In their quest to highlight absolutely every bit of minutiae related to the firm’s decades-long gaming empire, Capcom’s Unity blog presented a video this afternoon of the 1994 arcade classic Aliens Vs. Predator that will simultaneously blow your mind and make you feel absolutely worthless as a gamer.
It would be one thing if the clip simply demonstrated a few minutes of amazing combos, but things get downright embarrassing when the video’s creator attempts to explain exactly how you can perform these grand feats of timing and reflex at your local arcade. I read each of the text instructions the creator had helpfully overlaid on his clips, and was almost completely struck dumb. “I know what those symbols mean … I know which buttons to press … but I have no idea how to do what he’s doing,” I thought, struggling vainly to pull my tongue back into my mouth before closing my jaw.
You read that last sentence before watching the video, didn’t you? And now you’re thinking that I’m simply spoonfeeding you the sort of hyperbole we’ve all come to expect from the same gaming industry that can’t bring itself to give any sufficiently funded game any score less than a “five,” right? I don’t blame you for your cynicism, but please, watch the clip — especially the bit where the Predator Hunter catches and returns a thrown hand grenade by jump kicking it repeatedly — and tell me I’m wrong.