Duke Nukem Forever Review

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josh797:
2 stars? as woodsey said

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

no kidding. i cant imagine a worse review of a game. this is why the scoring system sucks. it introduces confusion into the system due to discrepancies between the rating and the review.

as for the duke, its a shame the game is so bad since i quite appreciate the humor and the self referential-ness of it.

5 Stars: Fornicate with the disk... it is That good.
4 stars: Hey, it is good. You should buy it.
3 stars: its okay... if your into that kinda stuff.
2 stars: Don't Play this game.
1 star: KILL IT WITH FIRE.

AssassinJoe:
The king is dead! Long live the king!

That doesn't happen to be a Get Smart reference, does it?

You who bought this game for consoles are lucky guys because you can return the game to the place you bought it,or sell it used to somebody else.

I am an unlucky PC gamer and Gearbox forced me to activate the game through Steam,which means shops won't get it back because they know that a Steam game can run without the game disc,and that both shops and me can't sell it to somebody else because he will not be able to play it, because this copy of the game is forever locked with my Steam account.

I'm in the worst situation of you all.

Honestly, how expected anything artistic out of this anw? the previous game was immature, why would you think they'd make a mature sequel? besides, people would never be happy with this game no matter how they made it, there is no way a game can be good enough to make up for a 12 year hype.

No, I'm satisfied that I got pretty much exactly what I expected out of it, immature, silly and outright dumb fun.

It is the stupid variety I want every now and then, when I have played through deep and beautiful games like Mass effect or Braid I want to be allowed a little stupid on my menu.

like if you watch black swan, the green mile or any thing similar, you still might enjoy jackass or anything similarily immature and stupid.

or if you read any deeper or complex book, you still do like the occasional retarded comic.

I don't know why people go under the pretense that just because u supposedly grow up you need to stop liking the stuff a "kid" would like. it's like I'd have to give up chocolate just because I liked it as a kid.

I proudly announce I have not and will not allow myself to kill that kid within me who just wants things simple every once in a while.

sure the game has it's flaws as almost every game does, but I'm still having fun.

*sigh*

Oh well, maybe they can do better with the inevitable sequel. Now that Gearbox owns it and it won't be in dev hell for another 12 fuckin' years it might actually turn out more than half-assed.

After reading this review and several others, this is going to be the first time I've sent a preorder back to Amazon without even opening the box it was shipped in. I'd rather eat the shipping cost if I have to, though as a Prime member I'm hoping I can convince them to waive that for a game being released in a defective state (though they've no doubt heard that one before!).

Oh, boy! Jack Thompson is going to be haaaaaappy! -_-

But really, maybe we are looking at this in a wrong perspective. If we were immature teenagers we'd probably love this! It's like Twilight, it's really, really bad, but it's good for teenage girls... and that's their target audience. So, technically, Twilight and Duke Nuke Forever are really excell... I'm sorry, I just can't finish that sentence! But, do you get my point?

"Duke Nukem Forever is a terrible game colored with flashes of mediocrity sparsely interlaced with rare filaments of greatness."

Well, what did you expect? I knew this several months ago when I started hearing people hype up the game. I bought the game not because I expected it to be amazing, but because I wanted to own a piece of gaming history. Possibly the single-longest development time for one game, and a game that's been over-hyped for a decade. The development team went completely bankrupt and to paraphrase Yahtzee:

"A competent studio farted this out in a year."

Gearbox did. So there ya go. The game sucks. And? Did anyone seriously buy the game thinking it was going to be good?

Edit: If so, why would you think that?

The game isn't really that bad. Sure it has a cheezy story and lots of low brow humour but it looks good and has good gameplay. It's no half life but it's definitely not gonna be the worst fps to come out this year.

Most people I know who have purchased the game did not expect anything but a bit an old school shooter with daft, daft humour. I plan to get it next week just for the fact I was about 13/14 back in 1997 when it was announced.

I played Daikatana and listened to Chinese Democracy and will, hopefully, next week play Duke...I suppose out of morbid curiosity. All so long in development, I'm not sure how one can deny yourself the 'pleasure' (subjective, I know) of playing/listening to them.

