Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time)

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This game made me cry. No. No joke, the graphics, the target crosshairs, the terrible way people had of talking, this crap could have come out long ago for the PS1 and the Xbox. I'm hella pissed I bought this game. And I waited for Yahtzee to crucify the game but he just shakes his head and walks away. WHAT?

Sorry dude, but Yahtzee already said that he's not a ninja for hire. He reacted the way he reacted for the same reason that we, who did not spend the 90's sucking our toes, reacted that way. DNF was supposed to bring fun back to the shooter genre. Hell to bring fun back to gaming in general.

I for one am sick and tired of "buuu Bugs killed my wife! waaaa". That just disgusts me.

4:25 - Is that you, Gordon?

I don't care if DNF is an outdated relic and how it compares to modern games. Is it as good as DN 3d? Because DN 3d is a good game regardless of graphics.

In DN 3d, duke's character was in the background, coming out only in the occasional oneliner or cutscene. That game was memorable for its great and varied level design; its true successor is the Half-Life series. Now DNF is criticized for bad level design, while the character of Duke Nukem is front and centre during every minute of the game. DNF may have failed due to misprioritization.

Your analysis sounds excellent. Of course, I can't properly evaluate your analysis until I have played the game, and I probably won't. But your analysis sounds logical based on what I have heard.

i chuckled a few times, but not nearly as funny as the fake duke nukem forever review

I almost cried.

this game really sucks. was utterly disappointed with it. i am surprised he dint say anything about the limited amount of 2 weapons.
i wish i can get my money back. this game is such a waste of money. the beginning was alright but after an hour i had pretty much no fun with it. after i finished the game i just deleted it.

I'd say it'd be kinder to shoot him and put him out of his misery (and mine).

Surprisingly tame, considering the subject matter. I'm personally just bummed that this game wasn't at least decent: realistic shooters are only fun for so long.

...Well to be honest, the only Duke Nukem game I've played is Manhattan Project (an action/platformer) so I really don't know what the game is supposed to be like. Trailers look a bit... Eh.
Good video though; one of the funniest in recent times.

Wow, at the moment this game doesn't even seem like its worth it, even if you got it for free.

Cool, but now that the obligatory DNF review is out of the way can you do Alice?

I'm voting yes for this!!!

First! It's funny because I'm not.

Its a shame no one likes this game, but hey with nearly 15 years of development time its hard to live up to that kind of hype

I think this was pretty well done. Yahtzee did a pretty good self critique here.

Hell, i still want to have a go at the game just to see it myself.
But i wasn't expecting this review to be like this, i was expecting him tearing DNF apart so furiously like Yahtzee's never done before. But instead, it felt... weird. But it was ok, and pretty funny. So, i guess it was well done.

Yahtzee is a funny funny man...seriously its just amazing he keeps all the jokes up and never gets old.

That ending analogy is quite possibly the funniest line of ZP dialogue ever.

Whoa, Yahtzee actually didn't tear this game apart, and as others pointed out, was actually NICER to it than other reviewers. He even admitted that he wanted to like this game. Maybe he was trying a bit too hard to like it...

Oh Yahtzee, Your so dadlike.

[snip]Also, I think it would've been cool if they used Yahtzee's storyline from the joke review (a broken and jaded Duke hiding under the alias "Vladimir Lestrade" etc). All in all, still a fun game, worth renting or playing the demo if nothing else.

Interesting that you brought this up, I went back and watched the old DNF review after watching the new one (As I bet most of you all did) and in the context I found that the Phoney one was much more funnier now that the game actually exists.


Wow, this seems to be the first game to cause such widespread depression for both Yahtzee and the followers of ZP. The review was good, but it looks like some part of him died while doing it.

I've must have been watching WAY too many episodes of ZP, because I could notice something odd in Yahtzee's voice. People! He was SAD! As in really emotionally depressed. This time I really think he was not just doing his job of bashing at games (in the name of improvment, of course), no. He was mourning.

I mean, it's not like he has no reason to. This was supposed to be the "Lighting shuriken/ tits on fire" combo he(we) was(were) hoping for.

