The Escapist Presents: Walkthrough of Dante's Inferno

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Okay, so my thoughts on this video, because I'm wonderful and amazing and sexy and humble and of course you were all just waiting for me to chime in....

On the whole "the original was boring"/"you can't have a poet hero" commentary.... Developers of "Dante's Inferno" the game, I'd like to introduce you to "Dante's Inferno" the game. For the Commodore 64. You play a poet. Who's a one-hit kill. And has an inventory size of TWO. You can find a few "smart bomb" crosses, but they only work on the Malebranche. Everyone else you gotta avoid or outsmart. And Virgil's nowhere in sight. Your task? Get through Hell in seven days (about 15-20 minutes realtime, IIRC) or get stuck there. Oh, and since misery loves company, everyone wants you to join them, and will try their hardest to drag you down, or burn you alive, or turn you to stone.

And it was a fun game. Hard as, pardon the pun, hell, but quite fun. It thoroughly kicked my ass, but I loved it. The reason I read the Inferno (Longfellow translation - hoo boy) in my teens, and the entire Comedy (Ciardi translation, been meaning to try out Mandelbaum's) in adulthood, and also partly responsible for my Bach collection (where the game cribbed its music from). Never beat it, and I am awed by the people who can even get to Dis first try, never mind to the Devil and freedom.

You want boring? Try making a game out of Purgatorio or Paradiso (especially Paradiso!)

And, to change gears drastically, I enjoyed Susan's running comments. I do the same thing when gaming, and it's been known to drive people nuts, particularly when I zone out and start repeating myself. Turns out playing against someone and saying "Blood... blood... blood... blood... blood..." in a dull monotone is a good way to gain an unfair advantage!

Coming soon, from EA - when Hamlet's father is brutally murdered, he must seek revenge against his uncle Claudius, revealed to be warrior alien robot from the future! And there's tits!

This Looks Awesome

It is even more awesome than it looks. Of all the hack and slash coming out now, this one is the most like God of War IMO (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). I'm playing it now (store apparently couldn't wait until the release date, you don't hear me complaining) and it's very awesome (and very strange).

Part of me can't help but think "Wait, shouldn't the unbaptized babies only be in the first circle?"

Then I remember that this is to The Divine Comedy what Jolly Ranchers are to actual fruit.

Mind you, it still looks pretty cool. That said, if Cerberus is the Third Circle boss, the "God of War ripoff!" noise is going to be deafening...
(For those of you who haven't read Inferno, ol' Fluffy watches over the gluttons in the Third Circle, forced to lie in a knee-deep slurry of sleet and ash. Much better reason to include him than Cleopatra.)

People just won't stop bitching about this game, hm?
I've finished it last night, so here it goes: Yes, the game doesn't stay 100& true to the poem. Yes, the gameplay is 90% cloned from God of War.
I ask you now: With all the blatant copying that goes on in the games industry, do you honestly expect a game which was cloned from a monumentally entertaining series to turn out bad? The game is a fucking blast. It's short, granted, but that's what I've come to expect from EA.
I knew since the moment I tried the demo that the gameplay was fun, so what I really bought the game for was to see how they implemented the important bits and pieces from the poem into the game and, of course, how they chose to depict each of the nine circles. Visceral didn't disappoint, the environments and demons are awe-inspiring and horrendous at the same time, and it really feels like butchering your way through hell. Also, the voice-acting is top notch and adds a lot to the immersion.
All in all Dante's Inferno is a short but sweet ride and at least worth a rental.

Roll on Feb 9th

Do you know the media storm when Mass Effect was released, and the press heard that there was the side of an alien boobie in that game? It was front page news... or whatever you call front page news on TV.

Just imagine what Fox News is going to do when they play the first level of Dante's Inferno...

they didn't eve tried to cover all the cliches

when will we get to see shakespeare kicking ass?

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day, motherfucker?!


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