Zero Punctuation: E3 2012

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Wonderbook is the only thing I'm looking forward to this year.

Huh. Yahtzee seemed to forget that guns and giant monsters have always been a part of the Deadspace franchise. The ending to Deadspace 1 felt like something out of monster hunter.

orangeapples:
Wait... Master Chief in a new hat? I must get a 360....

And now we do need a game in which you stab people in the throat with sideburns.

This new hat malarkey does sound very exciting, I wonder what type of hat? I think he'd look good with a bowler myself.

I Have No Idea:

coldshadow:
waaaahhhhh the teaser trailers didn't have gameplay! yet there was still plenty of gameplay videos for dishonored and the new assassins creed and halo. obviously someone just skimmed E3 this year.

Welcome to Zero Punctuation? There's only so many things he can cram into a three minutes video, even if he talks like a squirrel hyped up on caffeine.

which would be fine but if his complaint is that there was no gameplay but yet there was then wtf is he doing?

I can tell you what Dishonored is. It's steampunk Bioshock. With knives.

Also this British killing thing with AC3 is getting on my nerves too. It's not that I'm British and boo-hoo they keep killing us! No, it's the fact that Ubisoft promises the game isn't just pandering to Americans and enemies are on both sides of the war, yet all we have seen is the guy killing British soldiers... And his monologuing sounds like your average patriotic American rhetoric about freedom and blah blah blah. Yeah that doesn't sound like it's not taking sides at all. I'm trying to reserve judgement about the game but it still bothers me.

I thought the quality of his videos had diminished recently but I am happy to say that this one was top notch.

If Master Chief wore a top hat in Halo 4 and Hitman redid the nunsassin trailer with burly men, I would buy both games on day 1.

You know, this just occured to me, but it seems odd to hear Yahtzee complain about the "clusterfuck," as he calls it, that is the multiplayer of New Super Mario Bros.Wii considering how much he loves Schadenfreude, you'd think fucking over his friends in that game would really suit him. *shug* Although I do have to admit that the addition of the 5th player that just draws platforms does sound like a dumb idea on paper.

Um... It sounds like you just missed quite a few gameplay trailers. At least two that I know of, Halo 4 and Assassins Creed 3.

I like that everyone really enjoyed the Watch Dogs presentation. It might give the developers this crazy idea that people actually like new IP with fantastic gameplay presentations. What a novel concept that would be if it ever caught on.

Steve the Pocket:

TJC:
I'm quite disappointed that Yahtzee did an E3 video this year (hoped he'd push that onto Extra Punctuation like yesteryear) because there was NOTHING worth talking about. I was hoping to see one obscure title no one cares about but turned out to be awesome.

I know. I was especially annoyed that he started actually soapboxing about how we should stop getting all excited by the stuff that was presented at E3. Who exactly did he think needed to be told? I certainly don't know anyone who got excited about E3 this year. It's like going up to a kid who's quietly sitting in his room reading and angrily telling him to stop jumping on the bed.

Besides, E3 having been two whole weeks ago, the video feels late more than anything else. And not late like a review of a game that came out two weeks ago, because games still exist and can be bought long after they're released. Add to that my hope that he'd be reviewing Lollipop Chainsaw this week and it's just disappointment all around.

I guess the real message here is to not get too excited about Zero Punctuation, eh? ;)

It's late because he does videos in advance. Nothing to complain about there. Or are we jumping on the "Yahtzee sucks" hipster bandwagon?

Quite a lot of toilet puns and references this week Yahtzee... Did you script this while needing a piss?

That was enjoyable. And I was surprised to find that I actually agreed with Yahtzee about a lot of those games.

BBMv12:
I can't be the only one whose surprised he didn't mention The Last of Us or Beyond?

What is there to mention?

He'd probably (accurately) describe them as "Uncharted Reskin" and "Heavy Rain 2, starring Ellen Page".

malestrithe:
Wonderbook is the only thing I'm looking forward to this year.

OH GOD.

I really do hope you're kidding. Otherwise, I am morally obligated to end you. Wonderbook is perhaps the most gimmicky of gimmicks ever made, and I never again want to hear bitching about how "the Wii is a gimmick" now that Wonderbook exists!

