214: Sex and the Single Player

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Very enjoyable read, and you are one lucky gamer, great tips and moral, but what about us non-gaming journalist who are just fans of all things gaming and don't contribute to the community... Plus, I'm also interested in what you have to say about getting into gaming journalism, all in all a very truthful memoir

Wow, this makes me realize how lucky I am to have a boyfriend who is interested in the same types of games as I am, and understands completely when all I want to do is get to the end of the story, or one more level, or whatever. He also enjoys watching me play some of my games, like Final Fantasy XII, which makes for nice chilling and cuddling time while I stab bunnies in the face. He also understands something like "I want to go home and play more Fallout" and in fact responds with "That's okay, I'm almost done with Mass Effect anyway."

I think having similar tastes and interests/hobbies is an important part of any potential relationship anyway; gaming is no exception to that.

Like said the many before me, you beat life Mr. Pitts.

And like in most RPG, now all you can do is enjoy your spoils and help the newbies along the way. Maybe tell them to ingore the other stats and invest in luck.

; )

riskroWe:
What about those of us who are both musicians and gamers?
Do we have to choose? :(

As a musician/gamer who's dated both musicians and gamers, I'd like to present my anecdotal evidence:

Every musician I've ever dated has been batshit crazy. Sometimes it takes awhile for me to realize this, and sometimes it's beyond obvious, and I've just forgotten that batshit crazy has it's downsides.

I'm not saying that all musician girls are batshit crazy mind you. I'm just strongly implying it.

Fraser.J.A:
Haha, I see nobody tells the editor to stick to the word limit! :P

Damn right. /fingergun

RogueRunner:
But what about us non-gaming journalist who are just fans of all things gaming and don't contribute to the community... Plus, I'm also interested in what you have to say about getting into gaming journalism

I honestly wish I remembered what I had to say about getting into game journalism :) Probably something along the lines of "if you want to be a journalist, study journalism" or something. Probably also something to the effect of "follow your dreams" because frankly, that's what I did.

I was actually having this conversation with my boss today. I literally gave up everything in my life in order to take this job, three years ago, just because this job was the only thing I really wanted to do. It was a gamble but I can't complain about the results so far.

The important thing though is this is not my first career. Not even my third, actually. I've been around long enough to know what I can and can't do, and what will make me happy.

That was a very nice read, and I'm glad I read it.

I'm gonna need all the advice I can get.

Way to go! More power to you! The rest of us can only hope to join you in that.

Awww, Russ what a cute story! I met my boyfriend at a game convention as well. Maybe if I'm lucky we'll get married. :-)

I'd happily bet the two Russian women were trannies and your friend said the only thing he could.

Doesn't seem grim at all, it's really entertaining :) what a great story

I think it's really encouraging, frankly. Gamers are one of the only groups of people that quite adamantly gets told to stop being who they are, and finding love within that world is reaffirming from a perspective of identity, really. Way to be :)

Michael_McCloud:

HardRockSamurai:
Considering the fact that male gamers outnumber female gamers ten to one, actually managing to marry one must be some kind of achievement.

Achievement Unlocked: She's Actually In This Castle (10,000)
Marry a female gamer.

Rofl well done

Great read. It's these stories that inspire me to look for a girlfriend who's into games. It could happen >.>

This was an enjoyable article to read.

Though I have to mention as a gamer who is a musician, the vast majority of musicians I meet are gamers as well. Fortunately they're also usually guys.

....... OOOH, THE ENVI...

my wife hates my games...

now you made me cry...

dochmbi:
Well, if you don't want a relationship with someone who will constantly demand things of you and hold you to a high standard, you need to find someone who has a low sexual economic market value, i.e. a fat and ugly person, which is exactly what my strategy is. Makes sense to me cause I'm a low-value male myself and I wouldn't have the purchasing power to go for something better.

Or you could try not using economics as a basis for a relationship. People generally don't like to think of themselves as commodities to be bought and sold. And additionally don't like people who interested in dating them to think that they are ugly.

In other news: Awesome article. Relationships often occur because of chance events, and weird coincidences-- good relationships even more so. I'm glad you found someone who understands you, because that's the best basis for a relationship.

ryuutchi:

dochmbi:
Well, if you don't want a relationship with someone who will constantly demand things of you and hold you to a high standard, you need to find someone who has a low sexual economic market value, i.e. a fat and ugly person, which is exactly what my strategy is. Makes sense to me cause I'm a low-value male myself and I wouldn't have the purchasing power to go for something better.

Or you could try not using economics as a basis for a relationship. People generally don't like to think of themselves as commodities to be bought and sold. And additionally don't like people who interested in dating them to think that they are ugly.

