Mom just got you an iPhone for Christmas!

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT
 

Hemlet:
Eh, nothing inherently wrong with what she's trying to do, but she may want to reconsider some of the rules. Others have already pointed out that they're a bit contradictory or straight up unfair, so there's really no need to go over that again.

Frankly I wanna know what happens when the kid eventually finds himself in a loophole situation and tries to point out what it's not really his fault.

Undoubtedly he will be in trouble regardless.
That is how it usually works.

tl;dl
Accept
Do not create icon on my desktop.

No, I actually read it. Its not so bad. There is a greater chance when parents control they children that they will grow up to be actual people rather than hell spawn even if they dont like it. My parents never really forced anything on me and I was spoiled brat, only thing that saved me was self reflection but I still ended up being lazy ass sloth.

Only point that looks wierd to me is 15. I would understand worried mother restricting access to some games or movies because they are violent or something but pop music? Thats wierd.

Aside from it not really being a "gift" if it's still hers, and I'd replace "We know the password at all times" with "you will unlock your phone if I request it", I don't actually see any big problems here that can't be contextualized.

That said, man, some people here have major parent issues. What, do you think that your parents SHOULDN'T put rules and restrictions that actually mean something in place? Are you feeling threatened by proxy because someone has a stricter ruleset than you had to work with?

Ye Gods, I can only imagine your faces if you knew what ruleset one of my friends grew up with...

Girl With One Eye:
I wouldn't want an iphone in the first place let alone one with so many rules.

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

This one I don't get - what's wrong with wanting to have pictures to help you remember things?

I agree, though I would add that while taking and keeping the photos for your self is fine. For the love of all things dear and fluffy then don't upload every single one to twitter/facebook/bloger/etc...

Anyway I wouldn't want an iPhone even if it were free.

Off topic.
Hey hows it going? It's been a while. You have a good Christmas and new year?

Boy oh boy, here we go.

R.Nevermore:
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

Well then it's not a fucking gift then, is it?

R.Nevermore:
2. I will always know the password.

Again, it's not a gift.

R.Nevermore:
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.

That's right, answer strangers that got a wrong number from some chick they were hitting on. This one will come back to bite you in the ass in a bit some other way, but I will get to that momentarily.

R.Nevermore:
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

OK. This one is somewhat reasonable for a 13 year old. Unlike the next one. Still, I would watch out with curfews. Apparently, that makes kids sedate you. http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.397697-Teens-Sedate-Parents-For-Net-Access

R.Nevermore:
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

WHY DID YOU BUY HIM A SMARTPHONE IF HE CAN ONLY USE IT AS A NORMAL PHONE? Also, it's not like anything ever bad happens at a school or anything. Not like there was a massacre last month or something like that. (In case you have been under a rock, this has happened recently. Several times. In the past few months.)

R.Nevermore:
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

Yeah. Fuck coverage plans. Again. This makes it the opposite of a gift since it belongs to you and the loss would be yours. THIS THING IS A FUCKING LIABILITY. I would be too stressed to have it around!

R.Nevermore:
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

OK, this one is also reasonable.

R.Nevermore:
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

This is redundant.

R.Nevermore:
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

Let the fuckers sort their own problems out. What are you? Their friend or something?

R.Nevermore:
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.

Reasonable.

R.Nevermore:
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

Remember when I said that #3 would bite you in the ass? Well here you go! How can you answer the phone if it is off? These rules are too inflexible. But wait, we will make another visit to # 3 again, so don't forget about it just yet.

R.Nevermore:
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.

I will laugh when I please, but this is also reasonable. Dammit! Stop being a reasonable parent; it's boring!

R.Nevermore:
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

WHY. DID. YOU. GIVE. HIM. A. SMART. PHONE.....?

R.Nevermore:
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

FOMO? Is that a new thing? I never heard of it, but it sounds like an organization that wants to violate me. Also, what is the point of a phone if I can't carry it with me? Again. This thing is a liability. Why have it?

R.Nevermore:
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

Be unique. Just like everyone else. Nice to see a mom raising her child to be a hipster that no one can or wants to relate to.

