So you are a coward. Rather than face responsibility for your actions, you kill yourself to escape them, and strand your wife with no understanding of why and leave behind any kids you have fatherless.
OK, bad way of putting it...I would beat myself silly. There we go.
If it does, it will be mainly the fault of her mother for going into freak out mode instead of trying to support her.
No she is an adult now, she needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions.
Of course the girl is responsible for her own actions at that point. Kendarek also has a point through. I know a fair bit about situations like this. The homelife set her up for liking older guys. Mom's reaction to finding out about a possible relationship is why she moved out to be with him. The mother's public shaming attempt has now forced the daughter to dig in. She can't emotionally go back and is now more emotionally attached to the guy. If she has problems with him, her mother's actions have also ensured that she can't ever go to her mother for advice. Her mother has also turned her first love into something shameful (at least in mom's eyes) which could create emotional harm to the poor girl and again make it harder to back away from the relationship (if that's ever appropriate) because she doesn't want mom to have been right. Mom failed this girl in every way possible.
Sounds to me like Mom did everything she could for her. I dont like the idea of finding fault with others to excuse someone else's actions.
I've read this and heard about it a few days ago. Honestly, it just pisses me off. The age difference is skeevy at best.
The article said that the girl wasn't going to the school anymore and my first thought was she damn well better not. Because if I was one of his daughters and the girl who was screwing my father was a fellow student, I would make the rest of her time there unbearable.
Naturally, that's not right but neither is being a homewrecker so boo hoo. You know how many OWs get away with this shit? And I'd come to learn some student is only a year older helped break up my family? Oh it would be too easy to make her school year hell.
reonhato: can anyone in this thread say with 100% certainty that there would not be a situation in which you would leave your wife behind to go bang an 18 yr old when you are 41
Considering such a thing is against my religious beliefs....
However, I will say that statements of that nature are rather vague. Under extreme enough circumstances, most anything can happen. A fairer question is whether I can see myself leaving a wife and children, going by the information given. The answer is, to me at least, no.
because we all know religion is great at keeping people together, nothing is more important than the sanctity of marriage..... o wait, divorce rate is higher amongst religious couples then atheist couples. tennessee, arkansas, alabama and oklahoma are amongst the highest divorce rates in america, all are in the bible belt.
No she is an adult now, she needs to take responsibility for her own life and that means accepting the consequences of her actions.
Of course the girl is responsible for her own actions at that point. Kendarek also has a point through. I know a fair bit about situations like this. The homelife set her up for liking older guys. Mom's reaction to finding out about a possible relationship is why she moved out to be with him. The mother's public shaming attempt has now forced the daughter to dig in. She can't emotionally go back and is now more emotionally attached to the guy. If she has problems with him, her mother's actions have also ensured that she can't ever go to her mother for advice. Her mother has also turned her first love into something shameful (at least in mom's eyes) which could create emotional harm to the poor girl and again make it harder to back away from the relationship (if that's ever appropriate) because she doesn't want mom to have been right. Mom failed this girl in every way possible.
Sounds to me like Mom did everything she could for her. I dont like the idea of finding fault with others to excuse someone else's actions.
I didn't say it should excuse her actions, I said the opposite. At the same time, the mother was a contributing factor to the girl's choices in many ways, as I've set out above. I understand why the mom did what she did, but it really had the opposite effect she would have hoped and she probably has deeply hurt her daughter. (Visa versa too but the parent needs to be the mature one)
I don't mean to put her down either. I'm sure she did the best she could, and by failing her I meant in relation to this situation, I'm sure she was a great mother in many ways. I still have difficulty expressing myself online sometimes in a way that isn't too long for people to read without being to abrupt.
I remember my heart attack when my 12 year old girl asked me the first "difficult" question. You want to lock them in a cage, never let them out, and then buy a shotgun to deal with the boy she liked. I also however knew enough to know that wouldn't be a good response.
reonhato: can anyone in this thread say with 100% certainty that there would not be a situation in which you would leave your wife behind to go bang an 18 yr old when you are 41
Considering such a thing is against my religious beliefs....
However, I will say that statements of that nature are rather vague. Under extreme enough circumstances, most anything can happen. A fairer question is whether I can see myself leaving a wife and children, going by the information given. The answer is, to me at least, no.
because we all know religion is great at keeping people together, nothing is more important than the sanctity of marriage..... o wait, divorce rate is higher amongst religious couples then atheist couples. tennessee, arkansas, alabama and oklahoma are amongst the highest divorce rates in america, all are in the bible belt.
