Real-life porn scenarios

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT
 

About 5 years ago I went for an informal job interview at a pub and ended up having sex with the owner in the gents loo and then again in his office.

This actually happened and it was awesome!

A wild AnonIB appears!

watch it escapist, this is how it starts. it goes from stories, to pics or didnt happen, then finally you're trading pregnant triple amputee porn for the lulz

I once had sex with a dragon to save the planet Siq-Duce VIII from the evil and foul smelling Larva Minion-blasters. Does that count?

What's with all the 'I didn't really' things? Am I missing something? :s

GangstaPony:
I had been approached by a Teacher who had recently gone through a horrible divorce.
She called me to her office and said she needed someone to talk to.
I'm just a slightly above average student but me and my Teacher are good friends.
This happened in my 2nd year of college. I was 20 and she was 32 (also very pretty).

She actually requested me to hold/hug her for a bit and I took a slight advantage of the situation.
I kissed her full on the lips and she was all, "Hey! What are you doing?"

I apologized and then she did the same talking about how it was her fault with me being a hormonal teenager and all. Although she cheekily admitted to having enjoyed it. We talked some more, I gave her some comforting words and that was that. We have not spoken of the incident since. Though I do fantasize about her. As of today, I just finished my 3rd and final year

thats quite sweet

and im going to be honest, i find this much more erotic than most porn is. the whole guy essentially using a jack hammer on a girls vagina while she has fake orgasms doesnt do that much to me but if this kind of story had a happy ending (after a romantic/emotional kind of thing) damn that would get me going

OT
i guess my only remote porn-esc story would be when i was in school
basically we had this gorgeous english teacher (no it didnt happen but its rather embarrasing what did) and she asked me to stay behind after class because as usuall i was late on my homework (no get that thought out of your head now!) so im sitting in my chair then she asks me to cum up (see what i did there) to here desk. in doing say i tripped on something and in a panic tried to reach for anything to hold on to
what happened is that i accidently (and yes it was an accident) grabbed her top and as i fell it ripped off (and i have to say it was a great view). unbelivably i didnt get kicked out of the school as she realised it was a pure accident, my name was supposedly never mentioned in her retelling but i was transferred to another english class i we both recognised after a few more lessons i wasnt able to concentrate with her as the teacher

I was in the wait room at my school during co-ed P.E., and a girl randomly pulled down her pants and danced around in her underwear.

Bara_no_Hime:

Relish in Chaos:
Has anyone ever actually found themself in a real-life scenario that was very reminiscent of what would happen in pornography? Roleplay doesn't count.

I've told this one before on the Escapists, but it was before you joined. This is probably my most porn-tastic experience:

Last labor day, my spouse, myself, and several friends went out clubbing. Much fun was had by all. One of my friends (who I mentioned recently in another thread) was a bit drunk. She invited all of us back to her place to take a dip in her hot-tub. My spouse and I were like "we'd love to, but we didn't bring swim suits."

She responded "don't worry, you won't need them"

Our other friends decided not to come along, but my spouse and I did. So the three of us got naked and got in the hot tub.

While we were bathing, I happened to mention how my spouse and I have an open/swinging relationship. She asked us what that was like. So we told her. I also mentioned that, if she wanted to, we were both interested in her.

That was my first ever hot-tub three-way. Although, to be fair, most of the three-way occurred after we got out of the hot-tub to dry off.

So there you have it - my most porn-like real-life evening.

Judging from that other thread last month your life is one big porno.

I don't have any stories. Came kinda close to doing it once, the girl was throwing herself at me all night after a long history of sexual tension. Of course she was also pretty wasted by the end of the night so I told her no. The entire situation was just generally super awkward and whenever she brought it up after that night I would immediately change the subject.

At the time it was a harder thing to do than my dick would be later that night by the pale blue light of my computer monitor. But I know I did the right thing.


Oh come on! How did I get ninja'd on that? Good job.
Alright, so on topic, there was this time I had two jobs, I was a pizza delivery boy and pool cleaner (a true reflection on the job market at the time huh?) and I went to this woman's house whose husband was away on business to "deliver this sausage" and "check [her] pH balance" and then I had sex with her.

Me and a married woman in her living room.
Husband upstairs. I later found out he was listening.

