Do you expect men to pay for dates?
Yes - Every time
1.6% (11)
1.6% (11)
Yes - Most of the time
1.3% (9)
1.3% (9)
No - I prefer to take turns
7.5% (50)
7.5% (50)
No - I prefer to split the bill
11.9% (80)
11.9% (80)
No - I prefer to pay
0.9% (6)
0.9% (6)
Male - I always pay
21.3% (143)
21.3% (143)
Male - I prefer to split/take turns
53.7% (360)
53.7% (360)
Male - I expect the woman to pay
1.5% (10)
1.5% (10)
Want to vote? Register now or Sign Up with Facebook
Poll: Women of The Escapist - Do you expect men to pay for dates?

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT
 

Rawne1980:
Pay?

I prefer to cause a distraction while we bolt for the door.

Nothing cements a good relationship like being partners in crime. After all, the number one complaint in relationships is the lack of excitement. I admire your effort to spicing up your love life.

My and my girlfriend sometimes split the bill. Male btw. Mostly we do the "Turns thing" but its not structured. Whoever can pay the most conveniently pays and we dont keep track of who paid when and last or whatever. We buy eachother stuff all the time and just vaguely try and keep it even. It doesnt matter who spends more on who so we dont keep track of it. As far as we are concerned we just get stuff for eachother because its nice, not because chivalry makes us or whatever. Its just nice to treat someone. We both enjoy it.

Angie7F:

cerebreturns:

"he pays and I let him because i'm doing him a favor"

lol

Well, would you still feel the same way if you were a girl and were dating Hugh Hefner/ Donald Trump/ Richard Branson ?

Of course the girl should not take it for granted or not be grateful, but sometimes it is just more polite to let them treat you to things the way they want to.

If my BF was someone barely scraping by for himself, and does not mind me taking him out to a local restaurant and lets me pay for it, then sure, I am more than willing to pay or go even. (Notice, I stopped using "Going Dutch". LOL)
But if he insists to go to a top notch place with a couple of extra zeros on every price tag, then sometimes you just have to oblige to letting them pay for you all the time.

Even the response to this is acting like you are entitled and doing him a favor

"well if he's really poor and can barely afford a crap restaurant and ASKS I'll probably help"

I can't believe you made me use the word entitled. But let's be honest, would you even date someone who was so poor that they might ask you to pay for your part of the bill?

I don't expect the guy to pay, but I do appreciate him offering to.

For me, it's more about him asking rather than him actually doing it - I just like to know he wants to treat me. It's a lovely gesture.

Realistically, I would rather pay for myself (or at least help him pay).

Straight male, reporting for polling.

Now that I'm employed I usually just pay, it avoids any kind of hassle and generally causes the least amount of fuss. Lots of women (outside this forum, it would seem) still have the expectation that "the man pays on a date", so just taking out my wallet without any complaints at the end avoids any kind of trouble on that front.

That being said, if the woman hasn't at least made some kind of comment on not paying after a couple of dates, there won't be any more. On the first date I always expect to pay, anything after that if I don't at least get an offer to split the check or some mention that I'm always paying then I take that to mean that she expects this to be the pattern rather than a one-time gesture. In the ideal case the woman would make an offer to split the bill on the first date, but that's still a theoretical case so far. Side note: even if I get an offer to split the bill I would rather just offer to let her pay for the next date, its just easier especially if cards rather than cash is involved. Plus, it would help me gauge her response to the date: if she takes that offer with no hesitation then she would love another date, if she keeps pushing to split on this one then I have likely lost the battle and need to move on.

As a man, I always offer to pay for the whole thing. If they don't agree, I'll gladly split the bill or take turns.

I always pay.My girlfriend always asks if I'm sure I don't want to split, even when we're with my parents she does that, but I won't allow it, I always pay for it, I think it's romantic. I will eventually allow her to pay for something else, usually when she insists, but those are small thing's like ice cream and stuff.
I also used to pay for my younger brother-in-law but she (my girlfriend) threatened us by saying she won't allow him to go out with us anymore if I insist paying for his dinner as well, so ok, that changed.