"Ecclesiastes 4:12: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken"
Here's another point: Not all religion is Abrahamic. Mrs Polarity could tell you about that.
As for your other points: Can you site your sources on this?
Considering such a thing is against my religious beliefs....
However, I will say that statements of that nature are rather vague. Under extreme enough circumstances, most anything can happen. A fairer question is whether I can see myself leaving a wife and children, going by the information given. The answer is, to me at least, no.
because we all know religion is great at keeping people together, nothing is more important than the sanctity of marriage..... o wait, divorce rate is higher amongst religious couples then atheist couples. tennessee, arkansas, alabama and oklahoma are amongst the highest divorce rates in america, all are in the bible belt.
"Ecclesiastes 4:12: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken"
Here's another point: Not all religion is Abrahamic. Mrs Polarity could tell you about that.
As for your other points: Can you site your sources on this?
abrahamic religion is the vast majority, especially in america. i believe there was a thread about it before on how religion = abrahamic religion when talking about the western world.
because we all know religion is great at keeping people together, nothing is more important than the sanctity of marriage..... o wait, divorce rate is higher amongst religious couples then atheist couples. tennessee, arkansas, alabama and oklahoma are amongst the highest divorce rates in america, all are in the bible belt.
"Ecclesiastes 4:12: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken"
Here's another point: Not all religion is Abrahamic. Mrs Polarity could tell you about that.
As for your other points: Can you site your sources on this?
abrahamic religion is the vast majority, especially in america. i believe there was a thread about it before on how religion = abrahamic religion when talking about the western world.
As for your link, I meant more recent numbers. But let's work with that. "Other christians" is 24%. Atheists is 21%. That's not a huge difference, don't you think? I'm not saying that there's no link, just that it's not as big as some may think
As for your link, I meant more recent numbers. But let's work with that. "Other christians" is 24%. Atheists is 21%. That's not a huge difference, don't you think? I'm not saying that there's no link, just that it's not as big as some may think
Well, I found this:
Now, not to sound racist, but I think the south is skewed by the fact that people in a black marriage are statistically more likely to divorce or be single (again, this is hard numbers and in no way intended to be racist). The fact that Neveada is pretty high doesnt suprise me, considering they have some of the laxest laws in the nation concerning divorce. It suprises me that California is not higher, and does not suprise me one bit that the Midwest is still the last stronghold of the lifelong marriage.
As for your link, I meant more recent numbers. But let's work with that. "Other christians" is 24%. Atheists is 21%. That's not a huge difference, don't you think? I'm not saying that there's no link, just that it's not as big as some may think
Well, I found this:
No source, no legend indicating what is being measured and the scale, not very helpful.
Now, not to sound racist
*chuckles* ooooo we know what's coming next now!
but I think the south is skewed by the fact that people in a black marriage are statistically more likely to divorce or be single (again, this is hard numbers and in no way intended to be racist)
Citation?
Now, back to the atheist vs religious thing. What may be missing in that question is the % of religious vs % of atheists that marry. If atheists marry at a different rate that would mean you were working with a differentiated population to begin with. No idea if they do or not, but its an important question. Then you need to break down by religion to see if a particular religion is skewing the results or if they are normalized between religions (ie - you have to find out if "religion" makes things worse or "religion X" makes things worse, which could be significantly different things)
On one hand, yeah, it is two consenting adults, the age diffrence creeps me out admittedly, but it is legal.
On the other hand, he just abandoned his wife and child, thats just wrong, what kind of message do you think that sends to the children, it tells them that "daddy doesn't love me". Any man or women that just abandons their wife and child like that is no longer a person, they are trash.
El Chiwawa Loco: On one hand, yeah, it is two consenting adults, the age diffrence creeps me out admittedly, but it is legal.
On the other hand, he just abandoned his wife and child, thats just wrong, what kind of message do you think that sends to the children, it tells them that "daddy doesn't love me". Any man or women that just abandons their wife and child like that is no longer a person, they are trash.
Agreed with that. About the only thing that would make me change my mind about this guy is if it turns out his wife beat him or something crazy like that. Even then though he should have taken the kids or something (which technically wouldnt be kidnapping since legally his wife and him were still married). This guy thought of himself long before he thought of anyone else, at least thats what it looks like based on what we do know.
