Zero Punctuation: Halo: Reach

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Ok being a halo time line nerd I feel I have to correct some mistakes he and other reviewers had made.

1) Reach is not the start of the Human Covenant wars, Harvest was first contact and that was about 20 years before reach.

2) People hanging out of fliers. Spartans have powerful magnet systems in their suits this is how they keep weapons strapped to their backs (also a spartan in his/her armor is about 500+ pounds.

3)ONI stands for Office of Naval Intelligence. (It started as a throw back to Oni but after 10 years in the halo universe its become its own thing)

And like everyone else I'm quite surprised this review wasn't a complete assault on the game but the game was fairly decent and what flaws he did pick out were mostly akin to his lack of skill or willingness to turn the difficulty down. Yahtzee is still as sheltered as ever in the field of multi-player but we never expect that to change do we?

On the one hand, I'm kinda shocked he only had mild levels of bile. On the other hand, I KNEW he'd enjoy that ending.

YoungZer0:

arc1991:

HankMan:

Tenkage:
Ok that is fair, he destroy the game but he didn't hate it, so That must mean this is one of the best shooter games on the market, I mean come on if Yahtzee can enjoy it almost anyone can LOL

Almost anyone

GamesB2:
Ha brilliant.

To everyone complaining about Halo Reach because it is a Halo game.

Bad _ Very bad... you go learn stuff before commenting.

I played this game and I can think a whole number of reasons why I didn't like besides it being a Halo game:
Limited weapon selection
Over-powered pistol not having enough amo
paints-on-head-retarded driving mechanics
Brain damaged friendly A.I.
Only getting two grenades at a time
Power shield won't let you move
stamina worn out faster than a fat man on a stair master

Oh Wait, That IS a Halo game

Ok I'm sorry, you clearly haven't played this game...(or at least completed it)

Halo has Always had a vast weapon selection.

The over powered pistol (as you call it) doesn't have a lot of ammo because it's only a pistol and does quite a bit of damage, if it had more ammo then it would be over powered.

The driving mechanics have Always been the same, and are probably some of the best in any shooter.

Ok i admit, the A.I isn't very good, but then again, it never has been.

You acctualy get 4 grenades at a time. (2 frags, 2 Plasma Grenades, you know...the sticky blue things that scream while blowing up?)

If you could move while the power shield was active, it would be very over powered.

And if you wore heavy body armour you would not be able run for long either.

See this is exactly what i meant by my last comment. Bungies previous mistakes are repeating and are now a feature, if you play a Halo game you have to expect bad AI and all that. They don't improve, they don't change. Playing it as save and ball-less as possible. Which is exactly why i don't respect Bungie. I hope they really are done with this overrated franchise and might finally make a game that's worth playing. Although i liked ONI i'd love to see them do something new.

Bad allied AI. Which is annoying, admittedly. The enemy AI, on the other hand, is so awesome it's uncanny. It's like playing other human players. And if you'd actually given the game a go or done any research at all, you'd know this.

Anyway, Yahtzee was surprisingly charitable towards this game (unlike the arriving waves of deluded haters). He didn't hate it. That's good enough for me.

Yahtzee the mercy one?

I think he gone easy on Halo...

YoungZer0:

arc1991:

HankMan:

Tenkage:
Ok that is fair, he destroy the game but he didn't hate it, so That must mean this is one of the best shooter games on the market, I mean come on if Yahtzee can enjoy it almost anyone can LOL

Almost anyone

GamesB2:
Ha brilliant.

To everyone complaining about Halo Reach because it is a Halo game.

Bad _ Very bad... you go learn stuff before commenting.

I played this game and I can think a whole number of reasons why I didn't like besides it being a Halo game:
Limited weapon selection
Over-powered pistol not having enough amo
paints-on-head-retarded driving mechanics
Brain damaged friendly A.I.
Only getting two grenades at a time
Power shield won't let you move
stamina worn out faster than a fat man on a stair master

Oh Wait, That IS a Halo game

Ok I'm sorry, you clearly haven't played this game...(or at least completed it)

Halo has Always had a vast weapon selection.

The over powered pistol (as you call it) doesn't have a lot of ammo because it's only a pistol and does quite a bit of damage, if it had more ammo then it would be over powered.

The driving mechanics have Always been the same, and are probably some of the best in any shooter.

Ok i admit, the A.I isn't very good, but then again, it never has been.

