...what happened?" Tomoya said to the bar. The fact that he is still there confused him and what is happening back in the AA world and his original universe.
(I friken love the new captcha!)
Mark, the future/past one, looked over at Tomoya from the booth and thought that perhaps it would have been best if the Archangel were still asleep. After all there was an Angel Hunter seated right next to him.
As Mark thought this, April, looked over at Tomoya and licked her lips. She had the smell of Angel's Blood all over her clothing and in fact... even her breathe, smelled slightly familiar... like Arcangel Gabriel.
"Well Hello there, cutie." April said as she looked Tomoya up and down.
"I wouldn't go there, lady." Lucifer said as he tried to figure out a better way of killing her.
Meanwhile, at the Writer's Booth. Mark drew a mustache on the slumbering Jake's face.
Tomoya - The Pub.
Seeing the woman by the bar talking to him, Tomoya decided to do the best thing he can do...go back to sleep. Getting up and walking to the staircase he looked at the woman and instantly smelled the angel blood on her. "Ma'am, may you excuse me...I must sleep off this hangover!" Tomoya pointed out clearly as he began to walk to his room.
Getting in the room, Tomoya managed to put all the locks on his door. Then he noticed the balcony door. "Whats this?" Tomoya wondered.
Lucifer watched as Tomoya left the bar and tried to yet after him.
"I didn't actually mean go back to sleep you nitwit!!!!" Lucifer called after Tomoya. Meanwhile, April began thinking to herself. If she could create a copy of something that was on her body just by setting it out and dying... what would happen if she killed the sleeping Angel. She could harvest his parts and then... he would show back up in this Pub. And then she could kill him again and harvest his parts once again.
Excusing herself with a kiss on John Constantine's cheek, she walked up towards Tomoya's room, lock picks in hand.
Taking some time off from here to pay attention to other needs, plus I have a headache.
Mark immediately set off the Writer's 'idle message'.
Rex calmly wakes up and walks out of his room, rubbing his eyes and holding a rolled up blueprint. "I've got to stop pulling all nighters..." As he shuffled toward the main room, he brushed past a peculiar blond woman. As he walked past her, the scent of what seemed like blood made Rex a bit more alert. He pauses for a moment, then walks into the main room, giving a wave to everyone in attendance. He sits down at the bar, laying the blueprint down beside him and turns to Lucifer, "Hey man, anything new today?"
Same old same old.
Lucifer sat on the bar stool hunched over the counter with a glass of the "rouge" in front of him, rubbing the top of the wine glass with a damp finger and making it sing. Turning to Rex, Rex could see a bit of panic in Lucifer's eyes which was quickly enough buried deep.
"Nothing up. What makes you think anything would be up? Nothing's going on at all... seriously!" The Archfiend of Hell said quickly almost slurring the words together... and would have is it wasn't for the fact that he was used to talking very very very quickly (It helped when making contracts with people).
Puce slid a glass in front of Rex and filled it up. Before informing him what was really going on.
"Well... there's an Angel Hunter in the Pub... the type of Angel hunter that enjoys turning Angel parts into drugs." Puce informed him before checking standing back and watching Kurumu on the Piano.
Ah, Same here. Thank god tomorrow's Friday.
"You mean the smelly blonde lady I just pass--- Wait... turning angel parts into drugs?" Rex pauses to lean over to look down the hall again, then brings his hand to his chin. "I've got to admit, as much alchemy as I've seen, that's gotta be one of the craziest... and yet, most interesting things I've ever heard..." Rex notes the red bottle in front of Lucifer, and nods. "Same scent as her on that, guessing this is... angel blood?... He leans in for a closer look at it.
Suddenly, Rex abruptly rises from the bar and turns back to Puce and Lucifer, with a serious look on his face. "Excuse me a moment, I think I need to talk with this hunter for a moment."
Yes... thank god tomorrow's Friday.
From the Writer's booth, Mark watched as Rex mounted the stairs and headed towards where April was headed, Tomoya's room. Shrugging to himself, he continued to draw intricate patterns on Jake's face and exposed skin, knowing that Jake would no issues with this when he was back from his Hiatus.
As Rex continued on, he saw April placing her hands on a door and sniffing it before she moved on to the next and doing the same thing to the next door. She continued to do this until she found the Room that the young Archangel of Lightning was occupying.
A smile passed her face as she inserted a lock pick into the door's lock and began working the tumbles open... she was busy humming a nameless tune as she did this.
As Rex briskly rushes through the halls, he comes up to the Angel Hunter picking the lock of a door, humming and smiling all the while. He chokes down some spit before calling out to her. "Nice tune you got going there, miss. What's it called?" He cautiously advances toward her.
The lock pick started falling to the floor and before it even had a chance to hit the ground, Rex found himself staring into April's eyes, pale blue, the color that consumer advertisements use to make you think of the words Ice and Cold and Frozen.
It wasn't, however, the eyes that surprised him. It was the fact that he found the tip of a sword that had been stained black by blood.
The lock pick finally hit the ground.
"It's call "I Should Never Have Come Here." April stated as she continued to look at Rex coldly.
