Mall Fight Comedy - (take a peek inside!)

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i run into the Matress Magic and use a pillow to smother eatmore then i start to eat his brain

Yeah, thank you Claymorez for restarting the Mall Fight. Right after I started the first one, school, a new job, and family planning did the world's biggest teabag on top of anything I had been paying any attention to at the time. Just wanted to apologize for more or less abandoning the thread after creation. Being that the fan is still flinging shit, as it were, I don't know how much time I'll have to invest in this one either. But more to the point:

I start building a trebuchet on one end of the mall, big enough to fling computer monitors.

I take a bag of cabbages and go into the electronics store. I decide that the computer monitor section is a good way to build a fort.

Now, let's see if I can make a cabbage cannon out of a printer.

Goes into Hot Topic and makes chainmail out of Pants,then goes to a Sushi hut and finds a samurai sword,Get to work.

After a few "adjustments" I build my cabbage cannon Mk. 1. I place it in a strategic spot on top of my fort made of computer casings and RAM memory.

I run up to KiruCookie. "A samurai sword, why didn't I think of that?" I ask, and then cave his skull in with my golf clubs.

has chainmail head,and slices Sam up like a turkey,and takes the flatiron.

I respawn and sneak to rens fort (disguised as a computer) and start hacking his mk.1

I look at the security monitors inside my fort and see a heat source hacking into my cannon.

"No, you don't, sonny!"

Grabbing the Mk. 1 controls, I aim at EMB's head and kill him with a cabbage.

"ahh! the vegetation!"I turn into a red pikmin and turn the fort into pellets then I run to the grocery store with 5 pellets

I run after EMB, and finally catch up with him. I grab him and hold him off the railing.

"Please... don't drop me!", he says.
"Hey, EMB!"

"Merry Christmas!"

I then drop EMB on top of the mall's Christmas tree, impaling him.

I'm back I shout and then fall off the banister! but in epic fashion :P

After weeks of walking around an empty mall, I finally hear claymorez shouting 'I'M BACK!' and falling off the banister in an epic fashion. However, the floor opens up below him, revealing deadly spikes on fire.

I jump over the railing, grab him, and break his fall with my back, saving him from certain death.

We then start punching each other.

I 'accidentally' drop an anvil on Ren and claymorez's heads, squishing them as I laugh.

I "accidentally" break Bryghtside's knees with my golf club and start kicking him.

I 'accidentally' respawn next to sam and throw Bruce's BOOMerang at him.


Sir's stroll around the mall is cut short when I drop a piano on top of him.

Ren's piano-dropping adventure fun-time is cut short when I pierce him through the throat with a swordfish.

Transformation Jutsu! The swordfish turns into the ninja-shark that is me! I stab sam g in the face with my sword.

I wake up from my customary nap in the supplies closet and notice a brawl going on. "I guess I need weapons." I mutter to myself.

Unfortunately, the only thing in the closet is a dead guy and a mop.

Using my skills as a Spoony Bard, I sneak over to an office supplies store. There, I take a stapler, pens, rulers, and other random items. Hiding them im my sleaves, I exit the store, ready for battle.

I burst through a wall, do some kung-fu bird noises and then make Code Monkey's head explode with a super high-pitched shark-scream! KABLAH!

Kitsune's scream activates my improvised high-pitch triggered bombs, blowing him up.

I wake up, back in my supply closet.

"Hm. Looks like I'm going to be seeing alot of this place."

I Super Spoony Bard sneak back to my dead body, and retrieve my "Weapons". Then I go back to my closet, and hide them there. After franticaly running around the mall for an hour, I have filled my closet with weapons. after selecting a hammer, I Spoony Bard sneak through an air duct. Looking through a vent, I lie in wait for some unlucky soul to walk underneath.

I find a vent and decide, just for the sake of fun, to walk underneath it. However, during my stroll beneath said vent, I happen to notice a flash of steel. I spin around and fire some staples at the mysterious flash.

I reach out of the piano, with a clarinet in my hand, ready to stab Monkey in the eye.

After waiting for what felt like hours, (Because it was hours.) I finally see somebody. I realize now that I forgot to unscrew the vent. "Screw it.." I whisper. I raise my hammer above my head, and smash down on the vent. The force was a little more than I thought it would be, And I break through the first try.

"SPOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!" I scream as I fall. However, I land slightly to the left of The enemy. Dusting myself off, I notice his weapon. "Staplers? Where have I seen someone usng a stapler as a weapon before..." I ask.

"No matter. Time for you to taste the wrath of canuck steel!" I shout as I charge at him with my hammer.

I burst through the ground in a flurry of water.
Then I beat Code Monkey to death with a sea bass.

I burst through the door and see Kitsune.

'We meet again old man. The circle is now complete. The last time we met I was the apprentice, now I am the master.'
'Only a master of evil, Ren.'

I grab a salmon and start an epic fishfight.

I awake in the closet, again.

"Hm... I have been killed by the same person the same way wice in a row. This requires planning. But I'm to impatiant for that, so.... I pick CD!" I grab a stack of CD's from my stash, And sneak behind a box using my Spoony Bardness.

Kitsune and I keep fighting when suddenly, a CD flies in my direction.

I dodge it, and the disc hits Kitsune. I then block a second CD, give Kitsune the killing blow and start looking behind some boxes.

"Artemis..Guide my hand...." I mutter.

I throw my last disk at the person looking for me. It flys over his head, and hits some random guy off in the distance.

"Fucking Moon Chick!" I shout as I start running for my closet.

*Crazy theme music begins to play*
He's a man-shark. He's gonna get ya, gonna eat ya, with a side of chips! Don't forget to bathe in tomato sauce!

I get back up and transform into my 10ft tall man-shark form. I pick up Code Monkey and Ren3004 by the hair and smash them into nearby "constantly running chainsaw" stores, where they are eviscerated.

I come bursting out of the "constantly running chainsaw" store holding eight chainsaws (One in each hand, one between my teeth, one strapped to my right foot, two in the crooks of my elbows and one under my knee) and sprint at the shark thing.

(And this song is playing)

*Lightning flashes across the background*
I twirl my oversized sword above my head with one hand and grab a nearby shotgun with the other.
I fire a volley of explosive shells at Sam G, then splat whatevers left into the ground with a highly improbably judo maneuver.

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