Zero Punctuation: The Witcher

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AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Here I am wondering why that hilarious review was ending in the middle of the stream thinking to myself "Oh dear God, they didn't integrate the ads into the end of the bloody review did they?" Suddenly Intro Theater comes on and I'm laughing my ass off.

Long live Mr. 'Zee!

Did anyone else point out the irony that he mentions how The Witcher tries to make itself seem mature by having the characters curse up a storm and then after the review dub over a cutscene from Painkiller where that angel guy wants to suck off the boring Painkiller guy?

Never use fin in place of the word end.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Great review also loved the theatre at the end and hoping to see more

Caliostro:

Almost every single RPG/MMORPG nowadays is made by copy pasting the exact same game code on diferent player and NPC models in diferent terrains, with diferent names

I have to agree with this, but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. After a while I get frustrated with new RPGs and just go fire up the ol' Commodore 64 to play "Bards Tale II: The Destiny Knight"... until I realize that the loading time and lack of moving graphics will bore me even more. There's only so much you can do with a Mumorpuguh, ultimately, so I'll take a pretty one with lots of sex over a boring one with no bazooms.

Oi, wait a sec.

Aren't you gay, Yahtzee?

The Tingler:

Chis:
Another excellent review, convinced me not to bother with The Witcher and just give Fallout 2 and Planescape: Torment more time instead.

You realise he dislikes both of those games too? Check his website out.

Fallout 2 is where? I only see this comment about Planescape Torment:
here the hell did you get the impression that I liked Planescape Torment? That, too, I found boring and couldn't get further than the first world

Which he deserves a kick up the arse for, but for now I'll let him off. No, I'm not an RPG fan, I hate the endless fetch questing that appears in most of them, but Fallout 2 has a fascinating world (but iffy combat), and Planescape Torment has - for a game - truly gobsmackingly intelligent writing.

Yes, I am one of those "willing to let iffy gameplay go by without complaints for the sake of the writing" types. See Bioshock.

Just don't put Baldur's Gate anywhere fucking near me, for the love of all things sane. How I loathe high fantasy...

fugori:
...Troika were great big glowing exceptions

Is Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines an RPG? On a superficial level, perhaps. Surely even Yahtzee likes this game? It has its issues but the characters and writing are some of the most fascinating - and properly interesting - I've experienced in my gaming non-career. We're all very lucky - IMHO - that it was even released...

I don't think anyones noticed that Yahtzee hates RPGs yet.

I mean he usually rags on everyone of them without giving them much (if any) praise.

So AFAIK, he doesn't have a say-so in which game he gets sent, which I feel sorry for him when he gets to review Halo 4-20 -_- (provided if he's still reviewing games by then.)

But to my point, i'm just saying you guys shouldn't take him so seriously. You guys act like he's this 1-5 star, 0-100 rating, "high class reviewer" and forget that he's just some average joe, adventure game maker, who writes articles sometimes.

The reason Yahtzees so popular is because he gives his honest, unique, usually funny, opinionated reviews, and doesn't "sell out" like other review websites (gamespot).

I mean he was like one of the few reviewers ever to actually rag on Halo, I never "got" Halo myself, I bought the first game and played the second at a friends house but I never understood why it was so popular, just seemed like any other FPS with a generic storyline.

Which hit home to me because it was so rare to see any reviewer say bad things about the "game to end all games".

Sorry for the long post and possible bad grammar, i'm usually a one sentence guy but I needed to back the guy up some, I just have this weird feeling he's going to quit because of the waves of fanboys and whiners who come complaining that his reviews aren't "professional" and he didn't give the game a "fair chance" and that the only way to "get into" said game is to play the game with a gerbil on your head, while eating oatmeal with your feet, and while your dad makes sexual advances towards you.

milocade:
Never use fin in place of the word end.

Why not?

The point I'm trying to make is that I admire Yahtzee's reviews for his piercing insight, all wrapped in delightfully tasty humour. Criticising an RPG for dialogue isn't insightful, it's ignorant and ruins my wood.

If every FPS review contained a criticism of having to shoot things, it would be the same thing.

Loved the bit where he starts getting sidetracked with the stuff about thighs and cleavage.