What the everloving hell is sexualized about Lara's sufferring in Tomb Raider?

Seriously, this idea just makes absolutely no sense to me.

Michael Ellis:
What the everloving hell is sexualized about Lara's sufferring in Tomb Raider?

Seriously, this idea just makes absolutely no sense to me.

She is being deliberately harrased to make us white knights care about her. I wonder why would anyone think such a thing.

Gotta agree with yathzee about watch dogs. I wonder if it can be qualified as sci-fi?

CriticKitten:
That was enjoyable. And I was surprised to find that I actually agreed with Yahtzee about a lot of those games.

BBMv12:
I can't be the only one whose surprised he didn't mention The Last of Us or Beyond?

What is there to mention?

He'd probably (accurately) describe them as "Uncharted Reskin" and "Heavy Rain 2, starring Ellen Page".

Except that it's not Ellen Page and I don't remember the part of Heavy Rain that took place well over 15+ years after a zombie apocalypse. unless...

Scrustle:
I can tell you what Dishonored is. It's steampunk Bioshock. With knives.

Also this British killing thing with AC3 is getting on my nerves too. It's not that I'm British and boo-hoo they keep killing us! No, it's the fact that Ubisoft promises the game isn't just pandering to Americans and enemies are on both sides of the war, yet all we have seen is the guy killing British soldiers... And his monologuing sounds like your average patriotic American rhetoric about freedom and blah blah blah. Yeah that doesn't sound like it's not taking sides at all. I'm trying to reserve judgement about the game but it still bothers me.

I agree. I am totally cool with killing British people, but what we have seen shows Connor just fighting redcoats.

One of my favourite aspects of AC1 was that you are fighting your own secret war, within the Crusaders vs. Saracens conflict and killing prominent members of both groups. It expanded what could have been a goodies vs. baddies concept into something more nuanced and real.

That's a fine line we haven't seen displayed at all in these trailers. Back to goodies and baddies I suppose :(

bafrali:
She is being deliberately harrased to make us white knights care about her.

Wow, that's so inaccurate it's not even funny. And what, caring about a character suddenly became a perversion overnight while I was sleeping?

Am I the only one to notice that Watch Dogs includes 2 of Yahtzee's pet-peeves? Namely, cover-based shooting (albiet, using cars rather than waist-high walls, but we only saw 10 minutes of the game) and pre-baked finishing moves.

I was impressed with the demo, it looks like it could have some depth and complexity to it, just sayin'. CBS and PBFM. QED OMG BBQ

ace_of_something:

CriticKitten:
That was enjoyable. And I was surprised to find that I actually agreed with Yahtzee about a lot of those games.

BBMv12:
I can't be the only one whose surprised he didn't mention The Last of Us or Beyond?

What is there to mention?

He'd probably (accurately) describe them as "Uncharted Reskin" and "Heavy Rain 2, starring Ellen Page".

Except that it's not Ellen Page and I don't remember the part of Heavy Rain that took place well over 15+ years after a zombie apocalypse. unless...

That comment refers to Beyond, Quantic Dream's new game which does star Ellen Page.

ace_of_something:

CriticKitten:
That was enjoyable. And I was surprised to find that I actually agreed with Yahtzee about a lot of those games.

BBMv12:
I can't be the only one whose surprised he didn't mention The Last of Us or Beyond?

What is there to mention?

He'd probably (accurately) describe them as "Uncharted Reskin" and "Heavy Rain 2, starring Ellen Page".

Except that it's not Ellen Page and I don't remember the part of Heavy Rain that took place well over 15+ years after a zombie apocalypse. unless...

It's hard to read tone through the internet.

So I'm just going to assume you're kidding because that makes my head hurt less.

I, for once, liked this E3 more than the previous ones (especially Sony), mostly because they didn't spent 1 hour each trying to sell me on a piece of hardware that is going to cost a gazillion dollars and won't get any decent games until a couple years down the line. Instead, they mostly showed games... games that I will be able to play... in the near future.

I know Sony has the Vita, Microsoft has the smart glass and Nintendo has the Wii U, but the less they spent talking about them, the better. I just skipped most of the conferences mentioning them because I don't have them, I have no intention of buying them in the near future and therefore had little interest in that PR side of things.

