This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Elden Ring.
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I’ve had a lot of trouble with Elden Ring, but my doctor tells me it’s perfectly natural for my age and I should add more fibre to my diet. Very droll, Yahtz, now tell us if this fucking game’s any good so I can decide if I’m taking this gun out of my mouth. Um. Well. Yes, it’s a From Software Soulsy game, and therefore good. And characteristically light on overt storytelling, but this time I told myself I was gonna really concentrate on parsing the dialogue and item descriptions and figure this shit out up front. A little later that vow kinda fell by the wayside because chiefly what I remembered of the prior two hours was getting mashed into farmhouse chutney by a dude that looked like an owl pellet got rogered by a semi truck. Turns out Elden Ring’s hard. Is it Yahtz? Well, hold on while I run cold water over the blisters that searing insight gave me. Look, I’ve been getting run over by the Souls train for years. I’m a fucking vet. And I swear ever since we all figured out the “roll behind them when they attack and stab them in the bum” cheat code From Software have been upping the bullshit difficulty with every new game. Seems like a lot of the early bosses fall back on what my schoolyard chums used to very inappropriately call “spazzing the fuck out”, and whale on you too fast for you to react or keep your guard up.