Am I just at fault?

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Is it wrong to sell meth? I mean, your not the one smoking it. If it wasn't you they are buying it from they would just buy it from someone else. Its the same thing, really. Your not the one cheating but your the one enabling her to cheat.

Yes, you are. Behave with some honor, don't step on other people's relationship. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into a position where you are stepping on it. If she wants to end her relationship, she should actually end it. Until that time comes, you don't fuck her because she's a woman in a relationship that is not an open relationship by prior agreement.

Think of it this way:
If you buy a gun, load it. Hand it to someone else knowing they will kill as many people with it as possible with it. Are you responsible for those deaths?

Yoshi4507:
So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

1. she is NOT in a wrong for doing it. it is her own choice and noone can tell her what to do. its not like shes bearing his child or anything?
You are not in a wrong, because both of you want this and there is nothing wrong.

The only "Wrong" here is that the girl is hiding it. I dont know how the other guy is, (you say its a d-bag but really does that give me a right to judge him?) so i cant say how he should act. but there is nothing wrong with the act itself.

Now i read thoguh other posts, and i am disappointed in humanity again.....

Yoshi4507:
-snip-

If he treats her wrong, she needs to actually turn round and end this relationship with him. Chances are he isn't as bad as you think however and shes simply painting him in a bad light to justify her own actions (which in turn you're using to justify your actions as well).

I'd say however you're just as accountable - you know the guy and you know whats happening is wrong yet you're still doing it. You're actively enabling the girlfriend to cheat as well and you also need to realise that you can never logically have a decent healthy relationship with a girl who so willingly cheats on her boyfriend.

It takes two to tango, buddy. She may have approached you, but it wasn't like you weren't equally complicit in it.

Yoshi4507:
So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

There is no excuse for what you are doing, you are actually just as wrong as her, since you know her boyfriend, and continue to do it as well.

As other's have said, yes you did wrong. If you know the co-worker is mistreating her, you should be a good friend to her and consul her, provide some advice, and back her up if or when she decides to end a relationship with him.

Continuing to sleep with her will guarantee to make the problem worse later on. Either she'll feel a lot of guilt, even if she doesn't show it, or if she doesn't well then I don't know why you would want to be mixed up with a person who doesn't care about cheating on others.

By the way this thread would be better suited to the Advice Forum, if the title was re-worded from who's at fault, to what can be done about this situation.

Strazdas:

Now i read thoguh other posts, and i am disappointed in humanity again.....

I would say the opposite. I stay away from these sort of threads, but I'm pleased that many people are condemning him.
I don't really understand why anyone would need to ask if they're in the wrong. Wouldn't proper human interaction tell you that is a very cruel and dishonorable thing to do? Not to mention highly risky considering that they're both coworkers?

I would be more scared, if no one here cared.

Frission:

Strazdas:

Now i read thoguh other posts, and i am disappointed in humanity again.....

I would say the opposite. I stay away from these sort of threads, but I'm pleased that many people are condemning him.
I don't really understand why anyone would need to ask if they're in the wrong. Wouldn't proper human interaction tell you that is a very cruel and dishonorable thing to do? Not to mention highly risky considering that they're both coworkers?

I would be more scared, if no one here cared.

right now im weighing my options on how far i can go without invoking a warning for insults.
and i guess that says it better than anything else.

It seems that i am the only person on the escapist that does not think he is in the wrong. ANd this is a website that i always kept as progressive and smart. I guess the society wasnt changing as fast as i hoped for.

vashthblackseed:
Think of it this way:
If you buy a gun, load it. Hand it to someone else knowing they will kill as many people with it as possible with it. Are you responsible for those deaths?

did you just really compared sleeping with a woman that has a "boyfriend" to giving murderer a loaded weapon? i am at a loss of words for this stupidity.

Vegosiux:

Well, you know what they say, if they cheat with you, don't be surprised when they cheat on you.

and that is relevant in a "Friends with benefits" relationship how?

Strazdas:

Frission:

Strazdas:

Now i read thoguh other posts, and i am disappointed in humanity again.....

I would say the opposite. I stay away from these sort of threads, but I'm pleased that many people are condemning him.
I don't really understand why anyone would need to ask if they're in the wrong. Wouldn't proper human interaction tell you that is a very cruel and dishonorable thing to do? Not to mention highly risky considering that they're both coworkers?

I would be more scared, if no one here cared.

right now im weighing my options on how far i can go without invoking a warning for insults.
and i guess that says it better than anything else.

It seems that i am the only person on the escapist that does not think he is in the wrong. ANd this is a website that i always kept as progressive and smart. I guess the society wasnt changing as fast as i hoped for.

Hey, I'm all for being progressive. What goes in the bedchamber is normally between people, but hiding it is a bit of dick move. At least have the basic human decency of telling the guy.

I also have the impression that alot of people here have been cheated on and believe me, that is not a pleasant thing to undergo.

EDIT: If you haven't noticed most people are condemning him for the cheating and the fact that he's doing it with coworkers, then the part of "friends with benefits". That and the fact that this whole arrangement is liable to blow up. It's basic common sense.

Frission:

Hey, I'm all for being progressive. What goes in the bedchamber is normally between people, but hiding it is a bit of dick move. At least have the basic human decency of telling the guy.

I also have the impression that alot of people here have been cheated on and believe me, that is not a pleasant thing to undergo.

Like i said, hiding it is the only wrong thing in my opinion. Cheating is irrelevant. It is up to a woman and a man to have agreed upon sex whenever and with whoever they want. Hiding it from your boyfriend/husband is, obviuosly, not a good thing. however the act itself is the choice of the two and the boyfriend has NO SAY in it.
Yeah, of course it is not a pleasant thing, when you look upon your partner as an item that "Belongs to you" and think her/him cannot think of herself and do what they want. Society endorses such "ownership", and the result we got, well, you can see in this thread.

Strazdas:

right now im weighing my options on how far i can go without invoking a warning for insults.
and i guess that says it better than anything else.

It seems that i am the only person on the escapist that does not think he is in the wrong. And this is a website that i always kept as progressive and smart. I guess the society wasnt changing as fast as i hoped for.

Actually, you're not, technically. There have been people on the thread who have said only the female is wrong so there's that.

Of course, you mentioned earlier that you don't think the girlfriend is wrong either and you'd be right in saying you're the only one who thinks so.

Might I ask why, though? You at least consider it cheating, right? Even the people who say it's not their responsibility to police anyone's relationship know cheating is a relatively wrong decision. They just think if you're the person someone is cheating with, it's not on you because you're not the one who made the promise to be faithful.

Or is it that you don't consider it cheating unless they're married? Or she's "bearing his children" as you so put it?

I would like to say that a really big element of cheating is the whole hiding factor which you admit is wrong. But if she wasn't hiding it, it probably wouldn't be cheating because if she didn't feel the need to hide, then it'd be an open relationship. Unless she was such a disrespectful bitch she wanted to rub in her boyfriend's face because she figures she can walk all over him or have no consequences or whatever.

All that aside, No the boyfriend can't exactly tell his girlfriend what to do in that whole literal sense. But he can dump her ass which he'd have every right to do. I look at it like this. If you're in a relationship with someone and you do something that this someone decides or would decide to dump you for, chances are it's the wrong thing to do. It's also the whole promise that tends to come with the agreement to be exclusive thing.

If she's not wrong for the act, then she's wrong for being a liar who can't keep a promise and can't be trusted. You have to at least admit that. And if the boyfriend has NO say in who his girlfriend is fucking. Then she has NO say in what he does as a response.

Strazdas:

right now im weighing my options on how far i can go without invoking a warning for insults.
and i guess that says it better than anything else.

To me, that only says you're so insecure about your opinions you can't even disagree with a person without insulting them and have to constantly seek validation while fighting opposing viewpoints with tooth and claw as to not have to second-guess yourself.

