Don't Film These Games!

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For all the hate towards Nathan Drake, which I don't share at all, I think even the haters have to admit that an Uncharted movie has one thing going for it:

It would let somebody take a stab at Indiana Jones other than Spielberg and Lucas.

I mean, their last attempt came out feeling like half assed fan fiction, so it's about time somebody tries again by being unabashedly formulaic and not the least bit postmodern about it (which is why Drake is such a fun character). For the record, it kind of worked on the first Mummy, when they were more worried about channeling the old 80s action adventure movies and less infatuated with the visual discoveries and cast of the first movie in a bad case of movie sequelitis.

As for the rest... well, I guess I generally agree with most. Zombies aren't dead until I decide if The Walking Dead is good or not, but Left 4 Dead is (again) postmodernly derivative to an extent where it would only be a parody, and that's been done a couple of times to a higher level.

Colossus would be a nice movie if it was a completely uncompromising adaptation, and I'm talking Tom-Hanks-losing-half-his-body-weight-and-spending-an-hour-with-no-dialogue-at-all levels of uncompromising. And even then it would probably be more interesting than entertaining.

Oh, and yeah, that take on Mortal Kombat felt really dumb to me. I get trying to move away from Z-grade action fantasy, but a martial arts tournament of serial killers who are into body modification? Really? I mean, the mental images that creates are kind of pathetic.

Bobby, you're an odd sort of person. You have your finger on the pulse of how movies are made and what gonna get made, and how people are going to respond to them. It's a professional level of understanding. But I'm beginning to see that the rest of your identity isn't nearly as professional.

Going to have to weigh in here in support of Halo. Yes, the basic plot is "Oh look, something not human, blast it!" but I'd love to see an origins story. Reading the books changes a lot of opinions on the characters, and tends to drop the "War is Hell/Big Damn Heroes" effect for "bad people in a bad place" story.

The Spartans were created to suppress an implied justified uprising outside of Earth's reach, the project literally kidnaps children and replaces them with copies that then die shortly after, the project's leader doesn't even think it's right. You even get the AIs (who are coded to be loyal - they have no choice in the matter) questioning the morality of the whole deal, as more and more children die in the making of the Spartans. Then, suddenly, the Covenant show up. They utterly destroy every human force they come up against, and the soldiers trained/engineered to be the best start coming to terms with the idea that they might not be good enough and it all might have been for nothing.

John-117 himself (Master Chief) is a much deeper character in the books - he can't stand being in space (he's afraid of being helpless), he's stupidly competitive (he hates to lose), he loses so many friends that you could easily diagnose him with separation anxiety (especially in regards to Cortana), and he hates the mythical image that the Spartan's have had built up around them (he comments that as Spartans officially can't die - they always are reported as M.I.A. - his friends can never truly rest).

Play the world dark, including its human parts, and play John right and you've got a deep sci-fi / military film that hinges on themes of morality and the lengths a power will go to in order to win a war. You'd alienate the majority of the fan base, but if you capture the feeling of the first book, it'd be worth it. Having seen District 9, Blomkamp would've been perfect for this - his ability to make us care about characters while being uncompromising about the danger they are in would've worked wonders.

Alas, if it does get made now, it will be about humanity triumphing over dirty alien scum. Probably with an Iraq war analogy thrown in somewhere. It won't even be ironically enjoyable like Starship Troopers (which I'm still convinced is one of the most unintentionally brilliant films ever).

Either that, or it'll be about tea-bagging.

Not a fan of the Nathan Drake bashing, Bob. How can you dislike him and like Lara Croft? It's absurd. Drake is the exact equivalent of Croft, only without boobs. You know who enjoys that? The silent half of Uncharted fans - the girls. Nathan Drake's personality may rub you the wrong way, but it has a quality that fulfils a very popular "type" for females to enjoy (just like Alistair from Dragon Age, who has lots of female fans, all as creepily obsessed as any guy could be over Lara). Also, he's smoking hot. So be even-handed with your hate, if you must have it at all.

I thought the MK thing looked perfect, honestly. Where did Saw come into it, exactly? Yes, it was dark and violent. Have you ever played the game? The whole point of the game was gratuitous violence; it certainly wasn't a very good game. Yeah, they changed a few things around, but how can you criticise that when you said that a Halo movie would have to be changed? I mean, come on. At least it's easily recognisable as Mortal Kombat.

