Zero Punctuation: Splinter Cell: Conviction

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Heh, I liked the comparison between ape & the US, made me chuckle!

The review sounds about right too... One of the Many reasons I never liked the splinter cell games

While the game CAN be fun , all you said here is correct.

For how much hype there was behind this game it isn't all that surprising it was bad. I also don't like games where you don't do the shooting yourself so I'll be passing on this one.

Haha good TMNT joke! xD

ooooh taking a stab at the monteralers smooth yahtzee
but they are trying to better than the french soo ya

anywho good review
and you can't go wrong with a TMNT joke with splinter

He was wrong about the plot. Pretty much I lost all interest in what he had to say after that.

The Christmas tree at the end was epically lolzy

Love vid still awsome and funny even after years

Favorite part, "Nice Horsey."

I"m sure we'll have some people along here fairly shortly complaining that they can't tell if he liked the game or not, when I'm pretty sure the only compliment he gave the game during the entire review was how he liked how you could hold down a button to stay in cover.

nice vid, though i wanna see one where he reaaally likes a game, then again that may be scary.

mogwoooooorld

Vault boy Eddie:

tburke0:
If you just ban everyone who posts in the first 5 minutes of the thread, why not just lock the thread for 5 minutes?

Because they are hoping people aren't gonna be DICKS! But small flaw with that, this is the internet. DICKS that make a new account to troll a forum will always exist, you know, cause they're DICKS!

It's a legitimate question... I've lurked around here for a while. I've seen some posts "HURR DURR I AM FIRSTANDBEST" that deserve to get yoinked...

But there are others that were right in line with other posts.. "I liked this review and that part where etc etc was funny..." they get pulled (or worse) for being posted too early. Maybe they hit the site right at noon eastern and skipped the credits?

All I'm asking is, if there's a rule that all posts before 12:05 are pulled, why not lock the thread? And yes, I waited until I could post in the first 5 minutes on a Wednesday to make my point... hurr durr...

hooray for shameless plugs. Also don't forget that your limey country was beaten (and saved) by that smelly ape XD

(btw it was a joke so chill)

It seems like we're stuck trying to make supposedly hyper-competent characters do their hyper-competent thing without taking all autonomy away from the player.

The things Sam Fisher does seem like things a very good marksman who's shooting at people who don't know he's there ought to be able to do; it's just that it's hard to make him do those things within the usual limited field of vision offered by most video games, and harder to make him do them while twiddling a crosshair with a thumbstick.

So we have the annoyances of auto-aim, or the annoyances of manual-aim, and now- yippee!- we have a whole new category of annoyances.

Loved "...that viciously savages you every time you try to give it free health care", by the way.

I have to agree with everything Yahtzee said about this game. The splinter cell series can suck my rancid, hairy, sweaty, salty, man balls. I do NOT want my hand held thank-you very fucking much. Change the game-play to something more like Thief or Hitman series and I'd give it a go. Other than that it can sit in a pool of my own urine. Cause I've just PISSED ALL OVER IT!

I think this episode was more professional than most of your episodes.
I like how you kept a step back and said "I don't know why I don't like Splinter Cell" suggesting that the gameplay in itself might not be so horrible. And the rest of your arguments were fairly sound in my opinion.

I liked this one and not by its humor.

Is it just me or does anyone who watches these reviews decide instantly they will never play the games...haha ty Y!

The enemy AI must have been dropped on its head as a subroutine

Had to pause the episode at that one. Hilarious.

<requisite defense of my home town>

Actually... upon looking out my own window, I can definitely see where they got that impression...

well, that pretty much wrapped my experience with the game.

man, splinter cell is a rollercoaster, and not necessary a good one. The first i had to beg for from my mom because i was 15 and it had a 16+ label here in germany. then i showed her that you can get around and get points by NOT murdering everybody you saw. yay for Splinter Cell 1.

then SC:PT came out, i gleefully bought it, and it felt like Splinter Cell: The Lost Levels. mediocre, but fun.... on we go. *timewarp*

Holy shit, SC:CT is fuuun :D story was, well, your usual mix, but gameplay felt like the best in the series (for me) and the coop was hilariously fun, especially switching on the light when your mate tried to knock out a guard. ah, the memories.