Any man or women that just abandons their wife and child like that is no longer a person, they are trash.
Okay, could we define "just abandon" here?
Because, you know, I don't see any implications that he "abandoned" them in a "never going to see or buy them a Christmas present again" fashion. He merely moved out to live with somebody else.
Any man or women that just abandons their wife and child like that is no longer a person, they are trash.
Okay, could we define "just abandon" here?
Because, you know, I don't see any implications that he "abandoned" them in a "never going to see or buy them a Christmas present again" fashion. He merely moved out to live with somebody else.
He moved out of his house leaving his wife and kids behind. Unless he told them he was going to leave to live with an 18 year old girl/woman beforehand and they accepted that (unlikely) then what he did is textbook abandonment.
He moved out of his house leaving his wife and kids behind. Unless he told them he was going to leave to live with an 18 year old girl/woman beforehand and they accepted that (unlikely) then what he did is textbook abandonment.
Uhhh....I don't think we agree on the meaning of the word "abandonment" then. Because, I consider "never looking back" to be one of the necessary parts of it.
He moved out of his house leaving his wife and kids behind. Unless he told them he was going to leave to live with an 18 year old girl/woman beforehand and they accepted that (unlikely) then what he did is textbook abandonment.
Uhhh....I don't think we agree on the meaning of the word "abandonment" then. Because, I consider "never looking back" to be one of the necessary parts of it.
Then we may disagree on what "never looking back" means. Legally he has to pay child support, thats not up to him. Now he may look back at decisions in his life (including hopefully this one) and second guess himself but thats not really what I would consider "looking back" in this context (though you are looking back at your life so to speak I dont think thats relevant to this case).
From what I have read of this case I don't get the feeling that this guy thinks he has done anything wrong. In fact sometimes it seems like he is acting indignant that people are being so critical of him.
He moved out of his house leaving his wife and kids behind. Unless he told them he was going to leave to live with an 18 year old girl/woman beforehand and they accepted that (unlikely) then what he did is textbook abandonment.
Uhhh....I don't think we agree on the meaning of the word "abandonment" then. Because, I consider "never looking back" to be one of the necessary parts of it.
Then we may disagree on what "never looking back" means. Legally he has to pay child support, thats not up to him. Now he may look back at decisions in his life (including hopefully this one) and second guess himself but thats not really what I would consider "looking back" in this context (though you are looking back at your life so to speak I dont think thats relevant to this case).
From what I have read of this case I don't get the feeling that this guy thinks he has done anything wrong. In fact sometimes it seems like he is acting indignant that people are being so critical of him.
Cheating was wrong.
Leaving his wife if he was no longer happen in the marriage was the right call, for everyone involved.
Leaving his wife if he was no longer happy in the marriage was the right call, for everyone involved.
I would disagree on whether "I'm not happy" is the right call when kids are involved but Ill let that disagreement slide so we can agreement on this point...he could have handled it a LOT better. If he really was just miserable in his marriage (my personal feelings about divorce aside as what I think about it has no bearing on this guy's decision making process) then he should have sat down with his wife and discussed separating. Then once they had separated he can move in with the girl (though the age difference still makes it a bit creepy to say the least). Even you should agree that handling it that way is a hell of a lot more mature than what he actually did.
Leaving his wife if he was no longer happy in the marriage was the right call, for everyone involved.
I would disagree on whether "I'm not happy" is the right call when kids are involved but Ill let that disagreement slide so we can agreement on this point...he could have handled it a LOT better. If he really was just miserable in his marriage (my personal feelings about divorce aside as what I think about it has no bearing on this guy's decision making process) then he should have sat down with his wife and discussed separating. Then once they had separated he can move in with the girl (though the age difference still makes it a bit creepy to say the least). Even you should agree that handling it that way is a hell of a lot more mature than what he actually did.
Oh I absolutely agree with you on that. That's why I said, before the quote you have above, that "Cheating was wrong". While cheating on your way out the door is very common, I think its one of the scummiest things you can do.
And just to clarify, I agree that if kids are involved you need to really make sure you've explored your options to work things out before you walk out the door. I believe you very much owe it to your kids to try and create that stable and functional home unit for them. I believe a functional two parent family is the best possible environment to raise kids in. However, if the marriage can't be fixed, the kids are better off not being in a dysfunctional home where they can clearly see there is no love/happiness. That will also make an impression on them and harm their future relationships.
