Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

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Xenoveritas:
Did Yahtzee seriously suggest that Doom had no "find the keycard" sections?! Because, uh, I seem to recall it having keycards.

As for the people suggestion Yahtzee review The World Ends With You, why would you want to do that to him? What has he ever done to you? You know he'll hate the experience. Hell, the game plays a constant stream of J-pop.

If Yahtzee were in the habit of going around and kicking people's dogs, I suppose forcing him to play The World Ends With You might be justified. (And if he's been going around kicking people's puppies, maybe even Crisis Core Final Fantasy VII!)

But otherwise, what has he done to deserve reviewing those games?

I cannot see inside of Yahtzee's head, so I could be wrong, but I was always under the impression that he disliked JRPGs because a lot are incredibly formulaic, cliched, redundant, uncreative etc. Which is a good reason, but have you played "The World Ends With You"? Or just seen advertisements and the like? Because if you just saw advertisements and such, I don't blame you, it probably looks awful. If you can or haven't though, play it. It's really very good.

Entharion:
I haven't been able to view the movie... -.- but I know painkiller, and it's sequel: Overdose sucked, and I probarbly agree on whatever Yahtzee says, because he mosty is right about stuff like that :)

[edit] I saw it.. and YEAH! GO Yahtzee, you found yet another gem in the ocean of brown game #!$% and now I wish you had mentioned that the bosses all have unique ways to be killed and are generally hiooo-mungous :P but I'm a review critique.. And now for the comment critique review my post and correct my horrible spelling on some difficult words...

I just wanted to ask: Has no one else noticed this post? What is so hilariously obvious about it and the edit that follows? Please tell me I'm not the only one seeing this, and because if not and everyone else is just ignoring it, I missed the memo.

So he likes body parts flying off, eh? Maybe he'll like Ninja Gaiden II? Oh wait...Yahtzee will complain about the difficulty.

Great job Yahtzee, I'm downloading game as I watch this. I wanted a good game where I can just go and kill shit, no story, no side missions, just gore and blood, and this is what I'm looking for.

And unless you're a Wii fanboy, disregard the flamming comment below from a annoyed troll who's had it with the zealousness of the Cult Of Miyamoto.

It's worth pointing out that People Can Fly handled the Gears of War port to the PC and was acquired by Epic Games last year, so they're like Epic Games Poland now.

image

Well, I'm not sure how long that's been like this on the Steam Store, but it was a nice surprise waking up to this morning.

That gun was awesome.

"It's the Eliminator TS-7!

From Blammo!"

Gerrark:
[I cannot see inside of Yahtzee's head, so I could be wrong, but I was always under the impression that he disliked JRPGs because a lot are incredibly formulaic, cliched, redundant, uncreative etc. Which is a good reason, but have you played "The World Ends With You"? Or just seen advertisements and the like? Because if you just saw advertisements and such, I don't blame you, it probably looks awful. If you can or haven't though, play it. It's really very good.

Yes, I have. How is it not a JRPG? How would he like it?

It's not turn-based, but instead it has a truly obnoxious "dual screen" combat thingy, XP grinding, some weird "pin evolution" thing that they never bothered to explain. (Well, beyond "balance the three types of PP!" without offering any explanation of how. Given that one type of PP is earned by having friends who also play the game and connecting wirelessly with them, and another type is earned based on time between saving and continuing the game...)

In short it remains the type of "micromanage your stats" completely linear game that I get the impression Yahtzee doesn't enjoy playing.

Kaiscir:
So he likes body parts flying off, eh? Maybe he'll like Ninja Gaiden II? Oh wait...Yahtzee will complain about the difficulty.

Seeing as that DMC 4 was dumbed down, I bet Ninja Gaiden will also.

and if he reviewed God of War and DMC without complaining about difficulty, I doubt NG will change that.

I had a problem watching the videos also. The new player will not come through our firewall from the site.
Try this:
create a new text document
grab the code for the video by clicking on the icon on the bottom right of the player
paste the code into the text document
do a "save as" and save it as a .HTM file
double click on the file and if you are having the same problem I did, it should play

Xenoveritas:

Gerrark:
[I cannot see inside of Yahtzee's head, so I could be wrong, but I was always under the impression that he disliked JRPGs because a lot are incredibly formulaic, cliched, redundant, uncreative etc. Which is a good reason, but have you played "The World Ends With You"? Or just seen advertisements and the like? Because if you just saw advertisements and such, I don't blame you, it probably looks awful. If you can or haven't though, play it. It's really very good.

Yes, I have. How is it not a JRPG? How would he like it?

