Escape to the Movies: Transformers Revenge

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Fortesque:
SOUNDWAVE IS A FUCKING SATELLITE!!

WTF! Soundwave was the best character in the original series, He had the best voice, personally he looked the best and he turned into a fucking Boombox.
The fact they got rid of the scale-changing thing annoyed me the most. Megatron is suppost to be a fucking GUN, not a total retarded looking jet.

Actually Megatron is an alien jet to start with, then he becomes a gun, then he becomes a jet when he's Galvatron. So the movie is the Galvatron version of Megatron.

OH MY GOD I'M A HUGE NERD!

Hahaha, wow, he hated it. Almost impressively so.

I had been thinking about whether to go see Transformers---and I think I'll pass.

Are there any good movies in theaters right now?

Thyunda:
The robot designs are ugly? Oh, here's an argument for you: IT'S NOT G1!
Yeah, G1 was great and all, but if I wanted to watch it, I'd buy the DVDs. The moment somebody tries to make the robots look less human, and more alien, every damn fan stands up and starts to cry.
Seriously. That's just immature. I liked this movie's Wheelie. He didn't rhyme like a douchebag. And as for Skids and Mudflap, I thought I'd hate them. I didn't. I liked them.

And what's this about it all being the humans? I can't think of one scene that wasn't interrupted by an obnoxious robot.

I'm sorry, did you even see this movie or just read a Transfan forum and look at some pictures? Yeah, they made Devastator do nothing but dig a hole. What were you wanting him to do? Go on a destructive rampage? IN A DESERT?

Sunset..? Where'd you get that idea from? Ok, so the entire first film was set in the sunset. The opening scene to this is at night. The college scenes and the desert are in broad daylight. Though, oddly Shanghai was in daylight before NEST got there.

And I thought the fight scenes were pretty damn clear. The one featuring Optimus Prime and the three Decepticons? That was clear. I saw everything. Bumblebee versus Rampage and Ravage - That was also clear.

And as for Soundwave, what did you expect a communications specialist to do? He did what his G1 job was. Even had the same voice actor. But nope, because he didn't stomp around all blue and cassette player-like, he's bad.

Oh yeah. I noticed the little dig at the flames. "Optimus Prime has flames! What are we going to do?!"
Grow up. Seriously. Somebody paints flames onto a big truck, and you get all upset. G1 was great and all, but once again, if I wanted to watch it, I WOULD.

And finally - The human characters. How do you relate to a plot about giant robots? It's like trying to empathise with the bloody penguins from Happy Feet. They emoted and spoke, but they were just penguins, and I don't think anybody here gave a damn whether Mumble could sing or not, or whether his dancing was a talent or a stylish seizure.

As has been mentioned, this sounds like a review hating for the sake of hating. Go ahead, hug your G1 DVDs and figures, tell them it'll be alright. That they'll come back one day.

They're not going to. Otherwise they wouldn't be worth so much, would they, Afterburner? He's my only G1 figure. :(

Thank you for saying all the things I was thinking.

Seriously, what is with the hate for the Transformers movies? Especially the first one. Is it a masterwork piece of filmmaking that will be analysed in college film courses for the next 50 years? No. Was it a fun popcorn movie that had giant robots beating the shit out of giant robots? YES!

Besides, I would like to point out that the whole movie takes place on Earth. You know, the planet of 6.7 BILLION people and there were what, a couple dozen Transformers? OF COURSE THERE ARE GOING TO BE PEOPLE PRESENT IN THE FUCKING MOVIE. The whole point of view of the movies is the outsider's prospective, we the earthlings viewing an ancient civil war that has now dropped onto our collective heads. If you want Transformers without the humans go fucking watch Beast Wars (which I loved btw) and jerk off on Dinobot whining about honor and Megatron saying "Yeeeessssss".

This is the first review I've seen by you and I don't plan on seeing another.

I feel like making a thread reviewing MovieBob's incompetence as a reviewer.

I mean, Transformers 2 isn't exactly among the better films ever made and is probably not gonna change history but he's approaching this in the completely wrong way.

EDIT: Woop: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.121704

Nerf Ninja:

I was expecting large robots beating the shit out of each other, I got that.

