Live in Vancouver and feel like taking your block spinning game to the next level? Fork over your hard-earned money for lessons from a veteran Tetris player.
They say that if you’re good at something you should never do it for free, and one Vancouverite seems to believe that he’s pretty darn good at Tetris, because he’s asking for money in exchange for lessons. “In response to the economic downturn, I am offering personal Tetris training sessions on a limited, first-come first-serve basis,” the person wrote on a Craigslist post. “I am a patient and non-judgmental coach.”
The lessons come in two varieties: Tetris Fundamentals and Intermediate Tetris.
Fundamentals is a 90 minute course that’ll set you back $30. After completing the class, the post states, you will be able to identify all seven different Tetris blocks, have an “understanding” of how to score consecutive Tetrises and know how to use features like hard drops and hold. You will also have “watched me play Tetris for 45 minutes” and “gained the confidence to play Tetris by yourself or against friends, strangers, and family members.”
The Intermediate class runs for two hours and costs $40 to $55, and will test your knowledge of Tetris fundamentals by forcing you to play while drunk. Speaking from experience, this is actually something of a valuable skill. There may also be “a short primer on computational geometry and algorithmic complexity theory.”
I’m not one to scoff at the subtleties of this classic game. I’m a pretty big Tetris fanatic myself, but this is plainly ridiculous. Or fake. Honestly, I hope it’s not.