Oh if only they'd got Yahzee to consult on the game... Actually, probably if they had done it would have turned out much better...

Oh well... let's all go back to waiting for the next big release hay...

(P.S. even if this game had been good it's not actually my sort of thing but it would have been nice for something so eagerly expected to be worth the wait for people.)

My guess is that some inventive fan will create a mod that adds back in storage for all game guns on the PC (if we're luck that person will get rid of the regenerating health as well!)

Therefore, my strategy is to wait until someone invents said mod, buy the game when it is cheaper for the PC, and have much more fun then originally intended!

This game is practically screaming for such a change to be made.

There is no mention at all in the review of the shrinking mechanic >> as far as I'm concerned, the moment when you come across a normal enemy as mini-Duke and have to fight it like a boss enemy was a pretty smooth touch >>

Preface: I have not finished the game yet, but apparently I'm pretty far along.

You know, I'm struck by a couple of things here:
- Russ seemed to enter into the experience with higher expectations than I think he should've. Now, I know this observation is very dependent upon my perspective, but when I started playing the game, I expected it to be total and utter shit: an amalgamation of ideas and work from 3? 4? different studios slapped together. I was actually somewhat pleasantly surprised with what the result was.

- people are talking about 'the hype'. I don't seem to recall much hype. This really struck me as Pitchford et. al. seeing an opportunity to make money with little investment. I imagine if they can push even 50k units, they will have a tidy profit on their hands.

My personal reveiw? It's not nearly as excrutiating to play as Russ makes it out. It has a lot of the old "Duke Nuke 'Em" feel, but somewhat updated (appropriately or inappropriately). Is it a revelatory experience? Hell no. But if you grew up playing Duke 3D, you'll find enough there to make you smile, and there are some generally fun gameplay elements (the shrunken areas were clever, for example; and the driving levels were a blast-- and both were substantially different from anything I've seen in recent FPS's) that are worth the ride. The puzzles aren't cakewalks, but neither are they brain-busters: probably the right amount of depth for a Duke game.

There are a ton of shout-outs to movies (I won't spoil them here, but I counted at least 7 different movies referenced, from Escape From New York to Old School), and a bunch of other little nods, both to the previous incarnation of Duke and other FPSs (Power Armor is for Pussies!) Certainly enough to encourage the player to keep his or her eyes open and perhaps investigate the world a little more closely than they normally would.

My breakdown?
-If you are a Duke fan, buy it. You'll get at least 10 hours worth of play out of it.
-If you're just an FPS fan, and you don't have any particular affinity for the Duke, wait for it to hit the bargain bin, or perhaps a Steam sale.
-If you're a very discriminating FPS player, or they're generally not your cup of tea unless they are truly a transcendent experience, skip it.

I find it both fun and challenging ?
And I chuckle every time the Duke throws a line.

It either makes me one immature 21 year old or one of the few left in the world who can enjoy the little things.
And since I've never been called out on immaturity it must be the little things.

Also, for bashing the immaturity, the reviewer drew a dick on the whiteboard, all his arguments are invalid in my honest opinion.

Russ Pitts:
Snip

Wait, why is the escapist still running the giant "Duke Nukem's crouch in your face" adds when you thought the game was awful?

Okay, flinging poo and slapping tits?
Not even funny when I was twelve, because it's sooooo desperate for you to laugh at it.

And a dildo? Whoooooo! :(

endnuen:
I find it both fun and challenging ?
And I chuckle every time the Duke throws a line.

It either makes me one immature 21 year old or one of the few left in the world who can enjoy the little things.
And since I've never been called out on immaturity it must be the little things.

Also, for bashing the immaturity, the reviewer drew a dick on the whiteboard, all his arguments are invalid in my honest opinion.

My friend you COMPLETELY misunderstood the video "review" then *sigh* It was even explained. :/

Withard:

endnuen:
I find it both fun and challenging ?
And I chuckle every time the Duke throws a line.

It either makes me one immature 21 year old or one of the few left in the world who can enjoy the little things.
And since I've never been called out on immaturity it must be the little things.

Also, for bashing the immaturity, the reviewer drew a dick on the whiteboard, all his arguments are invalid in my honest opinion.