R.Nevermore:
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

Reasonable, but apparently World of Warcraft can teach me to function in the business world better than Harvard, so why bother? http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/121351-Researcher-Claims-World-of-Warcraft-Builds-Great-Employees

R.Nevermore:
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

Not only should you answer calls from people you don't know, but you should also talk to random people you don't know. Thanks, mom! I would have never met Clarence had it not been for you. He's really nice. Sometimes, applies facial cream on me, but I have to wear a blindfold so it does not sting my eyes. (This really happened.)

R.Nevermore:
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

Just take the fucking phone back. Buy me some jam or something.

These rules are both restrictive and redundant. Why would you provide so many tools if you don't want your child using them? Why give them a phone at all, since you don't even trust them to keep it at night lest they e-mail pictures of their privates to Clarence.

DoPo:

R.Nevermore:
Allot of apple and iPhone hate here heh.

What?

What?

Ummm.... are you sure you're in the same thread as me? The only thing remotely related to "hate" is Fractral suggesting buying a cheaper phone instead of making a bigass list of rules for an iPhone. And that's not really hate, either.

Maybe you shouldn't ascribe malice where there is nothing to even suggest any.

Calm down sir... Overreacting to something of a minor quip...

Although i would hate to do so, especially considering the amount of money an I-phone costs, i think i would either have to return the phone and buy a much cheaper one that i actually owned and give the money back to my mum or just put it in a draw in my bedroom and go back to using my old phone. As is pointed out, it wouldn't be my phone: The lack of privacy that my mum knew the password, coupled with the fact she would take the phone away every night (which i don't understand. Does she think he's gonna stay up all night on the phone or something? I've never owned an I-phone, but considering my brother and sister both did and instead used to stay up watching TV/playing games, I think he would get bored quick) would seriously make me question how much my mum actually trusted me

Also, the 'Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision' and school rule seem to make it pointless that he owns a phone if he can't carry it with him.

Lol this is such a fail, dont use google? So she is essentially encouraging ignorance, good quality for anyone to have, much less a kid am I right? Not to mention that most of these rules are completely ludicrous. Free phone you say? It comes with so many strings attached, I wouldnt bother. Also given that he cant use it at school and cant use it after 7:30, that leaves what, a couple hours with it a day? Waste of money if you ask me.

It looks like the kid will only be using it sort of on the weekends, since he can't take it to school. I remember how much time I had between being out of school and 7:30PM. The kid would roughly have the phone to himself at home for at most 4 hours.

Seriously, there isn't a point to getting such a phone, especially with those kind of rules. Back in the day, the reason I got to take a cellphone to school with me is if anything happened to me at school and I needed to call my parents.

Also, if my parents offered me such a phone for free, I would say, "You do know there are better, not Apple, phones for much cheaper, half the cost or less. I know it is free, but I don't want you to go too out of your way for me."

Girl With One Eye:
I wouldn't want an iphone in the first place let alone one with so many rules.

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

This one I don't get - what's wrong with wanting to have pictures to help you remember things?

And for that matter, these people must be immortal, considering, "They will be stored in your memory for eternity."

Some of them are common sense, like no dick pics, but most of them are over the top. I was 13 when my I got my first cell phone too, and I had none of these silly rules. This long list of rules essentially says: I don't trust you and you really don't deserve this. The trust thing is huge. As a teenager, you have secrets. It's a fact of life. As much as mom might like, it's not healthy to try and invade their privacy through their phone. This also demonstrates she doesn't trust her son not to have a complete mental breakdown over addiction to the phone. Have some respect for the child you raised.

If he was younger, some of these might be more reasonable, but at 13, you've got to let him have some responsibility of his own. As long as you instill these values, instead of make them rules, they'll be fine. Just let them know you don't think it's healthy to be addicted to the phone, but don't make rules about it. It just shows lack of trust and respect. It's way too over-controlling.

Honestly if this happened to me I'd give the phone back and tell my mom that no, I do not accept the end user licence agreement. I really do not see the point in having a smart phone that I couldn't use "smart" nor whenever/however I wanted (within reason of course).