You acctualy get 4 grenades at a time. (2 frags, 2 Plasma Grenades, you know...the sticky blue things that scream while blowing up?)

If you could move while the power shield was active, it would be very over powered.

And if you wore heavy body armour you would not be able run for long either.

See this is exactly what i meant by my last comment. Bungies previous mistakes are repeating and are now a feature, if you play a Halo game you have to expect bad AI and all that. They don't improve, they don't change. Playing it as save and ball-less as possible. Which is exactly why i don't respect Bungie. I hope they really are done with this overrated franchise and might finally make a game that's worth playing. Although i liked ONI i'd love to see them do something new.

I would like you to name one game where...

The A.I does not get in your way, They are not completely pants on head retarded and do not run blindly into fire and die.

EVERY game has them, if you complain about Halo, you complain about 99.9% of all shooters as well. (Star Wars Republic Commando is the only game i have seen where the Intelligence in "Artificial Intelligence" acctualy means something).

As stated, this is a Halo game for Halo Fans, who are used to how the how the game works. the A.I is meant to be pathetic because hell, we all would be if we encountered 8 foot aliens with plasma based weaponry. Think of the A.I as the meat shield, if you are hurt, hide for a bit while they take the fire.

Glad to see you kind of enjoyed it. Pretty much summed up all the problems I had with the game. (Mainly the characters) Overall, I still enjoyed Reach.

I completely forgot that Oni was made by Bungie.

Other than that, he pretty much voiced the same stuff i was thinking about Halo:Reach. Also I never really thought about the whole lack of seat belts.

What DOES bug me is. Why do we have fall damage, if these Spartans can survive fucking re-entry into a planet?

I paid $4 for the Move starter pack due to trade deal profiteering. Does that count?

ps. Bungie hated the 'Combat Evolved' subtitle - it was forced on them by MS.

I forgot to say: YES YAHTZEE! You are so damn right! We need more games that have space ship battles!

A documentary on the megacunts who play Halo Reach

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/549991

Good job as always yahtzee. Make fun of the ways games suck, but can at least admit when some parts are good.

Caradinist:
I completely forgot that Oni was made by Bungie.

Other than that, he pretty much voiced the same stuff i was thinking about Halo:Reach. Also I never really thought about the whole lack of seat belts.

What DOES bug me is. Why do we have fall damage, if Spartan can survive fucking re-entry into a planet?

Remember Halo 3? Master Chief re-entering earth?

Noble 6's armour might have locked up. just not as bad.

Hell good point though :P

HankMan:

Tenkage:
Ok that is fair, he destroy the game but he didn't hate it, so That must mean this is one of the best shooter games on the market, I mean come on if Yahtzee can enjoy it almost anyone can LOL

Almost anyone

GamesB2:
Ha brilliant.

To everyone complaining about Halo Reach because it is a Halo game.

Bad _ Very bad... you go learn stuff before commenting.

I played this game and I can think a whole number of reasons why I didn't like besides it being a Halo game:
Limited weapon selection
The pistol not having enough amo
paints-on-head-retarded driving mechanics
Brain damaged friendly A.I.
Only getting two grenades at a time
Power shield won't let you move
stamina worn out faster than a fat man on a stair master

Limited weapon selection - There's plenty of weapons you obviously just weren't looking hard enough
The pistol not having enough ammo - I thought the amount of ammo for the pistol was enough
Pants-on-head-retarded driving mechanics - There's nothing wrong with the driving mechanics
Brain damaged friendly A.I. - I'll give you that one
Only getting two grenades at a time - Two grenades is plenty and if you were able to carry more multiplayer would get a little annoying because everyone would be grenade spamming
Power Shield won't let you move - If you were able to run around with the Power Shield active that would be a bit overpowered don't you think? I mean just think of multiplayer people would be running round killing people while also being invincible and if that was the case that would also be the only Armour Ability that would get used.
Stamina worn out faster than a fat man on a stair master - If you're referring to the duration you can sprint then let me ask this: How long do you think you could sprint for in power armour?

Unsurprising, really. I knew he was going to call out Reach on Noble Team and the soldiers that populated it from the get-go. The funny thing is that I'm pretty sure with or without the multiplayer, I would've enjoyed it all the same.

Good luck to Bungie, and awesome as always Yahtzee. Didn't know he liked ONI.

I expected as much from you Yahtzee, as your hate of Halo is fairly well known. I know that I will be playing Halo: Reach for at least a year to come and enjoying every minute of it. Your reasons for not liking Halo are understandable, but I just don't see some games the way you do.