Alas. I can't tell if the cool thing at the moment is to lord about how Yahtzee is disappointing one horribly on any number of points (most of which seem to involve either failing to be funny, or failing to review), or to tongue his arse about how much win he is for winning at... well, funny, and/or reviewing.

Arse tonguing is a lot more fun, says I. But then, I rather don't expect to find every single video as floor-divingly hilarious as, say, the Medal of Honour Airborne one, which for entirely personal reasons delights me in the extreme.

See, sometimes, I disagree. That's what makes it a review. There's an opinion, you know, and sometimes you agree with it for the lulz, and sometimes you don't, and then there are less lulz. Oh well. Try again next week.

Oddly enough, I find that the games I know less about, the reviews are funnier. Except for Psychonauts and Bioshock. Holy hell, such awesome.

/tongue in cheek

/pun-evil.

I'm rather looking forward to playing the Witcher. Even after this, besides Yahtzee already told us he wouldn't praise video games anymore after his Psychonauts review. As fo the thing at the end with the painkiller, well for the most part I didn't get it. I must admit "20 minutes... outside... puffer fish." pulled at my funny strings quite a bit, it wasn't enough for me to believe the whole bit was good. So with that I wanna say that if Yahtzee wants to do something with Machanima I suggest it be more creative rather than focused on one scene and him voicing over. Just a thought though.

I feel the need to point out that the bit at the end was not machinima. It was Yahtzee revoicing the intro cinematic for The Witcher. Hope that clears up the confusion.

Haha, Yahtzee, the man with monotone voice

My new favorite. And I loved the 'Intro Sequence Theatre' too, I'm looking forward to see more of that ;)

now i have to find out if that was a man or a woman XD

The Negotiator:
Are these randomly funny videos at the end happening every week?

If they do, that would be awesome and a cool way to jazz up zero punctuation.

No, that would not be good at all. To quote a genious:
"Don't fix what isn't broke. Taking a format that has proved a massive success and glueing on extra bits, rarely causes the coveted lightning to strike twice."

Just my two scents. I'm left seriously wondering what all those who found it funny have been smoking, cause I want some.

LOL, 2 polish games in one shot. :) Nice :) You would better avoid that country for some time now. ;)

Best ever!

And I got a new avatar now :)

btw; This is the first time I saw a cutscene with this Geralt...he looks like a typical gothing-teen-angst figure that (indeed) can not decide if he is a woman or man. If I want a shot of that last bit I just try J-rpg's.

XD @....

excuse me, I mean that the ending voice over was very witty, if a little random. 20 minutes, outside, pufferfish; that will stay fresh for some time. Thanks Yahtzee

tinkle tinkle piano tinkle "I shouldn't be here"

...well fuck off then so I can enjoy the review

As a member of the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race and a player of MUMORPUGs (both single- and multi-player), I loved this week's installment. Cheers.

That guy in the end is NOT Geralt as you see him in the game. Geralt is badass, with a really cool voice. Admittedly he isn't the usual buff-and-muscles-stupid Hollywood kind of badass (Feenix, I'm looking at you) he is more of a agile and quick bad ass, and he relies on his skill as much as muscle.

Geralt's voice is also great, good acting not to mention a really powerful/manly voice.

Yahtzee should stay away from RPGs from now on. Seriously, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Complaining about a game having too much dialogue, what the fuck? If you aren't intelligent/patient enough to appreciate the subtler methods of storytelling that's OK, but you can skip the dialogues entirely! I usually love your reviews, but as I said - stay away from the RPG genre.

kanetsb:
LOL, 2 polish games in one shot. :) Nice :) You would better avoid that country for some time now. ;)

Yea, because we won't let you leave alive.

Aunt Wendy:
I feel the need to point out that the bit at the end was not machinima. It was Yahtzee revoicing the intro cinematic for The Witcher. Hope that clears up the confusion.

It was from Painkiller, not the Witcher.

Aunt Wendy:
I feel the need to point out that the bit at the end was not machinima. It was Yahtzee revoicing the intro cinematic for The Witcher. Hope that clears up the confusion.