Heck, I know one couple where the guy slept on his son's bed for two years because the wife kicked him out of the room and then brought their 10 yr old son in to sleep with her (no sexual implications/contact). You think that that a 10 (eventually 12) year old boy can't see that something is clearly messed up in a situation like that? You think it will help him build healthy relationships with both his parents or learn how to interact reasonably with future potential partners? Naw, that was a marriage that had already ended, it was best for all when they split, no matter what the short term pain.
Leaving his wife if he was no longer happy in the marriage was the right call, for everyone involved.
I would disagree on whether "I'm not happy" is the right call when kids are involved but Ill let that disagreement slide so we can agreement on this point...he could have handled it a LOT better. If he really was just miserable in his marriage (my personal feelings about divorce aside as what I think about it has no bearing on this guy's decision making process) then he should have sat down with his wife and discussed separating. Then once they had separated he can move in with the girl (though the age difference still makes it a bit creepy to say the least). Even you should agree that handling it that way is a hell of a lot more mature than what he actually did.
Oh I absolutely agree with you on that. That's why I said, before the quote you have above, that "Cheating was wrong". While cheating on your way out the door is very common, I think its one of the scummiest things you can do.
And just to clarify, I agree that if kids are involved you need to really make sure you've explored your options to work things out before you walk out the door. I believe you very much owe it to your kids to try and create that stable and functional home unit for them. I believe a functional two parent family is the best possible environment to raise kids in. However, if the marriage can't be fixed, the kids are better off not being in a dysfunctional home where they can clearly see there is no love/happiness. That will also make an impression on them and harm their future relationships.
Heck, I know one couple where the guy slept on his son's bed for two years because the wife kicked him out of the room and then brought their 10 yr old son in to sleep with her (no sexual implications/contact). You think that that a 10 (eventually 12) year old boy can't see that something is clearly messed up in a situation like that? You think it will help him build healthy relationships with both his parents or learn how to interact reasonably with future potential partners? Naw, that was a marriage that had already ended, it was best for all when they split, no matter what the short term pain.
Putting my personal views aside for the sake of practicality. If you arent happy in your marriage then try and work it out with your spouse. If you have kids then do everything reasonably possible to come up with some solution that is acceptable to you and your spouse for their sake. If you really are so far apart that no solution could be reached then yes there is an argument to be made that its better for the kids if you separate (not saying I agree with that argument mind you, just saying that I acknowledge there is a valid argument to make in that case). Every marriage is different though and in theory at least nobody should know better than those actually involved in the marriage on how to work problems out. That being said, yes I think everyone can agree that the guy handled it poorly.
Seekster: If nothing sexual happened between them before she was 18 there is nothing the law can do outside of force him to pay child support. Outside of the law though, this is about as low as you can get without actually breaking the law. By the way when I talked about a frivoulous divorce in previous topics...this sort of thing counts as an extreme example of what is wrong. I sincerely hope that even if there is nothing the law can do this guy is shunned by society.
Frivolous?
Question. Would you be happy in a family where your father wasnt happy? Where he didnt want to be married to your mother? You think thats a dynamic that raises happy children? You think that father just has to deal with a lifestyle he doesnt like forever and surrender his own happiness because what? You ASSUME hes abandonded the kid. People divorce all the time and stay with their kids, support them, get time with them. The kids might have a better up bringing than if they lived in a family where the father just wasnt happy.
Im disgusted everyone has so little regard for the father. I mean JEGUS he just signed his life away? He made a mistake with that marriage so his ENTIRE LIFE now has to be something he doesnt like? Thats hardly fair.
Volf: disgusting and shameful. The man is a terrible person
Why is this view so common?! Why does everyone think that this man has NO RIGHT to live the life he wants to live. He can support his kid. He can pay for his education, go to his football games ect. He can be his father. He just entered a relationship with another consenting adult. I wonder why everyone is so ANGRY about the agegap. I mean yeah its weird since it doesnt conform to the social norm but shes an adult. Are the social norms so indoctrinated into us that we treat things that break them, even if the two consenting adult parties are happy, with not only distrust but active disgust/hatred?
This makes me sad. And not because of what it is. But because of the unfair standards we hold people too, and how brutally we enforce our vision of a "good relationship" onto others.