Undead Dragon King:
That first pun at the end credits was the best yet.

"I don't know why you say goodbye, I say Halo!"

Yeah that was the best part of the video

So he kind of liked it? Huh, well, color me surprised.

Yahtzee recommended it, sorta. Must get it now......

well it's a 'better than mediocre' from Yahtzee, which is indeed a plus : )

I gave up with Halo a loooogn time ago. The only way I like my Halo now is Red vs Blue. ^___^

I don't think I could've liked this review much more unless he liked the game much more, except while he demonstrated he knows a thing or two about Halo and isn't blinding lashing out at what's popular (although it seemed like stuff he could've picked up pretty easily on Wikipedia) he doesn't seem to know some things that could've made a difference, like that Reach wasn't the first contact with the Covenant (although it is odd more people weren't more surprised or at least frightened to see them there), or that Mjolnir armor weighs half a ton and thus isn't that prone to sliding off anything EDIT: completely forgot about the magnets, which are evident enough given you see weapons on Spartans' backs with nothing visible holding them there, and except the seemingly quite large oversights, like how he mentioned the space combat and placed the jet-packing in the same category but left out the level where you spend most of your time in a helicopter-ish vehicle, or not realizing that these super-soldiers, and apparently regular soldiers in the Haloverse, would be trained in the operation of enemy materiel, although that kind of goes back to my first point-- and back at my first points is the biggest screw-up: Halo 2 was the top played on-line original Xbox game from when it was released until the day the service was shut down and Halo 3 has been in the top three (maybe top four for a little while) most played on-line 360 games since it came out, and all indications are Reach is a real successor-- the servers, or rather the playlists, won't be wastelands in three months or three years.

Are there STILL people that take these 'Reviews' seriously? Jesus christ...

bew11:
In the future, insted of seat belts everyone has magnetic boots, DUH!

Yeah but really? seriosly? How are we supposed to know that? None of the halo games explain this to us.

Back on track.
I like, and have always liked halo for its multiplayer, campaign is fun with a freind, but thats about as far as it goes.

EDIT
Someboyd said something about bad AI for your allies? I second that. Alot. Those space marines are idiots.

Wow! That was surprising. I thought you were totally going to rip on it.

arc1991:

Caradinist:
I completely forgot that Oni was made by Bungie.

Other than that, he pretty much voiced the same stuff i was thinking about Halo:Reach. Also I never really thought about the whole lack of seat belts.

What DOES bug me is. Why do we have fall damage, if Spartan can survive fucking re-entry into a planet?

Remember Halo 3? Master Chief re-entering earth?

Noble 6's armour might have locked up. just not as bad.

Hell good point though :P

If you pay attention during the cutscene where he docks the Saber with Anchor 9 an automated voice (not Auntie Dot IIRC) points out that he's got re-entry gear on.

The funny part is that in my multiplayer experiences with this game, which is fairly extensive, I've only had one match with the aforementioned metacunts, and boy were they pathetic examples of our species. But that's it. All the other matches had pretty polite players.

I am confused, what did he WANT exactly? Most of the faults he mentioned are things we see in just about every game, what did he expect here?

I know saying Yahtzee's standards are too high is like saying water is wet, but "no seatbelts"? Seriously? Come on Yahtzee, you're going to have to do better than that if you want to hate something just because it's popular.

Of course it's alright to dislike Halo, but no seatbelts? Really?

Anstrup:

bew11:
In the future, insted of seat belts everyone has magnetic boots, DUH!

Yeah but really? seriosly? How are we supposed to know that? None of the halo games explain this to us.

Back on track.
I like, and have always liked halo for its multiplayer, campaign is fun with a freind, but thats about as far as it goes.

I just found out by reading the book, but at Halo 3, i thought it was obvious when you had weapons stick magnetically to you and that you would assume they have magnetic armor.

"So the squad was called Noble Team, and they all die noble deaths. Holy shit, I just got that"

Hilarious.

Ok, I have to call "Bullshit" on this. Not your review per-se, but your claim about multiplayer. Halo is THE biggest multiplayer-game on X-box live and to say that that isn't a real part of the game is a bit like saying WoW has to be appreciated for it's single-player mode. You don't have to like multiplayer, I usually don't, but to say a game can't be built around it is, well... wrong.
Another example is RE5, a game that I would HATE to play single player. But playing it with my roommate it turns in to one of my favorite games. To say a game sucks just because the single-player sucks is bullshit in a world where gaming is more and more a social hobby. Now, I have no problem with a review saying that as someone who don't really play online, this sucks ass. But to say that a game HAVE to have a solid single-player in order to be proper is, as I said, bullshit

SQUISHABLE PANDA! that was epic. Me and him almost hate it for the same reasons....Nifty. Good Video.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Squishable-Panda/100000482238822

My buddies fake profile with squishable panda lol.

