Zero Punctuation: F.E.A.R. Perseus Mandate

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Qwirk:
Why should Yahtzee review Mass Effect, Assassin's Creed, Ace Combat 6 or Call of Duty 4 when he doesn't have to? If the publishers of those titles are willing to step forward and potentially have their balls shot off by providing free games to The Escapist, then he can review them. (Enter the fleet of jabbering idiots screaming sell out...)

What I love about Yahtzee's articles is that the games are totally random. Each week I expect some popular title to be reviewed and each week he surprises me by pulling a random title out of his hat for review.

If you don't like it just squint your eyes and pretend he says the title you want reviewed each time he says the actual title. With the never-ending flood of cloned games I'm sure it won't be too far off.

Brilliant post.

ShmenonPie:
Hypocrasy. I am disappointed, Yahtzee.
You spend all week saying nasty things about other people's games, and then get all defensive and annoyed when someone tries to criticise your own work, and it really isn't good enough.
Awesome review, though, as always.

Erm. Can I just say.. what the hell are you going on about? I doubt Yahtzee is even bothered by some pissant wannabe who can even string a sentence together without crapping their verbal diarrhoea all over my monitor and speakers.

In terms of copying Yahtzee's style, yes I would imagine that is very annoying. But considering it was to such a poor effect I don't think anyone will really give a shit.

And lastly who said Yahtzee got defensive and annoyed? I think his comment at the end of the review shows he has acknowledged said retard, and is calmly asking for said retard's details- so he can do his bit to aid natural selection.

drunken_munki:

Erm. Can I just say.. what the hell are you going on about? I doubt Yahtzee is even bothered by some pissant wannabe who can even string a sentence together without crapping their verbal diarrhoea all over my monitor and speakers.

In terms of copying Yahtzee's style, yes I would imagine that is very annoying. But considering it was to such a poor effect I don't think anyone will really give a shit.

And lastly who said Yahtzee got defensive and annoyed? I think his comment at the end of the review shows he has acknowledged said retard, and is calmly asking for said retard's details- so he can do his bit to aid natural selection.

If you check the end of the perseus mandate review there's a little flash quote in there which basically says, "can whoever did the ZP style review of AoT please leave your name and address with escapist so I can come burn your house down." (not an exact quote, but close enough.)

Now...granted, there actually is an outside chance that he's serious, BUT I RATHER DOUBT IT. HE'S KIDDING. He's not going to fly halfway across the world to burn somebody's house down because they ripped his game. Geez, can you imagine if people did that to him? He'd have to have rebuilt his house 8 times in the last 3 months.

Actually, I count this review among the best, next to the Orange Box preview.

I seem to prefer mildly sarcastic on-screen humor over vocalized angry bashing.

Loved it. It actually couldn't have come at a better time. I liked the first F.E.A.R because it was somewhat cinematic and had good A.I (even though you'd just hide to build SlowMo, the A.I was still there...)

But I was less than impressed with Extraction Point and was wondering whether I should bother with Perseus Mandate. I'll save the money for Mass Effect.

Lord Scottish:

Heroic One:
Yeah, I had the exact same problem trying to play F.E.A.R.

Does that stand for something, by the way? Or are they just being arbitrary?

It stands for First Encounter Assault Recon

It also stands for "Shoehorning In A Nonsensical Acronym To Make A Cool-Sounding Title".

Anyway. YZ's review, while not telling me anything I hadn't figured out 0.0026 seconds into the FEAR: Pegasus Monocle ( ;) ) demo, is still excellent. Yeah, I can tell he's not up to his usual speed, but give the bloke a break! He's probably still busy brushing duck pate off of his lapel. Or at the very least, working all those American cheeseburgers he inhaled out of his system. ;)

Stopped playing Fear after the first level of the first game, and apparently I haven't missed much. Loved the review!

I've read some comments complaining about how this review wasn't about Assasin's Creed or Call of Duty 4, etc... Well let me tell you something, Yahtzee can review whatever the hell he wants (i.e. whatever The Escapist tells him to review) and i know he can always take a good laugh out of me with it(which is a rather hard task to accomplish)...so if he has to review Pong or something, then so be it :p

<OFF TOPIC>
I would join the ZP group but i am too lazy to get a Facebook
</OFF TOPIC>

what's wrong with you guys, the "Some Punctuation" guy wasn't that bad, of course he got a 0 on originality but it was a brilliant parody/ripoff... i wanna see you try and do better than that. And I bet Yahtzee was just kidding at the end of this review.

"Tell me how much you hate me and prove you've become a fanboy at: edpazos@hotmail.com"

(yes, that's a ripoff as well :p)

you sounded tired and less angry then usual. also i noticed some glitching in the graphics.

either way, it was still damn good. keep it up yahtzee!