Seekster: If nothing sexual happened between them before she was 18 there is nothing the law can do outside of force him to pay child support. Outside of the law though, this is about as low as you can get without actually breaking the law. By the way when I talked about a frivoulous divorce in previous topics...this sort of thing counts as an extreme example of what is wrong. I sincerely hope that even if there is nothing the law can do this guy is shunned by society.
Frivolous?
Question. Would you be happy in a family where your father wasnt happy? Where he didnt want to be married to your mother? You think thats a dynamic that raises happy children? You think that father just has to deal with a lifestyle he doesnt like forever and surrender his own happiness because what? You ASSUME hes abandonded the kid. People divorce all the time and stay with their kids, support them, get time with them. The kids might have a better up bringing than if they lived in a family where the father just wasnt happy.
Im disgusted everyone has so little regard for the father. I mean JEGUS he just signed his life away? He made a mistake with that marriage so his ENTIRE LIFE now has to be something he doesnt like? Thats hardly fair.
"Question. Would you be happy in a family where your father wasnt happy?"
I am.
"Where he didnt want to be married to your mother?"
Then he shouldnt have married her and he certainly should have had kids if he wasnt sure...not that I am complaining about him having kids.
"You think thats a dynamic that raises happy children?"
Unless the relationship is abusive then it certainly has the potential to do a better job raising children than a single parent family does.
"You think that father just has to deal with a lifestyle he doesnt like forever and surrender his own happiness because what?"
Because he made a promise, a commitment with his wife. Once you have kids your happiness is subservient to theirs (the kids) for all intents and purposes. I understand that raising children is extremely difficult and I believe it. I can't imagine either parent would be happy changing their baby's diaper but nobody ever said married life was eternal bliss and happiness. Its hard, it takes some work to make is succeed. People who arent prepared for that probably should think twice about marriage.
"You ASSUME hes abandonded the kid."
The story plainly states that he left his kids and wife.
"Im disgusted everyone has so little regard for the father. I mean JEGUS he just signed his life away? He made a mistake with that marriage so his ENTIRE LIFE now has to be something he doesnt like? Thats hardly fair."
You are absolutely right, its not fair. Life isnt fair and when you make a decision you have to be willing to accept the consequences. I don't know how this man met his wife and how they decided to marry each other but it would appear that he did not know if he would be happy with her when they got married.
If I enter a marriage then life is no longer about "me" its about "us". That is one of the beautiful things about marriage. You take a man and a woman (typically at least but there are other topics for that so lets not get side tracked), two sides of the human coin so to speak, and they agree to live their life from then on as if they were one. That is what marriage is. Its not a holiday, its not eternal bliss, its a commitment. Spouses WILL argue. There WILL be shouting from time to time. There may even be times when someone spends the night in a motel or something. However none of that means the marriage can't succeed.
You are absolutely right, its not fair. Life isnt fair and when you make a decision you have to be willing to accept the consequences. I don't know how this man met his wife and how they decided to marry each other but it would appear that he did not know if he would be happy with her when they got married.
If I enter a marriage then life is no longer about "me" its about "us". That is one of the beautiful things about marriage. You take a man and a woman (typically at least but there are other topics for that so lets not get side tracked), two sides of the human coin so to speak, and they agree to live their life from then on as if they were one. That is what marriage is. Its not a holiday, its not eternal bliss, its a commitment. Spouses WILL argue. There WILL be shouting from time to time. There may even be times when someone spends the night in a motel or something. However none of that means the marriage can't succeed.
I totally agree. If someone is not willing to commit to his family and still wants to live selfishly he shouldn't get married. Divorces should be last resort measures for extreme cases. If you don't have the will to commit than don't get married.
Seekster: If nothing sexual happened between them before she was 18 there is nothing the law can do outside of force him to pay child support. Outside of the law though, this is about as low as you can get without actually breaking the law. By the way when I talked about a frivoulous divorce in previous topics...this sort of thing counts as an extreme example of what is wrong. I sincerely hope that even if there is nothing the law can do this guy is shunned by society.
Frivolous?
Question. Would you be happy in a family where your father wasnt happy? Where he didnt want to be married to your mother? You think thats a dynamic that raises happy children? You think that father just has to deal with a lifestyle he doesnt like forever and surrender his own happiness because what? You ASSUME hes abandonded the kid. People divorce all the time and stay with their kids, support them, get time with them. The kids might have a better up bringing than if they lived in a family where the father just wasnt happy.
