A single Freedom Of Information request has exposed the almost complete lack of zombie preparedness in the British government.
Concerned about the apocalyptic consequences of a possible undead uprising, an unnamed citizen (using the almost too appropriate pen name “concerned citizen”) sent the following missive to the Leicester City Council:
Dear Leicester City Council,
Can you please let us know what provisions you have in place in the event of a zombie invasion? Having watched several films it is clear that preparation for such an event is poor and one that councils throughout the kingdom must prepare for.
Please provide any information you may have.
Normally this is where you’d expect the council to offer a sarcastic reply slathered in dry British wit, but instead the response was actually somewhat thoughtful. Lynn Wyeth, head of information governance, spoke to the BBC on the subject, and though she admits that the question made her laugh, she also points out that while no official reference to attack by shambling hordes of corpses exists in the City Council’s emergency plan, there are “some elements” of the plan that could be applied in just such a situation.
Why the polite response when so many of you reading this article mentally labeled the concerned citizen a “nutbar” after the second sentence? “To you it might seem frivolous and a waste of time … but to different people it actually means something,” Wyeth said, adding that her office has received many FOI requests regarding hauntings in public buildings.
“Everybody has their own interests and their own reasons for asking these questions,” she adds.
It’s interesting to note that this story comes less than a month after the American Center for Disease Control voluntarily revealed its official plan for zombie apocalypse.
As an American, it would be uncouth for me to point out the typical British inability to keep up with her former colonies, so instead I will just continue petting this bald eagle, secure in the knowledge that I probably won’t be torn apart by the ravenous dead any time soon.