Movie goers will be asked to get their posteriors back to Mars in an upcoming remake of Total Recall.
Women with three boobs. People’s faces bugging out due to exposure to Mars’ atmosphere. Pulling a golfball-sized tracker device out of your nose. These are but a few of the memorable moments from one of the greatest movies of all time: 1990’s Total Recall starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. As of today, Underworld and Live Free or Die Hard director Len Wiseman is tasked with protecting its legacy with a remake.
Columbia Pictures is calling it a “contemporized adaptation” of Total Recall which was originally based on Phillip K. Dick’s We Can Remember It for You Wholesale. Due to the mention of the book, it’s possible this won’t necessarily be a direct copy of the original film and may stick closer to Dick’s text instead. Whether it does or not, there’s simply no way it’ll be as cool as the first movie.
I pride myself on not being a negative Nancy. If someone wants to remake a classic film I usually don’t mind, and I’m even really looking forward to the expansion of the Back to the Future films through future Telltale adventure games. However, Total Recall might be too sacred a property to take on again. I’m just not sure anything can live up to the genius of the original, especially without Arnold Schwarzenegger punching everybody in the stomach as Douglas Quaid.
Despite the twists and turns, Total Recall itself isn’t really all that cerebral. It just has so many funny moments, primarily due to Schwarzenegger and quotes such as “Get your ass to Mars” and “See you at the party Richter!” Who could replace Arnold in one of his best roles ever?
Columbia Pictures president Matt Tolmach says Wisemen will being a “contemporary feel to the film while taking care with everything we love about Philip K. Dick’s original story.” I’m interested to see what Wisemen can do, but let’s face it: Nothing will ever beat a prostitute with three boobs. The film doesn’t appear to have a release date just yet.