1. MK:Rebirth trailer has a lot more in common with Sin City than with Saw.

2. He forgot "Asteroids".. of which they actually are making a movie. I'm wondering when Pac-Man or Tetris comes out, personally. Actually, I'm assuming he's limiting this selection to those games which have a semblance of story in them. Otherwise it's just way too many.

3. The next list is the far more interesting (and perhaps difficult) one.
I will be disappointed if it doesn't include Thief, Planetfall, and Portal.

Batsamaritan:
some omissions from your list... major one would be half-life... tempting to hollywood i'm sure but i hope to god it never happens...

I do agree somewhat (it would suck to see that series bashed by having a horrible movie adaptation, but I think a smaller, cheaper end version, possibly a short, of the series that has nothing to do with Gordon Freeman could have potential. I personally enjoyed the Purchase Brothers adaptation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1UPMEmCqZo

You would never need an Uncharted movie! It's already movie. Not a BAD one, but rather a GENERIC one.

Sylocat:
Who wants to take odds on what games he's going to list as "DO film" next week?

1. Metroid
2. Zelda
3. BioShock
4. Ninja Gaiden

Wasn't the choice/actually-no-choice thing one of the most brillant ideas of Bioshock?
That scene in the middle would lack most of its cleverness if it was seen in a linear narrative.
Besides that the other very cool part of Bioshock, Rapture and its Downfall, is rather unsuitable for a two hours action-flick.

In all honesty, the movies I want on screen is probaly Mass Effect. I know your Shepard is YOUR shepard but still, it'd be awesome if alot of sci-effects are used. I just hope BioWare will be involved into the script.

Left 4 Dead works as a game that is an homage to movies. It probably wouldn't work AS a movie.

SomeUnregPunk:

Chipperz:

Drangen:
I keep on hearing people calling the Mortal Kombat thing a SAW knock-off. Are people watching a different clip than I am? How can you compare a clip that sets up an underground fight tournament where most of the clip is a fight scene where the decapitation fatality off screen with a psychological/torture horror franchise. Does SAW now have the "dibs" in movies that are shot a little bit dark and gritty? Maybe I'm missing something here but I just don't get it.

You know, I was gonna say the exact same thing?

Also, Starship Troopers isn't the only "human soldiers fighting aliens" film in the world. By your logic, Starship Troopers is a poor man's Aliens and even if, for some reason, you think that's true, they're both great films. Surely Halo would be closer to what Predators is shaping up to be, with the human fighters going up against a remarkably more technologically and physically advanced enemy.

You know what? I think the world is big enough for more films like that.

the only problem is that the starship troopers movie was sort of like the book... a commentary of war in general... except the sequels were just about halo versus bugs.

Actually, while the books themes were met, Starship Troopers was more or less about one super-trooper in power armour wiping our hordes of faceless aliens. If someone likes Starship Troopers, it's a little hypocritical to hate Halo for the same reasons (albeit Halo is more Super Trooper in power armour, and Starship Troopers is more trooper in Super Power Armour, but the point remains...), no?

And don't talk to me about Marauder. Fucking pile of garbage...

There seems to be a massive difference between the views that Bob has on games and films. With films, everyone gets along as views differ between genre, style and actors.

With games on the other hand, while I do like the Game Over Thinker series even I admit it's MUCH MORE positive and negative towards certain genres and consoles.

Thus, his film articles and reviews have a consistent tone of disagreement or agreement between users but when games come into the fray, it's a lot more aggressive in these forums.

As a result I'm already going to suggest Bob that you go easy on the Nintendo games, some people already think you're too biased there.

EDIT: I don't know what kind of Saw film involves long extended fight sequences with boarder line monsters.

A Halo movie would be awesome, just as long as they don't do the Fall of Reach, Contact Harvest would be great, having a backstory on the MC is just a bit silly really, its too cliche!!

Puddle Jumper:
I'm sorry, bob, I normally like your movie stuff but once you delve in to the gaming world ... Even if it is movie related, ... no.

You should see his Game Over Thinker stuff its actually pretty awesome

VanillaBean:

Puddle Jumper:
I'm sorry, bob, I normally like your movie stuff but once you delve in to the gaming world ... Even if it is movie related, ... no.

You should see his Game Over Thinker stuff its actually pretty awesome

Some people (NOT myself included) find his views on games more one sided, hence some complaints.