JerryTerry:
I have a good story:

So, my girlfriend and I had planted a lemon tree together a couple of years ago in our back garden, as a sort-of romantic thing.
One morning, we came outside to find that our endeavour had come to fruition (literally, heh.) and it was full of beautiful ripe lemons. We did what any couple would do in this situation and sat holding each other, lovingly fantasizing about all of the possible things we could do with these lemons.

Sadly, with our heads in the clouds with delight, we had averted our gaze from the tree long enough for a cunning whore to sneak in, steal some lemons, and stuff them into her translucent whore-leotard.
Looking back at the tree, my girlfriend and I were devastated. There was only one possible thing we could do to bring this crafty lemon-whore to justice. I had to have angry sex with her to teach her a lesson.

Well, this was one hell of a first post.

First: that was potentially the funniest post I've ever seen.
Second: Ooh a new guy! If you need a thread derailed get Daystar Clarion. You'll find his services quite valuable. I'm Bigdick Gigglefist metsplayer1, nice to have you here.

David Woon:
you lucky bastard i can't even get a girl to like me much less get to first base with her maybe it's i'm in disabled school or something like that. hopeful things will get better when i go to collage i don't know

You're not disabled but you are in High-School, which is almost like being disabled when it comes to forming relationships. High school is restrictive because everyone is running on the same schedule, everyone has to see the same people all day, and everyone is still living with their parents.

College eliminates all of these restrictions and the lack of parents is the factor that seems to unleash the most change in people, regardless of gender. Hell, I never had time for girls until I got out of high-school. Once I got into college, it took me a while to figure out the right social cues but, generally, I found that there are a few important things to remember when trying to attract somebody. Make yourself available (if some girl asks to hang out with you or you are given a chance to hang out with her, take it), have a good sense of humor (self-deprecation, sarcasm and the occasional bit of whimsy has worked for me), but don't be too nice (I rarely say nice things to anyone unless they deserve it. However, I go out of my way to do nice things. It's sort of like working with actions, not words).

My first girlfriend pretty much came after me. Technically, she seduced me while I was teaching her how to drive. The point is, stuff like this happens as you get older and more experienced.

I suppose, i mean, i'll never meet any of you in real life and you'll never know me or my wife. I guess stories with your wife counts right?

Well anyway, in some ways my life is a whole porn scenario, because i like to do it, and my wife is open minded. So anywhere, anytime really.

1: we had mile high club (for all the kiddies: sex on an airplane) on our way to Ireland for our honeymoon. we waited til that moment where partially everyone is asleep or not looking, and we sneaked into the bathroom, and we did it. Just something about the feeling of flying and sex, plus the turbulence felt really good.

2: We were exploring houses to buy, and since we were given the key and told to take as long as we liked (real estate agent was really cool). Well, we found a room with a pole *I AM NOT KIDDING*. My wife gives my that sultry look and starts to dance around it, and striptease and all that good stuff. Real estate agent told us we must have liked the house cause we spent so much time in there.

3: I was raised in the south so this one is kinda of expected. we were having a nice forest picnic, lying out in the sun, relaxing and kissing. she then gets up and says she needs to go to the bathroom *or go behind a bush*. she comes back covered in the whip cream and chocolate we had packed to make sundaes out of. we got to gettin, rollin around in the grass, lickin it off each other yeah it got sticky, but then again what sex scenario isn't :)

4: Most romantic though was when i proposed to my wife :) it was on the beach with the sun setting. the light caught her eyes and hair just right. and all i could say was, "babe, i love you. I will always love you. I will always want to be with you", she said, "i love you to".

My response? "No, i mean it. I want to be with you for ever. *I get down on my knee* i want you to be my wife."
she said, "yes"
and like that she was on me :) didn't even have time to get to a hotel.
That was the first night we had sex, finally engaged :)

EH, got plenty more (not even including role play ;)) but that's all you get for now.

Bara_no_Hime:
I've told this one before on the Escapists, but it was before you joined. This is probably my most porn-tastic experience:

Last labor day, my spouse, myself, and several friends went out clubbing. Much fun was had by all. One of my friends (who I mentioned recently in another thread) was a bit drunk. She invited all of us back to her place to take a dip in her hot-tub. My spouse and I were like "we'd love to, but we didn't bring swim suits."

She responded "don't worry, you won't need them"

Our other friends decided not to come along, but my spouse and I did. So the three of us got naked and got in the hot tub.