Let's all make a minute of silence, in name of what DNF could have been... before we conform and slap some walltits

This explains so much. I was thinking that Yahtzee was kind of pulling his punches on this one. Compared to some reviewers (Escapist and Ars Technica in particular) he was downright kind. When Russ Pits refuses to make a serious video supplement and Yahtzee can't bring himself to teardown a game, something has gone horribly wrong.

Now I'm sad, and I always expected the game to be shit.


Cool, but now that the obligatory DNF review is out of the way can you do Alice?

I'm voting yes for this!!!

Nice, Alice's finally out. Gotta play this a.s.a.p.

Yeah, now it is apparent that Sam the Serious is the real heir to the king's throne.

I just finished playing about 3/4ths of it and found it to be quite enjoyable. "Oh no, tits! Swear words! Alien orificies!" How ironic that the people focusing on these things are the ones who need to grow up. The real shortcomings are more that it's completely linear and has next to no replay value. The variety of weapons isn't great either, but then again it's not bad. That bit in the middle with the human centipede spliced in changes the pace nicely in a game that would have gotten stale like so very many brown shooters.

It reminds me of Moviebob's review of Green lantern; Green Lantern spends most of the movie looking lost, like he's in over his head. That's kind of like Batman spending the movie looking grim and brooding, isn't it?

I don't think this review was worth the wait.

For the first time--I think--our boy Yahtzee showed some emotion there. I felt a tinge of bitter sadness and acute disappointment from the review rather than frothing rage at the Game. But this settles it for me, I wasn't swayed either way by other reviewers (even on this site), I'll save my $49.99 for charity...just kidding, I'll just wait till MW3.

He wasn't that hard on it... he must be afraid that The Render Group won't send him anymore pre-release copies-- oh, wait...

Having played and enjoyed Duke Nukem 3D in its time, I had some interest in this; but seeing the whole "slap tits on wall" thing mentioned somewhere kind of sunk it, and the review only confirms that it's much too disjointed and messy to be saved even by nostalgia.

...Guess I'll simply buy Duke Nukem 3D again, see if it can hold up these days.

Huh. I found out earlier this week that Duke Nukem: Forever was released on the 10th of June and wondered if and/or when Yahtzee would review it.

Go figure.

*watches review*

You can't pay strippers to take their tops off? Well, definitely not buying it now.

Ya know, it was nice to get an honest feeling review on the game rather than a hurling of bile. It is like Bizarro world, where Yahtzee is the fair sounding one and nearly every other critic is the Angry Gaming Nerd.

Then again, I'm still having fun with the game though I am taking a break to play Trenched.

Well at least SOME good have come from all of this, since it made me boot up the old Duke Nukem 3D. I haven't had this much fun with a first person shooter since Call Of Duty 4.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Yahtzee's a big boy and doesn't feel the need to defend himself or his actions at all, as any regular viewer would be able to tell.

If he doesn't need to defend himself, then why are you? ;)


Oh okay, so that is how you think "Duke" is spelled. Wow. First time you screwed it up, I chalked it up as just a really weird mistake.

You kids really gotta stop taking the internet so serious :|

Edit: my bad, double post the first one didn't show up I thought it was broked :p

Oh Yahtzee, how tame you have become.
I'm still enjoying this game but i know its a piece of garbage. It definately deserved a bit more punishment from you. Sure, you probably didn't want to sound like every other reviewer, but it sounded like you didn't want to hurt Duke's feelings.
Stop being such a pansy.

Ace IV:

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Yahtzee's a big boy and doesn't feel the need to defend himself or his actions at all, as any regular viewer would be able to tell.

If he doesn't need to defend himself, then why are you? ;)

I'm not defending him. He makes a rather accurate point in his mailbox showdown that big companies like Nintendo don't need their fans defending them and likely don't care if they do. It's probably much the same with him, he doesn't need to defend himself and he doesn't care if other people do. So I'm not defending him, he doesn't need defending and I'm not really interested in defending him anyways.

I'm just trying to help you understand the joke. But it seems that you're not going to get it, so I'm afraid I won't indulge you past this point.

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