There are some reasonable rules here of course, like 8 and 12, but the amount of dumb restrictions far outweigh the pros of having an iPhone.

You don't teach your child responsibility with a product by neutering his use of it

Sounds like a super overly-protective parent. These rules may sound like they're helping develop the child, but it's really only putting unreasonable restrictions on a tool he's going to need to properly use in the future anyhow.

Edit: Yeah, as people have pointed out, why did you buy him a smart phone if he's not even allowed to use it?

fenrizz:

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.

Another American afraid of porn and/or sex, what a surprise.

The kid is 13. You make it sound like Europeans are fucking each other on the streets if that sounds unreasonable to you.

R.Nevermore:
You don't teach your child responsibility with a product by neutering his use of it

If that's directed towards the mother as to why she shouldn't have such rules, that presumes responsibility is her primary goal.

My mom knows I hate apple as a company and dont use many of its services (I only use iheart radio because the radio stations I listen to are on it and I dont feel like familiarizing myself with pandora). So if she gave it to me, Id hand it right back and say no thank you.

Now if she gave me any other phone with those rules id probably look at her for a second before saying no cause I know id break one of them. Then Id go to my grandmother cause Im on her plan right now till Im done with college and tell her what my mom was doing and see if she thinks its as crazy as I do before continuing my life exactly as is now. to me it seems over bearing, though granted, the kid is only 13.

This parent is moronic. why buy an iphone when the rules restrict him in using any feature other then the call function that any phone (of course) has? she should have spent 20 (the equivalent in american moneys)on a phone from the 90s.

I'd send that shit flying through a window at Mach 5. Android's better.

The fuck would I need an Iphone for? I can function just fine with my stone age flip cell phone

I'd tell 'em "ya know what?. You can keep the damn phone."

Seriously, is the "Parent" in this situation Excalibur from Soul Eater.

I feel like this list of rules is either unnecessary or will be completely unused anyway. Either she's taught her son not to do stupid things with the phone, or she's essentially trying to teach fire safety by giving him a flamethrower. And if she's taught him to use the phone responsibly before handing him the rules, it would demonstrate more trust if she just told him to be responsible and trust him with the thing.

But, as far as exact rules go:
1 and 2 are fine, whathaveyou. 1 is something my mom would say (and probably everyone's mom) and 2 can help keep the phone used for what she wants while also keeping the password easily accessible to the child (can be nice if you're going to have a secure password).

3 is, well, hilarious. It will get broken. I would not answer the phone in a public bathroom, even if the call was from the president, who was on a conference call with god. Plus some people who use public bathrooms (see: opinionated older individuals) might become offended and chastise you/be dicks if they think your parents raised you wrong. Not worth the risk.

4 will happen until it doesn't. It sounds nice and practical now, but what about that call he wants to make to his friend who's going to study algebra with him over the phone from 7-8:30? Or he's really close to beating that one level, just five more minutes, really? It'll happen, and mom will facilitate.

5 is a neat idea. Teachers would take it away. Bullies would steal it. Yeah, he might want to show off to his friends, but if he's responsible he'll know it'd be better left at home anyway.

6 is either another given or will never happen. If you're teaching a kid to save, you will have a fund where they can put this money and forget about it. You might even be making sure they're saving for the inevitable broken iPhone. Or you aren't teaching them to save, the phone will break, they will have no way to replace it and you will either have to do something about it or they won't have a phone. And once a parent gives a child a phone, that parent never wants to exist in a world where their child is not accessible at the push of a button again (especially a clingy parent). Either way, you're micromanaging their phone replacement insurance.

Any rule involving talking to other people or sending them your naked bits: If you have not instilled the utter terror of sharing information over the internet to your child (in the event that they cannot fully comprehend a lifetime of unemployment and shame from a single mistake made in youth, which seems pretty unlikely), you have done your child a disservice. Teach them the ramifications from over-sharing. You don't even have to exaggerate. You can have your life ruined from the silliest of things. If you're really cavalier, you can have your life ended. You are your information, and that information is not a secret once it's on the internet. And the internet never forgets anything.