WHat goes for the homage attempt, I assume he is pissed. Anybody cared to read the fine print on the video pages? I'll quote for you:

>>>
Please note that any reproduction of Zero Punctuation without the express written consent of The Escapist is expressly forbidden.
<<<

With other words: do something alike and we burn down your houses :D

Although I personally consider this more of a "homage" than trying to "copy" since he mentioned at the beginning and the end that he is not Yahtzee nor does he want to copy him. Still he stirred up a lot of hornets there ;)

Odjin:
WHat goes for the homage attempt, I assume he is pissed. Anybody cared to read the fine print on the video pages? I'll quote for you:

>>>
Please note that any reproduction of Zero Punctuation without the express written consent of The Escapist is expressly forbidden.
<<<

I think you assume wrong. Copyright has nothing to do with it either - it would surely be covered by Fair Use.

I'm a creature of myth. I loved FEAR, but the first expansion fairly reeked of mindless cash in, and fucked up the already admittedly fucked (but in a good way) story, and this one looks to do more of the same only more so. I'll probably still buy it, however, so I'll have shit to do besides chase Theseus around my labyrinth.

WTF??? Now I have to wait for every review you do now!! I got this game thinking somehow there would be a glimmer of hope from the sh!t coated crap there was from the second one and no!! Then you come up with your review and I am forced to agree once again!!

So, according to Yahtzee I'm a motherfucking mythical creature. Joy.

What the frak... there's Crysis, and CoD4 and Assassin's Creed and Mass Effect and The Witcher and Unreal Tournament III and Mario Galaxy.
Heck there's even stuff like NFS: Pro Street, Kane and Lynch and Soldier of Fortune Payback he probably wouldn't have much trouble tearing into bloody pieces.
And they give him the SECOND ADD-ON off a anyway quite mediocre game after a week without one of his great reviews... and it wasn't even that good :/ ... well le fück.

I actually liked the original FEAR. I liked the characters, and the plot, and the atmosphere.

Then I was quickly turned off from it by Extraction Point, which I got free with the game. Killed the characters I liked, and make no fucking sense.
Thanks god Monolith's trying to make a real sequel that isn't a cash in. Thats what it looks like, anyway.

Dexter111:
What the frak... there's Crysis, and CoD4 and Assassin's Creed and Mass Effect and Unreal Tournament III.
Heck there's even stuff like NFS: Pro Street, Kane and Lynch and Soldier of Fortune Payback he'd probably have not much work with tearing to bloody pieces.
And they give him the SECOND ADD-ON of a anyway quite mediocre game after a week without any great review anyway... and it wasn't even that good :/ ... well le fück.

I imagine he had less time this week to do a review what with all the super model shagging, and they gave him something short.

See, now I'm starting to realize there was some sense to the old video game tradition of "Fire temple, water temple, air temple". It actually convinced developers to create some different locales. FEAR feels like the very first levels to the fifth power. And now that the enemy AI feels dumber than the first one (maybe to fit the degrading intelligence of the average Xbox 360 user) there's very little going for it.

And the average IQ per comment drops.

According to his own admission GSMp2k lives in the "United States" in a "Huge Underground Compound".

Taking into account there are very few huge underground compounds in the United States, (or for that matter, people who can fund building one) I quickly narrowed down the possible locations for GSMp2k's domicile.

1.) NORAD: Cheyenne Mountain Directorate
Location:
"The Cheyenne Mountain Directorate is located at Cheyenne Mountain Air Force Station (CMAFS), a short distance from NORAD headquarters at Peterson Air Force Base, Colorado Springs, Colo."

http://www.norad.mil/

2.) Area 51 or Area 19
Location:
"The Groom Lake Base is this top-secret military base located 90 miles north of Las Vegas (which is in Nevada). It's in grid number 51 of the Nevada Test Site, so it's called Area 51."
"Area 19, along with Area 20 to its west, were added to the Nevada Test Site (NTS)Yucca Flat was a little too close to Las Vegas for the shockwaves created by the bombs. It was an ideal place to do underground testing."

http://www.area51zone.com/

3.)KRQE (Church of Scientology)
Location:
"Buried deep in these New Mexico hills in steel-lined tunnels, said to be able to survive a nuclear blast, is what Scientology considers the future of mankind,"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/26/AR2005112601065.html

4.) Mount Weather (FEMA)
Location:
"Mount Weather is virtually an underground city, according to former personnel interviewed by Pollock. Buried deep inside the earth, Mount Weather was equipped with such amenities as:

- private apartments and dormitories
- streets and sidewalks
- cafeterias and hospitals
- a water purification system, power plant and general office buildings
- a small lake fed by fresh water from underground springs - a transit system
- a TV communication system

The facility is the operational center - the hub - of approximately 100 other Federal Relocation Centers, most of which are concentrated in Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Virginia, Maryland and North Carolina. Together this network of underground facilities constitutes the backbone of America's "Continuity of Government" program. In the event of nuclear war, declaration of martial law, or other national emergency, the President, his cabinet and the rest of the Executive Branch would be "relocated" to Mount Weather."

http://www.crystalinks.com/underbases.html

Take your pick Yahtzee, burning down his house seems to be a quite recalcitrant task though. Personally I wouldn't want to go against the U.S. Military or the Church of Scientology but
its your choice, have fun.

how do you download yours videos yahtzee?

There goes your cushy invite to Monolith.

Looks like you have maintained your integrity...

Well done.

