Microsoft refers to “unexpected technical difficulties” for the previously scheduled December 22 release. Demanding answers, we write to the only man who can give it to us straight.
Please excuse this highly unorthodox second correspondence on my part this year, as I assure you it has nothing to do whatsoever with the previously received Christmas list. This message is on the behalf of the citizens of Xbox Live who were anxiously awaiting the arrival of new, downloadable content for this years role-playing smash, Fable II.
Why hath Peter Molyneux, that charming eccentric of a man, scorned us so? If you have not heard the dreadful news, Lionhead Studios and Microsoft have decided to delay the release of the Knothole Island content pack, quote, “until late January 2009.” While they refer to unexpected technical difficulties as the culprit, do they not believe in the spirit of Christmas? Many a small child shall wake up to a bundle of wrapped gifts, underneath which awaits a brand-new Xbox 360. For some, it may even be their first videogame console of all. What did these children — their dreams having been filled with visions of new experiences and endless supplies of new, online content — do to deserve the bitter disappointment of technical delays?
As our friend Michael McWhertor at Kotaku pointed out, such a poor situation has become all too common in the tale of Fable II, as this delay is just one of many that Mr. Molyneux and his motley crew of developers have to fess up to. That is why I ask of you, dearest Santa, would it be too much to ask for you to send a few workshop elves to their Guildford offices? Surely, in these dire times you must have employed at least a few laid-off programmers up at the North Pole. I would be every so grateful if you could make that so, as would the rest of their fans for what would surely be a Christmas miracle.
I leave it in your capable hands, Santa. God speed, sweet prince of Winter.
PS: Don’t forget – Kota the Triceratops.