Rex lets out a bit of a sigh. "Nicely named... I was hoping to learn more about your process of convert angel parts to drugs..." Rex flips out a lock connected to his arm's chain, with a pre-drawn transmuation circle on it, from under his sleeve and presses it with his finger. In a red flash, the chain around his arm becomes a black broadsword, which he points at April's face. "I'd prefer not to have to come to blows with you, miss."
So it was one of those ole Mexican standoffs eh? The type where if one person moves both people die? That was just as well since April was hopped up on "Sangre D'angelo." It would allow her to take a high amount of damage before she even felt it and even longer for her to die since it gave her the ability to heal herself from regular weapons. Anything short of a divine weapon would have been like shooting her in the ass with a pellet gun.
However... she wasn't about to tip off the Angel on the other side of the door that she was outside his room trying to break in.
"What's in it for me?" She asked. If she showed him how, she might as well be asking him to break up her monopoly on the market in her dimension... let alone the new client base that she potentially had in all the other dimensions connected to the Pub.
Internally, Rex was relieved by her offer. The stench of blood surrounding the blade pointed at him was overwhelming. She obviously had eons of more fighting experience then he did, being able to not only kill one Angel, but many open many, based on the scent she gave off. A head-on fight was suicide, and he had just dodged a huge bullet.
Keeping a straight face and a calm hand, Rex answered flatly, "I'll keep my mouth shut about it. I'm merely curious as to how you do what you do. I don't have any intention in stepping in on your... clients. I only have an interest from a scientific standpoint." He stared straight into the hunter's deathly icy eyes.
The Ice Blue eyes stared at him. She paused for a moment and looked at the door where her prey was most likely asleep by now.
"He'll still be there. Might as well make a new contact while we're here." April thought to herself before she took a step back, moving the weapons away from each other's faces before sheathing the sword in the scabbard that she wore across her back.
"Fine." She said as she walked back down towards the Main Pub room, without a word to Rex, without motioning for him to follow and definitely without giving him her name. This was business to her. There were no names needed in business.
Rex paused a bit as he reverted his sword back into a chain. Then he spun around and walked toward the Main Room, a voice began to echo in his head. "Sir, please explain why you attempted to kill yourself... although you would have respawned here regardless."
The demon within his chain, Erina, seemed a bit pissed she'd been denied blood, but more so that her host nearly took both of them to the proverbial grave. As idiotic and lazy as her host can be, she tends not to say much, in hopes of not being infected by it. But she felt it necessary to say something now.
"All for the sake of knowledge, Eri..."
"Sir, I believe the saying 'Curiousity killed the cat' is required here."
Rex let out an audible groan. "I could REALLY do with out the lectures right now..."
April continued past the Pub's main room and into the Variable Environment Training Facility (VETF) or Training Room and waited for Rex to enter before locking the room to anyone else that was entering. A moment later, she was accessing the VETF's main console and disabling all the spectator cameras that were used to broadcast the room's happenings back into the Pub Central via PubTVTM.
Finally, she entered the a suitable situation into the the Scenario Editor and the room began pulsing as various platforms began forming and moving into place. If that was the end of it, one would have ended up with a simple training room but that's what the climate control and the holographic suite came in.
Suddenly they were standing outside of an old cathedral in what looked like New York City. The simulation was so lifelike, Rex could even feel the heat coming up from the manholes in the street, smell the Dirty Water Hotdogs being hawked by the vendor down the street and even feel a slight oceanic breeze that managed to make it into the interior of Manhattan.
April tossed Rex a pair of goggles before putting on a set of her own.
"Here you go. Put these Spec's on." She said as she activated a switch on her spectacles.
As Rex did the same, he noticed that perched on the Cathedral, where there used to be nothing but Gargoyles and masonry, hundreds of Angels congregated, watching the holographic pedestrians pass by.
"Now... kill one."
Rex's pupils dialated as April's words echoed in his head. "K... K-Kill... one...?" He began to be visibly shaken by this. Even if he wasn't all that religious, this still seemed wrong... not to mention impossible...
Suddenly, Erina's voice calmly, but loudly echoed in his head. She wasn't stunned at the number of angels themselves, but at the prospect of tasting angel's blood for the first time. Rex could hear the sound of her licking her lips. "You'll need to give me everything you've got in this transmutation, Rex. Any less... and you're dead even before they catch sight of you."
He bowed his head down for a brief period, but to him, it seemed like an eternity.
"...If I do this for you... will I come out of this alive...?" Instantly, Erina replies "No guarantees."
Rex turned to April. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to need you to cut me a bit." He holds his wrist out and struggles to fake a smile. "T-try not to kill me, eh?"
As N approaches Infinity
No sooner as Rex had uttered the words:
"...I'm going to need you to cut me a bit."
There was a slight breeze across his wrists and April appeared to be following through with a sword stroke. Coincidentally, the cuts on Rex's arms appeared to go parallel to the length of his forearms rather than across them... it would've been the right way if Rex was suicidal.
The cuts themselves weren't deep and would require no stitches or anything like that. They would heal in time without so much as a bandage used.
Now... when going up against an Angel, it always helps to be prepared. So April did something nice for Rex. She poured him a shot of "Sangre D'angelo." It wasn't the best she had... Cherub blood compared to the Archangel blood that she usually used.
Also... she tossed him a dagger. It wasn't much but it once belonged to an Angel and that made it a divine weapon.
"I'd hurry before they notice that you can see them."