And at that it's very good. It's just not Transformers. Michael Bay could have made that "Gobots", "Vectron", "Robotech" or "Batteries Not Included IV" and there would have been almost no difference.

Problem is that anyone who wanted/wished/dreamed of making an accurate Transformers movie now can't; and there's thousands of them who could have made a better film with a tenth of that budget.

When the Director gets talked about more than the actors or the main players, then you know something's fecked.

Hey Bob,
I actually liked the first Transformers movie because I thought the human characters would have been even worse; there was no plot whatsoever (wtf was with that cube thing and the human saving it? honestly, load of shit!) but I found that little guy quite funny. He's a pittyfull American, but it could have been much worse (like with X-men). And alle the actors are douchebags IRL, but so is John Travolta and I love his movies, so that's not really a reason to hate on it, and to be honest: if they would have stuck to the original robot designs, it would have sucked ass; there's no use modelling them like they're from the eighties when they are not. What I disliked most about their designs were their emotional faces; why would robots have eyebrows?

Allright thnx for the review, it was pretty good :) When you're raging, you do sound a bit like yahtzee, even though you've always had your own style if you ask me. Cheers.

this is so true. The more emotion that is involved in an argument (like a movie review), the less credible it seems. This is why i only watch Zero Punctuation and MovieBob today purely for entertainment value.

tremornz:
It seems to me this MovieBob guy is basically just trying to capitalise on Yahtzees idea of talking fast,giving strong arrogant opinions and using crazy metaphors.Unfortunately he hasn't quite caught on to the fact that his solely insulting take here gives the impression that he has no idea what hes talking about and makes him look like a massive douche.
For an example see this: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/awful_man_offers_witty_acerbic?utm_source=most_pop_dugg

Dude,moviebob...time you realised that yelling angrily at something gives you about as much credibility as some crazy hobo who does that all day long...leave it to yahtzee man

this is so true. The more emotion that is involved in an argument (like a movie review), the less credible it seems. This is why i only watch Zero Punctuation and MovieBob today purely for entertainment value.

Onmi:
IT is NOT good design, it is A. Impracticable design, B. UGLY design, C. IMPOSSIBLE Design

this is an example of GOOD mecha design

A. Forearms, ankles, and torso are absurdly disproportionate to the rest of it's body. Can't bend at the waist, move it's legs or arms, or hardly move at all. Given that Big O is more of super robot franchise these flaws are ignored and never really explained.
B. All a matter of opinion here.
C. See A.

Onmi:

If you can't tell me why the second design is bad, then you do not have the RIGHT to comment on mecha design!

AGAIN! JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT DOESN'T MAKE IT GOOD! IT JUST MEANS YOUR TASTE AND OPINION ABSOLUTELY SUCK!

And that's the bottom line.

A. The back attachments are pretty impractical, along with all of the spiky protrusions. Since mobile suits are generally meant to fight in space, the weight of it all is null. But at least it could move it's limbs.
B. Looks easier on the eyes than Big O in my opinion.
C. The gundam seems the slightest bit more possible than Big O. It's definitely more proportional and I can't recall megaduesses duking it out in space, so things are more lenient to the gundam.

Of course, you're pitting a "super" robot against a "real" robot, so your argument is pretty stupid in terms of functionality. Also pretty stupid in the regard you're flaming and telling people their "rights" you made up. Hell, the entire premise of this argument is stupid. It's fucking transformers. Kind of hard to adapt into anything other than where it came from and make it modern at the same time.

Lvl 64 Klutz:

Circus Ascendant:
Bit of a critique of a critique here...

Suddenly he's a fixture on the Escapist and he's TALKING MUCH FASTER. Now I like MovieBob a LOT, and I was just waiting for him to get a proper regular position, but still. He flashes up text while he's talking like Yahtzee does, except (very similar to Yahtzee's quicktime event rant here) when Yahtzee does it it's at least reasonable to read them as you're going. With the ones in this, I had to go back and pause it to actually read all of it. Yes it's funny stuff, but all that it served to do because it was on screen for such a painfully short time was serve to break up his review and make it more disjointed.

This whole thing has given me an idea... to the microphone!

