Jim & Yahtzee's Rhymedown Spectacular: A Tale of Two Poets

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I don't write poetry as much as I used to, but a show based around that concept is great! I'll definitely be tuning in for more of this.

Thoroughly enjoyed this. Clever pointed and well played. Yahtzee did an excellent job building up to the expected jab, and Jim had a good concise series of tied together points.

And another bookmark to an Escapist feature is born. Hear Hear, More More!

This was so much more than I expected when a new feature was teased a week(?) ago. The gripes are still the same from both of them but put into poetry and you've made some magic.

"Technology Races On"
by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw

I went into a dealership to buy myself a car
And a wholesome-looking salesman came to greet me at the door
I said, "I'd like a car that wouldn't have to travel far.
Just a basic sort of vehicle; twenty thousand, maybe more."

The salesman said, "You know, I have the perfect car for you!
A sleek and daring motor for the manliest of men!"
Then he stood and stared at me and made no further moves
So I coughed expectantly and hinted, "Could I see it, then?"

"Oh, I can't show you it, but you have my guarantee."
And this is where the situation started seeming "if-y"
"How are you going to sell me something you won't let me see?!
For all I know, it's made of snow or shaped like a giant 'stiffy'!"

"Well, it isn't," was his counterpoint; "It actually looks cool!"
"I still don't care unless you've something tangible and real!"
So he took me to his office and he sat me on a stool
And, from underneath his desk, he produced a steering wheel

"Here's what you control it with," he said with eyes a-gleam;
"The cutting edge of tech; it really is the dizzy height!
In the middle of the wheel, you'll see a little sensor screen;
To turn the car, you wave your hand to the left or to the right!"

"Wait, what?!" I interrupted, eyes widened and unblinking
"I'd've thought you turned the car by turning the whole wheel."
He scoffed, "Sounds like you're just not up with current thinking!
This way cuts out the middle man for a more immersive feel!"

"That's ridiculous," I said. "And what's that little switch?"
He looked at what I pointed at, grinned and exclaimed, "Ah!
We've integrated social media to make your driving more enriched!
It sends to all your Facebook friends a link to where you are!

"And when your friends press theirs, you'll get their links, too,
With a loud, obnoxious bell that'll only slightly damage hearing!
A stream of what they're doing will obscure most of your view
And you can activate remote control and take over their steering!"

"STOP!" I yelled and, from his trance, he was finally jarred
"I don't care about gimmicks or fucking Facebook integration!
It seems to me this car is just trying way to hard!
It's innovating only for the sake of innovation!"

"What do you want to know? Let me try to talk you 'round."
He crossed his legs and touched his chin and tried to look attentive
"I want to know how fast it goes, if functionality is sound,
If it handles well on corners and isn't too expensive."

"You should've asked me sooner! It's the fastest of the fast!
Half the speed of sound and the fuel tank holds loads!"
"Is that on normal roads," I asked, interest peaked at last
He wrinkled up his nose and said, "It doesn't run on roads!

"It only runs on special tracks more suitable for races.
Our market research shows that that's what all the kids revere.
They're new and cutting edge and lead to lots of funky places!
They've not all been installed yet but give us one more year!"

"I kind of like the current roads and the places where they lead."
He "tut"ted condescendingly and spoke with some derision:
"Backwards compatibility was sacrificed for speed!
It's a quaint old-fashioned notion with no place in our grand vision"

I got up without a word and kept my emotions masked
But something made me stop as I was reaching for the door
I turned. "What do you call this car," I tentatively asked
"It's called the PS4! It was a clever metaphor!!"

Yes, yes! This was all incredible! I can't wait to see more, which there better be.

Yahtzee, your poem and delivery were outstanding! You are much more than an enjoyable snarky critic afterall...

Wow, better than i thought!! It would be nice to have more.

There's not really anything I can say that hasn't already been said, but Yahtzee's audio quality seemed a bit grainy.

Aaah, sweet sweet memories of Zero Punctuation: Wolfenstein. One of my favorite videos of all time!

And now we're going to have this stuff coming on a weekly basis from Yahtzee the legendary game critic (the man responsible for bringing me to the Escapist, and also responsible for my internal organs exploding) and Jim, the likeable fat guy who brings us truths from above?


Ha! Even yahtzee with car analogies. I guess no body's perfect.

I'll give him 1 for good poem though.

Poets pointing out retarded shit? I'm really really loving it! This will probably be a hit, and can be used to sharpen your wit, as you tell these pubs/devs to sit, or cast them to the fiery pit.

Eh, I tried.

That's a rocking beard. He looks like a frightening english gangster.

Beating on some dead horses are we? Seems like I remember these topics from numerous previous articles and videos on this site alone - not to mention the rest of the internet. Well, this gave me a chuckle, so you get a cookie :)

If this turns into a series, its going to take a long time to get used to actually seeing Yahtzee.

This was absolutely fantastic. I'll definitely be tuning in for more.

I am somewhat disappointed. Not by the video of course, it was great.
What disappointed me was the lack of interaction between Jim and Yahtzee.

Jesse Kilgore:
I am somewhat disappointed. Not by the video of course, it was great.
What disappointed me was the lack of interaction between Jim and Yahtzee.

Perhaps they are saving that for an upcoming episode in the following weeks!