Im disgusted everyone has so little regard for the father. I mean JEGUS he just signed his life away? He made a mistake with that marriage so his ENTIRE LIFE now has to be something he doesnt like? Thats hardly fair.
Volf: disgusting and shameful. The man is a terrible person
Why is this view so common?! Why does everyone think that this man has NO RIGHT to live the life he wants to live. He can support his kid. He can pay for his education, go to his football games ect. He can be his father. He just entered a relationship with another consenting adult. I wonder why everyone is so ANGRY about the agegap. I mean yeah its weird since it doesnt conform to the social norm but shes an adult. Are the social norms so indoctrinated into us that we treat things that break them, even if the two consenting adult parties are happy, with not only distrust but active disgust/hatred?
This makes me sad. And not because of what it is. But because of the unfair standards we hold people too, and how brutally we enforce our vision of a "good relationship" onto others.
You have mistaken my outrage, it is not solely because of the age gap, but because of the fact that the man divorced his wife is really my main point of outrage. I understand that when there is abuse in a marriage, the need for divorce, but to be married to someone and have kids with that person and then just divorce them for a pretty young thing, I can't stand such behavior.
Obsideo: I didn't see it mentioned here, so I'd just like to mention that one of the teacher's kids goes is 17 and goes to the same school. So he just fucked her life up by making her the daughter of the teacher that left her family for one of her classmates.
Who says that ruined her life? lol
You are projecting.
I know more than one girl that slept with a friend's brother or dad. It's not like its that uncommon.
It might not have "ruined" it but I'm sure it didn't make her happy.
And yeah, maybe you have, but that wasn't part of a huge news story, so she's gonna get a lot more shit for it.
Seekster: This is just...ugh...what is the world coming too: (I included the full story since some people may have trouble with the site)
Well, if you ever read the Bible or a history of the Dark Ages you know many, many worse things have happened over the course of human history. This is actually fairly tame and not really something I can get really outraged about.
The reaction has been largely shock, disapproval and betrayal.
It's odd. It's rare (most teachers are not sexual predators) - and it's unfortunate. It's also legal under the "laws of the established majority" or the will of the people or whatever you call it. So, while odd and unfortunate your best course of action is to try and create a law against it. Otherwise, this type of thing will always be possible.
I mean, the teacher already resigned so... what else should we do, considering no laws were broken? A career is already ruined.
The teen's mother has waged a very public campaign on Facebook since last week, when her daughter moved out of the family's home and into a Modesto apartment with the man. He has left his wife and children, one of whom is a junior at Enochs.
Kinky. We prude Americans love this stuff, don't we? I doubt this would make major media attention in many European countries
Modesto police are investigating whether there was inappropriate contact before the girl turned 18 in the fall.
Ooo. She might have been 17. I remember being 17. I was capable of making my own decisions regarding who I had sex with; and I frequently did.
And school district and teachers union officials worry that an ethical and moral line has been crossed, even if the student is legally an adult.
*wrings hands*
Won't someone think of the children?!
James Hooker was placed on paid administrative leave Feb. 3 by Modesto City Schools and resigned Feb. 22, he said Tuesday. Hooker taught business and computer classes, and he was an adviser to three active campus clubs.
OK. Again. Sounds like everything that can be done and should be done has been done. Do you want to tar and feather him?
My reaction...this is sick on so so many levels (nobody tell Rick Santorum about this, he will go ballistic). Ok yeah its technically legal since she is 18 but still...what the hell? I think the worst part is the guy is leaving a wife and kids. Imagine what his kids are thinking now. "Daddy doesnt love me." Its stories like this that make me lose my faith in humanity. Its some consolation that many people seem as outraged as I am.
People leave their wife and kids every day. Also, wives leave their husbands and kids every day. It's sad. People get over it. Sometimes it even happens for good reasons. If stories like this make you lose your faith in humanity but you don't mind people dying for lack of health care; we're coming from very different moral centers indeed.
Bottom line?
An adult had sex with an 18 year old adult and it was inappropriate due to career reasons; just as it would be if I had sex with a subordinate as a supervisor for a private corporation as the power is in my hands, etc etc. That having been said, an appropriate response is to ruin his career over this, and that has been done.
He has made his choice (love or lust, your opinion) and he has paid his price (loss of family and career) - I say, case closed.
Obsideo: I didn't see it mentioned here, so I'd just like to mention that one of the teacher's kids goes is 17 and goes to the same school. So he just fucked her life up by making her the daughter of the teacher that left her family for one of her classmates.