In other news: Awesome article. Relationships often occur because of chance events, and weird coincidences-- good relationships even more so. I'm glad you found someone who understands you, because that's the best basis for a relationship.

http://www.csom.umn.edu/Assets/71503.pdf

A heterosexual community can be analyzed as a marketplace in which men seek to acquire sex from women by offering other resources in exchange. Societies will therefore define gender roles as if women are sellers and men buyers of sex. Societies will endow female sexuality, but not male sexuality, with value (as in virginity, fidelity, chastity). The sexual activities of different couples are loosely interrelated by a market-place, instead of being fully separate or private, and each couple's decisions may be influenced by market conditions. Economic principles suggest that the price of sex will depend on supply and demand, competition among sellers, variations in product, collusion among sellers, and other factors. Research findings show gender asymmetries (reflecting the complementary economic roles) in prostitution, courtship, infidelity and divorce, female competition, the sexual revolution and changing norms, unequal status between partners, cultural suppression of female sexuality, abusive relationships, rape, and sexual attitudes.

HardRockSamurai:
A few things popped into my mind when I began to read this article. The first was "Five pages? Jesus Christ!". As I kept reading, the second thought emerged; "Dude, this is the most depressing sexual memoir I've ever read."

Admittedly, the first three or so pages are pretty grim, but I'm glad it finished up with a happy ending. Considering the fact that male gamers outnumber female gamers ten to one, actually managing to marry one must be some kind of achievement.

I found ending depressing too, because for me, I'll never be famous enough to pull that off, and on top of that, finding a gamer convention over here (the UK) is pretty damn hard.

So, all you got to do is work for a company that involves games, and then gamers chicks will flock to you? Ahh now I get it, nice work!

This could be expanded into a romantic comedy...only if it were a romantic comedy it would be funny.

Nice job man, I'm trying to score with a video game playing girl but my idea of games needing to have more than sexually confused teenage boys fighting against sexually confused twenty year old men seem to go over her head.

dochmbi:

http://www.csom.umn.edu/Assets/71503.pdf

A heterosexual community can be analyzed as a marketplace in which men seek to acquire sex from women by offering other resources in exchange. Societies will therefore define gender roles as if women are sellers and men buyers of sex. Societies will endow female sexuality, but not male sexuality, with value (as in virginity, fidelity, chastity). The sexual activities of different couples are loosely interrelated by a market-place, instead of being fully separate or private, and each couple's decisions may be influenced by market conditions. Economic principles suggest that the price of sex will depend on supply and demand, competition among sellers, variations in product, collusion among sellers, and other factors. Research findings show gender asymmetries (reflecting the complementary economic roles) in prostitution, courtship, infidelity and divorce, female competition, the sexual revolution and changing norms, unequal status between partners, cultural suppression of female sexuality, abusive relationships, rape, and sexual attitudes.

Just because you can, and just because some researchers have, doesn't mean you should or that any person you want to date will be appreciative of being considered of "low value". See, there's this thing called "respect", that most people really like their prospective partner to have for them...

Also, LOL thinks that a "low value" woman wouldn't demand things or hold you to a high standard-- you do know how relationships work, right? A partner asks things of you, and holds you to exactly the standard that s/he wants to hold. Possibly she won't hold you to Chris Pine's physical standard but there are other things to expect of your SO.

First, aparently even e-mail travels slow from the Land Down Under. I registered specifically for this thread and the confirmation mail arrived like ten hours later.

Secondly, the reason why I signed up was to ask this - man, why do you gotta tease like that? You know that a gamer girlfriend is the dream companion of every nerd^H^H^H^Hfellow gaming enthusiast. Not that I have something against the article, it's a good read, but that was a blow below the waist mate...

Third, The Escapist is apparently huge in Australia. I mean, like Metallica huge. I too work for a tech website (albeit in a small Eastern European country you probably haven't heard about) and the best I can hope for is to be admitted on the "real" journalists table at the reception after an expo. Being approached by women though, because of the job? Never.

Or: If a woman would like to marry a gamer, she'd better start gaming too. [1]

Cilliandrew:
Hmm....i'm surprised i'm the only one with THIS outlook: I could never EVER live with a woman who was into gaming like i am.

I don't know what it is.. Something about the personality of the female gamers i've exerienced. I find they just completely rub me the wrong way. Alot of the female gamers i've met are gaming simply because it's a new way for them to try to find the attention in the virtual world that they aren't getting in the real world, imo, and it annoys the heck out of me.

Case in point: i'm playing WoW. I group up with a priest. We do a couple of quests together chatting all the way. Suddenly the priest announces "i'm a chick, ya know." I'm like: okay great! She posts a link to a pic of her. I say "oh, gee, thanks!" She asks "so what do you think? Am i cute?" At this point i'm thinking is she hitting on me? Is this a dude pretending to be a chick? What?

So i say "yeah, sure, you're cute." and she says "well, i'm married."

So i'm like "uh...congratulations?" Seriously, was that really necessary? Fish for attention much? I've played with a couple of people claiming to be lady-gamers who were like that.

I find that personality incredibly annoying. And i tried dating a couple of women into gaming because i subscribed to the whole "find someone who is into the same stuff you are" thing, and all those relationships ended very poorly.

I married a girly-girl who was a non-gamer (outside of the occassional Dr. Mario/Tetris binge) and i truly couldn't be happier.