Ferrious:
Going to have to weigh in here in support of Halo. Yes, the basic plot is "Oh look, something not human, blast it!" but I'd love to see an origins story. Reading the books changes a lot of opinions on the characters, and tends to drop the "War is Hell/Big Damn Heroes" effect for "bad people in a bad place" story.

The Spartans were created to suppress an implied justified uprising outside of Earth's reach, the project literally kidnaps children and replaces them with copies that then die shortly after, the project's leader doesn't even think it's right. You even get the AIs (who are coded to be loyal - they have no choice in the matter) questioning the morality of the whole deal, as more and more children die in the making of the Spartans. Then, suddenly, the Covenant show up. They utterly destroy every human force they come up against, and the soldiers trained/engineered to be the best start coming to terms with the idea that they might not be good enough and it all might have been for nothing.

John-117 himself (Master Chief) is a much deeper character in the books - he can't stand being in space (he's afraid of being helpless), he's stupidly competitive (he hates to lose), he loses so many friends that you could easily diagnose him with separation anxiety (especially in regards to Cortana), and he hates the mythical image that the Spartan's have had built up around them (he comments that as Spartans officially can't die - they always are reported as M.I.A. - his friends can never truly rest).

Play the world dark, including its human parts, and play John right and you've got a deep sci-fi / military film that hinges on themes of morality and the lengths a power will go to in order to win a war. You'd alienate the majority of the fan base, but if you capture the feeling of the first book, it'd be worth it. Having seen District 9, Blomkamp would've been perfect for this - his ability to make us care about characters while being uncompromising about the danger they are in would've worked wonders.

Alas, if it does get made now, it will be about humanity triumphing over dirty alien scum. Probably with an Iraq war analogy thrown in somewhere. It won't even be ironically enjoyable like Starship Troopers (which I'm still convinced is one of the most unintentionally brilliant films ever).

Either that, or it'll be about tea-bagging.

I like this post it gives me hope for any attempts made at a Halo movie

ANImaniac89:
I will take it in step farther
No video game should be made into a movie
I have hated over 90% of every Video game based movies I have seen
the only 2 I liked are the 1st Mortal Kombat (because I was a little kid when I saw it)
and Silent Hill (not anymore after playing the games)

Video game movies suck hands down

But isn't that their charm in most cases? I can hardly keep myself from pissing my pants in laughter at Street Fighter, which i maintain is one of the greatest comedy movies of all time, because it is JUST SO DAMN FUNNY. Admittedly it is a cruel kind of laughter, like seeing your friend trip up and slam his head against the pavement.

Hm...I can only really have a valid response to your post-script, since I honestly agree with you on all the other points (save that I think a good movie of FF6 would be...orgasmic).

Saw isn't original enough to have knock-offs of it. Saw itself is, in my mind, a really bad knock-off of Se7eN, which held my interest mainly because it was psychological porture torn. Now, having seen the Rebirth pitch, know what I think of?

Sin City with magic and fatalities.

The guy who made the pitch directly said that he wouldn't ignore Outworld and the mystical edges of the MK-verse. Would we have Scorpion taking off his face and breathing fire? Maybe not, but we'd definitely have Liu Kang turning into a dragon and biting his opponent's head off, if only for a chance to reuse that hilarious footage from Jeepers Creepers 2.

Look, Bob, I like and respect you, you're a very good movie critic and an even better orator. But on this, we will inherently disagree. I can see where you'd get "Saw Knockoff," but I just don't see that. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I can taste the level of awesome even across the four or five years it'd take to do something like that correctly.

"Welcome to the Internet, where the men are men, the women are men and the children are FBI agents." --Unattributed

Namewithheld:
That Sim's idea actually sounds fucking hilarious.

Now, I know a game that would make a great movie...no...a great TV show: X-Com UFO Defense.

Think about it. a team of multi-national secret agents fighting a constant war against a fucking alien empire that is invading the planet Earth with mysterious UFOs. You have so many character choices: The general commanding it all, the smarmy politicians who X-Com has to deal with it keep their funding, the squad that goes on the missions and the scientists who try to study the alien technology that the team captures, to turn it against the alien menace.

There is betrayal, as some nations secretly sign treaties with the aliens!

There are scary scenes, when the team first runs into fucking crysilids and their fucking goddamn zombies.