Who says that ruined her life? lol
You are projecting.
I know more than one girl that slept with a friend's brother or dad. It's not like its that uncommon.
It might not have "ruined" it but I'm sure it didn't make her happy.
And yeah, maybe you have, but that wasn't part of a huge news story, so she's gonna get a lot more shit for it.
Parents do things that make kids temporarily unhappy all the time. "Not making her happy" is certainly not "fucked her life up".
An adult had sex with an 18 year old adult and it was inappropriate due to career reasons; just as it would be if I had sex with a subordinate as a supervisor for a private corporation as the power is in my hands, etc etc. That having been said, an appropriate response is to ruin his career over this, and that has been done.
He has made his choice (love or lust, your opinion) and he has paid his price (loss of family and career) - I say, case closed.
Legally yeah, if he didnt touch her before she turned 18 (and I think the conclusion of the investigation was that he did not) then the most the law can make this dirtbag do is pay child support which I think we can all agree he should. I am not calling for the law to do anything about this. I am saying that its a sign of societal rot and moral decay in our civilization that there are actually people defending him from an ethical standpoint.
First of all, everyone is making a fuckton of assumptions in this thread. Does it say anywhere that the teacher was unhappy? That a divorce was in the works before getting to know the student? I mean really, it doesn't say anything in this article about the state of his personal affairs.
And also, where is this whole mom is an overbearing bitch thing coming from? The only thing we have to go on is she " kept her room tidy at their Waterford home and minded her curfew. No R-rated movies until she was of age. No lone trips to the mall or the movies." Seriously? How is this "overbearing" at all? Not to mention if your daughter ran off with a 41 year old man after having a fall in her grades (I dont think it says how much though) and panic attacks and is no longer attending school. you wouldn't be freaking out? Granted I think the public nature of said freak out is out of line. But I've never been in that position.
All we know is some 41-year-old guy got with his 18 year old student and left his family for it. I personally disagree with it, but I think it was done as properly as possible. And I hope it works out for them and heir families.
EClaris: First of all, everyone is making a fuckton of assumptions in this thread. Does it say anywhere that the teacher was unhappy? That a divorce was in the works before getting to know the student? I mean really, it doesn't say anything in this article about the state of his personal affairs.
A few people raised that. The reality is either 1) She's a classic Lolita and deliberately seduced him and is in control of their relationship and he is completely submissive to her, or 2) He went looking and was willing to risk his relationship by cheating, which you don't do if you are happy at home.
And also, where is this whole mom is an overbearing bitch thing coming from? The only thing we have to go on is she " kept her room tidy at their Waterford home and minded her curfew. No R-rated movies until she was of age. No lone trips to the mall or the movies." Seriously? How is this "overbearing" at all?
It's that last part that is the big trigger. If you don't trust a 17 year old to go to the mall by herself its a good indication of a control problem. The word "compliant" also set a lot of people off as a warning of a possible over controlling environment.
The fact that her mother went freakoid doesn't really look good on her either.
Not to mention if your daughter ran off with a 41 year old man after having a fall in her grades (I dont think it says how much though) and panic attacks and is no longer attending school. you wouldn't be freaking out? Granted I think the public nature of said freak out is out of line. But I've never been in that position.
Yes, the public attack is the biggest problem. There is no reason to believe however that the failing grades and stress are related to the man, and not the home environment that caused the girl to want to jump ship.
All we know is some 41-year-old guy got with his 18 year old student and left his family for it. I personally disagree with it, but I think it was done as properly as possible. And I hope it works out for them and heir families.
All we know is some 41-year-old guy got with his 18 year old student and left his family for it. I personally disagree with it, but I think it was done as properly as possible. And I hope it works out for them and heir families.
I guess but only because there isnt really a proper way to leave your family and run off with someone over 20 years younger than you.
Yeah I wish them the best but I feel bad for their families. I will grant that the girl's mother seems a bit too controlling (but only a bit) but its the girl's responsibility for running off with some guy who is old enough to be her Dad. I hope she will be alright sure but I can't help but think someday she will regret her decision. Right now the guy has said he doesnt regret his (at least that is what he said in recent interviews) and I have little good to say about him. His wife and kids have asked for privacy and have refused to go out and give interviews so good on them.
OK, bad way of putting it...I would beat myself silly. There we go.