Redingold:

ace_of_something:

CriticKitten:
That was enjoyable. And I was surprised to find that I actually agreed with Yahtzee about a lot of those games.

What is there to mention?

He'd probably (accurately) describe them as "Uncharted Reskin" and "Heavy Rain 2, starring Ellen Page".

Except that it's not Ellen Page and I don't remember the part of Heavy Rain that took place well over 15+ years after a zombie apocalypse. unless...

That comment refers to Beyond, Quantic Dream's new game which does star Ellen Page.

ahh got them mixed up.

CriticKitten:

malestrithe:
Wonderbook is the only thing I'm looking forward to this year.

OH GOD.

I really do hope you're kidding. Otherwise, I am morally obligated to end you. Wonderbook is perhaps the most gimmicky of gimmicks ever made, and I never again want to hear bitching about how "the Wii is a gimmick" now that Wonderbook exists!

Why do you want to end me? Is it because gaming has become more diverse and you can't stand that?

I don't care how you feel about this. I think Wonderbook has far more potential outside of gaming that BloodGunn 23 ever would.

oh wow yahtzee doesn't like motions controls and harps on the wii for half the video. How bland and predictable and about as helpful as E3 is itself. for the bad taste at and media disgust with E3 this year the best he can do is bad mouth the wii U.

Yahtzee they stopped making games core gamers (unless you keeping counting mario you ponce) like you asked. so write it off like you said you would and lets move on. it stopped being funny around wii sports resort and if the game is for a nintendo product i don't even watch zero punctuation anymore. the Wii U, yes it's going to suck in your opinion yahtzee we got that back in 2008. thanks.

Yeah i'm a fanboy what of it? i'm not going to defend nintendo for making more mario games. they sell they're a business. I'm don't hold EA in contempt for making madden 20XX every year. i'm mad at the people who keep buying them. and the fact that mario is more than a roster update every year is enough to make it better than madden. the Wii and buy extension the Wii U, is a family console. Casual and family friendly games. super mario bros wii isn't met to be played by four friends who'd rather be sitting at home drinking mountain dew and jittering through another round of MW3. It's a game for a family of four looking to do something together on a rainy day. lets move past that.

malestrithe:
Why do you want to end me? Is it because gaming has become more diverse and you can't stand that?

I don't care how you feel about this. I think Wonderbook has far more potential outside of gaming that BloodGunn 23 ever would.

"Diversity", lol.

It's got nothing to do with diversity, or innovation, or any of those nonsensical buzz words you try to use to describe it. I swear, you kids throw around these words so much that they've lost all meaning.

The Wonderbook is the most shameful disgusting gimmick ever created. It's Sony's desperate attempt to one-up the Wii and Kinect in the casual market by introducing "children's games that you can play with a book". Except there's a problem: interactive books already existed prior to the Wonderbook, and they were a hell of a lot better designed and thought out.

And they're cheaper too, did I forget to mention that? Notice how the price of these games was never specified? But from how they described it in E3, each new game requires a different Wonderbook peripheral, so it's safe to say that those games will probably be pretty pricey unless that's fixed.

I suppose if you're willing to fork over the money for a PS3, a PS Move, and a Wonderbook for every single game....then good for you. But don't try to spin this as something special, or try to claim that I somehow hate "diversity" because I refuse to buy into a crappy gimmick. It's not. It's by far the biggest gimmick of E3.

"Stick to the things everybody hates" is not the same as "stick to the thinks that I hate". :/

Although, I must admit, I was a bit annoyed with games like New Super Mario Bros. U and Rayman Legends showing off the multiplayer aspects of games when I, like Yahtzee, usually play alone...

Michael Ellis:

bafrali:
She is being deliberately harrased to make us white knights care about her.

Wow, that's so inaccurate it's not even funny. And what, caring about a character suddenly became a perversion overnight while I was sleeping?

Since when did you need a tragic back story that expands an entire game to explain a blank slate character? Oh yeah, because she's a she.