I'm not a huge fan of Halo, but I like co-op campaign. I got Reach because it was 40 dollars new and offered 4 player co-op.

I have to admit, I really liked the story. And the after credits stage was a REALLY nice touch.

Unfortunately... my gold expired, and I have no interest in renewing it... so I'll never get to play 4 player co-op.

I am not particularly surprised that Yahtzee liked it a little... because I liked it alot, despite Halo's history of having a terrible story. (Halo 2 was when the story got really interesting for me, and then 3 shat all over that with plot holes)

arc1991:

I would like you to name one game where...

The A.I does not get in your way, They are not completely pants on head retarded and do not run blindly into fire and die.

EVERY game has them, if you complain about Halo, you complain about 99.9% of all shooters as well. (Star Wars Republic Commando is the only game i have seen where the Intelligence in "Artificial Intelligence" actually means something).

As stated, this is a Halo game for Halo Fans, who are used to how the how the game works. the A.I is meant to be pathetic because hell, we all would be if we encountered 8 foot aliens with plasma based weaponry. Think of the A.I as the meat shield, if you are hurt, hide for a bit while they take the fire.

Army of Two: 40th Day. And please, spare your bullshit arguments. "The game needs to have shitty A.I. simply because the previous title had them."

You're exactly the kind of Halo Fan Yahtzee was talking about.

YoungZer0:

EightGaugeHippo:

YoungZer0:

EightGaugeHippo:

YoungZer0:

EightGaugeHippo:
I just noticed he didnt say anything was terible. A few flaws, But nothing major.

That's because Bungie never really changed anything in the whole run of the series. You can't complain about things that have been shit in the first one, since they have became part of the franchise.

Yeah, but Bungie has changed things. Halo 1 is very different to Halo Reach. Oh wait sorry, they still have sheilds and space marines and a few of the same weapons, thats the formula for shitness apparently.

I played Halo 1 a few days before i gave Reach a try. The Art-Direction is a lot darker.

That's it.

A few days before you played reach? Let me ask you some thing. was that your first time or did you ever play Halo 1 when it was new?

I played it the first time it was released. Played Halo 2 the first time it was released. Didn't care for 3, Wars or ODST. Reach looked different, except it wasn't.

So you are saying that Halo has just been more of the same since day 1? Well good sir, tell me a single franchise that has not been more of the same? Because as far as im aware thats pretty much what a franchise is. A continuation of something popular. If Halo 2 was not similar to Halo 1 the franchise would have died, because Halo 1 was such a huge hit it would be stupid not to milk its success. If you want something different to Halo 1, play another game. I didnt go to watch Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back expecting something completely different to A new Hope.

so he liked it? I agree that a game has to stand on the singleplayer, but don't forget the firefight and forge

Varya:
Ok, I have to call "Bullshit" on this. Not your review per-se, but your claim about multiplayer. Halo is THE biggest multiplayer-game on X-box live and to say that that isn't a real part of the game is a bit like saying WoW has to be appreciated for it's single-player mode. You don't have to like multiplayer, I usually don't, but to say a game can't be built around it is, well... wrong.
Another example is RE5, a game that I would HATE to play single player. But playing it with my roommate it turns in to one of my favorite games. To say a game sucks just because the single-player sucks is bullshit in a world where gaming is more and more a social hobby. Now, I have no problem with a review saying that as someone who don't really play online, this sucks ass. But to say that a game HAVE to have a solid single-player in order to be proper is, as I said, bullshit

But Halo Has Single Player. WoW Doesn't. And i agree with him completely. A game must have a good singleplayer to be fun. UNLESS! it is specifically targeted to online play. Like WoW or MAG. But games Like MW2 and Halo they have shitty story lines for single player and amazing Multiplayer i have yet to play because i don't care about my KDR or how many people i can Tea Bag.

Also say

in a world where gaming is more and more a social hobby.

with the voice of the guy who does those movie commercials for action flicks lol.

Oh and i loved the Move Joke. which agree with Full heartedly.

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