Rich Knuckles is the Serious Sam 3 Help Line operator and he’s got some advice for you: stop being such a pussy.

If there’s one thing Devolver Digital wants you to know, it’s that Serious Sam 3: BFE, the latest addition to the finest Croatian-developed FPS franchise of all time, is seriously old-school. There’s no overwrought story, no angsty supporting characters, no limit to the number of guns you can carry, no regenerating health and certainly no cover. There’s just you, a bunch of insane guns and hordes of ridiculous enemies to use them on.

It might be a little confusing for gamers raised on a steady diet of modern shooters, so to make sure that everyone gets up to speed as quickly as possible, the team has set up a Serious Sam 3 Help Line, staffed by the inestimable Rich Knuckles, a man who tells it like it is. Two gun limit? Total bullsh*t. Hiding behind walls? Not fun. Crapped your pants from all the excitement? Put on a diaper and stay on the trigger!

“I’m already fielding all sorts of calls from shooter fans wondering where all the conveniently placed barricades and random concrete walls are in Serious Sam 3: BFE,” Knuckles said. “Most of these guys have gotten soft from years of crouching behind cover, picking off one or two approaching enemies as they make their way through missions. It’s pathetic.”

To reach the Knuckles-powered Serious Sam 3 Help Line, just pick up your phone and start mashing buttons until somebody answers, then ask them about the game. It’s called viral marketing, kids. Serious Sam 3: BFE comes out for the PC on October 18.

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