But still. I quite enjoyed both the new Transformers movies, and I am a HUGE fan of the original source material. Considering who Michael Bay IS, I think we have got off exceptionally lightly.

Everything this poster said. The paragraphs of text appearing on screen for a second, and the complex images appearing on screen for a tenth of a second had me constantly pausing the video so that when you referenced an image or text, I could actually figure out *what* you were referencing.

Anyway, I haven't seen the movie, but I know he speaks the truth. When the freakin' trailer starts with Bumblebee being treated like a pet dog, and doing some stupid little dance, you know the movie isn't going to be good. Seriously, the first time my friend and I saw the trailer, we thought it was some kind of joke.

I agree, I liked his earlier ones, and agreed with the sentiment, but it was painful to watch, i didnt catch some of the things that flashed for less than a second, and i couldnt seem to move the bar back to the right spot to see it *sigh*

This review was so bad that it prompted me to actually register just so I could talk about it. I've been reading escapist for about a year and half so I'm not just coming out of nowhere when I say Moviebob is completely blinded by nerdy fanboy rage to allow anything to ever be changed. Just because someone takes a new perspective on a concept such as star trek or transformers doesnt automatically mean its bad. Moviebob is just so obsessed with all his nerddom that he is going to hate anything that doesnt follow the comic books and other garbage word for word. Nothing against comic books, but there is no way that reading a comic book about a robot battle could possibly be better than a movie battle with good special effects. I will give you that michael bay is an idiot at filming action scenes (kind of ironic considering thats his specialty) since he always manages to obscure a lot of the action with unnecessary additions. Nevertheless, this movie is much better than the first one, it has good action sequences, a story that can actually be followed which can only be regarded as a bonus, and a decent humor to it.

I propose this disclaimer to all of moviebob's reviews:

Moviebob is a whiny, complaining prick who fanboy rages over anything that reintroduces old comics and scifi, who also mistakes arrogance for wit and wishes he could copy yahtzee better (although he will deny that he is influenced by yahtzee). Most likely, moviebob makes fun of the "fratboy demographic" because they are the archetype of all those who had made fun of him as a kid, and this is his method of coping, making fun of them indirectly through biased reviews as they continue on with their lives unaware and uncaring toward moviebob's sad little outbursts.

Oh yeah, and he swears a lot because thats what the cool people do.

Oh. And about the video itself. I don't really care about the red background. Whatever. Personally I'd go with whatever makes pictures/text/renders stick out more. The over exaggerating was pretty meh (how much the view is obscured in action scenes, screen time for transformers; to a lesser extent that Transformers 2 is worse than anything Uwe Bole made). The end was hilarious.

And stop it with the images with text that last for less than a second! Seriously. I counted like 7 of them (lol yahtzee). >.<

O thank god I watched this video first. I was almost going to watch that movie. O yea and I saw Up, it was AWESOME!

Onmi:

Thyunda:

No, you simply don't like them. Stop trying to force your opinion onto other people. If you think the designs were bad, fine. Cry about them elsewhere. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Good god Thyunda would you please, Shut The Hell UP! IT is NOT good design, it is A. Impracticable design, B. UGLY design, C. IMPOSSIBLE Design, See you haven't yet told me how the design is good other than "Oh but I like it! you must just hate it" When I have gone on and on showing how the design is BAD.

Again for your fucking stupid mind to comprehend, this is an example of GOOD mecha design

image

This is an example of BAD mecha design

image

If you can't tell me why the second design is bad, then you do not have the RIGHT to comment on mecha design!

AGAIN! JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT DOESN'T MAKE IT GOOD! IT JUST MEANS YOUR TASTE AND OPINION ABSOLUTELY SUCK!

And that's the bottom line.

That first one is ugly as sin.

Blegh, talk about a whiny, ranty, fanboy piece of shit review. Christ, how much can one man whine before it is not considered a review?

It wasn't perfect, it wasn't great even but it was fun. Fighting robots are FUN. I did not like MoviBob before this, and I like him even less now. Do people even consider this a review? It was 5 minutes of,

"MICHEAL BAY SUX"

Save me some time and cut it down 4 min and 30 seconds.

MovieBob, you are the biggest fucking douchebag on the planet.

hI movie Bob, I admire ur courage in saying all these things, extreme at a lot of times but pretty accurate. Ill admit u have a really refreshing take on this movie. and ill admit ur right.

u are.

i wont dispute these things,

I knew these things going to see it, but i really didn't care so much, i enjoyed it a lot.

Just wanted to let u know i havent seen many of ur film reviews, appart from ur star trek one where u raised alot of perfectly valid points there also.

i will say its really funny extreme stuff, just like Ben Yahzee's reviews of games of the day,

perfectly valid and soild arguements and i will agree, to a point.

anyway, keep up the amazing work, must have taken alot of balls and creative talent to put this together.
All the best,

Alex from the London. Uk

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155700/?searchterm=michael%20bay
Skip to the michael bay part. I think everything he says happens in this film.

This isn't a review. This is someone flaming Michael Bay, you really should state that in the beginning. When I started watching, I thought I would get to see a review.

Onmi, I dont know anything about whats considered a good mech in comic book world, but the first design is far more impractical than the second from an engineering perspective. The upper arms and upper legs of that thing are way too small to ever support such massive structures and would break off if stressed. The second one has many spiky bullshit protrusions on it, but other than that, it might actually be practical.

And, thyunda is right, the first one is ugly as balls anyway.

I originally dismissed this as a fanboy gone mad, but after seeing the movie today, and not being a transformers fan myself, he certainly raises some very good points, especially with regards to the army.

Okay... let's take it from the top...
First of all, this really isn't a fanboy rant. It might sound like it from the volume of his anger, but fanboyism doesn't enter into it.
Then there's the claims of "This is just five minutes of OMG MICHAEL BAY SUX!" No. Bay doesn't even enter into it until the four-minute mark (and even then he doesn't focus solely on the man). Up till then it's a perfectly solid argument about why this is bad, and even when he's not directly talking about the movie he's talking about related topics (for example, talking about The Godfather when he's pointing out that the "it's a toy commercial" argument is wrong because you can make a good movie out of anything.)
Same thing to the claims of Yahtzee cloning- no. Yahtzee did not patent rage (nor rage-o-hol), and the similarities come from the fact that they're both constructing an argument while being very very angry about what that argument adds up to.
And Moviebob has constructed a very coherent argument about why the Transformers movie sucks.

Let's review:
1. The USELESS human cast. I don't pretend to be an expert on Transformers, not having seen more than two of the series (one being Armada), but he has a valid point here. Yes, you can have humans alongside the Transformers. But you let them take center stage and the movie becomes about them. In no other series, book, comic, you name it, have the humans been anything more than support role. Even in Armada, where they had a pretty big role, it was three kids working to help the Autobots. The plot never centered on them or their problems, it was always on the war with the Decepticons.
If it's not about the Transformers, then don't call it Transformers. Simple as that.
2. The robot designs look AWFUL. Seriously! I've only seen the first movie, but I've also seen the multiple pictures Moviebob put up to reinforce his point. The Fallen looks emaciated and just plain dumb, the Twins look outright stupid, and let's not forget the twisted... grey thing (I have no idea who the hell that was supposed to be.) I also hated the design for Megatron in the first movie. No. Purge it with fire. It was that bad. And the changes to Optimus didn't make me too happy either... or Moviebob, for that matter.
(Honestly, I'm more annoyed by the fact that he's not a fire truck than the fact that he's got flames. Seriously, a fire truck for Optimus makes sense. He's a hero who's fighting to save the people of both his planet and ours, putting his life on the line in the process. Hell, his backup plan in the first movie IS to sacrifice himself to stop the Decepticons. Having him be an 18-wheeler instead of a fire truck like in the cartoons (at least those I've seen) robs him of some really powerful symbolism.)
3. The plot... was what again? After you strip out the humans, what was there left? Something about the Decepticons trying to blow up the sun and robo-Satan returning to do... stuff. Yeah. Seriously, blowing up the sun? While you're still in its star system? Does that strike anyone else as a BAD idea?
4. MISUSE OF AWESOME THINGS. I can't stress this enough. If you have a guy the size of a ****ing pyramid, and he's evil, USE him. Have him BLOW **** UP. That's the only reason for the existence of something like Devastator- to be absolutely awesome and to wreck stuff.
And do not ever, EVER spend only a minute or two on the final battle. Build up to something and deliver on it, or don't have it there at all. Transformers SATAN is hanging around, there had better be an epic battle. Hell, even bit-villains in any good mecha show take longer than three minutes to finish off- and they only have half an hour to work with, whereas this thing had two hours.
There's more, of course, like the badly choreographed action scenes, but really... do I have to go on?

ColdStorage:

Fortesque:
SOUNDWAVE IS A FUCKING SATELLITE!!

WTF! Soundwave was the best character in the original series, He had the best voice, personally he looked the best and he turned into a fucking Boombox.
The fact they got rid of the scale-changing thing annoyed me the most. Megatron is suppost to be a fucking GUN, not a total retarded looking jet.

Actually Megatron is an alien jet to start with, then he becomes a gun, then he becomes a jet when he's Galvatron. So the movie is the Galvatron version of Megatron.

OH MY GOD I'M A HUGE NERD!

Wait, Megatron was supposed to be a jet? I've only ever seen him as a tank... then again, like I said I got into the Transformers franchise only recently... That's pretty neat, actually. I did not know that. I guess I can let that source of annoyance with the first movie go. Not that there aren't a lot of

Also, huge points to Moviebob for mentioning Voltron and making the most absurdly funny description of Batman ever. (Forgot to say that in my last post.)

Agree with him on Megan Fox. Seriously, she's not that hot. What does everyone see in her?
And the designs are a bit cluttered, but I'm not quite as bothered by that as moviebob is.
As for the human characters, here's my summary:
Military plays way too large a role. I do like the pentagon subplot in the first one, though.
Hacker shouldn't even be there.
And the teen drama can go fuck itself. Seriously, it's a movie about giant alien robots and (potential, if handled better) political intrigue, why the fuck would I care about yet another exaggeration of stereotyped teen life.

Pezzer:
Y'know, Movie bobs opinions are becoming less and less valued by me. EVERYONE I know liked the Transformers movie and I've been told that the second is even better.

Well it is OPINION after all. I personally think the Transformers movies were shit..the first was tolerable because it introduced the characters...but the fact is LIKE BOB SAID, the Transformers have a minimal part in their own movie, and some bullshit romance crap is thrown in and a bunch of other useless characters are as well...its fail imo

Thyunda:

Onmi:

Thyunda:

No, you simply don't like them. Stop trying to force your opinion onto other people. If you think the designs were bad, fine. Cry about them elsewhere. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Good god Thyunda would you please, Shut The Hell UP! IT is NOT good design, it is A. Impracticable design, B. UGLY design, C. IMPOSSIBLE Design, See you haven't yet told me how the design is good other than "Oh but I like it! you must just hate it" When I have gone on and on showing how the design is BAD.

Again for your fucking stupid mind to comprehend, this is an example of GOOD mecha design

image

This is an example of BAD mecha design

image

If you can't tell me why the second design is bad, then you do not have the RIGHT to comment on mecha design!

AGAIN! JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT DOESN'T MAKE IT GOOD! IT JUST MEANS YOUR TASTE AND OPINION ABSOLUTELY SUCK!

And that's the bottom line.

That first one is ugly as sin.

I'd tend to side with the second "bad" one myself. Also, ignore Onmi, he's just trying to pass off his opinion as fact.

A random person:
Agree with him on Megan Fox. Seriously, she's not that hot. What does everyone see in her?
And the designs are a bit cluttered, but I'm not quite as bothered by that as moviebob is.
As for the human characters, here's my summary:
Military plays way too large a role. I do like the pentagon subplot in the first one, though.
Hacker shouldn't even be there.
And the teen drama can go fuck itself. Seriously, it's a movie about giant alien robots and (potential, if handled better) political intrigue, why the fuck do I care about yet another exaggeration of stereotyped teen life.

Because sadly girls who pay to see this shit, like that kind of bull...although I agree with you 100%...2 much bullshit about the kid, it shouldn't be the fucking focus of the movie....