While we were bathing, I happened to mention how my spouse and I have an open/swinging relationship. She asked us what that was like. So we told her. I also mentioned that, if she wanted to, we were both interested in her.

That was my first ever hot-tub three-way. Although, to be fair, most of the three-way occurred after we got out of the hot-tub to dry off.

So there you have it - my most porn-like real-life evening.

If you don't mind me saying, judging by this and some of the other stories you've told, it sounds like you have an amazing sex life.

game-lover:

Freezy_Breezy:
I got head from two girls at once in the back of a taxi, while I played with both of them at once. Then I got them to make out.

If there's one job that I really would not ever wish to do, that would be one of them. It must suck just being treated like the background scenery.

Nah, it'd be quite interesting. You'd meet a lot of people, could chuckle at drunk shenanigans, and you develop a super human memory.

OT: I lost my virginity in a field.

And a friend of mine had the house to herself for the week and invited me down for a week of no strings attached sex.

Simpler times.

Well, this one time I visited a female friend. Being alone, curled up on the couch together, when she starts fondling me

Then there's the story I've already told twice here. When I was 17, a foursome. In a submarine. Yes I'm serious! I'd like to see porn beat that!

...a couple of times, though they never quite play out like a "normal" porno does.

Once in the back of a taxi when I was stationed in Germany, a drunk me got unexpected fellatio from a drunk female soldier who was with our local signal battalion. I... escorted the young woman back to her barracks room and stayed half the night there. Good time, bad hangover, neither of us knew the other's name.

Once when hanging out with a guy I worked with in the National Guard (more recent, but not by much), his girlfriend came on to me and said he wouldn't care if I just fucked her in the living room while he was out. I said if that was so, we should wait and ask him. Apparently they were swingers, because he thought it was a good idea. I guess I wasn't the first or last co-worker they pulled in for dinner and a threesome.

Sexy Devil:
Judging from that other thread last month your life is one big porno.

Naw. Most porn is unrealistic - I only have one or two stories that are weird enough to be porn-esque.

Arranging a 4-way with another couple isn't a porn story - it's a swinger story. Much more down to earth and realistic.

Relish in Chaos:
If you don't mind me saying, judging by this and some of the other stories you've told, it sounds like you have an amazing sex life.

^^ Thanks!

Although, I have been wracking up these stories for about 15 years. And I have an amazing spouse.

When I used to deliver pizza, I would come across the lonely housewife here and there who probably wanted attention more than the pizza... I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty dumb when it comes to subtle cues from women. Basically they have to hit me in the face with it to get me to see what they want.
So more or less in hindsight I may have been able to have one of those "porn scene" moments quite a few times but either I wasn't interested (because they weren't my type or just not good looking enough to spark interest) or too stupid to see it coming. Granted they never answered in lingere or nightclothes in general, but a few of them did have cutoff shirts with no bra and decent sized hooters.
I did have one lady who was older but decent looking request me personally about 15 times in a week, and she always tipped very well and offered me more for "a little something something" but I always turned her down.
Probably because whether she knew it or not, she was a friend of my family and that would be AWKWARD.

Now granted, I think I have a list of other sex-stories but I don't know if they qualify as porn so much as "extra-curricular" activities. I experimented a lot with the opposite sex in my youth, and now that I'm married and all have cut out the things I tried once or twice and didn't like. At some point we all find our niche's sexually (or find we don't have a niche) and settle in to that rhythm. I have to say though that the best thing I've found is a partner with whom every night feels different, and every encounter feels like you've no idea where you end and they begin... If you haven't had that, then I feel for you because there's no better feeling. And I'd not trade that for all the real porn-scene experiences expressed (whether real or contrived).

Once I got totally smashed while on vacation in North Carolina, and I met a cute redhead who, in retrospect, was likely equally smashed. It's a bit of a blur, but we eventually ended up back at my place, and...

Relish in Chaos:

TheBobmus:
'OP asks for sex stories, shares none'

It's because no real-life porn scenarios have ever happened to me.

Then why did you ask if they happened to us? No offense but people on videogame-forums aren't known for their sexual experience.

Hmm, the best one?

Well I once had a friend who was working at a poolbar. It closes pretty early and I was just sitting at the bar talking with her. There were almost no customers. So when she does closes up shop I offer to help clean up.