My friend you COMPLETELY misunderstood the video "review" then *sigh* It was even explained. :/

The whole, "If I were 12 years old" thing? No I got that too, and it only furthers my belief that Russ Pitt is unfit to be a reviewer on a site such as this, who has such a large number of visitors and followers. Either do your job thoroughly or quit it. I expected more from this site. Lesson well leaned.

Two stars for a game you say you couldn't be paid enough to finish?

Pyro Paul:

josh797:
2 stars? as woodsey said

Woodsey:
"Recommendation: If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead. Worth playing so that you may be able to say that you did, but otherwise imminently forgettable and not worth your time."

I'm not one to beef about scores too much, but what would a game have to do get a 1-star rating, I mean Jesus Christ xD

no kidding. i cant imagine a worse review of a game. this is why the scoring system sucks. it introduces confusion into the system due to discrepancies between the rating and the review.

as for the duke, its a shame the game is so bad since i quite appreciate the humor and the self referential-ness of it.

5 Stars: Fornicate with the disk... it is That good.
4 stars: Hey, it is good. You should buy it.
3 stars: its okay... if your into that kinda stuff.
2 stars: Don't Play this game.
1 star: KILL IT WITH FIRE.

Not quite.

1. No redeeming qualities whatsoever. Avoid this game.
2. A bad game that only the die-hard fans need bother look at.
3. An okay game. It has some flaws, but overall it's okay.
4. A good game. Check it out.
5. A great game. Recommendable to everyone.

Fudge it I'm still buying it. You may need to wear a football helmet and ride on the short bus now Duke, but I still love ya

bombadilillo:

EcksTeaSea:
Somehow I knew this was going to get a terrible review. After a game has been in development hell this long, I barely see a chance of it being good.

Still not going to deter me from picking it up tomorrow, though I am sad that this isn't the Duke that I grew up with.

I will never understand why so many people are buying this knowing full well its a modernized turd. Sends the wrong message to the developers to put out crap like this.

Im sure they thought...Well lets just put out whatever we have because people will buy this crap just because its been so long.

And you are proving them right. Go buy 3-6 indie games instead that are worthy.

And its not worthy here how? Its a character that I grew up with and that I loved and now that I get to go back to and play. Its not the best game in the world, but its a game I fucking played the hell out of as a kid and I am glad to be able go back to that when I first started playing video games.

I expected a game in development for 12 years and being canceled once to suck and I was right. The worst part of this is that we need a new stupid joke to throw around the gaming community. I purpose replacing DNF with StarCraft: Ghost.

endnuen:

Withard:

endnuen:
I find it both fun and challenging ?
And I chuckle every time the Duke throws a line.

It either makes me one immature 21 year old or one of the few left in the world who can enjoy the little things.
And since I've never been called out on immaturity it must be the little things.

Also, for bashing the immaturity, the reviewer drew a dick on the whiteboard, all his arguments are invalid in my honest opinion.

My friend you COMPLETELY misunderstood the video "review" then *sigh* It was even explained. :/

The whole, "If I were 12 years old" thing? No I got that too, and it only furthers my belief that Russ Pitt is unfit to be a reviewer on a site such as this, who has such a large number of visitors and followers. Either do your job thoroughly or quit it. I expected more from this site. Lesson well leaned.

If your after a SEEERRRIIIIOOOOUUUUUSSSSSS review website then maybe the Guardian is more up your street. I mean...400+ Posts was for the lulz of course and obviously you dont enjoy the site because of its amusing reviews and you DEFINITELY dont enjoy ZeroPunctuation.

Also...you do realize he is the Content Director & Editor-in-Chief so im pretty sure YOUR idea on how to run a site is pretty much null and void.

And again I STILL dont think you understood the idea of the video.

Milo Windby:
"I'm not 12 so this game sucks"
Do we really need to act our age all the time? Being adults we are expected to act our age all the time, at work, in public, ect... Acting anything other then as an adult is frowned upon so really... a game that does not take its self seriously and allows you to toss shit at the wall, get drunk and burp and slap wall tits just because you can really lets you just have a small amount of fun time that you can not normally do because... its just not mature to do.

For myself, I am going to play this and I am going to enjoy it because sometimes I just get tired of having to be mature all the time.