It's not turn-based, but instead it has a truly obnoxious "dual screen" combat thingy, XP grinding, some weird "pin evolution" thing that they never bothered to explain. (Well, beyond "balance the three types of PP!" without offering any explanation of how. Given that one type of PP is earned by having friends who also play the game and connecting wirelessly with them, and another type is earned based on time between saving and continuing the game...)

In short it remains the type of "micromanage your stats" completely linear game that I get the impression Yahtzee doesn't enjoy playing.

I didn't say it wasn't a JRPG once. And I'd go into the fine details of why I think it's a fun game, but there probably isn't a point, it sounds as if your mind is made up. All I said was that the game may be a JRPG, but it's still fun and original, unlike most. And also, he doesn't dislike linear games either. Luckily this is something I can be sure of, because I'm pretty sure he mentioned it in his review of "No More Heroes". In fact, the idea that I got from him many times when talking about JRPGs was that he disliked them for turn-based battle systems and because the characters are so shallow and cookie cutter you can't get into the "stop grand evil scheme guy A from carrying out world destroy plan B". I could be wrong, but he never seemed to mention a terrible dislike for managing things or linear games.

Alstan:
In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
Maybe if you mix both...

Bees, shurikens, and lightning... *salivates*

tehb0ll0x:

Alstan:
In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
Maybe if you mix both...

Bees, shurikens, and lightning... *salivates*

No, Bioshock was just last years Winner, Painkiller will always win, it's got a crossbow that crucifies people (not, "nail them to the wall" - it crucifies them), the melee weapon that yahtze describes beautifully, Shuriken and Lightning gun....it goes on.

tehb0ll0x:

Alstan:
In my modest opinion, a lightning shouriken is no rival for the Bioshock's magic hand that shoots bees.
Maybe if you mix both...

Bees, shurikens, and lightning... *salivates*

You need a DOG with bees, shurikens, and lightning in its mouth so when it barks, it shoots bees, shurikens, and lightning at you.

KBKarma:
If you don't mind me asking, why do you post transcripts?

For those who are deaf or non-english speakers that have difficulties understanding Yathzee's speech.

Apparently this has a gun that shoots Shurikens and lightning, like he said, but not many other guns. Not that I begrudge it, mind.

ElArabDeMagnifico:

Crap_haT:
I'm not going to lie, that was a good review. Made me laugh more than ususal. Also, I have been having some loading problems. Has the Escapist had an update or change?

ElArabDeMagnifico:
As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    You can go suck a dick. It is not your place to enforce these rules, allow the stupids to have their fun; that way you don't send them into a spiral of depression and have law suites shoved up your ass. I really hate it when people take it upon their self to enforce the supposed rules. Contact a mod if you want a message put out, that way you'll only sound a dick in front of him.

    Fuck it at least I got some attention, it was worth a try, what's a mod gonna do anyway? Tell me the exact same thing? I wasn't even an asshole to you guys, I didn't "enforce them" I said "it would probably be best if----" - so you can kiss my ass you insult spurting cunt.

    And I'm fucking proud!

    Oh, Yahtzee, the power you wield:

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/movers-and-shakers/videogames/ref=pd_ts_mte/002-7413643-6366425

    Just remember, with great power comes eyeliner, an emo haircut, and the obligation to lose those powers for no logical reason in the sequel.

    Crap_haT:

    ElArabDeMagnifico:

    Crap_haT:
    I'm not going to lie, that was a good review. Made me laugh more than ususal. Also, I have been having some loading problems. Has the Escapist had an update or change?

    ElArabDeMagnifico:
    As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

  • NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
  • No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
  • NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass!
  • SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING!
  • The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!

    Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

    You can go suck a dick. It is not your place to enforce these rules, allow the stupids to have their fun; that way you don't send them into a spiral of depression and have law suites shoved up your ass. I really hate it when people take it upon their self to enforce the supposed rules. Contact a mod if you want a message put out, that way you'll only sound a dick in front of him.

    Fuck it at least I got some attention, it was worth a try, what's a mod gonna do anyway? Tell me the exact same thing? I wasn't even an asshole to you guys, I didn't "enforce them" I said "it would probably be best if----" - so you can kiss my ass you insult spurting cunt.

    And I'm fucking proud!

    Now now ladies. Calm down. Its only an internet forum.

    Now, which idiot thought it was a good idea to change the design of the site and leave the (insert random awesome word) Zero Punctuation reviews in a 4 by 5 picture pattern with really small text under to explain what it contains plus date, when all the screen shots of the videos are yellow with minor variations (of course) and you can only tell them apart if your name is Yahtzee?!

    Excellent video btw.

    Simon_TR:
    This review was his best in a while, considering mailbag showdown wasn't really a review. I enjoy his videos a lot more when he's reviewing something he likes; I wish he would stop reviewing overhyped mainstream games that everyone already knows everything about, even before they're out of development.

