Zero Punctuation: Condemned 2: Bloodshot

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I sent an email months ago wondering if there would be Zee-Pee-Tees coming soon (or Zed-Pee-Tees as I put at the time because I'm British and was damned if i'd let a decent rhyming scheme get in the way of my native dialect). Didn't get a reply but that's yahtzee for you, gotta love the guy ^^.
Anyway, I feel the production of Zero Punctuation Tee-shirts is a great idea, nothing says internet renown like people paying to be mobile billboards. I know I would. An imp shirt would be awesome.

Good points, Yahtzee - sometimes designers just don't know when they've gone too far with a concept (the overdone-ness of the combat and CSI elements). Or, they just can't come up with an original solution to some of the typical conundrums their implied plots suggest.If VALVe ever come out and say "This is the whole point behind G-man's creepy stalkings of you" or "this is why those huge-ass slugs hunger after your brains", they there'd be no point in making new games any more - the mystery of finding out what exactly is going on would fail and my personal reasons for playing the single-player game would become limited to my attachment to the characters (namely Alyx and Barney) and jacksquat else.

I agree with the shirts. Question, though- how would they be designed?

Damn it! Dose this mean I have to buy a 360 just to play a good Condemned game, why did they they have to wreck the second one, then port it complete with a choppy frame rate and extended load times (woo-hoo)? Screw this, I'm gonna go play Halflife 2 (with a choppy frame rate and extended load times, you bastards).

Hazelwolf:
I sent an email months ago wondering if there would be Zee-Pee-Tees coming soon (or Zed-Pee-Tees as I put at the time because I'm British and was damned if i'd let a decent rhyming scheme get in the way of my native dialect). Didn't get a reply but that's yahtzee for you, gotta love the guy ^^.
Anyway, I feel the production of Zero Punctuation Tee-shirts is a great idea, nothing says internet renown like people paying to be mobile billboards. I know I would. An imp shirt would be awesome.

I wan't one...

To be honest it doesn't surprise me that this game turned out shit. The first game wasn't the masterpiece that "hardcore" gamers are always claiming, Sure it was better than bloodshot, but it was still pants. |:

SPOILERS for Condemned 1 ahead, if anyone cares.

Yahtzee, the end of the first game did introduce supernatural-cult-shit. After you knocked the crap out the serial killer you were told to hunt down the "source" - a demon with metal bolted all over him who had the power to turn people crazy, surrounded by mutant junkies.

Hey Yahtzee, Long time viewer, first time poster. I ain't going to say it was 'brilliant' or 'the best so far' like most people would like to toss you off with.
It was pretty cool... would've been better in 3D.
Or with ME in it!
Keep up the pretty cool work!

I liked the first Condemned and while the forensics was disappointing (after the opening part of the game I assumed it'd be a lot more in-depth and useful than just a narration tool), the game overall was quite good and had some truly scary moments which kept me on the edge of my seat.

I'm going to pick up Condemned 2 based on this review, because honestly the first half of the game sounds fantastic and the drawbacks after the halfway mark don't sound like a dealbreaker. not to me anyway.

Sega now probably owes Yahtzee a 40 cent commission or something.

Definitely the best one so far. Not only side-splittingly funny but a great review as well.

if you look at the scully and mulder sequence, scully has the male ovalish body, not the female one

O_O

(I know I'm beingoverly politically correct here D:)

Brilliant review like ussual.I want Zero Punctuation t-shirts.

Duckslayer:
Man, this guy is always spot on...Except for Halo 3 of course, witch is beyond criticism. Great review as always, though.

what the hell halo 3 is alright i'd give it a seven out of ten at best and thats on story but still the gameplay is pretty much the same as every other shooter the graphics again nowt special the multiplayer give any shooter a multiplayer and have as many people playin it as halo and its gonna be awesome only other shooters include Call of duty 4 which pisses all over halo 3 from the top of of mount olympus but seriously why do people defend it its not worth it the only games that are worth defending are ones that dominate your life for that would be ffvii coz it stole several years away from me

I wouyld definetely buy a ZP T-shirt :P

cool review! Am I mistaken or he was talking faster tha usual on this one?

lovely. this is my favorite part of Wednesdays.

You know, I would've been more sympathetic to Indigo Prophecy if during the final boss fight they didn't force you to employ a method to win (namely, pulling the X-Box's controllers in rapid-yet-even succession) that is scientifically proven to wear your arms out so you can't actually win the damn thing.

Though one's arms are never tired enough to keep from hurling the controller through the TV. Never.

Mystical cults are for game writers like adultery is for TV writers. Boring-ass shorthand for 'development.' Play a new tune now and then, will you? We might like it.

The funny thing is the final boss in Condemned one is actually a demonic cyborg ninja zombie who you fight in an alternate dimension.I think the cult thing was kind of implied in the first game and it didn't surprise me when I heard about it in Condemned two.

"I think this unfortunate malady also applies to the introduction of aliens to the story. Perfect Dark became stupid because of it."

No Perfect Dark became stupid when the box said "2020 corporations control everything with one exception" in bold letters. The box goes on to say, "The future is dark ruthless corporations compete in a savage unseen war for global domination"

The game was a Microsoft exclusive. The irony seemed to escape most people.

Indigo Prophecy started off so awesome with the hiding of evidence segments and such, but then every choice was just laid out in front of you and then there were AIs born from the internet with electric bodies. So disappointing :-(

THis review has persuaded me to pick up Condemned 1 though. Seems great for $20.