Um, no. I take it you paid as much attention as Yahtzee did? The attempted scrastic jab at PC-gamers' overinflated ego in this review is humorously ironic, because the review itself illustrates the reasons for it very well. The Witcher complex? Ludicrous.

If you enjoyed any CRPG, especialy any of the so-called classics, you'll probably enjoy The Witcher. It's also a lot more streamlined and fast-paced than most of the old timers, while equaly entertaining and with a story and characters easily surpassing anything Bioware and co have been able to show in the past couple of years. Most notably, it has been the only RPG to really give you meaningful choices.

I think the last bit also meant to poke some fun at the system specs for The Witcher. Another sign Yahtzee needs to upgrade methinks, and get rid of that ineffectual black monolyth.

And to boot, it wasn't even funny.

And because a lot of people seem to have gotten it wrong, the last bit did not feature Geralt or anything Witcher related.

*blink*

"He was being sarcastic. The Witcher is a great example of why sometimes the simple controls and interface used in consoles can be better then a PC."

Actually, I thought The Witcher was geared towards console users to start with, considering the combat system being what it is. I thought no one would intentionally make such a boring and static system for a PC game if they didn't have to. But I guess I was wrong ~~

Also, remember that he discussed the over-simplification of game mechanics, and reffering to the "console tards" when dicussing BioShock. : )

"I seem to recall Yathzee saying positive things about Fallout and Torment, so maybe he doesn't hate rpg's in general, just the bad ones."

No... he hates those too : ) Haven't you checked out "www.fullyramblomatic.com" ?

"Did anyone else point out the irony that he mentions how The Witcher tries to make itself seem mature by having the characters curse up a storm and then after the review dub over a cutscene from Painkiller where that angel guy wants to suck off the boring Painkiller guy?"

In what part of that video was he trying to be serious? : )

Um, no. I take it you paid as much attention as Yahtzee did? The attempted scrastic jab at PC-gamers' overinflated ego in this review is humorously ironic, because the review itself illustrates the reasons for it very well.

If it's all THAT SARCASTIC it's funny though that all of his games (the one that he made) are basically for PC, as he probably wouldn't even have been able to make them for consoles. It's also funny that while there will always be major MODs and community projects for major games, that basically create a new, fun game for the PC there's also not much of that going on with the consoles either (except the pay-for-content stuff and maybe some lame maps they are lately putting online). That's already a major part of the "complexity" of PC games and the dedication of the fans but whatever :P

I usually enjoy Yahtzee's "reviews" but found this one disappointing. Kinda pointless reviewing RPG (or in this case "impressions")when the reviewer dislikes the genre in the first place.

For an RPG found the witcher quite good, had some great moments and story. Story, originally, depth is what Yahtzee's been saying there is a lacking in the current market, all of with the witcher has to varying degrees, all without the constant leveling of most RPGs.

Like Jeremy Clarkson's reviews, sometimes rubbishes a good car for a sake for a laugh. Cant please everyone I guess.

However keep up the good work Yahtzee!

Dagnabit what is so hard about this issue?
The PC comment was irony. Layered irony but irony anyway. YES, Yahtzee was jabbing overly complex PC games. But ONLY overly complex ones. Case closed. If you disagree with this then you're either a PC fanatic who can't countenance criticism of any kind of PC game or you're a consoletard obsessed with bashing PCs. Or you're Yahtzee and meant something else.
Why does this always happen every Yahtzee review? Some dill finds one comment yahtzee makes, completely misunderstands it and starts an argument that has just enough posts every page to be noticable and aggravating.

You guys realise that he doesn't get to choose what games he reviews, so telling him to stop reviewing RPG's is a bit like telling the McDonalds serving man/boy/thing to stop servering bugers, he sort of has to.

So what if he doesn't like RPG's, that his opinion and i find it funny...and yes i am an RPG fan, i play many but it doesn't stop me enjoying his reviews. Also if you read between the lines he does give some decent info.

Finally has no-one else ever played a game and realised after 5 minutes if they play this any more they would get more enjoyment from beating themselves to death with any solid object that happens to be at hand? I think some of you take these far to literally and seriously, if the words of a generation...chill

peace

Thank the gods that this scene didnt come from witcher, otherwise id hear 'outside, twenty minute; pufffish' all the time while playing.

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