    I've never heard of painkiller, and this review actually made me want to try it out. It was the same story with his psychonauts review, and I loved that game. So please Yahtzee, continue to review more overlooked and underrated gems; Mainstream games don't need any more fucking attention!

    Nuts to that. Half the fun of Yahtzee's reviews is knowing what he's talking about and getting all the references he makes because you've played the game. Clearly, he realizes a lot of us haven't played Painkiller and so he tailors his review appropriately, but I miss nodding my head in agreement. I'm not saying he should NEVER review "overlooked or underrated gems" but I think he's got the mix about right. This whole discussion is moot though, because this is Yahtzee we're talking about and he's going to review whatever the fuck grabs his fancy and strokes it up and down at an increasing pace until there's a sort of extremely pleasurable sneeze.

    When I logged onto "Steam" this morning I noticed a banner in the Steam Store advertising "Painkiller Gold Edition". On the banner it said "Includes guns that shoot shurikens and lightning!" Hmm....

    I played a demo of this game once, my weaponry consisted of: painkiller, a shotgun with a barrel the size of a howitzer, a chain gun hooked up to a rocket launcher, and a crossbow with a grenade launcher... it was fun.

    Edit: who hooks a grenade launcher up to a crossbow anyway?

    i didnt have any trouble with the video loading.

    anyway...i might go out and get Painkiller now. it looked like mindless fun.

    A gun that shoots lightning and surikens you say? I really really want this game now. The only other gun that I can possibly think of that would be cooler would be one that shoots out a semi-truck that then goes flying straight forward in a quick burst of speed like a certain car combat game.

    Anyway if you want them to stop asking about mario kart review Crash Team Racing for the playstation 1. That way you can now fall back on 'a mario kart review would be too similar' or something like that.

    But oh well I wonder if that means you'll be reviewing old games now (because if it does I have some requests you'll probably ignore).

    As well as the ad on the Steam store, it's also now the 6th best selling game, behind the usual favourites (two kinds of Counter-Strike, CoD4, TF2, and the Orange Box) but that's quite a sales bump.

    Also makes me wonder why people are bothering buying it on Amazon, sure, it's $5.50 cheaper, but delivery time is such a pain.

    Crap_haT:

    And I'm fucking proud!

    Well at least that's who you are and you aren't just being a cunt for the sake of overcompensation. It just really sounded like you misunderstood me, I was trying to do good, not evil! Then people popped up and was like "OMG YOU ASSHOLE WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" - it was a mere suggestion and nothing more.

    aiusepsi:
    As well as the ad on the Steam store, it's also now the 6th best selling game, behind the usual favourites (two kinds of Counter-Strike, CoD4, TF2, and the Orange Box) but that's quite a sales bump.

    Also makes me wonder why people are bothering buying it on Amazon, sure, it's $5.50 cheaper, but delivery time is such a pain.

    It's gotta be shipped over to you anyway, what's the point?

    Great review as always... now about you stop whining about the new Mario Cart and review the damn thing! It's not like you have anything better to do this summer while you're waiting for the next batch of blockbuster games to come out in October and November.

    Good to hear your views as always. But could you speak more slowly and enunciate more clearly?

    rwstiles:
    Good to hear your views as always. But could you speak more slowly and enunciate more clearly?

    Yes, if he wanted to ruin it. Just read the transcript and you'll be fine.

    I don't mean to be rude, but the speed at which he does this is part of what makes it so funny. If he were to speak slowly, or to pause every 30 second or so, it would break flow.

    Thought it was funny, enjoyed it, but I won't be able to put it to the test, since I don't have a PC. Oh well.

    twilight_dweller:
    Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

    Eh. In any case, at least we could get to see reviews of games that came to be, before he started reviewing.

    I've never played Painkiller, though from your explanation it sounds a bit simple. I'm left wondering if the main character doesn't at least shoot out one-liners a la Duke Nukem.

    fortunately no he doesnt but he has less personality than cardboard

    Smokescreen:
    Thought it was funny, enjoyed it, but I won't be able to put it to the test, since I don't have a PC. Oh well.

    Are you typing through a Wii or an an iPhone or something (or a PS3 with Linux on it?) ...or a Laptop? I bet a somewhat old laptop could run it, don't know about processor speed though.

    mydogisblue:

    twilight_dweller:

    I've never played Painkiller, though from your explanation it sounds a bit simple. I'm left wondering if the main character doesn't at least shoot out one-liners a la Duke Nukem.

    fortunately no he doesnt but he has less personality than cardboard

    ...but he's still got baaallls oof steeell

    Great, as always, to hear your view. Could you please talk more slowly and enunciate more clearly? HAhaha.

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