Emperor_Z:
Indigo Prophecy started off so awesome with the hiding of evidence segments and such, but then every choice was just laid out in front of you and then there were AIs born from the internet with electric bodies. So disappointing :-(

THis review has persuaded me to pick up Condemned 1 though. Seems great for $20.

At that price it's totally worth it, I'm surprised you had to wait for Yahtzee to tell you it was good...what are you some kind of loyalist who can't form their own opinion?!

As condemned is my favorite game on the 360, if not my favorite game of almost all time since it had me on the verge of nerve racking pant shittery (because im into that sort of thing)

the usual fanboyish behaviour would be to praise the sequal to shit like i was a halo fan, but i'll agree with yaht, altho i like the sequal i can see how much it became the game i hoped it would never become... i see it like this

It answers all of the questions left from the original, whats all this about ethans ability and crazy file?, who's the crazy metal faced guy, whats with all this interest in ethan? will he still be missing his finger? altho most of these are answered majorly out of proportion but the game gets concluded all the same, gameplay-wise its still condemned, but with a shot of f.e.a.r

For those who have played the original and maybe looked at the extras unlocked via achievements there is a video of the original concept for condemned, it plays thru the school level but the main character has telekenetic abilitys and theres a lot more bioshock style object throwing going on, i guess thats what the dev's originally wanted and finally added something of the sort into it, so i wont hold that against them.

Another way to put it is Condemned 2 to Condemned is like Aliens to Alien.

Alstan:
Another thing that really bothered me in Condemned 1 is the "Black/white slow motion moments" when your supposed to see something interesting but your looking somewhere else and you have to restart the saving point to watch it.

About the t-shirt desing, I don't like de "ZP" basically is the same motto the spanish goverment use to promote our president. So I have some some alternatives ideas:
"I prefer to die rather than press X"
"Rock Band is a urban legend"
"Portal is great and if you don't like you must be stupid"
"My hand shoots bees. You're going to fucking loose"
"Zero punctuation: enjoyed by Peter Molyneux"
Also, a t-shirt whith all the game characters (Gordon Freeman, Mario, the big Daddy, Peter Molyneux...) around Yathzee holding a cake could be great.

I wonder if I were to draw these ideas out, submit them to a T-shirt ordering company, and then make an "Unofficial ZP T-Shirt Website" website, if I would owe you, Yahtzee or the Escapist some sort of royalty.

Hmmm...

Oh. And:
"So Condemned 2 must logically be a flawless flaky treat, right?"

i think i wet myself

Selling t-shirts would cause you to lose a crapload of respect, I'd imagine.

The major focus on gun play really ruined it for me when it reared its ugly head. Oh, and the datker then shit beginning was really annoying. The super powers? Gay!
The tension was really hit and miss too, opposed to the first game where I was practically wading through a pool of my own piss the whole way through.
On a positive note, have you seen the gamerpics for Condemned 2 on Xbox Live marketplace? They picture many of the different crazies and whatnot, and many of them are pretty cool. I especially like the crazy clown. Reminds me a bit of Sweet Tooth from Twisted Metal. hehe. I might actually purchase at least that pack.

Great job as always

and you should make ZP shirts, it is a bit on the sell out side, but nothing gets your word out and your wallet full than overpriced pieces of cloth with your logo slapped on them =P

A+. Best so far. Fantastic turnaround from the disappointment of last week.

Slimby

Great, and I was just getting over my paranoia that serial killers used under my bed for social gatherings.

Absolutely brilliant review, but horrible for my mental health.

good review

Just thought I'd make a correction...Scully did get it on with Mulder.

Best yet, or maybe that's just because I didn't like the last one as much. Also nice way to explain Fahrenheit* I always had trouble getting just the right words.

*It's call Indigo Prophecy in America because they didn't want to confuse the game with the move (Fahrenheit 9/11). Led zeppelin spelt "lead" as "led" because of the formers second meaning and Americans saying things the way they are spelt. Or so I heard, could be wrong.

Ok. I didn't look for the serial killer, but I swear my cat just whispered to me over my shoulder.

There's no-one else there to whisper over my shoulder.

I haven't played Condemned 2, but.. Magical cult? Dumbass writers.

"Listen, we've got a huge plothole and we can't fix it, what should we do?"
"Hm... Say a wizard did it"

That's pretty much what bringing a magical cult into a game like this is.

Hell yes you should start making ZP tshirts! Unless you're too good to take my money or something.

Opening song featured in Shaun of the Dead? Closing song featured in Doctor Who? I approve.

Brill review.

not only are you right again but so much so i had already stoped playing condemed 2 after they gave me that shotgun,this makes me very sad because the first one was my fav game ever ...we should start a pertition to have the second one remade in likeness of its great precurser

ps you didnt mention how they messed up the new combat to stick in those god of war button bashing gayness you and i and pretty much everyone hates "chains" for the lose

People at university is looking at me in strange manner because I laughted so much.

Creepy. I think they are serial killers. Or something.

Sigh. I was *really* enjoying farenheight until about halfway through. The first area was absolutely amazing. The next few were pretty damn enjoyable too. AND it has an interactive sex scene if you manage to woo your ex properly - i'm not suggesting this is particularly erotic or anything but the fact that it managed to slip past the "whatever it is, we're against it" team without even the slightest hint of a complaint amuses me no end. Unfortunately yes, then the storyline which had such a wonderful build up had a resoltion so cop-out you get the impression that it was thrown together at the last minute after the author had written themselves into a corner without thinking ahead.

Now i need to go check out original condemned. Never paid any attention to it whatsoever, but it sounds like it's right up my alley.

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