The Team Fortress 2 Announcer Lady Gets Mad

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Team Fortress 2 cheaters, you may have dodged Valve’s Anti-Cheat software, but you have incurred the wrath of someone far more fearsome: the imperious TF2 announcer lady, who is hereby punishing you for your misdeeds.

Anyone who’s ever played Team Fortress 2 should be intimately familiar with the haughty voice of the TF2 announcer lady, who never shows her face but is always ready to tell you that the bomb is nearing the checkpoint, that it’s overtime or that “you have failed me” in the most cutting and dramatic tones possible. As far as regal sounding female announcers in multiplayer shooters go, she definitely gives the Locust Queen from Gears of War a run for her money. Especially now that she has, for the first time, decided to back her words with some serious action.

“It saddens me that despite my best efforts to instruct and better you, some of you insist on finding new ways to fail,” the TF2 announcer wrote on the TF2 blog. She’s referring to a slew of TF2 cheaters who have somehow found an explot that lets them use items with classes that usually can’t wield them. “I have considered an appropriate punishment for the good-for-nothings responsible for this horrendous breach of conduct. Death, of course – but death is too good for disappointments such as these,” she explained. The punishment, ultimately, will fit the crime: all cheaters will have unlockable items – special weapons unlocked via Achievements – revoked for a month.

As for the people who didn’t cheat, even they can barely get a break. “You have my congratulations: I await the countless other ways you will inevitably disappoint me in the future,” the announcer declared. Yeesh. Talk about hard to please.

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