Double Agent then. Stepped more in the direction that Conviction is going for, Sam (Fisher) gets brutal, Sam (me) gets less fun stealthing around.

And now conviction, it's like bayonetta visits Arkham Asylum. Nicely choreographed, but lacking essence. BUT i have to say, i've spent money on worse recently (guess who got a nice copy of C&C4 dusting around xD)

Anyway, i hope they don't beat this dead horse anymore. I can totally see some RPG-slash-stealthy-RTS a la commandos coming. "with continuous experience points using the beloved AC2 system!" *shudders*

The America analogy was pure gold.

I loved the Montreal joke, but I didn't mind this SC game...maybe it's because I rented it...

Hmmm a book by Yahtzee, you say? Sounds interesting.

That was awesome, the game is awesome too, im just not satisfyed that you didnt mention the co-op story mode what is a huge part of the game and is quite clever and amusing

I wonder if it would be any better if Andy McNab had a go at writing a game. Just a thought.

You know what I want to see? A sandbox game with gameplay like what Thief had. That would be awesome.

Actually the boss of Third Echelon doesn't want to become president.

Apart form that good review. I didn't agree with everything but as funny as I've come to expect.

man the start was fucking hilarious

standokan:
nice vid, though i wanna see one where he reaaally likes a game, then again that may be scary.

mogwoooooorld

Go back and watch the episode for Fallout 3. Or very early on, Psychonauts. There are games that he enjoys.

Opening with a TMNT reference? Didn't see that one coming!

Wait, you've gone through the whitehouse many times in video games and nobody's kicked up a fuss (as far as I'm aware, at least), yet as soon as a humble church gets involved in a virtual firefight, the Christians roll out the "Videogames are teh sacrelige" banners?
I guess Obama really is the only level-headed person left in America, then.

Also, I'd say the reason America is always being taken over in fiction is because they're so in love with themselves that they think everyone wants a piece because they are equally in love. Of course, this game being made in Canada kinda derails that idea a bit.

Great review.

Hitman is the best stealth game series!

Wait, you think pressing B for a melee kill isn't interactive enough? How the hell would that work? This isn't the Wii Yahtzee, we use BUTTONS.

This is one of the first ZP's I don't agree with, but I'll grant that there is literally no reason to ever use a non silence weapon, but I think Mark & Execute is genius, it gives the player an incentive to actually use melee stealth kills, rather than in most games where you have the option, but nobody ever uses it unless the whole sequence is set up for them to kill that person by stealth-melee, like in Battlefield Bad Company 2.

The game has flaws, the enemies constantly telegraphed their position and the context sensitive controls were annoying, but you know what? It's a LOT of fun to play, and it really makes you feel like a badass, isn't that what games are ultimately about? I thought Yahtzee would appreciate the amount of fun this game offers even though there are flaws, considering how much he likes Saints Row 2.

I'm starting to realize that Yahtzee really has a soft spot for sandbox games.

Wonderful review. I've actually always been a fan of SC, but this game was... disappointing. It was basically an over the shoulder shooter with some "if you feel like it" stealth. Lame.

Its weird he thinks that "fusing all organic matter with the walls" should be a last resort, when thats what he wants in a FPS.

Another Brilliant installment Mr. Yahtzee.

"All Clear. Aaall Clear" loved that bit.

Wow Yahtzee, you're really cool shamelessly bashing the country that most of your viewers are from. It doesn't help that the people from here pay you to make these videos too. And then you actually have the balls to flash an advertisement of your book at the end.

We get it. You don't like America. You don't have to keep repeating it to all of your viewers in every video you make. Keep your political bias out of your videos. All it does is alienate viewers.

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