What I want to see is Yahtzee bring out the hat. C'mon Yahtzee, you know you like the hat because your fans certainly do <3


That was awesome! And inspired me -

Title - Publisher / Patron

One is right, the other wrong
Perspective determined by your end of the bond
Business: Time spent to money accrued
Satisfaction: Entertainment, escapism, joy
Neither are working, yet we continue to be coy

The truth is simple:

Everyone's poor.

Games aren't selling to 'spec' amounts
Gamers aren't receiving their service
Developers lose their IP's
Just to have a shot at being worthless
Somewhere down the road, they'll be shut-down
They didn't under-perform but were oversold
Financing the operation no longer yields gold

COD, the big dog, of bullion extraction
Is simple but satisfying in its liberal redaction
Of the complex artistic depth to which others aspire
That depth costs time, which is money, the source of our ire
Forever a top end, a reasonable sized audience
Knowing how many, should set budgets in stone
You don't have to hang your crown on the triple - A throne

Plenty of games simpler in style, execution and mechanics
Have produced fan-bases of ample size supporting their weight
Of the projects they love, admire, rarely hate
Mario is not less worthwhile than Mass Effect
Limbo or Amnesia no less chilling than the Dead Space set
What of their comparative costs and profit?
Is their less fun to be had in games with less budget?

The industry is still in its 'Hollywood studio' days
Little representation, few fair contracts, for its Creatives displays
The blind belief that products and services can be mixed and matched without repercussion
That all gamers everywhere desire, un-muted, crude, bombastic percussion
Finally; the end of the line, is when developers stand together
Singing the same lines, over and over, forever:

No-more crunch for a year
No more unpaid over-time
No more bleeding our fans, your patrons, dry
We want fair pay and recompense
For our artistic and technical talent
Our blind enthusiasm for our craft
No longer gives you power over our path

If you made it this far, thanks! Tell me what you think.

Before: "There is no way this could be good. This sounds like a thing that is probably absolutely..."

*Watches video*

After: "...fucking amazing."

I had to re-watch Yahtzee's to appreciate it "properly". Jim was sexy and awesome as usual, I want more of this.

Are they collaborating on both poems or write one each? I'm sure it's that latter, in which case the competition between the two as they try to do outdo the other will be entertaining.

What do we have here? Something new and fantastic!
A lovely display of a craft long forgotten makes way on this site for all to enjoy.
Who dares to say that game culture is rotten, when such bards sing of its woes.

I turned it off halfway through. It was okay, but not exactly compelling. But hey, not everything is going to appeal to everyone.

That was absurd! I LOVED IT! Your both terrible, terrible, poets and I'm pleased to see you've brought this to your day jobs. If you can think of something else that deserves the treatment a poem from either of you is... run with it!

This, is by far the greatest thing.

More pretty please.

i'm confliscted:

jim has more charisma, but yahtzee has a better beard.

also, the poetry was smashing.

These poets told a tale of the industry's failings
Putted eloquently by Yahzee and Jim Sterling
I wished it was about praises of quality games on the shelf
Alas I have to face the truth,I cannot lie to myself
If only those fucked up publishers can be less greedy and a little more sensible;
We'll be on their side, singing praises and thinking how they're incredible.

Thank you all for the very kind feedback. I can only speak for myself, but I think both Yahtzee and I are aware of some of the aspects we need to improve. This was the first of at least several, and I'm sure we'll be trying all sorts of different things as we continue to Rhyme Down. It's an exciting project with a lot of potential for experimenting and messing around, and I hope the strong debut is evidence it had legs!

Thanks again, folks. I personally couldn't be more relieved at how well it went over. :-)

I wouldn't call it a crime, it's just terribly basic. Which is fine. Yahtzee's had more fun with the structure, but I wasn't exactly expecting iambic pentameters.

Besides, if it's open-mic, they should both be free to structure the poems however they please.

It was basic indeed, by choice. I wanted to start with something very simple. Over the course of the series I want to try different styles, and not necessarily all rhyming ones. Next week will be closer to Yahtzee's structure, I think.

When I first saw this, I thought it was just a one off and it was pretty frekking badass~
Then I find out this is a series and well... Wut?
This is gonna be a weekly show?
On top of all the other stuff Jim & Yahtzee do, they now have to write and perform a poem, dood?
Colour me raptured (Its a deep Bluey-Red)
Will this be beat out Sliced Bread as "Da Best Ting Evar"?
Or be a Train-Wreck Pile up a trillion miles long?
Only time will give unto us the answer to this delectable as all get the hell out question~

Um Yahtzee where's your hat.

other wise pretty cool



I really didn't see the PS4 coming. Definitely made me think about it. Is it that I'm excited for the PS4 or just planning to purchase the lesser of two evils?

Great work, but I can't help but feel poems about video games is the nerdiest shit ever. Either way, if you keep making them, I'l keep watching them.

Oh Christ. Really, Yahtzee? Really? I expected better from you. The PS4 has very good reasons for not having backwards compatibility as mentioned on this bloody site. It would be literally impossible to put backwards compatibility on the PS4 without jacking the price up through the roof by giving in a hexacore processor capable of running modern games and keeping within a decent thermal envelope. Do your reasearch, FFS. I expect better from you.

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