Y'know, it's a shame we don't have an army of clone Yahtzees working at The Escapist. Because then he'd be able to review every game and update five days a week. That'd be balls sweet. I find myself looking forward to Wednesdays now.

Keep it up Yahtzee!

Great review, as always. Another game I'll never play. ;)

Lord Scottish:

Heroic One:
Yeah, I had the exact same problem trying to play F.E.A.R.

Does that stand for something, by the way? Or are they just being arbitrary?

It stands for First Encounter Assault Recon

So, basically, it stands for "we wanted a cool acronym so we smashed together a bunch of random vaguely related words and then abbreviated them to accomplish that".

doomgaze3:
Y'know, it's a shame we don't have an army of clone Yahtzees working at The Escapist. Because then he'd be able to review every game and update five days a week. That'd be balls sweet. I find myself looking forward to Wednesdays now.

Keep it up Yahtzee!

I'm pretty sure if you cloned a bunch of Yahtzees they'd either end up killing one another or go on to make their own adventure game.

lol @ the "condemned" reference. a far superior but underrated and misrepresented game.

Worth pointing out that Condemned was also made by Monolith, makers of the original F.E.A.R., though the two expansion packs, Perseus Mandate included, were handled by Houston-based TimeGate Studios, who broke into the industry with the Kohan series, detoured through a PC version of Axis & Allies and now has something called Section 8 in development.

I think Yahtzee is still hung up on the idea that if he doesn't review shitty games, it'll be harder to be funny. He's probably right, and jumping right back into the works after visiting America for the first time and, of all things, Valve, I doubt he was ready to jump right into one of the surprisingly large number of good games on the market right now. Hitting the ground full of piss and vinegar seems to be his M.O.

Anyway, thanks to Yahtzee for bringing the funny for one more week. And thanks for pointing out Butterfingers, who are probably all over the radio in Brisbane, sounding like Blink 182 or 311 let mc chris rap along with them, or Bloodhound Gang with every song about someone else's mom. Really good videos and well-produced music on their Myspace.

Good stuff

F.E.A.R. lovers are minotaurs! Brilliance, yet again.

I get a laugh when I see people demanding that you do all these reviews. It's as if they feel you've access to some alternate dimension into which you can furtively slip, and you can stay the night there and later slip back into reality where only a few seconds have passed. They expect you to go to this fantasy land such that you might spend a good year or two playing & reviewing games for Escapist Magazine and the wanting public.

Perhaps you should invent this fantasy land for the express purpose of pleasing creative appreciators of your non-conformist reviews. Get on it, Yahtzee. I demand it!

F.E.A.R is great fun if you unbind the slowmo key, then ignore the tactical side of things and charge through levels faster than the AI can respond, on hardest difficulty. Otherwise its ultra shit boring.

Good review; but theres choice between playing fear as a cover-shoot tactical shooter or a fast paced action shooter.

good review but you should review some of the big games out now

They are wasting Yathzee's potential with this kind of budget games.

xdiesp:
They are wasting Yathzee's potential with this kind of budget games.

You have a strange idea of 'budget games'. Personally I think a $30 US expansion to a $50-$55 US game that requires thousands of US $ of hardware to run properly isn't targeting the gamer with low levels of cash.

before i rant, i was hppy to see a vid again, not that i have issues with the text stuff, but you know its what you come to expect you know? like a good crack high? enjoyed the review, a little more paced but still good, thou i can be sure you ripped the flashy lights of me.....

ok on that point i just want to sort something out here, i dont know about the some punctation guy but when i made mine [im the one with the bad mike and no vector program] i did'nt do it to parody or to mimic or rip yahtzee off. i did it as a joke, and its obviously a joke. ha ha he he no no get it? there's no mastereship or want to be like yahtzee in it. personally i'm guessing its a british thing this whole humour malarki. but yeah the vid was made as a little homage, and becuase i thought it'd be fun to have a little dig on his own game. get it yet? for those tat hated it for technical reasons fair enough,no probelm with that, but those that immediatly dismisseed both mine and SP's becuase they dare to laugh and be merry and are what you've probably labled as paradies and blathemious assualts on the mighty yahtzee, your very sad, get a life, relax a little. me and SP are trying to m big, cool or clever, we're having a giggle.and to he guys that said they liked it , cheers for the love, alteast some people get it eh? especially the italian that laughed at the italian joke, see people? humour.....

for anyone thats not seen them.
this is mine:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kujPzyibQX4

and this some puncuations:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6XSpPIBvjN4

they are both very differant and both are worth watching in my opinion [but i may be biased] though its true to be said that SP's was made wih proffesional intent and it much more cleaner and visual impressive,and i suppose this is shown in the viewing count [his 52,000 mine 1,00o -i did it first tho lol-] tho to be honest its a little blander.

and yes for a imitature its a honour to be noticed by the imitated, tho he was proabably talking about the seppo's vid. as for yahtzee coming to burn down my house, well although it maybe worth it just to brown nose with the praise, i'd rather settle this with a duel on time crisis or house of the dead 4 or something. you know, like real men, a test of gaming ability ^_^

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