The worst D&D group I ever heard of.

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That reminds me a little of my first foray into DnD.

They had all chosen their characters before hand. All the other people in my group wanted to be exotic things, the opening make up of the group consisted of a Salamander, a Grey Slaadi cleric, a Dragon Barbarian and a Vampire Fighter. Bear in mind, it was the DMs first game too, so he didn't want to over complicate things by having level adjustments to these characters.

Seemed to me that the thing our party was missing most was a humanoid character. One who could go into shops and buy things without arousing suspicion. So, in keeping with the spirit of the others, I chose a Weretiger Monk. The girl playing the vampire looked at the powers that I had from that combination and decided that she wanted to be that instead. The DM said no, she sulked and didn't join in the game.

Luckily, the campaign kinda died out after one session. A combination of studies and other commitments meant that we couldn't get a regular thing going and it never took off.

Wow, just... wow.
I wish there was more!

Believe me, he'd have been wishing for that lot back if he'd had me and a couple of my mates from school when we were kids.

1st session after making our characters we went for a trip out to the garage, me and my mate had already drunk half a bottle (only 35cl mind you) of whisky each and then we decided to smoke a coke laced spliff. I spent the rest of the day with my head on the table trying to roll a dice and my mate spent the rest of the day in the bathroom throwing up and then lying in the recovery position. We were not invited back.

Next time we attempted to play with a different group (although still containing 2 girls from the last lot) another friend of mine dared me to take some acid before the game. At the time it was a bit like daring someone to not cut off their own head. Then the mate who'd dared me to take some acid took a bit himself, having never taken it before, this was a bit of a poor move on his part. I can't really remember much of what happened but I do recall getting to the stage where I had to choose equipment when the acid hit and found the weapon table to be very confusing indeed, I could manage to stare at it and wonder what the fuck this thing I was holding in my hand was for while my ex girlfriend (can you blame her? ;P) tried to explain about the different weapons and such. I really can't recall much else save that I was left upstairs with one very paranoid first time tripper and pukeboy from the time before while everyone else sensibly decided to go and do something else downstairs. We did not play together again. Years later I found out that they had no idea we were all off our faces on LSD and thought we were just being regular grade dicks.

That was the last time I attempted to play AD&D.

Marvellously epic stuff. I played all the all the premade adventures with my friends (im the cleric) and that was pretty good, but im afraid i now have to steal several of your ideas, because they are so awespme.

Where did he find those people...? Were they, themselves, malformed creatures of the Underdark, and particularly poor stat-rollers as well? Had they not a single positive modifier for WIS, INT, or CHA among them?

As for the story...


That's pretty bad. It's unfortunate that the group truly believed that fellow to be a bad Dungeon Master. I do have a few stories of my own, though. Keep in mind that I ran an evil roster.

Story the first(The old cleric and the sewer pool):

We had helped some agents of the red wizards seize a town up in a northern area of Faerun. When the power base was secure, the commander of that particular force struck a permanent deal with us. If we were to collect a series of magical itesm for him, we could each take a lesser item from his collection(He was a hording lich). Our first task was to sneak into the keep of the town and take the earrings off of a powerful mage inside.

We had decided against a frontal assault and chose to use the sewers, seeing as we had heard rumours regarding a secret passage into the keep. So, we enter the sewers. After a long, slick walk filled with traps and dire mutants(Experiments gone wrong from the practicing mage of the keep), we came to a giant pool of black water. There was a thin walkway around the pool that required a balance check to cross. Our cleric, unfortunately, rolls a 1 and not only slips in but is crushed to death by the Kraken waiting in the depths.

While we are dealing with the mage, our cleric takes the deal to become a demon despite having a deity affiliation. After the quest, we hire a specialist to summon him and my mage binds him to our party. So, we lost a cleric but we gained an osyluth(I know it's a devil but I put them o nthe chart because they are just too cool).

Story the second(Play me a song, lute man):

At another time, our group was raiding an orcish hold. Being as orcs are in D&D, dire rats are a common enemy here. Our bard, Featherwind, takes a critical hit by one of the rats(It latches onto his arm and stays there, causing periodic damage and inflicting a serious infection). While he's screaming for aid, our warrior decides to take a swipe at the rat. He rolls a 1. I promptly tell him to make a strength roll(He gets an 18). He ended up removing featherwinds' right arm(Which would be grafted back on, thanks to my mages specialization in Necromancy and skill points in anatomy, surgery and vivisection).

Hmmm, I always wanted to get into D&D but couldn't find anyone to play with. Reading that I'm kinda glad I didn't, I know my luck and know I would have ended up with people like them.

That was so epic, I'm saving up a copy.

A train wreck of this magnitude is simply awesome.

I can't wait till my summer D&D game with friends.

Facepalm X2 combo.

That Dennis kid bugs me.

Hmmm, I always wanted to get into D&D but couldn't find anyone to play with. Reading that I'm kinda glad I didn't, I know my luck and know I would have ended up with people like them.

Nah, most people are better.

Although some people kind of go in the opposite direction, which can be as annoying...

As in, people who stick to "traditional" and cliche aspects of fantasy too much.

Just finished my first game as DM, a couple of funny incidents, the group forced an important npc to eat a cursed ring (which promptly caused him to explode) before they had properly talked to him, the halfling bard being the one to kill the red dragon at the end of the first dungeon, and an elderly wizard falling of a rope while climbing over a chasm, only to be caught by a sorceres using levitate, ended up floating there for a number of turns before anyone bothered to help him further

I've seen a lot of D&D and GURPS adventures go that way with certain people. I've pretty much sworn off DM'ing because of the idiocy that tends to show itself at times. A few years ago around Thanksgiving my cousin and his friend came over, saw my collection of RPG stuff and eventually they decided they wanted to try a little D&D. I said, no problem, left them alone with a video game for a while and I put together a nice little quest that would introduce them to the game and maybe take about 2-3 hours. I figured by then they would either be board or tired or drunk, etc.

I had this whole storyline worked out where they're summoned by the King to a secret passage where he tells them that his own advisors are working to assassinate him and that he's going to send them to get proof. So, we start playing, the king summons them, and as soon as they're alone with the king my cousin says, "OK, I attack the King". I tried to talk him out of it, then his friend(a mage) proceeds to start casting a spell. Yeah. The king died. Horribly. I was like, "Umm, so yeah, you just finished the quest. Game over."

So excellent, I'd love to read more stories like this.

EDIT: Ok, seriously, the link does not do this justice.

ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.

ERIC: How far away is it?

ED: About fifty yards.

ERIC: How big is it?

ED: (Pause) It's about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top.

ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.

ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.

ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?

ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?

ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow!

ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a *)@#! gazebo!

ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.

ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.

ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.

Good enough that i read the whole thing.

I wish i had adventure's like this...

Amazingly, Larry beat them all. A combination of two Hold Persons and very poor saving throws paralyzed all the Cultists except one, and that one guy rolled the 5% chance to have a severe allergy to bee venom.

That was just lucky.

But seriously, that was awesome, it's a shame there aren't any groups around here :(

Well. Although I've never played D&D I got a laugh out of some of that!

THAT was a great read, thanks!

Wow just wow.
and By the way "I don't want to listen to your Beavis and Butthead rendition of a female drow stripper/ninja from Shou Lung!" may be my new favorite DM quote.

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