Any rule involving being a douche: I didn't need this as a kid, because I learned the value of understanding people are on the other end of what I said over the net, and if I didn't want to hurt their feelings, I just had to remember they are people. Teach them that people are still people over the net and deserve the same respect you'd give them in real life, and this won't be an issue.

The porn rule: Give them a safe place at home to explore their sexual desires (like a porn folder on their personal computer) and this probably won't be an issue (who the hell wants to accidentally show their friends their porn anyway?). If he wants to use the phone for porn, I'd bet it's because he has to secretly look at it at home. Or is a sex addict.

Content controlling rules: Parents like to try to control what content their kids ingest, but I'll bet it goes something like this: kid downloads parent-approved songs because he's trying to please mom/mom told him what to download. Song goes un-listened to. Kid wastes 2x money on songs he hates and songs he likes so mom can feel like she's doing something.

As far as enjoying nature/life without the phone: take the dang kid to a summer camp without the phone. Don't rely on him to want to put it down. And don't ever discount the knowledge he can gain by googling every word he doesn't know and every subject he might want to learn, ever.

tl;dr: Honestly, most of these rules are silly/unnecessary or about to be hilariously outdated. But I guess, with rules from parents, it's quantity over quality. Hopefully most of these he'll do without question, but if not, I hope she's really ready for the arduous task of teaching someone how to only light candles with a flamethrower. Seems like it would be much easier to start with a match, but you don't get to be the best mom ever if you're giving your kid a cheap flip phone for Christmas.

Nopenopenopenope, I'm an adult of 20 and need to be treated like one.

Sounds like some finca holiday resort time sharing scam.

I'd love to think and believe that she means well, but it's so messed up I am not sure how to respond to that. At all.

I already fail somewhat when I ponder on the notion of 13-year-olds having/using iPhones. Apple wants to sell you pretty much anything and everything (except for some useful bits you can only get on Cydia), and your bought items will pretty much lock you in until you just can't take it anymore and just go out and buy any phone that is not iPhone, just because it starts to get well creepy after a while.

For the added fun bits, enable Genius and let Siri raise your child for you, you silly person. It's all somewhat understandable and logically sound, but I find it hard to generate much faith for a method that raises a kid with contracts and letter from the lawyer or pretty much anything over 200 words and has the love and charm of the small print of that card company or that loan shark's very special offer.

BartyMae:

R.Nevermore:
You don't teach your child responsibility with a product by neutering his use of it

If that's directed towards the mother as to why she shouldn't have such rules, that presumes responsibility is her primary goal.

What else would her goal be?

I think its a good list. I would have consolidated it, but it's nice to see a parent teaching their kid to use a phone as a tool, not an extension of who they are. Seriously go to a restraunt and see how many people cant even make it through a 1 hour dinner without checking their phone every 5 minutes- its like crack.

I'm fairly certain that as a 13 year old I would have downloaded porn and emailed a picture of my balls to a friend within 5 minutes of getting this amazing internet machine, smart phones are a lot of responsibility so of course a kid needs some boundaries. I would hope as he gets older the rules are relaxed, but for now it seems entirely reasonable.

...And why are you guys overreacting? The only issue that I have is that I'd let my kid use all of the features not lock 'em down, and I'd make sure that my kid talks to me because I exist.

Rawne1980:
Land lines are dead?

That's news to me, i've been using one for years and it still works. I don't own a mobile phone.

They cost about the same as a cheap cell phone nowadays. Most young people, including younger families (and even mine) don't have one.

I know it's not a big deal for an adolescent, but I don't like driving without a cellphone. I really don't get the "don't be afraid to leave the house without it". If my car breaks down on the side of the road, am I supposed to depend on the kindness of others for help? Fat chance. My cellphone is like my wallet, it's good to carry around. Can I survive without it? Sure, but I like knowing it's there for emergencies.

When I got my first cell phone it was an order, there was no option of choosing not to have it.

So if he cant take it to school, and has to hand it in by 7.30pm... That leaves a maybe ~3 hour window in which he actually is able to use it - for which he will be at home and probably have little actual use for the functionality of the smart phone (camera, portable phone, etc).

A couple of these rules are great, but several are outright ridiculous.