Well said. It seems like every game journalist out there is jumping on the "we're too good for this game" bandwagon. There was a time where games weren't meant to be serious, story driven drama-fests that pull the heart strings and change how you think. I'd rather play this than another CoD clone ANY day of the week, and I'll take the skulls of whoever says otherwise for Khorne.

I give this my worse rating yet 4 thumbs up.

Seriously 2 stars? I don't really care but it's still odd.

TMM:
The snobbishness of the video game reviewers is absolutely staggering. You can't tell me that the reviewers really didn't have fun with this game.

There was a reviewer on 1Up's website who admitted to enjoying parts of the game in his review, but he gave the game an F anyway. There are people who will hate this game just to hate it, it seems.

Stavros Dimou:
The game sucks.

If it wasn't for the outdated graphics,unreasonable frame drops,game crashes and bugs and glitches,it is for the gameplay.

you will have to restart the level you already completed so you go to the level exit having the guns ideal for the next level with you.
It sucks when this happens.

The frame drops/crashes/bugs/glitches seem to happen to some people and not others, sounds like you just got unlucky. However, I hate when people complain about graphics. Duke Nukem Forever looks just fine; what about the graphics made this game worse?

Also, I've yet to hear anybody else complain about weapon carry over. You're the first person to do so, and having watched streams of gameplay, I can say that tis doen't appear to be an issue because people are able to push past with whatever weapons they happen to have.

No surprise here then, but im still going to buy it just to say "i bought it, i played it, now i can move on).

NKnight:
Oh, boy! Jack Thompson is going to be haaaaaappy! -_-

But really, maybe we are looking at this in a wrong perspective. If we were immature teenagers we'd probably love this! It's like Twilight, it's really, really bad, but it's good for teenage girls... and that's their target audience. So, technically, Twilight and Duke Nuke Forever are really excell... I'm sorry, I just can't finish that sentence! But, do you get my point?

KILL! MAIM! BURN! I'll take your skull for Khorne for such an insult of The Duke! @_@

"cause I'm not 12. And this game sucks."

Made me laugh, contrasting to the straight faced nature of the rest of the video.

Slycne:

Heh. It is however a summary though. You know that thing that's a short synopsis of a whole piece or a concise encapsulation of the thoughts and ideas presented. In your words, you did fine work on that, and you should consider a career involving reading comprehension. Seriously though and joking aside, when the major concern is that it might not be as brilliant as its predecessor you consider that hating?

Except he spent more bloody time harping in the written review on crap that isn't mentioned at all in the synopsis than is worthwhile. He spent the ENTIRE opening paragraph calling the game a grown-up child star that's not self-aware enough to evolve and realize how silly it looks trying to do the same tricks. The synopsis basically cuts out all of his whining. It's not that it wasn't as brilliant. It's that it's more of the same with some new bits tacked on. The point of the reviews he makes are, typically, to take a game where you know exactly what you're getting going into it and despising it for delivering on exactly what you expected.

This just in: Portal is about snarky voices and puzzle gaming. Probably easier if you've done the first, but still a nice chunk of play time. DNF? Yeah. It's Duke fucking Nukem. If you wanted a ground-breaking 15 hour thesis on the human condition, you're playing the wrong game. Then you harp on it for being what it is? It's like reviewing Postal 3 and being surprised at dated graphics and deliberately inflammatory exaggerations of everything ever.

If you don't like the basic premise and theme of a game, or a series of games, why bother? Give it to someone else, or make one brief paragraph. "This is not my kind of game. If the first Duke Nukem was not your cup of tea, this won't be either. Ask someone else."

The guy basically buys a ticket, goes into the circus, watches the clowns, then makes an article about how he dislikes clowns, despite having seen them before and knowing his opinion then.

"If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead."

Ouch. Well, if it's taken 12 years, launches amid a huge media hype and is still crap, then I think such a review is merited.

There are simply no mitigating factors for this game. It's not trying something new and innnovative (like Mirror's Edge) it's not being done by an indie enthusiast (like Minecraft). If it sucks, it has no excuses.

Meh, I liked Duke's quotes better when they were said by Bruce Campbell.

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