And finally, there is the fucking awesome climax, with the team taking on the alien base on mars, fighting desperately through hordes of aliens to set blow up the reactor and zoom home in a spaceship made from alien materials and good old fashioned human know how.

BAM! Awesome. Lets shoot it and make money.

Plus it has flying power armor.

The real reason to not make a movie out of any video game these days is because many video games are just game versions of popular movies and TV shows in the first place. Sure, they change a lot to avoid copyright problems and such, but most of that is just window dressing. Halo is just Aliens. Grand Theft Auto IV is just Eastern Promises. Elder Scrolls: Oblivion is just Lord of the Rings. Et cetera. You get the idea. So making a movie out of any of these properties would be redundant. Which is why Moviebob noted a couple times in his list that the resulting movie would be a low-grade version of some other movie. Video games are low-grade versions of some other movie.

Some might grouse at the "low-grade" above. But that's missing the point, isn't it?

On zombie flicks and games:

Well, we have dead rising which is pretty much dawn of the dead in video game form. L4D decided it wanted to be a multiplayer zombie game, which is pretty much every zombie flick out there. We all saw what happened to the resident evil movie series, which now has nothing to do with the video games at all (except that strange latest addition that has nothing to do with the movies).

George Romero zombie flicks have been lackluster of late. This current age of zombie flicks belongs to such prizes as zombieland, shaun of the dead and hopefully world war z when it comes out. We are nowhere near the end of zombie flicks. If you are gonna wish away anything, wish away the sparkly vampires.

People are complaining about zelda because they don't think that link should talk... Just plain silly. There is a fan made zelda series (live action) that you may still be able to find on the internet where he talks just fine, and if you want to get technical, Zelda was an animated series and you can find that on ebay. You can also see that he talks in the phillips zelda games, but most people don't count those as real games because they are horrible.

Most final fantasy games would indeed make horrible movies, but perhaps if we trim down tactics we can get a really good fantasy drama involving the fight between friends. Spirits within was a costly flop, so it will never happen.

Another problem with basing movies off of video games is that often they are indirectly based off of movies to begin with. Like I said before, dead rising is just dawn of the dead is essentially zombies in a mall, which is dawn of the dead. What we get is a photocopy of a photocopy as a result. It might not be called Street fighter II: the movie: the game, but it has the same result.

I'm suprised you didn't put Half life 2 on your list. I think that the resistance against the Combine would make a halfway decent movie, and much better than any Halo movie, but more likely than not it would really suck and miss the mood of the game entirely.

Well, I still think a Halo movie could work, even if it kept true to the games.
A: all the Halo-fans will go see it (and pirate it)
B: all the Mindless actionmovie fans will go see it (and pirate it)
And C: everyone who doesnīt know what Halo is will probably think itīs a sci-fi commedy.

And whatīs wrong with Halo anyway? Itīs a fast paced actionfest with a bad-ass hard-ass, balls of Steel kinda guy with huge guns laying down leadded law upon his enemys.
I like mindless voilence with little to no plot...hell the whole premise of Zombie movies is just to show a bunch of Zombies being brutally slaughtered not the struggle of the survivors, geez...

The Problem with the Halo franchise isnīt the setting or the FPSish way of story telling, itīs the faceless badass protagonist.
If youīd center your movie around, say, one of the Books, it would make a highly interesting movie...
Also you could invent an entirely new story about any number of Spartans or normal Marines or even the Covenant for my sake. Fuck, the Halo-verse even has room for a WAR(IS BAD) DRAMA!!!

Maybe base a movie on the most cigar-chompienest marine ever. It would probably best work with Samuel L. Jackson, but he might be too old to play an active duty soldier...

All you need for a Halo movie to work in your eyes bob, are compelling characters and a good plot with good action and characterization?
The games couldnīt deliver that, but the Halo-verse is HUUUGE and you could easiely invent a story based in it, and still have all the fans drool (see, the books).

Left 4 Dead, why would you make a movie based off a game that is essentially just an homage to zombie movie. Don't get me wrong, I love L4D but that game doesn't even really have a narrative (they try a bit harder in the second game, they atleast have continuity)

Call of Duty, I don't like any of the CoD games so i'm not going to comment.

I agree with you on Shadow of the Colossus. One of my favorite games. Would it work as a movie, probably not.

Uncharted, Nathan Drake does seem like an unlikable douche, but I haven't played the game so i'm not sure.

Tomb Raider, the games suck and I don't like Angelina Jolie...why would that turn out good.

Monkey Island, I disagree a bit here. I think it could work (I don't particular care if any games get made into movies, actually a lot of the time i'd prefer they didn't, but if they did I'd prefer this to some others) Guybrush Threepwood is like my favorite main character in a game ever too.

God of War, I feel this could work too. I didn't particularly like the games. Not a particularly deep movie but a fun, profoundly bloody action thrill movie.

Final Fantasy, I agree, I love the FF franchise and maybe as like an anime but not a movie. Also you have to pick one FF, they're all completely different games with entirely different character (although the characters are all kind of similar)

Monster Hunter Tri, I don't really care. Never played the game and I'm not the biggest fan of giant monsters in movies.

Halo, I don't like the game, why would I care if a movie came out... Like you said in a previous video, let Michael Bay direct it.

Has anyone noticed that The Darkness felt more like an interactive film than a game?I heard that there is a film in the works, which only leads me to the conclusion that it will work well...If Christopher Nolan does it.

Oh...more Halo bashing...how fun.

Other than that, I actually agree with what you said. I'd also add just about every other game out there, with a couple exceptions (BioShock and...yea, all I got)

Having never played the Uncharted games and all my knowledge based on hearsay, I don't know if it would make a great movie. I heard the 2nd one ran kind of like one and it would seem like a Indiana Jones-style movie. Which could be fun, if done right and not like the newest Indy misadventure.

As for something that I think might make an interesting game, mostly because I was playing it today, would be Timesplitters: Future Perfect. You would need a little bit of backstory, although not much because the second had almost no story holding it together and I never played the first, so I don't know anything about it. You'd just have to explain why he's got the crystals and why they are important (which the opening cutscene does) and everything is all set up. You might need a little more background on Cortez himself, but I don't know where they'd get it from... he's not your average military guy in that he shows emotion and actually talks and interacts with people. But it would make an interesting action/comedy movie. If you've played the game, there is funny stuff going on and being said in that game. I for one love the facial expressions of Cortez and how he gets to interact with himself. Plus all his sidekicks make the game really enjoyable. I don't know who would play him, because while he looks like Vin Diesel, he wouldn't be funny enough. What do you guys think?

I think that there will deffinately be a Left 4 Dead movie made when Hollywood has another Zombiegasm. It also looks like a prime candidate for old Boll.

Tomb Raider will deffinately get another movie, so long as 13 year old wankers keep posting nude fanart of her on DeviantArt.

The idea of a Final Fantasy movie starring white people (aka non hot asians) sickens me, & I don't even play FF.

I've heard something about a Halo movie.....

Shadow of the Colossus: You Have No Story

I adore this game, too. The idea of having a game consist of fighting giant colossi and their demise revolves around a puzzle is beyond genius. Here is the shocker: Shadow of the Colossus HAS NO STORY. It has a set up. Go and kill these colossi to save the princess. It just says, "Hey, we need you to kill these things. Just roll with us and do it." There isn't an option not to kill them incase you're feeling introspective; it's all about solving the puzzle of each colossi's defeat. And what about the ending? Did that make any sense to anybody? Again, I love this game but there is no story, just a feeling of being alone and sometimes remorse for having killed colossus. If you're convinced there is a story run through a synopsis of it in your head. Girl (because there is no way someone with that face is a guy) is told to kill colossi. Girl kills colossi. Battles are totally awesome. WTF ending, Girl gets horns. WTF.

for the record, Monkey Island: The Movie was already made:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109361

What's with all the Nathan Drake hate around the place? He's one of my favourite video game characters ever!

Remember that article that you wrote a while back, with the beautiful story about the aliens going to earth and asking the boy to tell them a story they've never heard? The one that doesn't glorify the overall picture, but says that it's all the little details that count? That was an amazing article. Beautiful story, beautiful lesson.

It's a damn shame you seem to completely ignore that lesson when it comes to Halo.

I like you, MovieBob, I really do, but every time I hear you bash Halo for being "just like everything else sci-fi", I just want to take that smiley face in your videos and punch it until it bleeds like the Watchmen logo.

From one nerdy Bostonian to another, man, I implore you, read the freakin' books. Look at all the little details. The game's stories aren't the best, yeah. But the Halo universe itself is rich and ripe for storytelling, and has some amazing characters in it.

If, after you've read the good ones (the Flood isn't one of the good ones...) you still don't like it and still find it bland, at the very least I'll be able to fully respect your view, if not totally understand it.

EDIT:

docbox1567:
Shadow of the Colossus: You Have No Story

I adore this game, too. The idea of having a game consist of fighting giant colossi and their demise revolves around a puzzle is beyond genius. Here is the shocker: Shadow of the Colossus HAS NO STORY. It has a set up. Go and kill these colossi to save the princess. It just says, "Hey, we need you to kill these things. Just roll with us and do it." There isn't an option not to kill them incase you're feeling introspective; it's all about solving the puzzle of each colossi's defeat. And what about the ending? Did that make any sense to anybody? Again, I love this game but there is no story, just a feeling of being alone and sometimes remorse for having killed colossus. If you're convinced there is a story run through a synopsis of it in your head. Girl (because there is no way someone with that face is a guy) is told to kill colossi. Girl kills colossi. Battles are totally awesome. WTF ending, Girl gets horns. WTF.

EDIT: Looking back on what I just typed, I got a couple of the facts wrong (it outright states he stole the sword, the girl was not killed in a war but wrongfully sentenced to death) but the point still stands: the story for Shadow of the Collosus is there for all to see, it just isn't in your face.

As usual, an interesting article. A few points:

As we all know, they've already got a Shadow of the Colossus movie in development. It has the producer of The Scorpion King and the screenwriter of Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. It is going to be DIRE, unquestionably the worst video game movie ever made, largely because it is going to completely rape, violate and degrade one of the gaming industries most cherished Mona Lisas. I posted a thread suggesting that the ONLY way it could not suck was to make it a prequel which fleshed out the backstory and didn't even go NEAR the colossi, but response was unenthusiastic. So we're just going to have to settle for lynching the entire production crew once it comes out. Get the ropes ready.

One of the few things I've found I disagree with Bob on is his opinion on that Mortal Kombat short. I am personally so OVER Mortal Kombat- its style of absurdist fantasy where martial artists in funny hats, extradimensional stripper princesses, thunder gods, multi-armed dragon-men and cybernetic ninjas battle in a war to decide the fate of the universe by fighting each other one-on-one in an organized tournament is just so much 90's kitsch. Like the comics of Rob Liefield, it's something we thought was the definition of awesome when we were young and stupid, but now we're older and more mature we look back on it (or I do anyway) and realize it was just so DUMB. I've never seen the Saw movies so I'm not over that gritty style yet and I thought it made a serious attempt to justify the lunacy of Mortal Kombat's over-the-top cast of freaks and lunatics which seemed like it would actually work- don't tell me that portrayal of Reptile wasn't FAR scarier than the game character ever could be. I found it very interesting and exciting.

Bob,
What about the pre-seven Final Fantasy games; final fantasy VI strikes me as game that could (with some effort) make a good 3-4 hour animated epic (Miyazaki directing, and Mark Hamill playing Kefka). I also believe the same applies to Chrono Trigger (if they gave Chrono a good personality). What is your take?

PS Thanks for getting me off of Halo and into classic SNES games.

The Mortal Kombat "trailer" looked pretty good. By that I mean the special effects and maybe a kick or two. The script was laughably bad. Fan-fiction-by-thirtee-year-old-boy bad, and although the first MK-movie was terrible it was at least campy enough to be entertaining. From what I could gather from the trailer it's a bit too ass to even work as that so I hope they don't get the response they need to make an actual movie.

Uncharted I think could actually make a decent film, but it's really hit-or-miss. Who says Indiana Jones is the only one who's allowed to hunt for treasure in exotic environments?

I haven't read any Halo books, but if they're anything like that one Mass Effect book I think it's safe to say it's a terrible idea. We gamers often get tricked into thinking the story of a game is worth a shit just because there's a lot of it. "Expanded Lore" is something I hear used as a positive phrase way too often. Mediocre writers producing pages upon pages of constrained crap isn't really doing the games any favors. Rather it reveals their plots for how stupid they are.

You know what game would make a great movie? Plants Vs. Zombies!! Not a multiplex film, but a series of animated shorts would be a LOT of fun, IMHO.

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