Yes i had to curtail the gaming JUST a tad (mondays, wednesdays and saturdays are the evenings i devote to gaming), but overall i can't complain. At least it insures that i do have something in my life that i can do JUST for me.

Not to say that i haven't come across a couple of lady-gamers who weren't pretty cool. But they are a substantial minority.

This is essentially my experiance with female gamers verbatum. Most of the time you can see them trying to play 150 guys at the same time, convicing each one to buy her the latest epic she needs.

I'm very happily married to a non-gamer.

On how you met your wife though, it's amazing what little coincidences that life brings about that can change your entire life.

I can agree on the point of needing to date a fellow gamer. My last boyfriend was only somewhat into video games and he even kept a few systems in his room. But he always thought I loved video games more than him. He actually said that. And although he never said that as a reason for us (mutually) breaking up, I know it had to be at least partially due to my gaming. He barely ever wanted to use his 360 and would only touch it at my insistence. How lame is that?

I agree with the sentiment

Sadly, it's not just finding a gamer, but finding the right type of gamer aswell.

Just as I'm ready to give up on humanity, something like this happens and that little shining light of hope just comes back into reach. Maybe the future isn't as bleak as I think it will be?

Well here's to hope... and maybe, just maybe... the best shot in a lifetime.

Hmm. Playing nothing but PopCap counts as gaming... right?

wait so he decided to play fallout instead of having sex... dude what kind of dip tard would do that.

Russ is right, gamers should marry gamers. I ended up marrying the girl I met on World of Warcraft and couldn't be happier. I wrote about it here.

Well, anything that you are really into, it is best to find someone also into it.
Ofcourse, expect fights over such interests too. My boyfriend and I had a argument earlier today...about the PS3 vs the 360.

sneak_copter:
Hmm. Playing nothing but PopCap counts as gaming... right?

I believe Popcap falls into the category "soft drugs".

Cilliandrew:
Hmm....i'm surprised i'm the only one with THIS outlook: I could never EVER live with a woman who was into gaming like i am.

I don't know what it is.. Something about the personality of the female gamers i've experienced. I find they just completely rub me the wrong way. Alot of the female gamers i've met are gaming simply because it's a new way for them to try to find the attention in the virtual world that they aren't getting in the real world, imo, and it annoys the heck out of me.

Back when being a gamer meant playing D&D, (late 80s, early 90s), I had a name for these women - "Gamer Princess". With a 20 or 30 to 1 ratio of men to women, and with at least half of those men having pretty minimal social skills, the kind of women that would subject themselves to the snakepit of sweaty, awkward, "I'm paying attention to you but I don't want to look like I'm paying attention to you" socializing tended to have, as you say, "issues."

As tough as it is finding a gamer girl today, you kids should thank your lucky stars you weren't trying to make a go of it then. The internet may have existed, but the "web" didn't; computer gaming meant sitting in front of your TV or computer alone in your house, and the only face-to-face time you got with other gamers was over a table of dice or hanging out at the local wargaming shop. Don't get me wrong - I loved playing RPGs, but Howard Stern was right when he said that every hour you play D&D delays your loss of virginity by 1 week.

Me? I ended up marrying a wonderful woman who likes the occasional boardgame or Popcap game, but also understands that gaming is my hobby. Instead of trying to find that dream gamer girl, I'd suggest just expanding your net a bit, but make it clear that gaming is "that thing you do." For thousands of years, men and women have understood that their partners will have pastimes that are for them alone, whether it's fishing, bowling, knitting or reading romance novels. At least with gaming, you have the advantage of being able to squeeze it into all those spare moments - don't abuse the privilege.

I married a gamer and it does work out well that way.

I don't bother her when she monopolizes the computer every time a Sims expansion comes out and she doesn't bother me when a new GTA comes out and I'm glued to the tv. The only point of contention is when there's a single player game we both want to play like Fallout 3 but most of them are fun to watch too so it doesn't become a problem.

Plazmatic:
wait so he decided to play fallout instead of having sex... dude what kind of dip tard would do that.

Dude ... Fallout was a good game ...

Hopefully, as the non-casual female gamer audience rises, the next-gen geeks will have better luck in love... Meantime, I guess those looking for gamer love should try geek-centric dating sites. They certainly are making it easier. What I really really want to know is, where do female gamers meet other female gamers for friendship? I'm *SO* tired of having only male friends. Guys are nice, but they can't braid hair worth a damn, and as much as I love slaying slavers in Fallout 3 and jumping on 16-bit Goombas, I have paroxysms of girlie-ness every so often that can only be quashed by mutually hating the Imagine series of DS games and gabbing about how ridiculous Ninja Gaiden boobs are. And for that, I need to hang with a fellow gal who isn't into gaming just to hang with guys and get attention. And THAT, my fellow forum-posters, is the hardest-to-obtain easter egg of geekdom - being a female gamer and having female gamer friends.

you dont need to marry a gamer though that would be a plus you just need to find a woman thats as addicted to her interest as you are to yours like a anime addict you could even game while you watch or a avid book reader preferably scifi/fantasy so you can read the books too

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