Further more, why do you need motivation to protect a character. YOU are the character. Once again, because she's a she. Even the developer says you aren't suppose to be Lara, you're suppose to be her protector. The idea of depowering a female so that a male can take care of her is borderline sexual. She's the delicate little flower that you must water and care for, but she's your delicate little flower and no one will take her away.

http://kotaku.com/5917400/youll-want-to-protect-the-new-less-curvy-lara-croft

and more sensationalist

http://jezebel.com/5918222/the-rapey-lara-croft-reboot-is-a-fucked+up-freudian-field-day

Well we already have an E4, and I suppose that dreadful E! thing can be E1. The Endearingly Erogenous Endangered Eel Extravaganza 2013 will be affectionately christened E5.

But Dishonored showed more than just stabbings! It has great atmosphere and art design and jumpy maybe magicy maybe bioshocky gameplay!

NezumiiroKitsune:
Well we already have an E4, and I suppose that dreadful E! thing can be E1. The Endearingly Erogenous Endangered Eel Extravaganza 2013 will be affectionately christened E5.

Maybe one day, we reach the E-infinity (or "E-Finity"), too - we got already a good bunch numbers covered, going to that just seems logical.

ManupBatman:
Since when did you need a tragic back story that expands an entire game to explain a blank slate character? Oh yeah, because she's a she.

That's just it: they are making her MORE than a blank slate character. In case I have to remind you: THIS IS A REBOOT.

ManupBatman:
Further more, why do you need motivation to protect a character. YOU are the character. Once again, because she's a she. Even the developer says you aren't suppose to be Lara, you're suppose to be her protector. The idea of depowering a female so that a male can take care of her is borderline sexual. She's the delicate little flower that you must water and care for, but she's your delicate little flower and no one will take her away.

You completely misunderstood the developer. They are fleshing out Lara's character so you can emphasize with her, so that you will care about what happens to her and feel a connection with her that you do not with most video game characters. Because let me tell you: - for similarity's sake - as much as I think Uncharted 2 is a great game, I never cared about Drake. While I'm at it, I don't think I ever cared cor Gordon Freeman, Alyx Vance, or Chell either. Funny that, how people usually bring up Chell as a strong female character when she is as devoid of personality as Gordon is.

Lara isn't put trough hardship to make her look weak and attainable, the game just depicts a realistic survival situation which Lara overcomes. To believe that that is not the reason Tomb Raider is designed the way it is is to be a wackjob who sees sexual undertones everywhere in life, even in goddamn bus stop signs.

Besides: the developers have explained that it will be those hardships that will form Lara to be THE Tomb Raider people know and love. Well, mostly.

I see nothing wrong with making us emphasize with a video game character. In fact, it is moving the industry forward. Again: there is JACK SHIT inherently sexual about Lara's torment in Tomb Raider. Anybody who finds even the slightest hint of sexualization in it has only his/herself to blame. And anybody who voices this "observation" of theirs lacks the maturity to be regarded as an adult human being.

ManupBatman:
http://kotaku.com/5917400/youll-want-to-protect-the-new-less-curvy-lara-croft

and more sensationalist

http://jezebel.com/5918222/the-rapey-lara-croft-reboot-is-a-fucked+up-freudian-field-day

Jesus Christ, you read that schlock? And SUPPORT IT? I mean fuck, the only thing worse than those articles are the comments.

I didn't get hyped up for anything at E3 this year. They showed far less of the one game I cared about (Transformers: Fall of Cybertron) than I expected and everything else was just as shooty and generic as it was before. I was pretty happy to see a new side-scrolling Castlevania get announced, though.

Captcha: Dear cookie

How the HELL did the Captcha know I was writing a letter to a girl named Cookie earlier?!

themutantlizard:

Noble_Lance:
I'm so excited for Watchdogs.

for me its watchdogs and dishounored.

My games are AC3, Watchdogs and possibly dishonored. I already was going into AC3 with my blind optimism and enjoyment of the game. Watchdogs feels like AC only in modern day and a whole lot of toys. Dishonored I heard a few good things about it, like it takes a Deus Ex approach to gameplay, but I need to see it for myself before I get really giddy about it.

In regards to Assassin's Creed 3, the French seem really intent on the American (only) market. All previews make me forget all those other times they insisted that the protagonist was neutral and would kill on both sides.

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