While there's little doubt the mother had good intentions with these rules, I don't see the point in having a smartphone when these rules heavily remove any usefulness the phone would have had in the first place. Also, if she's making him foot the bill for repairs and replacements, then why doesn't she also teach him how to take proper care of such an expensive device? Prevention is better than the cure, after all.

The kid's only 13, too. I'm only speaking from personal experience, but people tend to do dumb things at that age. The mom should have just saved money and start him off with a flip phone. Then move up to a smartphone later when he's demonstrated enough intelligence and responsibility to handle one without needing a lengthy list of rules like the one here.

But since she already bought the phone, I'll give my $0.02 on that. Strict rules like these will only build resentment in the kid as he gets older, when he starts desiring more independence and freedom. If he doesn't break these rules, it will be more likely because he fears the punishment rather than simply knowing the right thing to do with his new expensive gadget. Instead of setting all of these rules (which range from understandable to ridiculous), the mom should forget the contract and teach him the reasons behind all of her ideas for rules instead. That would allow him to understand and take on his new responsibility with a lot less stress and paranoia.

And as others have already suggested, teaching by example works the best. Make sure the kid has something or someone good to imitate. Maybe the mom can start with herself, if she hasn't already?

Seems a lot of people are saying how bad these rules are. Honestly the kid is 13, he doesn't need an Iphone, it is a lavish gift, he deserves to understand that. Some kids are raised with too much and value none of it. I like this contract. Some of the rules are a bit strict, but really, no stricter than what they can put on their computer, and that's really what an Iphone is now. I respect these parents.

So the mom wants the son to be exactly like her... thats a scary thought.
What a cold hard lesson the son will learn when he steps out into the real world and not the fake one his mother constructed for him.

A lady came in to my work over christmas and bought 2 new Iphones which she immediately handed over to her 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son.

Am I the only one here that has a problem with a 13 year old being given a smartphone?

I probably wouldn't accept that. Its almost as limiting as Apple manages to be on its own.
Just kidding but still, I would much rather get my own phone even though I wouldn't use it much. I would prefer to spend my own money on something I can use then be given a 'gift' that I can't.

If it's really true, then... wow. Very "interesting" parenting. Never seen something like this.

Good grief, why even bother buying him the phone then.

He can use it for maybe ...2 hours a day and only in the way you designate. That's not fun... That's not a gift.

That's an obligation.

Get him a cheap second hand nokia then if you feel that strongly about what your son/daughter has access to.
Or trust them. And lead by example (y'know, the best way to enforce a point when they're acting out)
My brother is young as well, we have to have a few guidelines and talk to him about the DANGERS of internet use, but we trust him to do what we've talked about. If not? Well consequences of breaking that trust should come AFTER and should only be to protect him from really serious things. Otherwise if we consistently show that we never trust him by having madly strict guidelines before he even touches anything he's going to grow up very resentful and feeling as though we have no faith in him.

Which, I'm going to point out, is what I grew up with. And it wasn't helpful. I was the most well behaved kid you could possibly imagine. I stuck to every rule set out for me to the point of madness because I feared consequence. My other sibling, acted out at every turn and was the wild child.
Now where did it get both of us? I developed little self confidence, an inability to see any self worth in my actions or accomplishments and a persistent feeling that no one has any faith in my abilities. (I don't need commentary on this please, my own problems are mine to face) My sibling is about as self assured and confident as you get and benefits from it in daily life. She saw the rules for what they are, oppressive.

If you're never allowed to do anything that makes you... well you. You become shallow, and have problems 'developing' your personality later. You're going to fuck up. You're going to piss people off and be a pretentious little shit, or a mood swinging little hot head.

What I can't get behind is parents who'd rather put a barricade around that and stick their fingers in their ears. Hiding behind militant rules and acting impersonal about anything they've done wrong by stating a rule and acting out the consequence like a robot, because they can't deal with their kids like individuals.

Rules should be for protection. And only for serious and potentially life screwing matters. (porn/stranger danger/etc)
This? This is asinine and any parent writing this needs the stick in their anus removed. Or should reconsider what they term a 'gift' and get the appropriate item next time.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked