Scenes We'd Like to See (Mock the Week)

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"Would people fuss about it if I stabbed you?"

"THIS IS A STICK UP!" *squirts water from a water gun that looks like a pistol*

New Subject: Ghandi

"So Ghandi... You've achieved a lot in your life... Did you ever achieve being a superb wakeboarder?"

I have no idea what to say.

so ghandi ever thought about taking over the world?

That topic makes no sense. Next topic: Ghandi? What does that even mean?

New Topic: Bad things to say over the tannoy in a supermarket

Which box of Sugar Puffs is he in?

The next train is in ten minutes.

So... How are you then? Yeah, you, the man by the oranges. Yup. Tell me about it. *long pause* Well, I think you should try and spend more time with her and get to know her better.

OYH!! YOU BY THE FRUIT! STOP FEELING UP THE MELONS!
or
spillage in alse 5. repeat there is a man peeing in alse 5.
or
*kesssck* good evening ladies and gentlemen, tonight i'll be your announcer and there is a special on brains! would all retarded zombies head for the locked exits to receve your free sample. good night MWAHAHAHAAAA!!!! *ksssssssckk*

"Attention shoppers today we will be clo... what are you doing in here. Why do you have that knife? Look just put it down and we'll NOOOOOO-" *kshhhhchh*

Sir.. Man in red jacket buying cakes... yes you, they're lies.

Staff announcement, could a member of staff please address Mr Flame. He's located in car accessories and is looking for a fire blanket. Please could a member of staff introduce Mr Water to Mr Flame before he upsets Mr Oil and Mr Other Flammable Liquids.

Hey everyone in the supermarket: You're all F****** B******** Go suck some... *Gets pulled off by the staff*

"Attention shoppers, please leave, we don't sell attention."

New Topic: Things that you wouldn't find on a warning label

Warning: Not American-proof

Warning: This doesn't contain alcohol.

Warning: May contain bollocks

(Could either be a McDonalds burger or the Daily Mail)

Warning: Made in France

Warning: This product should not be used.

Warning: Keep in hands of children.

Warning: This product pwns!

Warning: Do not feed to Zebras

warning! this warning label serves no use!

Warning: Long term use may result in minor cases of death.

I think this ones gone as far as it will.

New topic: Things a Hollywood Celeb news correspondant would never say

And here comes Brangalina, being of course the fusion of what was left after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were involved in a high speed plane crash. It's wearing a purple YvesSaintLauren with matching crash helmet and rollerblades.

And here comes Jesus in his Smart car with flames down the sides. Absolutely great.

Now we introduce to you... The man of the hour.. The man who only knows two speeds, walk and kill... Chuck 'Roundhouse' Norris! How do you feel about being introduced as the man of the hour to a group of cloned monkeys?

I am ashamed...my life is a hollow shell filled with meaningless pictures of airheaded nutjobs...
*shoots self*

Ah it's Britney Spears vs Lindsay Lohan... Samantha Ronson vs Avril Lavigne... Tom Cruise vs Amy Winehouse... Welcome to the Annual "You Stole My Spotlight" show

Hello, I'm David Frost, coming to you live from the red carpet at the Academy Awards! I'm high as a badger and naked as the day I was born. Ah wait, here comes MC Hammer.

We have this new show on A&E called "Hammertime" involving MC Hammer. It was voted Peoples Choice, and was nominated for several other awards.

And we have breaking news... Britney Spears is building a Snail hospital for the victims of gardening.

In today's news Ashton Kutcher got bored enough to Punk himself.

And it was of course, no surprise to anyone that Mr Boll's latest offering picked up 12 Oscars last night, rivalling that of Titanic, Return of the King, and of course, Ben-Hur

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