Particularly, even though it is romantic, I believe that if the man has financial difficulties to pay for both of them and wants to go to a given "fancy" romantic restaurants, it's not only okay that they split, it's only decent that she understands the situation and helps her boyfriend, after all, he clearly wants to give her the best, but he can't afford it with ease. I don't think that's a problem anymore though, nowadays it's normal for couples to spl,it when there's no need to do so. Something else I believe in is: if you want to take your girl out, but you can't afford for you and her in a fancy restaurant (and it's not really an occasion that calls for it), just take her to nice restaurant you can afford.
In the ned it's all in the love and respect one feels for the other, and paying for this and that have little to do with that, it's only cute ;)

When i ask her out, i pay.
In a relationship, it should be split, but the financial situation of both parties has to come into it, too. A Friend of mine is a pilot and is in a long term relationship with a girl that works in a Kindergarten. Since he often wants to do stuff, she couldn't afford, like going to fancy restaurants or travelling to different countries when on holiday, he mostly pays.

Male and I tend to always pay. It's just a natural reaction.

Though I don't see how paying for dates in ANY situation is bad. The other person can pay you back through other means

Ryan Minns:

Though I don't see how paying for dates in ANY situation is bad. The other person can pay you back through other means

Have a balloon for the creepiest post in the thread.

image

boots:

Ryan Minns:

Though I don't see how paying for dates in ANY situation is bad. The other person can pay you back through other means

Have a balloon for the creepiest post in the thread.

Ok... why exactly? Trade has been something humans have done for... I dunno, forever?

In the beginning of the relationship, I always split the bill. Nowadays, I prefer to pay for as much as possible when my soon to be husband and I are out and about.

Ryan Minns:

Ok... why exactly? Trade has been something humans have done for... I dunno, forever?

"Whassa matter? One balloon not enough?"

Hint: talking about "trade" in the context of a date is extremely creeptastic

boots:

Ryan Minns:

Ok... why exactly? Trade has been something humans have done for... I dunno, forever?

"Whassa matter? One balloon not enough?"

Hint: talking about "trade" in the context of a date is extremely creeptastic

So you only date for the soul purpose of... doing everything alone? Being with someone offers you no extra joy or fun? Or you have fun WITH another person and both of you offer eachother something? You know... like a trade of entertainment of some form? You get creeped out easily.

Ryan Minns:

So you only date for the soul purpose of... doing everything alone? Being with someone offers you no extra joy or fun? Or you have fun WITH another person and both of you offer eachother something? You know... like a trade of entertainment of some form? You get creeped out easily.

For the love of god, please get specific. Or, you know, don't. Because let's recap what you've said:

"I pay for her meal and she pays me back through other means ... like entertainment of some form..."

I don't think I want to know what's behind that euphemism.

Dating? Is that some kind of DLC?

Ohh, this is that Real Life 2013 thing, isn't it... Far too avant-garde for my tastes.

OT:
I probably would pay if I had someone to pay for.

boots:

Ryan Minns:

So you only date for the soul purpose of... doing everything alone? Being with someone offers you no extra joy or fun? Or you have fun WITH another person and both of you offer eachother something? You know... like a trade of entertainment of some form? You get creeped out easily.

For the love of god, please get specific. Or, you know, don't. Because let's recap what you've said:

"I pay for her meal and she pays me back through other means ... like entertainment of some form..."

I don't think I want to know what's behind that euphemism.

Actually this is what I said

Ryan Minns:
Male and I tend to always pay. It's just a natural reaction.

Though I don't see how paying for dates in ANY situation is bad. The other person can pay you back through other means

You seem to be wanting something from me I don't plan on giving you. If you wish to get a hostile response please attempt to create another fantasy elsewhere. Good day.

Ryan Minns:

You seem to be wanting something from me I don't plan on giving you. If you wish to get a hostile response please attempt to create another fantasy elsewhere. Good day.

Good day to you too. The only advice I can give you is this: next time you are out on a date with a girl and you pay for the meal, do not tell her, "You can pay me back through other means."

Just ... trust me on this. It won't go down well.

My preferred meal eating payment system would be scoreless turn-taking. As in, alternating each time is both not necessary and not to make up for previous payments as there is nothing to make up. That would apply to everyone, not just dates. Doesn't always work out that way though.

well i never expect the guys to pay the whole wack but i tend to earn several times more then them so its not really that fair from my point of view especially when i insist going somewhere above his budget otherwise i like to split it down the middle depending on the situation its easy that way its a pity many places are refusing to split the bill now though i can kick up enough of a stink to get it to happen most of the time

last 3 people ive gone out with has been me paying one and splitting the 2 others

equality and stuff, but how will a nice girl afford a decent meal once in a while if she has to pay for her food?
Its such a good deal, you get a meal that is better than your usual routine and in exchance you listen to some loser for a while. He gets a chance to show that he isnt a loser and if he is not you can date him again, if he is a loser you can eat all you want cause it doesnt matter what he thinks.
win/win I'd say

jokes asside, I really dont like if a guy pays stuff for me or buys me presents for no reason. You cant buy my heart, you can only win it with personality, like my bf did.

also, when he tries to pay and you go 'no! we split!' that speaks a clear language. you cant buy me, suck or be an idiot and I'm gone, so put some effort into this and not just money!

jovack22:
Sorry guys, it's biology. We don't need to give birth, but it's our duty to provide for and protect.

Sorry, biology has fuck-all to do with "duty". Evo-psych rubbish strikes again!

I know a lot of Anglo/Germanic people are often very cheap,

Reported for racial slur.

I've been with the same guy for seven years. We live together and have a combined bank account. So.. I guess we both pay for date night? He generally prefers that I do the actual paying, as in we use my debit card. Before we lived together, it depended on where we were. We lived 240 miles apart, so whomever did the driving was usually exempt from paying.

Personally, I prefer to split

but I'm always sort of weary of the woman's opinion on this matter; it's hard to bring up without seeming like I'm trying to get out of paying the bill (or at least half of it) but some women are offended if I just assume that they expect me to pay. It's such a minefield of topic.

Although, most of my girlfriends have been unemployed, and I'm just generous guy, so that makes it a little bit easier.

Whichever one of us happens to have more money at the time pays. Because I'm still just a student and my husband actually has a job, though, he usually ends up paying. Fortunately, not every date costs money---the last three were a hiking trip, a picnic at the first place we met, and a pirated movie date.

I generally take turns or split the bill, but I usually end up paying more often than not. I don't really mind it. It's more of a nice thing to do than it is a chivalrous thing in my mind.

Well when both parties have children (as has been the case in all my "dates" in the past 5 years) it seems
to be more a question of "how do we split babysitter costs".
And I put "dates" in quotes because (with both the ladies I have been with in the last half-decade)
the dates usually consisted of me cooking dinner for her at her place, followed by old movies on DVD.

Back when I was first dating it was the expectation that the male would bring a nice juicy
brontosaurus steak to the girl. If he didn't there was no way that the female would accompany
him to the tar pits to watch things sink.

Katatori-kun:

jovack22:
Sorry guys, it's biology. We don't need to give birth, but it's our duty to provide for and protect.

Sorry, biology has fuck-all to do with "duty". Evo-psych rubbish strikes again!

I know a lot of Anglo/Germanic people are often very cheap,

Reported for racial slur.

Racial slur? I'm making an observation... because it's not something positive, it's automatically a hate crime?

But no worries, you're right** (oops I wrote "write" haha).. it is "evo-psych" rubbish! I'm sure you're a hit with the ladies when you ask them to split.

jovack22:

Katatori-kun:

jovack22:
Sorry guys, it's biology. We don't need to give birth, but it's our duty to provide for and protect.

Sorry, biology has fuck-all to do with "duty". Evo-psych rubbish strikes again!

I know a lot of Anglo/Germanic people are often very cheap,

Reported for racial slur.

Racial slur? I'm making an observation... because it's not something positive, it's automatically a hate crime?

But no worries, you're write.. it is "evo-psych" rubbish! I'm sure you're a hit with the ladies when you ask them to split.

This is definitely not racial slur. Different cultures every where are DIFFERENT, talking about that does not make it racist.

I'm from that region myself more to the point, and yeap, most people in this region are a bit cheap often in my observation too. I will expect, for example, that my date pays sometimes for dinner as well when we go out. Not however when I specifically take her out, in which case I compare it to a present.

jovack22:

Katatori-kun:

jovack22:
I know a lot of Anglo/Germanic people are often very cheap,

Reported for racial slur.

Racial slur? I'm making an observation... because it's not something positive, it's automatically a hate crime?

No, it's a racial slur. Read the words I've written, not the words that exist only in your head.

I'm sure you're a hit with the ladies when you ask them to split.

Reported for (groundless) attack on my personal life.

Mod Edit: Telling others that you're reporting them is harassment. Please don't do this, anyone.

You might try actually reading the thread instead of making up innuendo about people who call you out when you make groundless claims.

Apollo45:

lacktheknack:
I haven't dated (;_______;) but I imagine it will depend on what she wants.

Not sure how to approach it, though. Can the more romantically experienced Escapists help a brother who may be in need... one day?

Pay for the first few dates as a rule. If she's completely against it then you might have to figure something else out, but I've found that slipping my card to the waiter, or the cashier, or whatever else have you before she gets a chance to do so might earn you a (mostly comedic) glare but it will also earn you some brownie points. When things begin to progress you might want to let her pay every once in a while, or let her swap with you, but it never hurts to pretend to forget it's her turn and pay anyway, or at least attempt to. In general, always assume that it's your turn to pay, and if she reminds you then feign ignorance, smile, let her pay for you, then thank her afterwards. If she doesn't then don't remind her and pay for it, and if she remembers afterwards you have the subtle opportunity to laugh it off and say she can pay next time. Or, if you're comfortable with her, you can subtly (and jokingly, mind. You have to use a joking tone of voice and smile with it, or else it seems creepy) suggest that she can pay you back in a different way. I've gotten more than a few "benefits" from pulling that card out of my pocket.

I've found that, even if you're not dating the girl, paying for her is never a bad thing. It's an interesting balance to play with, but if something comes up - say a waiter brings out one bill instead of splitting it - just paying for it tends to be the right thing to do. If she mentions something just wave your hand and say you've got it, not a big deal. Even with friends, like I said, it tells them you appreciate their presence and enjoy spending time with them, and also that you're confident enough in yourself that you don't make a big deal over who pays for what. The key here, as in anything along these lines, tends to be confidence. But that's a whole different animal to address I suppose, so I'll leave it here.

I have a question about the paying even if you are just friends thing. Does that apply to males also, since it would equally be a way to show your appreciation for their company?

Lonewolfm16:
I have a question about the paying even if you are just friends thing. Does that apply to males also, since it would equally be a way to show your appreciation for their company?

For me, yes, sometimes. The guys in my circle of friends tend to function differently than the girls I hang out with, so the dynamics are different, but the end result is the same. If the waiter doesn't split the bill then take the opportunity to pay for your buddies, or put their drinks on your tab at a bar. We tend to switch off, but that's more because it's become a competition to see who pays first than because we consciously switch off. It can depend on your friends and how your friendships work.

With the girls I hang out with I end up paying more because there doesn't seem to be as much - if any - competition to see who pays. As I said, it ends up earning me brownie points and it shows that I appreciate their company.

Every date I've been on has been met with these two lines from the girl "Hey pay for me" or "Your paying right?". Every single time. They expected me too and didn't even have the thought of paying themselves, or splitting cross their minds. At first I broke it off with them cause it felt like I was being used, especially when the thing I was paying for was THEIR idea in the first place and THEY asked ME out. After girl 4 I just gave up on it and started every date as a free thing like a walk or just watching the sunset or whatever. I haven't made it to date two in a year.

If I were to ever go on a date, I'd prefer to pay.

The reason is simple: I just have a domineering personality. I like to be in control of everything. And paying for everything is just my way of showing that I am in control.

Which is why I live alone and do not want to get involved in relationships.

As a man, I like paying the bill. Besides, it shows that you can support the woman.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked