Zero Punctuation: Alpha Protocol

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Quite amusing I must say. Honestly, this review might make me get the game just to see how it stacks up in comparison to this review.

Interesting. The issue with not being able to specialise in one thing reminds me of an issue I had with the new Prince of Persia game 'The Forgotten Sands', in that I chose to pour all of my upgrades into the physical attacks, but then these bosses came along and were totally immune to all physical attacks, meaning I literally could not beat them.

Ooh, this is my first post in Escapist Forums... hi! :D

So, he understands the AP storyline about as well as I understand the ones in Armored Core... is that really possible?

Well, now I HAVE to get this game.

And you can specialize in shotguns? Sweet, now I'm going to make a stealth shotgunner, for the lulz.

Pugiron:
Vrach, I suspect you are missing many things.

Nah mate, I did see the whole review, I did see the slaps he gave the game, but his review of it was far more positive than any other I've read and the overall feeling I got from it (having Yahtzee's reviewing style in mind) was "game's worth a go to see the 'revolutionary' consequence RPG element, even though you'll pay for it with a head bump and a wall dent"

Ponce-tastic! Loved the invisibility part with the floating hat hehe.

Ponce repellent wallpaper? Where can I get some?

Great review as always. I'm surprised he hasn't reviewed Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands yet, since he liked Sands of Time so much.

Ponce never sounded like a word to me. Now it seems to have become some sort of Pavlovian signal for me to giggle.

Stonerfrog:
Great review as always. I'm surprised he hasn't reviewed Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands yet, since he liked Sands of Time so much.

He doesn't decide on what he reviews when, Escapist does :)

Hilarious as usual, I was debating whether to buy Alpha Protocol at launch, but I'm disappointed on the reviews as well as the feedback my friend gave it.

top form

He forgot a JB in his final list (James Bond, Jack Bauer and John Barrowman). What about Jack Black?

Warforger:

Kingsman:
...I never even heard of this game, but the fact that it lets you be that diverse and dickish seems appealing to me.

Are you fucking me? There was a huge advertising campaign on TV and even on ZP! You'd have to have awesome ignoring skills to not see the constant replays of the adverts.

And I don't watch that much TV, nor do I visit this site that much.

Never question a master of ignorance's ability to be behind the curve, foolish boy.

I don't know why everyone seems to be making such a big deal about it. I thought it was a really enjoyable game. I played through it, ignored most of the story for what it was worth, and just enjoyed the stealth elements of the game. They were...well, while not excellently done, fairly enjoyable to me at least. Each weapon had it's strengths and weaknesses, and you weren't some multi-talented gun toting superstar from the get-go like most other "stealth" games lead you to become. You have to pick some weapons you like and stick with them, or all of them if you want to just skip the stealth element of it, of course.

The hacking minigames for it were incredibly well thought-out and clever, I hadn't even thought of something like that until they came up with it, and frankly...I like it. It was a great idea. The conversations were a little...one-sided, where it felt like you weren't so much taking part in the conversation as dropping little hints in as to where it might go.

The only thing I had to complain about were a few things, such as: Boss battles. These are the most ridiculous element in any stealth-shooter that someone can come up with. The purpose of a spy is to be stealthy and eliminate someone before they have a chance to do anything about it, not sit through some lengthy boss-battle where their armor regenerates faster than most can recite their first name. The finale was also absolute bullshit. Pitting me (I chose stealth mixed with silenced-pistols and assault rifles, plus tech skills) against a missle-toting helicopter. And don't remind me that this helicopter takes six directs hits from an RPG to bring down.

Sadly, stealth games seem to have this knack for making an explosive finale that absolutely ruins the game for any stealth-minded individual who enjoys...well, stealth! And when you have one of these "explosive finales", it rips any and all stealth elements out of the game and replaces it with run'n'gun. This is not exciting, it's stupid.

dog with a hat, hilarious, only way it could be better is if it had a dog with a hat cane and porn magazine which it uses as firewood and toiletry in it's extremely long trips through red dead redemption

The plot can be confusing if you don't get enough dossier info to really uncover people's motives and the web of character relations. However, after a few playthroughs most of the initially apparent holes will be plugged and it'll make sense.

Though the plot might have taken a bit of a backseat, the writing is fantastic (it's Chris Avellone, after all), as is the cinematic direction. The choice and consequence is unrivaled by any other recent RPG - I've played through the game three times now, with each time having notably different things happening throughout the game, in response to my actions (not only the blatant ones, but things like shooting innocent guards instead of knocking them out in the course of a mission). I'm sure I haven't uncovered all of the possible branches yet, either.

The gameplay isn't spectacular, but I don't get why all the reviewers ripped on it. It's certainly as good, if not better, than Mass Effect 1. The graphics, as well, are better than those of Dragon Age, yet Dragon Age didn't get panned for outdated visuals. The AI is goofy, but it's not gamebreaking.

As for bugs, I've seen maybe five or six bugs, total. Most of them are graphical and fairly minor.

Kiju:
The conversations were a little...one-sided, where it felt like you weren't so much taking part in the conversation as dropping little hints in as to where it might go.

I have to say, I find it curious that Yahtzee didn't commend them a little more for this, cause in one of his Extra Punctuations, he himself suggested a similar system (he suggested a better one, except his would be too complicated to just be a part of a game that's not about storytelling, but it's still kinda on the same page)

Kiju:
The only thing I had to complain about were a few things, such as: Boss battles. These are the most ridiculous element in any stealth-shooter that someone can come up with. The purpose of a spy is to be stealthy and eliminate someone before they have a chance to do anything about it, not sit through some lengthy boss-battle where their armor regenerates faster than most can recite their first name. The finale was also absolute bullshit. Pitting me (I chose stealth mixed with silenced-pistols and assault rifles, plus tech skills) against a missle-toting helicopter. And don't remind me that this helicopter takes six directs hits from an RPG to bring down.

Yeah I've got to agree with you on this one - this is one thing that REALLY put me off Crysis (and yeah I know it's a FPS and not really a stealth game, but the cloak power was quite a big part of it) when I played through it recently. When I first jumped into the game, the graphics and the abilities of the nanosuit made me feel absolutely awesome and I found the game really, really enjoyable (although agree on Yahtzee's note of level design being a little shite). Then came the aliens and as I was closing in through all the crap in the story, I just came to the point where the game felt like Serious Sam... grab the infinite ammo alien minigun (facepalm), turn the shield power on and play the chest-high-wall game (which I'm not generally opposed to, I loved it in a lot of games, but it's properly retarded doing it with a minigun... alien minigun... with infinite ammo and no reload >.< ).

Doomsday11:

bojac6:
I just have to point out that the game would have been much better if the three JBs really were what you had listed at the end: Jack Bauer, James Bond and John Barrowman.

Screw Jason Bourne, I want to be able to play as Intense Interrogator (Jack Bauer), Screws Any Lady (James Bond) and Screws Anything with a Hole (John Barrowman). If you go this path, you can beat the game by hitting on David Tennant. Best game ever.

Please make this game I would walk over an army of evil to play this game.

God damn I'd want to play that game! :D

Jack and Calumon:
He seemed rather generous to a game that other reviewers have eaten and crapped out.

Thats because those other reviewers were twitch kiddies who expected a "no brain required" fps instead of a Deus Ex like RPG.
Look at some serious reviews (mostly those made by PC gamers, as the twitch kiddie quota is lower there than on consoles) and you will see that AP is actually quite good.

PS: That melee boss can be defeated quite easily when you make the right friends...

Ulicus:

BrotherRool:
This one, he praised for a whole review, and quickly added that it was crap at the end.

A "poorly balanced" game isn't necessarily crap any more than a well-balanced game is necessarily fantastic. And wasn't the last thing he actually drew attention to at the end the game's replay value? I can't remember. I watched it yesterday in a haze, which means I might as well have dreamt the entire thing.

I think it's pretty awesome how this review can be interpreted so differently. Thank goodness Croshaw doesn't give "scores". It makes everything so much more fun.

Well the people who've got it who I've talked to, said the combat was broken to the point of not being worth enduring. There is almost no AI to the point where you can crouch right in front of someone, walk up to their face and get a "stealth kill"

When I see the image of a guy shotgun-raping the planet, I fall out of my chair laughing.

BrotherRool:

Ulicus:

BrotherRool:
This one, he praised for a whole review, and quickly added that it was crap at the end.

A "poorly balanced" game isn't necessarily crap any more than a well-balanced game is necessarily fantastic. And wasn't the last thing he actually drew attention to at the end the game's replay value? I can't remember. I watched it yesterday in a haze, which means I might as well have dreamt the entire thing.

I think it's pretty awesome how this review can be interpreted so differently. Thank goodness Croshaw doesn't give "scores". It makes everything so much more fun.

Well the people who've got it who I've talked to, said the combat was broken to the point of not being worth enduring. There is almost no AI to the point where you can crouch right in front of someone, walk up to their face and get a "stealth kill"

Meaning, of course, that you're either so god damn good at stealth killing that you can literally walk up to people, stab them in the eye, leave the KNIFE at the scene of the crime, and never be found out, or somebody left a key element called "A.I. Response" which really could have made the game somewhat better, don't you think?

I had no idea what an insanely massive script Zero Punctuation videos actually have; thanks to 4:11 seeing how much text such a speedy narative can have in the span of a minute I now have an idea...

That's quite a bit to come up with week after week, much apppreciated good sir.

To clarify:

Ponce - Someone who is incredibly arrogant/self centred. To whit: A person who comes to your barbeque neglecting to bring any food/refreshments, proceeds to crack open and comsume the contents of a bottle of champagne you were saving for a special occasion who then loudly and ineptly insults your significant other before throwing up and passing out on your bed. Upon waking they will badger you for money to get a taxi home, which you are more than willing to pay just to get them out of your sight.

But the 'Ponciest ponce who ever ponced past a ponce shop'? This I have to see.

Oblarg:
The plot can be confusing if you don't get enough dossier info to really uncover people's motives and the web of character relations. However, after a few playthroughs most of the initially apparent holes will be plugged and it'll make sense.

Though the plot might have taken a bit of a backseat, the writing is fantastic (it's Chris Avellone, after all), as is the cinematic direction. The choice and consequence is unrivaled by any other recent RPG - I've played through the game three times now, with each time having notably different things happening throughout the game, in response to my actions (not only the blatant ones, but things like shooting innocent guards instead of knocking them out in the course of a mission). I'm sure I haven't uncovered all of the possible branches yet, either.

The gameplay isn't spectacular, but I don't get why all the reviewers ripped on it. It's certainly as good, if not better, than Mass Effect 1. The graphics, as well, are better than those of Dragon Age, yet Dragon Age didn't get panned for outdated visuals. The AI is goofy, but it's not gamebreaking.

As for bugs, I've seen maybe five or six bugs, total. Most of them are graphical and fairly minor.

Agreed. I tried this game out, and the consequence actions is pretty well done, although if you want something else to happen entirely in a conversation, you may have to have played through it at least once to be prepared for it (or load checkpoints).

If only the gameplay could have been the same quality. I encountered a few bugs, for example climbing up a ladder and a lackey climbing down. This resulted in the guard floating right on top of me at all times, even while moving, along with the Takedown commands on my screen, but not working.

nice review.

i wonder what next weeks review is gonna be?

Caradinist:

Oblarg:
The plot can be confusing if you don't get enough dossier info to really uncover people's motives and the web of character relations. However, after a few playthroughs most of the initially apparent holes will be plugged and it'll make sense.

Though the plot might have taken a bit of a backseat, the writing is fantastic (it's Chris Avellone, after all), as is the cinematic direction. The choice and consequence is unrivaled by any other recent RPG - I've played through the game three times now, with each time having notably different things happening throughout the game, in response to my actions (not only the blatant ones, but things like shooting innocent guards instead of knocking them out in the course of a mission). I'm sure I haven't uncovered all of the possible branches yet, either.

The gameplay isn't spectacular, but I don't get why all the reviewers ripped on it. It's certainly as good, if not better, than Mass Effect 1. The graphics, as well, are better than those of Dragon Age, yet Dragon Age didn't get panned for outdated visuals. The AI is goofy, but it's not gamebreaking.

As for bugs, I've seen maybe five or six bugs, total. Most of them are graphical and fairly minor.

Agreed. I tried this game out, and the consequence actions is pretty well done, although if you want something else to happen entirely in a conversation, you may have to have played through it at least once to be prepared for it (or load checkpoints).

If only the gameplay could have been the same quality. I encountered a few bugs, for example climbing up a ladder and a lackey climbing down. This resulted in the guard floating right on top of me at all times, even while moving, along with the Takedown commands on my screen, but not working.

Yeah, the branching narrative is nothing short of awesome. If the gameplay had been the same quality, the game would have been GotY quality. As it is, though, it's still one hell of a good RPG - I played through it three times in a row without losing interest, so Obsidian must have done something right.

That sucks now. hes missed a few good games to rip on.

This was a hilarious review, I much enjoyed it.

Jonesy911:
Why am I on probation!? Read my message at the top, whats wrong with that?
Is there some sort of automatic probation dispenser for whoever is the first to comment on a new zero punctuation video?

No, you simply commented before you could have watched the entire video.

You're supposed to watch the video you are commenting on.

I am surprised he didn't pick apart the games mechanics as much as most reviewers did. It was a nice review given I have enjoyed playing this game a lot.

It's lines like "ponce repellent wallpaper" that make n=me split my sides.

I too definitely liked the variable asshole you were able to be. However the gaps in the story aren't filled when you replay it you have to read the intel that is scattered around to understand what the hell is happening. As far as that is concerned a game that wants me to read, fuck that.

Oblarg:

Caradinist:

Oblarg:
The plot can be confusing if you don't get enough dossier info to really uncover people's motives and the web of character relations. However, after a few playthroughs most of the initially apparent holes will be plugged and it'll make sense.

Though the plot might have taken a bit of a backseat, the writing is fantastic (it's Chris Avellone, after all), as is the cinematic direction. The choice and consequence is unrivaled by any other recent RPG - I've played through the game three times now, with each time having notably different things happening throughout the game, in response to my actions (not only the blatant ones, but things like shooting innocent guards instead of knocking them out in the course of a mission). I'm sure I haven't uncovered all of the possible branches yet, either.

The gameplay isn't spectacular, but I don't get why all the reviewers ripped on it. It's certainly as good, if not better, than Mass Effect 1. The graphics, as well, are better than those of Dragon Age, yet Dragon Age didn't get panned for outdated visuals. The AI is goofy, but it's not gamebreaking.

As for bugs, I've seen maybe five or six bugs, total. Most of them are graphical and fairly minor.

Agreed. I tried this game out, and the consequence actions is pretty well done, although if you want something else to happen entirely in a conversation, you may have to have played through it at least once to be prepared for it (or load checkpoints).

If only the gameplay could have been the same quality. I encountered a few bugs, for example climbing up a ladder and a lackey climbing down. This resulted in the guard floating right on top of me at all times, even while moving, along with the Takedown commands on my screen, but not working.

Yeah, the branching narrative is nothing short of awesome. If the gameplay had been the same quality, the game would have been GotY quality. As it is, though, it's still one hell of a good RPG - I played through it three times in a row without losing interest, so Obsidian must have done something right.

this. the game is a gem for sure just mixed in with some bugs here and there (which personally dont bug me one bit, i can forgive a game easily for being slightly bugged) and i've replayed it myself 2 times and im on my third playthrough now as a veteran

if you like rpg's, like decent story and dialogue, i can almost garuntee you'll at least like this game

This was one of the best reviews in a while, and it made me giggle like a five year-old listening to his friend spew toilet humor, even though I'm dead tired.

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