Crystal Bearers looks like Final Fantasy meets James Bond meets Psychonauts meets SSX Tricky meets Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball. No, I don’t get it either.

As someone who hasn’t been following Crystal Bearers in even the slightest manner, I’m not sure what to make of this trailer. Without knowing the plot (other than that there are crystals, and these crystals are magical and give people powers and probably connected to the survival of a kingdom in some way, and that people must be Bearers for these Crystals) all I can say is this: Crystal Bearers looks incredibly … eclectic.

The main character starts off in a tuxedo looking like a Squeenix take on 007, and then he’s… falling out of the sky like in PilotWings. Then he goes snowboarding. Then he gets run over by a train. There’s probably some plot in there too, but I still can’t get over my general sense of “What the hell did I just watch?” about the first half of the video.

At the very least, there are teenage girls in bikinis knocking each other into the water via butt-bumps, so this will probably sell well in Japan.

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