A random person:

Thyunda:

Onmi:

Thyunda:

No, you simply don't like them. Stop trying to force your opinion onto other people. If you think the designs were bad, fine. Cry about them elsewhere. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Good god Thyunda would you please, Shut The Hell UP! IT is NOT good design, it is A. Impracticable design, B. UGLY design, C. IMPOSSIBLE Design, See you haven't yet told me how the design is good other than "Oh but I like it! you must just hate it" When I have gone on and on showing how the design is BAD.

Again for your fucking stupid mind to comprehend, this is an example of GOOD mecha design

image

This is an example of BAD mecha design

image

If you can't tell me why the second design is bad, then you do not have the RIGHT to comment on mecha design!

AGAIN! JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT DOESN'T MAKE IT GOOD! IT JUST MEANS YOUR TASTE AND OPINION ABSOLUTELY SUCK!

And that's the bottom line.

That first one is ugly as sin.

I'd tend to side with the second "bad" one myself. Also, ignore Onmi, he's just trying to pass off his opinion as fact.

OMFG AGREED DUDE..did u know that Onmi tried to do the same thing by making remarks about everyone hating the PS3, and it has a massive hate base...and he couldn't fucking prove shit...he states it like fact yet doesn't produce evidence to make it fact!!!

I give u kudos sir

ColdStorage:

Fortesque:
SOUNDWAVE IS A FUCKING SATELLITE!!

WTF! Soundwave was the best character in the original series, He had the best voice, personally he looked the best and he turned into a fucking Boombox.
The fact they got rid of the scale-changing thing annoyed me the most. Megatron is suppost to be a fucking GUN, not a total retarded looking jet.

Actually Megatron is an alien jet to start with, then he becomes a gun, then he becomes a jet when he's Galvatron. So the movie is the Galvatron version of Megatron.

OH MY GOD I'M A HUGE NERD!

One of us, one of us!

ColdStorage:

Fortesque:
SOUNDWAVE IS A FUCKING SATELLITE!!

WTF! Soundwave was the best character in the original series, He had the best voice, personally he looked the best and he turned into a fucking Boombox.
The fact they got rid of the scale-changing thing annoyed me the most. Megatron is suppost to be a fucking GUN, not a total retarded looking jet.

Actually Megatron is an alien jet to start with, then he becomes a gun, then he becomes a jet when he's Galvatron. So the movie is the Galvatron version of Megatron.

OH MY GOD I'M A HUGE NERD!

Exactly what I was thinking :P

Although that's kool too know...I thought he was always a Jet until that whole Beast Machines thing lol

This may or may not have been said: 8 pages is tl;dr right now.

But: while this review was fun, it was too hurried. The visual jokes went by faster than they ought to have. With just a half-beat slower in the verbal pacing, this review could have accomplished both it's mockery and it's outrage, and done so without me having to stop and rewind the review 5x+ in order to both get the dialogue and see the joke.

In addition, more time, I felt, could've been spent on the cinematic flaws--however, given this reviewer's audience, (and as a Transformers fan myself) I can forgive that.

Um...also, the G1 version of Galvatron was kind of a giant tank. At least according to my memory, verified by linky.

/but no offense to anyone else! This is just how I recall it.

DRUNK_CANADIAN:

A random person:
Agree with him on Megan Fox. Seriously, she's not that hot. What does everyone see in her?
And the designs are a bit cluttered, but I'm not quite as bothered by that as moviebob is.
As for the human characters, here's my summary:
Military plays way too large a role. I do like the pentagon subplot in the first one, though.
Hacker shouldn't even be there.
And the teen drama can go fuck itself. Seriously, it's a movie about giant alien robots and (potential, if handled better) political intrigue, why the fuck do I care about yet another exaggeration of stereotyped teen life.

Because sadly girls who pay to see this shit, like that kind of bull...although I agree with you 100%...2 much bullshit about the kid, it shouldn't be the fucking focus of the movie....

I fail to get the appeal of teen dramas not just with the movie, but in general.
They just take annoying teen stereotypes (which I'm kinda here to fight, by the way), put them in stories about stereotypical teen things, and pump it full of so much excessive drama while/by giving the teens so much hormones that a real person would be killed at those levels.
/offtopic

Sorry for the rant, something that pisses me off.

As for Megan Fox, the blond military woman in the first film is hotter.

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