Let me give you a little hint, mate. Being passive-aggressive, derisive and holier-than-thou towards people because they happen to see things differently than you do is so far from "progressive" it's not even in the same solar system.

and that is relevant in a "Friends with benefits" relationship how?

That's such a pretentiously pathetic expression.

Strazdas:

Yeah, of course it is not a pleasant thing, when you look upon your partner as an item that "Belongs to you" and think her/him cannot think of herself and do what they want. Society endorses such "ownership", and the result we got, well, you can see in this thread.

image

game-lover:

Might I ask why, though? You at least consider it cheating, right? Even the people who say it's not their responsibility to police anyone's relationship know cheating is a relatively wrong decision. They just think if you're the person someone is cheating with, it's not on you because you're not the one who made the promise to be faithful.

Or is it that you don't consider it cheating unless they're married? Or she's "bearing his children" as you so put it?

All that aside, No the boyfriend can't exactly tell his girlfriend what to do in that whole literal sense. But he can dump her ass which he'd have every right to do. I look at it like this. If you're in a relationship with someone and you do something that this someone decides or would decide to dump you for, chances are it's the wrong thing to do. It's also the whole promise that tends to come with the agreement to be exclusive thing.

If she's not wrong for the act, then she's wrong for being a liar who can't keep a promise and can't be trusted. You have to at least admit that. And if the boyfriend has NO say in who his girlfriend is fucking. Then she has NO say in what he does as a response.

That really depends on what you consider cheating. if you were to define it, then i could answer more correctly.
No such thing as "wrong" decisions. only those that do not benefit one in the end. (and dont think materialistically here, oru whole society is built upon benefitting ourselves, working together and helping others do benefit us).
What promise has any of them made to be faithful? there was no promise presented.

game-lover:
All that aside, No the boyfriend can't exactly tell his girlfriend what to do in that whole literal sense. But he can dump her ass which he'd have every right to do. I look at it like this. If you're in a relationship with someone and you do something that this someone decides or would decide to dump you for, chances are it's the wrong thing to do. It's also the whole promise that tends to come with the agreement to be exclusive thing.

If she's not wrong for the act, then she's wrong for being a liar who can't keep a promise and can't be trusted. You have to at least admit that. And if the boyfriend has NO say in who his girlfriend is fucking. Then she has NO say in what he does as a response.

I fully agree that the "boyfriend" has full right to dump the girl in such situation. that does not make the girlfriend worth condemning.
And yes, you are correct that she is acting badly by lieing. and i agree that she has no say in what he does as a response. however i would still advise him to follow the law, because you know, jail is not a fun place even if your a douche that likes to punch people

Vegosiux:

To me, that only says you're so insecure about your opinions you can't even disagree with a person without insulting them and have to constantly seek validation while fighting opposing viewpoints with tooth and claw as to not have to second-guess yourself.

Its not that i am insecure in my opinions, its that the rules of this forum, which i have to follow not to get banned, does not always allow me to express them. I try not to get to Ad Hominem (spelling?) as much as i can, but sometimes my bad nature gets better of me. Indeed i do seek validation, because i dont want to live in the world where everyone thinks that such opinion is wrong. any human does that.

As for the rest of your post, i refrain from commenting, looks like your not following your own advice.

Yoshi4507:
So, I'm currently seeing this girl quite often. Friends with benefits thing. Its amazing, dont get me wrong. The only problem though is that she has a boyfriend. To make it better, we are all coworkers. Luckily he doesnt know, but has suspicion. I know she is in the wrong for doing it, but whats bugging me is " how wrong am I in comparison"? At the moment all I can think of is I, m not the one cheating, she is, hes a real d-bag to her anyway, and me always coming to that conclusion is whats bothering me. Whos more wrong?

You are both in the wrong. Cheating isn't more or less honourable depending on your relationship to the cheated. You're still a cheater.

Break it off with her or tell the other guy what's going on.

Either way, you need to man up and tell the truth.

Strazdas:

That really depends on what you consider cheating. if you were to define it, then i could answer more correctly.
No such thing as "wrong" decisions. only those that do not benefit one in the end. (and dont think materialistically here, oru whole society is built upon benefitting ourselves, working together and helping others do benefit us).
What promise has any of them made to be faithful? there was no promise presented.

Let me start my asking you: How do you define an exclusive relationship? What does that mean to you?

It's always been my impression and therefore a given in my eyes that when you agree to exclusive with another person, you pretty much promise that you're not going to be involved with anyone else in any non platonic fashion. Now some people come people come right out and say that when they get together but for the most part it's implied. Some people have used the phrase that "we were never exclusive" in situations where they sleep with someone else after getting involved with a person already.

With this, I define cheating as being involved with anyone else in a non platonic fashion after you have already established an exclusive relationship with someone before. If you're gonna let yourself be claimed as a boyfriend or girlfriend AND go around claiming someone as YOUR boyfriend/girlfriend, then that's exclusivity. And no one had better be going around acting like a boyfriend or girlfriend with anyone else. Or more generally, if you both decide to be each other's lovers, you can't have any others. Otherwise, what's the point? People should just be single for the rest of their lives so they get all the lovers they want and no attachments.

I fully agree that the "boyfriend" has full right to dump the girl in such situation. that does not make the girlfriend worth condemning.
And yes, you are correct that she is acting badly by lieing. and i agree that she has no say in what he does as a response. however i would still advise him to follow the law, because you know, jail is not a fun place even if your a douche that likes to punch people.

We'll agree to disagree on the first point. I'm of the thought that the boyfriend could be involved with another woman instead of with her. And that he's wasted all his time dealing with her and her bullshit.

And who says he has to punch people? I agree with everyone deeming this triangle in the workplace is a bad idea. If I were him and I'd find out, I'd get HR involved. If they don't lose their jobs, the work grapevine oughta start spreading and that's gonna be a blow to reputations. Everyone knows about people deeming someone as the "work slut." And that's just only a couple possibilities I know can happen. There's probably more I don't know.

Johnny Impact:
If you know you are "the other man" and you keep on with it, you are an accomplice to one of the most despicable crimes a person can commit. Simple as that.

Wait, wut?

Hyperbole much? Let's keep some perspective here. Yes, letting one's partner think they are in an exclusive relationship while seeing other people is extremely poor, but "one of the most despicable crimes a person can commit"? No. Not even close.

Aside from issues of morality, you should worry about personal safety. People get hurt all the time doing shit like that. I'm not talking about emotional scarring, either. I'm talking about broken bones, smashed teeth, stab wounds, etc. People are universally insane. You don't know how far this guy might be willing to go to get revenge.

For example, this right here? That's way more despicable. You're talking about assault, which unlike having sex with someone else, is an actual crime.

This thread is palpably insane.

You are deceiving a third party with no benefit to them. Ethically, it's clearly a zero sum game.

I don't know of any moral frameworks that allow you to cheat on someone either. And any polygamous/open relationships require trust and openness between all parties, which you aren't doing.

But you're a sentient biped with your own agenda. Do whatever the **** you want. Just be aware that there are consequences. Don't listen to these *****s who will push their own moral code on you whilst throwing away food that cost more fuel to transport than the farmer who grew it can afford to buy in a week.

Every person in a developed nation is walking through life across the backs of 3/4 of the planet. Don't sweat it.

NSGrendel:
This thread is palpably insane.

You are deceiving a third party with no benefit to them. Ethically, it's clearly a zero sum game.

I don't know of any moral frameworks that allow you to cheat on someone either. And any polygamous/open relationships require trust and openness between all parties, which you aren't doing.

But you're a sentient biped with your own agenda. Do whatever the **** you want. Just be aware that there are consequences. Don't listen to these *****s who will push their own moral code on you whilst throwing away food that cost more fuel to transport than the farmer who grew it can afford to buy in a week.

Every person in a developed nation is walking through life across the backs of 3/4 of the planet. Don't sweat it.

What does the last part have to do with anything?

DAMN THIS FORUM. i click on empty space and it redirects me to other page and i loose the wal of text i wrote. FUCK.
im 100% i will not manage to write it as good as i did in this angered state so forgive my bluntness....
i was typing for 20 minutes and bam its gone.... and thats actually 3rd time today, so stop making invisible links.
(i actually got linked to rules of conduit, ironic isnt it?)

game-lover:
Let me start my asking you: How do you define an exclusive relationship? What does that mean to you?

Exclusive relationship is when you decide to have a relationship with one person or a group of people excluding yourself from others. In my opinion it is unnecessary limitation and i really dont want to write the full explanation again due to this forums random jokes.

With this, I define cheating as being involved with anyone else in a non platonic fashion after you have already established an exclusive relationship with someone before. If you're gonna let yourself be claimed as a boyfriend or girlfriend AND go around claiming someone as YOUR boyfriend/girlfriend, then that's exclusivity. And no one had better be going around acting like a boyfriend or girlfriend with anyone else. Or more generally, if you both decide to be each other's lovers, you can't have any others. Otherwise, what's the point? People should just be single for the rest of their lives so they get all the lovers they want and no attachments.

The question is, whats the point of having an exclusive relationship? Its a needless limitation of oneself with no benefits. relationship is more than just sex. It is entirely possible to live your whole life in a relationship that is good while not having sex. if sex is the only part of relationship that is lacking, what is so bad about getting that need filled elsewhere while leaving the relationship otherwise intact? Thats pretty much what friends with benefits was made for.
And i do believe there is nothing wrong with being single your whole life. Do you think people who chose to be single are somehow worse?

We'll agree to disagree on the first point. I'm of the thought that the boyfriend could be involved with another woman instead of with her. And that he's wasted all his time dealing with her and her bullshit.

what is stopping him from being involved with another woman? what makes you sure he isnt already? Sure, it could be that it was the girl in question trying to keep him under leash while going out with another, it could be a different situation, we really dont know enough to judge anyone in this case.

And who says he has to punch people? I agree with everyone deeming this triangle in the workplace is a bad idea. If I were him and I'd find out, I'd get HR involved. If they don't lose their jobs, the work grapevine oughta start spreading and that's gonna be a blow to reputations. Everyone knows about people deeming someone as the "work slut." And that's just only a couple possibilities I know can happen. There's probably more I don't know.

I could have misread you. I was under the impression you mean that by boyfriend reacting you justified him beating up the OP.
Deeming this as a "Awful thing", getting HR involved and creating artificial titles like "work slut" is exactly what i am opposed against. That is the truly bad thing - people like... say... in this thread.... judging other people for their personal choices and acting all high claiming "this is a slut, now hate her please". Sure it could happen, due to such people, but it shoun't happen.

Strazdas:
DAMN THIS FORUM. i click on empty space and it redirects me to other page and i loose the wal of text i wrote. FUCK.
im 100% i will not manage to write it as good as i did in this angered state so forgive my bluntness....
i was typing for 20 minutes and bam its gone.... and thats actually 3rd time today, so stop making invisible links.
(i actually got linked to rules of conduit, ironic isnt it?)

Exclusive relationship is when you decide to have a relationship with one person or a group of people excluding yourself from others. In my opinion it is unnecessary limitation and i really dont want to write the full explanation again due to this forums random jokes.

Aww, that sucks. Sorry you lost your post. I hate when that happens. Anyway, you're entitled to that opinion about exclusive relationships. I imagine you make it a point not to engage in any. And if everyone who thought like you or similar stayed out of exclusive relationships, this wouldn't be an issue. But some people who think in the same vein get into one anyway. And then they act all shocked that someone is hurt and they no longer get to sleep with do whatever they were doing with the person who they'd been with before.

The question is, whats the point of having an exclusive relationship? Its a needless limitation of oneself with no benefits. relationship is more than just sex. It is entirely possible to live your whole life in a relationship that is good while not having sex. if sex is the only part of relationship that is lacking, what is so bad about getting that need filled elsewhere while leaving the relationship otherwise intact? Thats pretty much what friends with benefits was made for.
And i do believe there is nothing wrong with being single your whole life. Do you think people who chose to be single are somehow worse?

Not at all! I see no issues with a single life. My point is that if you wanna be single, stay single. Don't be getting in relationships that will have people considering you taken and still go around acting like you're single. You don't have to ever have a meaningful romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. That's fine. Just don't go pursuing that lifestyle at the expense of others.

If friends with benefits is what people want, then people should just pursue friends with benefits and nothing else. Problem is, people aren't just doing friends with benefits. They're going for the exclusivity. And there are rules when you're exclusive. I think the general consensus is if you're going to go somewhere else to get what seems lacking in your current relationship, then the relationship isn't intact anymore. It's not just you and another person as a couple. You brought a 3rd element in with another person.

There are rules for other arrangements too. The open marriages and even friends with benefits. Mostly letting your lover know when you wanna sleep with someone else. But we've already established the hiding and lying issue which is a big factor in what makes cheating... cheating.

what is stopping him from being involved with another woman? what makes you sure he isnt already? Sure, it could be that it was the girl in question trying to keep him under leash while going out with another, it could be a different situation, we really dont know enough to judge anyone in this case.

You're right. No one here really knows for certain. We're going off what the OP said. And since he mentioned in later posts that the boyfriend cheated on an ex girlfriend before his current girlfriend, he certainly has the capability emotionally to be a cheating bastard. But the OP also said that boyfriend doesn't know. At least as far as he and the chick he's screwing knows. So he's already got this victim card just by the notion of being blatantly deceived.

Regardless if he did happen to be cheating at the same time, what's going on is still deemed wrong or at least messed up. As for what's stopping him from being with another girl? Well, I imagine his feelings on exclusivity if we assume that he's been faithful.

I could have misread you. I was under the impression you mean that by boyfriend reacting you justified him beating up the OP.
Deeming this as a "Awful thing", getting HR involved and creating artificial titles like "work slut" is exactly what i am opposed against. That is the truly bad thing - people like... say... in this thread.... judging other people for their personal choices and acting all high claiming "this is a slut, now hate her please". Sure it could happen, due to such people, but it shouldn't happen.

No, you didn't entirely. I believe boyfriend is entirely justified. But I was just mentioning other consequences that could be made to exist that didn't necessarily have to risk going to jail.

If a person is gonna sleep with someone else's exclusive lover, then they shouldn't be surprised if that person wants to kick their ass. Or otherwise make their life a living hell. I mean, hey, why didn't give a shit about the one being cheated on while they were helping it happen. So why should the cheater give a damn about them in turn?

No, it probably shouldn't happen. But people shouldn't lie or betray or break promises. Life sucks that way.

I don't think it's a question of "Who's more wrong?"... Both of your actions are morally reprehensible and I'd never sleep with a woman that's in a relationship. Imagine if that was your girlfriend...

I've nothing to really add to this that hasn't been said before.
I find cheating despicable and would probably go out of my way to end your life in the most horrible way if I was the guy and found out you where cheating with my girlfriend.

All that aside, do you mind if I pull up a chair and some popcorn if shit hits the fan?

Katatori-kun:

Johnny Impact:
If you know you are "the other man" and you keep on with it, you are an accomplice to one of the most despicable crimes a person can commit. Simple as that.

Wait, wut?

Hyperbole much? Let's keep some perspective here. Yes, letting one's partner think they are in an exclusive relationship while seeing other people is extremely poor, but "one of the most despicable crimes a person can commit"? No. Not even close.

Aside from issues of morality, you should worry about personal safety. People get hurt all the time doing shit like that. I'm not talking about emotional scarring, either. I'm talking about broken bones, smashed teeth, stab wounds, etc. People are universally insane. You don't know how far this guy might be willing to go to get revenge.

For example, this right here? That's way more despicable. You're talking about assault, which unlike having sex with someone else, is an actual crime.

OP didn't ask whether it was legal. OP is looking for opinions on the morality of his situation. My opinion is cheating IS despicable. It ranks right up there with any other kind of serious deception, theft, or assault. It's equivalent to defrauding a person of everything they own, then kicking them in the balls. Call it aggravated assault of the heart. It's serious enough to destroy lives, create lifelong hatred, and drive people to all sorts of psychotic acts of retaliation. My opinion is that is pretty bad. My opinion is if you don't think that's pretty bad, your morals are loose. You just. Don't. Cheat.

Johnny Impact:
OP didn't ask whether it was legal.

True, but you called it a crime.

It's equivalent to defrauding a person of everything they own,

This implies you think a person in a relationship owns the other person.

My opinion is if you don't think that's pretty bad, your morals are loose.

I never claimed cheating wasn't bad. I'm just asking you not to go overboard.

game-lover:
Anyway, you're entitled to that opinion about exclusive relationships. I imagine you make it a point not to engage in any. And if everyone who thought like you or similar stayed out of exclusive relationships, this wouldn't be an issue. But some people who think in the same vein get into one anyway. And then they act all shocked that someone is hurt and they no longer get to sleep with do whatever they were doing with the person who they'd been with before.

Yep, double standards and not leading by example is big problems in the world. if you want to change the world - start with yourself. only when you act the way you think others should, you should consider advising others.
I have stopped doing exclusive relationships after my first one.

Not at all! I see no issues with a single life. My point is that if you wanna be single, stay single. Don't be getting in relationships that will have people considering you taken and still go around acting like you're single. You don't have to ever have a meaningful romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. That's fine. Just don't go pursuing that lifestyle at the expense of others.

except that there are cases of simple misunderstandings that escalate. i know people who went berserk after they had a one night stand and somehow imagined that they now own the girl and they must be together forever. granted at first i though the girl gave the wrong signals, but when the situation got more detailed turned out the guy was just.... the medical term for IQ 20-40. I agree that one should not pretend to be in exclusive relationship when one is not.

If friends with benefits is what people want, then people should just pursue friends with benefits and nothing else. Problem is, people aren't just doing friends with benefits. They're going for the exclusivity. And there are rules when you're exclusive. I think the general consensus is if you're going to go somewhere else to get what seems lacking in your current relationship, then the relationship isn't intact anymore. It's not just you and another person as a couple. You brought a 3rd element in with another person.

problems arrise when one person wants friends with benefits and another one wants more, but does not tell. Rellationships dont need to be intact. they are dinamic things that change over time and from variuos factors. its not some stone tablet that is going to stay there for 100 years. If the one part of your relationship that is causing trouble is "outsourced" to 3rd party, then the rest of relationship can go on, without the hindrance. However often in real life that 3rd party starts to claim ownership of the whole subject. ergo we have this situation. And people encourage that, which is why i said i am dissapointed by posts here.

No, you didn't entirely. I believe boyfriend is entirely justified. But I was just mentioning other consequences that could be made to exist that didn't necessarily have to risk going to jail.

i do not believe anyone is ever justified in punching people. violence is never an answer, unless your a tyrant. but i guess im too pacifistic for the world.

If a person is gonna sleep with someone else's exclusive lover, then they shouldn't be surprised if that person wants to kick their ass. Or otherwise make their life a living hell. I mean, hey, why didn't give a shit about the one being cheated on while they were helping it happen. So why should the cheater give a damn about them in turn?

yes they should. it was her choice, she broke the exclusivity. she is at fault for breaking her promise (if she made any, and no saying "im your girfriend" is not an exclusivity arrangement) and possibly lieing (as in this case). He has a right to be angry at her (no violence, as explained above) but the guy have done nothing to him. guilty by association does not work here. Cheated one should not give a damn. going to kick his ass is giving a damn.

No, it probably shouldn't happen. But people shouldn't lie or betray or break promises. Life sucks that way.

yep. And i think we must all do our part in trying to make world a better place. one has to admit it is (altrough very slowly) getting there. maybe our pro pro children will see the world we envision as the right one. but that does not come without actually working towards it. and if i can change an opinion of one person in here its already a start.

I find cheating despicable and would probably go out of my way to end your life in the most horrible way if I was the guy and found out you where cheating with my girlfriend.

and you, sir, is why we have mental institutions for.

My opinion is if you don't think that's pretty bad, your morals are loose.

morals are persona and subjective. there is no "mass morals". we have a concession of morals due to majority's personal morals being similar and indoctrination from youth of societal norms "this is how you should act". morality is never a justification.

Her current boyfriend is basically worst off. He doesn't know and has no means to stop her from doing it.

You play along. You know you'll very likely be fired when this all comes out, so you'll get your punishment.

Then there's her. I think she's the worst doing this. She knows what she's doing, she doesn't stop it...bad, bad bad. I think she's a slut and you shouldn't be into her in the first place. But you are, so that's your problem.

For a fact, being this ignorant actually makes me hope you will suffer the honest consequences of your actios. I know what I would do if I were him..

You are facilitating and benefiting from someone's doing something you think is wrong. If this was theft or murder, the answer would be clear.

Whateveralot:
For a fact, being this ignorant actually makes me hope you will suffer the honest consequences of your actios. I know what I would do if I were him..

It's awesome to know that implied assault or the act of assault is apparently "acceptable" recompense towards infidelity of a workplace romance.

People have made posts about how depressed they are with humanity because of those who would view the OP as not having done much wrong. I find the idea that violence is a suitable punishment for a moral slight to be the true measure as to how deranged our society has become.

It doesn't matter who is wrong.

YOU're a rat. Be a man, tell the guy what's up. Face the consequences, but atleast be a man.

Letting him be cheated on by his girlfriend is just a sneaky thing to do.
Then being afraid of what consequences it might have, that's just dispicable.

Have some dignity and tell the guy. He deserves to know.

Abomination:

Whateveralot:
For a fact, being this ignorant actually makes me hope you will suffer the honest consequences of your actios. I know what I would do if I were him..

It's awesome to know that implied assault or the act of assault is apparently "acceptable" recompense towards infidelity of a workplace romance.

People have made posts about how depressed they are with humanity because of those who would view the OP as not having done much wrong. I find the idea that violence is a suitable punishment for a moral slight to be the true measure as to how deranged our society has become.

"Has become", implying it was ever any different?

We're all animals, don't you forget that.
Underneath that thin layer of fear for the law, there's a beast in every one of us.

We keep telling ourselves we're different, but we've all had the desire to pay back vengeance in spades at some point.
You may pretend to be righteous, but let's see how you feel when this happens to you.

The world would be a lot more honest with a little less laws and a little more violence.

EDIT: Double post.

Well, you've received a vast amount of negativity for all this, but judging solely from the way you type and the fact that you're asking this question, you don't strike me as a twat in any way. I think the morality of it depends on a few things:
Your relationship with the boyfriend (are you close enough that he would consider it a personal insult as opposed to just thinking of you as some bastard?)
Your relationship with her (is there any level of emotional connection? Not necessarily to the level where you might consider dating, but are you a bit more than just friends who also have sex?)
As far as I see it, she has made the choice to not uphold the monogamy of her relationship, and if there are not implied rules between you and the guy, then you get a tick on that box. However, if you suspect that her cheating is possibly diminishing an otherwise healthy relationship, then you should stop (unless it's a scenario where if it wasn't you, it would just be someone else). Also, whichever way you look at it, you should probably suggest she break up with him, as it is the fairest course of action.

SimpleThunda':
We keep telling ourselves we're different, but we've all had the desire to pay back vengeance in spades at some point.
You may pretend to be righteous, but let's see how you feel when this happens to you.

The world would be a lot more honest with a little less laws and a little more violence.

You seem to be saying that is if it were a good thing. More violence may be more honest to our nature as animals, but isn't that somewhat the idea of humanity, that we're a bit better than the rest of them?

If it wasn't wrong, why are you hiding it at all? And if he is a d-bag to her, she shouldn't be in a relationship with him any more. Quit trying to moralize your own wrongdoings and be a man.

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