Afterwards she says: Hey why not play some pool? The owner doesn't mind. As long as we still pay for the drinks. But special pool. If you lose or make a mistake you have to drink. I say: okay why not. After a few drinks she says: ok, it's better if I stop drinking now. New rule: if you don't want to drink you have to take off a piece of clothing. Okay again, I say. I was kind of liking where things were going.

In the end we were both fairly sober. But since she already took off her bra and was only in her undies, we had sex on the pool table.

Kinda cool story if you ask me. God she was hot.

looks up phone number

Iron Criterion:
This thread is glorious.

OT: I had sex with a life long friend the other day, giving in to the years of temptation. And I got caught by my partner.

Your left hand was your partner or your left hand was your life long friend?

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:
I suppose, i mean, i'll never meet any of you in real life and you'll never know me or my wife. I guess stories with your wife counts right?

Well anyway, in some ways my life is a whole porn scenario, because i like to do it, and my wife is open minded. So anywhere, anytime really.

1: we had mile high club (for all the kiddies: sex on an airplane) on our way to Ireland for our honeymoon. we waited til that moment where partially everyone is asleep or not looking, and we sneaked into the bathroom, and we did it. Just something about the feeling of flying and sex, plus the turbulence felt really good.

2: We were exploring houses to buy, and since we were given the key and told to take as long as we liked (real estate agent was really cool). Well, we found a room with a pole *I AM NOT KIDDING*. My wife gives my that sultry look and starts to dance around it, and striptease and all that good stuff. Real estate agent told us we must have liked the house cause we spent so much time in there.

3: I was raised in the south so this one is kinda of expected. we were having a nice forest picnic, lying out in the sun, relaxing and kissing. she then gets up and says she needs to go to the bathroom *or go behind a bush*. she comes back covered in the whip cream and chocolate we had packed to make sundaes out of. we got to gettin, rollin around in the grass, lickin it off each other yeah it got sticky, but then again what sex scenario isn't :)

4: Most romantic though was when i proposed to my wife :) it was on the beach with the sun setting. the light caught her eyes and hair just right. and all i could say was, "babe, i love you. I will always love you. I will always want to be with you", she said, "i love you to".

My response? "No, i mean it. I want to be with you for ever. *I get down on my knee* i want you to be my wife."
she said, "yes"
and like that she was on me :) didn't even have time to get to a hotel.
That was the first night we had sex, finally engaged :)

EH, got plenty more (not even including role play ;)) but that's all you get for now.

2. The prude in me hopes you bought the house. So no strangers could waltz into the house, unaware of what happened in their new home. Then again, who knows how many couples had sex in the room before you...

3. What about that has anything to do with you being raised in the south? Seriously, I wanna know. The forest? The whipped cream and chocolate as more than just food? Outdoor nookie? What? I was born and raised and still live in the south. Why would it be expected?

Bara_no_Hime:

Relish in Chaos:
Has anyone ever actually found themself in a real-life scenario that was very reminiscent of what would happen in pornography? Roleplay doesn't count.

I've told this one before on the Escapists, but it was before you joined. This is probably my most porn-tastic experience:

Last labor day, my spouse, myself, and several friends went out clubbing. Much fun was had by all. One of my friends (who I mentioned recently in another thread) was a bit drunk. She invited all of us back to her place to take a dip in her hot-tub. My spouse and I were like "we'd love to, but we didn't bring swim suits."

She responded "don't worry, you won't need them"

Our other friends decided not to come along, but my spouse and I did. So the three of us got naked and got in the hot tub.

While we were bathing, I happened to mention how my spouse and I have an open/swinging relationship. She asked us what that was like. So we told her. I also mentioned that, if she wanted to, we were both interested in her.

That was my first ever hot-tub three-way. Although, to be fair, most of the three-way occurred after we got out of the hot-tub to dry off.

So there you have it - my most porn-like real-life evening.

You wouldn't happen to have an alternate account would you?

I could swear someone else has told that exact story with the username "princess something". I could swear that is the case, did you happen to have a women with white clothes as your avatar at some point?

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:
1: we had mile high club (for all the kiddies: sex on an airplane) on our way to Ireland for our honeymoon. we waited til that moment where partially everyone is asleep or not looking, and we sneaked into the bathroom, and we did it. Just something about the feeling of flying and sex, plus the turbulence felt really good.

