Mall Fight - Back To Basics (Open)

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I jump out of one of the hospitals windows in slow motion, the explosion blooming behind me.
Then gravity kicks in and I fall three stories to my death.

I laugh maniacally.

Respawn in the hospital post-explosion, start thinking my luck might not be all that bad, exit hospital and hear some maniacal laughter, I go to investigate and get crushed by the falling Knife (it's a tall hospital). I respawn next to Eric and after a brief stuggle, I throw him down a flight of stairs


I wait at the bottom of the stairs for Eric, perpared to hit him in the face with some balled up socks I swiped from the clothing store.

I barrel into Knife, and we roll across the Mall.

I give Eric a coffee, he has had a bad day

In trying to take the coffee, I accidentally bring Evil Smurf into our ball of roll.

The coffee spills everywhere, burning everyone in the rolling ball 'o' fun.

I burst out of the Rolling Ball 'O' Fun and front-flip into Knife, causing him to crash into a stack of Jarates, causing him to die from the glass wounds.

I then vanish into the night.

I jump. Just jump. Not neccessarily move forward, but just jump. Up and down.

I respawn, and throw the final jar of Jarate at DJ DEnM.

I run frantically, crashing into Knife and falling off a conveniently placed cliff.

I follow DJ DEnM off the 'cliff', diving towards him to participate in a no doubt awesome midair battle.

I join the thread at an inopportune moment.

"Soup, bitches."

*Smashes Saltarius's head into the fence that is surrounding the balcony of the second floor*

Oh hey, I'm a not the new guy anymore!

*throws him over the edge and watches you fall 3 stories to his death*

Welcome to Mall Fight.

The part don't start till I walk in.

I walk in and a party starts. Under the cover of the party, I snap Redlin's neck.

"Why did you never join a Mall Fight I was a part of!?"

I jump Herzog and rip his ear off


*Respawns and goes over to a hardware store*

Oh, perfect!

*Sneaks up behind Herzog with a garden hose. Slipping and tying it around his neck, I pick him up and toss him over the edge of the balcony. I leave you hanging there limp*


I turn into a log. The real me watches intently from the shadows.


I track Herzhog and stab him with his ear.

"That's what you get when you TRY TO REVIVE A DEAD THREAD, BITCH."

I respawn and kick DJ_DEnM in the face.

"It's only dead because people let it die!"

*gets more hoses and creates a makeshift grappling hook. Uses it to swing across the balcony to where Herzog is*


*swings and lands on him, crushing his head beneath my manly thighs*

"Dude, keep it PG-13." I say to Redlin.

"Someone hasn't heard the of The Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Destiny." says I, pulling out an AK-47 and blowing away the OP with a rata-tat-tat.

The foam darts of the Nerf AK-47 annoy me slightly. "Sombody hasn't heard in-jokes." I say, retrieving a tombstone reading 'Mall Fight - Back to Basics' from the Meta Humor store and smashing it over Redlin's head.

I gallantly ride in on my trusty horse, after several threads of hiding somewhere, only to fall flat on my face when the horse vanishes. I assume not accepted in the rules.

I raise my brow before I pull my trusty revolver out of its holster. I point it at Knife-28. I fire and a cheap battery noise 'pew' sounds. It's a children's bargain toy? :(

"My weapon does nothing!"

I throw it at Knife-28's head.

The phony revolver catches me off guard. "Oh, hello to you to newcomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr." Nantucket's horse reappears after being scanned into The Mall's respawn matrix, and knocks me off the edge into a pit filled with poision lobsters.

In hindsight I really should put a tarpaulin or something over that top of that.

The book stung only slightly but the Hockey Stick I took from the Sport Time, Eh? store was very real and not made of nerf. Sweeping Knife off his feet was fun, beating him to death with the broken bottom of the stick was invigorating.

"Come on, respawn already!"

While Redlin succeeds in beating me to death, he too is now trapped in the pit of poision lobsters. I respawn, and drape a tarp over the top of the pit.

I grab one of the putting clubs from the golfing section in the sports store and continuously beats Knife-28 over the head with it.

I turn and await Redlin to respawn.

I respawn on the level above Nantucket. Lining him up, I leap off the banister and land of the tarp, bouncing off it and tackling Nantucket into a cart of regular, non poision lobsters.


"OI!" I yell at thesilentman. "Keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep!"

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