I have always wanted to do that! Unfortunately, while my spouse is great about sex with other people, group sex, etc, my spouse has an... issue... with public sex and getting caught. My spouse does not like that - thus, while we have had lots of great sex, it has always been either in our home, in the home of the people were having sex with, or in a hotel room. The only time we've ever had out-door sex was in the backyard of this house my spouse used to rent - it was wooded all around, so there was no way a passer-by could see anything.

I've always thought a beach would be romantic, but I've been told that there are a lot of practical issues... and I've never been on a private beach, only public ones with tons of people.

game-lover:
3. What about that has anything to do with you being raised in the south? Seriously, I wanna know. The forest? The whipped cream and chocolate as more than just food? Outdoor nookie? What? I was born and raised and still live in the south. Why would it be expected?

I'm guessing the outdoor sex. Southern Gothic literature has a LOT of instances of outdoor sex, to the point where it seems something of a cultural standby. According to one Southern Gothic author, sex that occurs in the woods doesn't count against virginity or sex-before-marriage - because it's not in a bedroom.

This particular Southern Gothic author also talks about how southern girls used to use Coke (the beverage) as a post-coital douche for birth control. Which, I gotta say, sounds pretty damn awful. I mean, ick. And Yeast Infection waiting to happen. Not to mention - how exactly does Coke act as birth control?

Edit: The author I'm thinking of is either Florence King or Dorothy Allison. Both are Southern Gothic authors, and both talk about having sex in the woods, but I can't remember which one talked about Cola-douches. I would recommend both authors to anyone with an interest in Southern Gothic, however - they are both excellent authors.

Well to be honest, this is on second party account since the whole incident just happened because I was so drunk I forgot what my parents look like, but I was 14 and didnīt know my limits yet. Note: I have never ever again lost consiousness like that, I stop drinking when I start to get drunk now.

But hereīs the story.
So I was at a party one of my friends invited me over. There was loads of older dudes and their girlfriends and stuff like that, most still underage but some 18 year olds aswell...those where the ones carrying in the hard stuff, since beer is legal from 16 over here.
So they where supplying the party with Vodka, Whiskey and even a bottle of Absinth.
Stupid me, I tried some, and everyone thought the drunken kid was fucking awesome, so they gave me more.
I started noticing that one girl someone brought over, she was 13 and pretty cute. I mustaīve behaved like a complete clown but we ended up on a couch just talking about stuff, she was also pretty drunk aswell. People were cheering weīd make a good couple and shit.
Now this is where it got dark and I had people tell me what happened next. Apparently we took off to a room with very thin walls and had pretty loud sex. At one point the music was turned down so they could listen in better. I was probably too drunk to notice anything but me and her.
I am pretty glad I canīt remember anything, because me and her being virgins AND drunk like sailors made the whole deal look pretty pathetic probably.
The next day I wake up in the bathroom, naked, grab a towel and try to figure out what the hell had happened and where I was. If youīve seen the end of the movie "Kids", thatīs kinda what it looked like, passed out people everywhere. So I stumble across the room when that friend of mine just woke up and made himself a coffee. He congratulated me for something and that "the show was pretty good.", and I wanted to know what he was talking about.
So he told me what happened and I think I said I didnīt believe him. But then he showed me the room and there she was, still naked, halfway covered under a blanket and the bed looked like a mess, our clothes everywhere.
After she woke up and I put my clothes back on, we talked about what had happened, I wanted to keep seeing her but she was too embarrassed, saying she didnīt want anyone else to find out, especially her parents, and how she wasnīt even supposed to be here and blah blah.
So we agreed to depart and I never saw her again.

So yeah, to me, the whole shebang sounds kind of ripped out some teen-sex-flick...canīt even remember her name if she ever told me.
That was 8 years ago so, meh...

Huh, seeing my 10th grade Biology and Geology teacher at the beach on a very revealing bikini (she was 25 years old at the time, first year as a teacher). Nothing happened, besides spending half the day hiding the boner.

Met a punk girl who asked me if I wanted to see her nipple piercing. Said no because being caught that day would mean getting kicked out of national military service (one day walking around a military base), forced to pay a fine and return the next year. Eventually found she was a lesbian anyway... She was probably not "offering" anything.

Once almost did it on an elevator on a highschool. I had volunteered to help prepping a science fair, and met a student there.

8-Bit_Jack:
A wild AnonIB appears!

watch it escapist, this is how it starts. it goes from stories, to pics or didnt happen, then finally you're trading pregnant triple amputee porn for the lulz

Did you find out about Reddit today or something?

i was on a business trip and two female coworkers i was with asked me to be the cameraman for a photo shoot of them engaged in lesbian activities to send back to their respective boyfriends. they asked me to do it because one of them was a friend of mine whom trusted me not to take advantage of the situation, and the other one actually just secretly wanted to get me aroused.

Matthew94:

Bara_no_Hime:

Relish in Chaos:
Has anyone ever actually found themself in a real-life scenario that was very reminiscent of what would happen in pornography? Roleplay doesn't count.

I've told this one before on the Escapists, but it was before you joined. This is probably my most porn-tastic experience:

Last labor day, my spouse, myself, and several friends went out clubbing. Much fun was had by all. One of my friends (who I mentioned recently in another thread) was a bit drunk. She invited all of us back to her place to take a dip in her hot-tub. My spouse and I were like "we'd love to, but we didn't bring swim suits."

She responded "don't worry, you won't need them"

Our other friends decided not to come along, but my spouse and I did. So the three of us got naked and got in the hot tub.

While we were bathing, I happened to mention how my spouse and I have an open/swinging relationship. She asked us what that was like. So we told her. I also mentioned that, if she wanted to, we were both interested in her.

That was my first ever hot-tub three-way. Although, to be fair, most of the three-way occurred after we got out of the hot-tub to dry off.

So there you have it - my most porn-like real-life evening.

You wouldn't happen to have an alternate account would you?

I could swear someone else has told that exact story with the username "princess something". I could swear that is the case, did you happen to have a women with white clothes as your avatar at some point?

Yes its this one

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/Princess+Rose

Been meaning to ask her why she ditched it

Marik2:

Yes its this one

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/Princess+Rose

Been meaning to ask her why she ditched it

That's it!

Thanks for finding that, another mystery solved. :P

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:

2: We were exploring houses to buy, and since we were given the key and told to take as long as we liked (real estate agent was really cool). Well, we found a room with a pole *I AM NOT KIDDING*. My wife gives my that sultry look and starts to dance around it, and striptease and all that good stuff. Real estate agent told us we must have liked the house cause we spent so much time in there.

game-lover:
2. The prude in me hopes you bought the house. So no strangers could waltz into the house, unaware of what happened in their new home. Then again, who knows how many couples had sex in the room before you...

Haha would've been funny though :p owners walk in, "honey, why is the floor wet and sticky?"
But yeah we bought the house, it was cheap and roomy *coughcough* had a hot tub and swimming and had a pole *coughcough* extremely sexy *COUGH* man my throat................................ yeah, my wife ;D

Bara_no_Hime:

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:
1: we had mile high club (for all the kiddies: sex on an airplane) on our way to Ireland for our honeymoon. we waited til that moment where partially everyone is asleep or not looking, and we sneaked into the bathroom, and we did it. Just something about the feeling of flying and sex, plus the turbulence felt really good.

I have always wanted to do that! Unfortunately, while my spouse is great about sex with other people, group sex, etc, my spouse has an... issue... with public sex and getting caught. My spouse does not like that - thus, while we have had lots of great sex, it has always been either in our home, in the home of the people were having sex with, or in a hotel room. The only time we've ever had out-door sex was in the backyard of this house my spouse used to rent - it was wooded all around, so there was no way a passer-by could see anything.

I've always thought a beach would be romantic, but I've been told that there are a lot of practical issues... and I've never been on a private beach, only public ones with tons of people.

game-lover:
3. What about that has anything to do with you being raised in the south? Seriously, I wanna know. The forest? The whipped cream and chocolate as more than just food? Outdoor nookie? What? I was born and raised and still live in the south. Why would it be expected?

I'm guessing the outdoor sex. Southern Gothic literature has a LOT of instances of outdoor sex, to the point where it seems something of a cultural standby.

bara, my man, let me tell ya, my woman = beastly. she is the opposite, she seems to like the thrill of the possibility of being caught. You name it, in the park, in the car on the side of the road, at my office if she comes over, behind the office, etc. P.S. sex on the beach at sunset, not as bad as it sounds, that is if you bring a towel for parts of it. cause pussies don't like sand :D HAHAHA..ha..ha..... get it? like a cat, doesn't like sand, get it? *crickets*

She doesn't like group sex though, cause this one time, i had a friend of mine ask out a part friend of my wife, and this friend of mine is one horny dude. Needless to say, they got it on pretty soon (he was a horny lover, and she was hippie). The same night she asked me and my wife if we wanted in the on whole thing, a night long foursome/(if i was up to it threesome with her and my wife). Now, i love my wife and only her, but a guy gets interested in these things, but i didn't want her to do something she didn't want or make her think she wasn't enough for me. so we declined and went to our own room for personal sex, (which was still very nice).

though she does admit, if she could clone me like 3 times, making 3 of me, she would have no problem with that.... if that makes any sense.

And yes that is what i meant. i was raised in the DEEEEEEP south, with girls tannin on hot tin roofs, and cut-offs and bras were everyday attire. So basically sex in the cornfield ( which i DO NOT recommend o.o) in the greenery. The whip cream and chocolate were more my wifes idea and not really southern is was just an extra sexy detail ;p

captcha: laser beams..... from you know where! yeah my wife loves when i shoot her with my laser beams ;D HEH? HEH?..... *more crickets* dammit sex jokes!

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:
bara, my man,

Um, I'm not a man, as my OB-GYN can attest.

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:
P.S. sex on the beach at sunset, not as bad as it sounds, that is if you bring a towel for parts of it. cause pussies don't like sand :D HAHAHA..ha..ha..... get it? like a cat, doesn't like sand, get it? *crickets*

I've been to the beach, I'm aware of what sand does to that particular piece of one's anatomy, thanks. Quite a bit better than you are, unless your wife is very descriptive.

Anyway, I don't see a towel being enough. Sand gets ON the towel pretty easily, and unless one is very, very careful, I don't see something like that ending well for anyone.

When I was 15, I was having sex with the same girl (3rd time that evening/night) in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off... That stall had a broken lock, which I noticed too late. Just a door knob that I held on to with dear life. I'd heard sounds of the disco ending and everyone being shooed outside, and suddenly I hear steps and "everyone out" shouts from the bathroom. Then someone was pulling the door open, and I managed to hold on to it, until the third pull...

So, this girl for my number, and then had sex with me to ensure I would call it.

Bara_no_Hime:
Anyway, I don't see a towel being enough. Sand gets ON the towel pretty easily, and unless one is very, very careful, I don't see something like that ending well for anyone.

Perhaps you would consider sex on a typical British beach... (note: nothing but pebbles). And no, I haven't done it if you're curious. Only time I've had sex in a public place was in Hyde Park... which recalls a bit like a stereotypical porno: two runners in a deserted park early in the morning with her boobies bouncing about... sweat... dripping... *slaps self*

Anyway, actual story I had in mind: an amateur porno (we filmed it, destroying it when we broke up). More of just a roleplay on film: angry master returning home; servant wishing to please etc. etc. lots of spanking and awesome sex and dialogue that we didn't bother with. Watched it back the first time and had to laugh.

Bara_no_Hime:

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:
bara, my man,

Um, I'm not a man, as my OB-GYN can attest.

EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON:
P.S. sex on the beach at sunset, not as bad as it sounds, that is if you bring a towel for parts of it. cause pussies don't like sand :D HAHAHA..ha..ha..... get it? like a cat, doesn't like sand, get it? *crickets*

I've been to the beach, I'm aware of what sand does to that particular piece of one's anatomy, thanks. Quite a bit better than you are, unless your wife is very descriptive.

Anyway, I don't see a towel being enough. Sand gets ON the towel pretty easily, and unless one is very, very careful, I don't see something like that ending well for anyone.

My mistake, madam, i do apologize.

Yeah, my wife IS very descriptive, it was a question between us, how does it feel to be a guy and how it feels to be a woman.

And we were very careful. it was on the beach but sorta back on the area where the grass meets the sand, with a towel, its very nice. *cues music*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbXSvgzq76Q&feature=related

the warm soft ground beneath you plus the hot body on you, the sun glinting of both of your sweating bodies, the one you love and a romantic evening, slowly stripping off the clothes as we embrace in a passionate kiss and fall gently into the it.... ah memories 8D

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked