Zero Punctuation: Mercenaries 2

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Aurora219:
I think Mercenaries are a good addition to the world of gaming.

Storyline THATAWAY >>>

<<< Depth THATAWAY

Blowing shit up here. Stay or move on, s'up to you.

Vromnir:

Shiuz91:
I think i figured out why Yahtee hasn't reviewed SW:TFU. He must have enjoyed it and he can't think of any funny big problems with the game. Also this review was awesome.

I dont think that would stop him from doing a review, becouse if you remember his orange box and phyconauts reviews, he really liked those games and the rewiew was still just as good as any other ones.

TFU is one of the easiest games to rip into in a long time..

Why? It seems good to me.

Great Review, Below Average Game.

we would miss you and whats with the late website update

The Iron Ninja:
Honestly I don't think he was hard enough on this game. Mercenaries 2 was one of the most pretentious, broken and depressingly short games I've played in quite a while.
You get hold of these things called "Nuclear Bunker Busters" at the end, before I used them I was trying to find a vantage point ages away from my target, thinking "well it's Nuclear, I doubt standing thirty metres away from it is going to be very healthy."
But unfortunately the range of the laser designator is only thirty metres, so I had to stand right next to it. And I wasn't hurt, my Swedish guy just covered his eyes and said "oh bother, this bright nuclear explosion is really quite an annoyance, I sure hope it dissipates soon." When I could actually see again the bunker in question was slightly cracked, but for some reason all the surrounding trees (which can be destroyed by wayward cars veering off the road) were all still standing. This supposedly Nuclear weapon has a damage radius of about twenty metres. Couple that with the very short range from which you can call one in, and you end up with having the exact same thing happen each time.
Bomb comes down, big flash of light, sometimes able to see the outline of a mushroom cloud through the brightness, and then your vision returns and you see that only the building you targeted is damaged, the others (in a tightly packed city street) are all fine.
When I heard that you could get nukes I figured that meant I could stand on a far away hill and watch as a ,mushroom cloud signalled the defeat on an entire city. Not only is the damage it causes pathetic, but I can't even see what little damage it is doing due to the (inescapable) bright light.

Now my only fear is that if I continue bad mouth this most heinous of games in the other forums, that I will automatically be seen as blindly picking up Yahtzee's banner of scorn and dancing around like a sheep.
I should go back and bookmark all the previous posts I have made about this game... just in case, then I can shove them (and more importantly the date of said posts) in whoever's face it is needed to be shoved.

Just because a weapon is nuclear does not mean it's high-yield. Especially when you're trying to hit a target that might be within a city, you don't want a lot of collateral damage (in theory), thus most of the blast is really channeled through underground and will take out a lot of the surrounding area but not reduce it to a nuclear smoking crater.

Of course there's the other, simpler way to say it, which goes something like this: "You're hijacking helicopters with a grappling hook gun and taking down whole armored divisions armed only with a pistol and a couple grenades and the most unrealistic thing you could think about in this game was the capabilities of a tactical nuclear weapon? It's a game, it doesn't have to be steeped in hard science."

AceDiamond:
Just because a weapon is nuclear does not mean it's high-yield. Especially when you're trying to hit a target that might be within a city, you don't want a lot of collateral damage (in theory), thus most of the blast is really channeled through underground and will take out a lot of the surrounding area but not reduce it to a nuclear smoking crater.

Of course there's the other, simpler way to say it, which goes something like this: "You're hijacking helicopters with a grappling hook gun and taking down whole armored divisions armed only with a pistol and a couple grenades and the most unrealistic thing you could think about in this game was the capabilities of a tactical nuclear weapon? It's a game, it doesn't have to be steeped in hard science."

I don't think "Nuclear explosions hurt things" is really considered 'hard science.'
I would think it would be more of an inescapable fact.
The Nuclear Bunker buster is essentially just a normal bunker buster with a (completely cosmetic) mushroom cloud. And at least you can actually see the normal bunker buster taking effect, when I use a nuke on something I actually want to see the destruction. Not just the aftermath (which as stated earlier, is also pretty pathetic.)
It's not like they needed to scale it down for balancing reasons or anything, you only unlock it at the end of the game, if it's supposed to be some kind of reward for those (admittedly rather few) hours of playing. Then it might as well be spectacular.

you:
most of the blast is really channeled through underground and will take out a lot of the surrounding area but not reduce it to a nuclear smoking crater.

That's the thing though, it doesn't take out a lot of the surounding area, at most it can take out two buildings (if they're placed close enough to each other. Soldiers caught in the blast often walk out of it unscathed.

Edit: Well this is a new low for me... I'm arguing on a Featured Content thread.
On that note, I'd just like say that I don't care what you have to say next, and I wont respond to it. (unless of course if it's "Man... he sure made a good point, I agree with you wholeheartedly sir")

Back to form, Yahtz. Its the changes in your speed, pitch and tone which really make it funny.

Love the line, "BOMB DIS SHIT" Funny stuff Yahtzee.

completely hilarious as always

The Iron Ninja:
snip

While your points are valid the nuclear bunker buster is a plot device first, and done correctly actually. The blast is again, channeled into the ground, or more correctly (since I admit I screwed that up) supposed to be channeled at the bunker it's fired at, at least that's what i'm getting from wikipedia so consider the source. Therefore it's really not going to devastate large portions of cityscape anyway.

EDIT: I also wouldn't say we're full-on arguing. It's not like we've degenerated to name-calling yet

Whee! Look at me, I'm a comment Yahtzee won't read!

Um... why do we even get the chance to comment on these things anyway? It almost seems like an excuse for people to get into internet arguments with each other or to make believe that we're part of the development process of Zero Punctuation and not just masses of people with too much free time on our hands. Hmmm...

Perpetr8r:
Whee! Look at me, I'm a comment Yahtzee won't read!

Um... why do we even get the chance to comment on these things anyway? It almost seems like an excuse for people to get into internet arguments with each other or to make believe that we're part of the development process of Zero Punctuation and not just masses of people with too much free time on our hands. Hmmm...

It's just for us to express our opinions, Perpetr8r. Debates and the like are really the reason that forums exist. Yes, Yahtzee won't pay attention to any of this (thankfully), but at least we get to see other peoples' views on Yahtzee's material and we can have discussions.

Perpetr8r:
Whee! Look at me, I'm a comment Yahtzee won't read!

Um... why do we even get the chance to comment on these things anyway? It almost seems like an excuse for people to get into internet arguments with each other or to make believe that we're part of the development process of Zero Punctuation and not just masses of people with too much free time on our hands. Hmmm...

Eg. Youtube.

original was better

Hi Yahtzee, excellent review. I played the original Mercenaries at a friend's house. I have to admit I absolutely loved it given that I only had an hour and I spent most of the time pissing off my allies.

But I have another problem. One that requires urgent attention. My parents bought me a Wii last Christmas. I so far have Wii Sports, Wii Play and Super Mario Galaxy, which I found strangely satisfying. However, being a former prehistorical Sega fan I'm not that interested in the Nintendo Francise, nor am I interested in the "We found something new with the Wii remote let's milk it for all its worth games!". In fact, given Nintendo's current target market is all over the god damn place I'm scared of buying any game at ridiculous prices in fear I will be grossly disappointed.

This is hence why I was looking forward to the recent release of Super Mario Kart Wii. It was the only upcoming game that seemed safe to buy but recently I've heard tragic rumours. Are they true? Perhaps you could cover this in your next review?

I kinda want to play the game now. Maybe just to laugh at it and blow stuff up.

Awesome reviews as always, the game is indeed terrible from what ive seen of it being played

Perhaps I'm spoiled...but why waste time reviewing this crap...couldn't you have at least found something that a blind man couldn't have seen the problems with in the first 5 min...or atleast pleased us all by doing star wars force unleashed which was terrible...

Or perhaps you just wanted to do an easy review so you could get back to being ballz deep in silent hill homecomming (I have very low expectations). I suggest skipping over the Lego Batman game for a review seeing as its just like lego starwarsindianajones

good. and i hav summit to say wt r u all moaning about? " ID MISS YOU IF YOU WERE GONE" i mean your godlike dominatrix like abilities are amazing but i wouldnt miss you, u play a small/medium part in my life like chocolate sponge... well actually that is alot of ood chocolate sponge so screw it. anyway the morale of this story is i love chocolate sponge cake.

Whats wrong with game developers these days? I was a huge fan of Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction so why does Mercs 2 suck the rigid flaming cock of satan? How can you make a sequel thats WORSE than the original? *cough* AvP 2, Halo 2, Operation Winback 2... *COUGH*

I remember watching a "behind the scenes" preview video and one of the developers said "the maps in Mercs 2 will be twice as big as the maps in the first game..." (take note he said MAPSSSSSS plural)

First off theres only one map, not two, like the first game.
Secondly If the map is twice as big, then why the hell is the game 10 times shorter?

Hello? Brain? Where are you?!

And another thing... vehicle physics. They went from normal vehicle physics in the first game to handling like a shopping cart in zero-G gravity!... what the hell happened?!?

And dont get me started on the End Boss... a friggen button mash sequence? How un-f**king-satisfying was that?

Jesus just writing this has made me hate the game even more!

Thanks Electronic Arts you really blew it out your arse this time... and then some!

thank you for bashing the lengendarlly thick AI, the one that pisses me off the most is when you're driving down the road and a civilian runs TOWARDS your car instead of away from it. But your right, it is funny as hell when you call for support and they step off the edge of the helipad and die

I found the story fairly stupid and dragged out so they could bring some americans and chinese to run at each other along with the other factions. i decided to discard the story and blow the hell out of everything in m path and guess what it was fun and i didn't care to figure out how to get better bombs for blowing stuff up i just went out found some random bombs and used those even if there was only one person just to see the awesome explosions.

ya it sucked, but it had enough fun to last me a couple hours before realizing how much it was missing in it. and who cares about stupidity in ai they're not there to truly be helpful. to make them smart would be a change for the better, but in these kinds of games we actually don't need it because they're job is to get killed by you, the enemies who decide to target them, or themselves (for which afterward they blame you).

Great review. I liked the game, it was fun, but some of the missions got a bit tiresome towards the end. The wanten destruction in the game is great, but it was annoying when I placed several charges of C4 on a biulding I wanted to destroy and then have my allies park themselves right next to it as I pull the trigger and then blame me for it. That and allies stealing your helecopters and walking of piers to there deaths when you ask them to man the guns on your boat. Oh well, destroying the oil rigs was fun.

The final boss fight was very unsatisfing and annoying. However you get the impression that they had almost thrown the story out the window by then. The actual story line could probably be done in a few hours if it were not for the endless side quests. Yahtzee's right though the game was fun, but the story could have been much better.

GAWD! This game blows. Only reason its even remotely difficult is due to the crappy physics, lame grenade throwing, and a merc who cannot shoot for shit.

More on throwing. Why is it that all the PC mercs throw like they are infants chucking a shotput? While the AI can hurl a 'nade with as much accuracy as John Elway can a football.

The game is mediocre at best due to all the poor mechanics. I wont even comment on teh story. Ive had a little fun, but more aggravation than anything.

Don't waste your money!

Possibly the worst game I have ever played I am sorry to say. The visual glitches were terrible and missions weren't fun.

AtomiK99:
Whats wrong with game developers these days? I was a huge fan of Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction so why does Mercs 2 suck the rigid flaming cock of satan? How can you make a sequel thats WORSE than the original? *cough* AvP 2, Halo 2, Operation Winback 2... *COUGH*

Because its entirely down to opionion...

"Actually, that's something I've been intending to bring up, Miss."
All those dick jokes make a lot more sense now.
Hilarious!

you didnt note the asian girl with the posh accent you can play as or the fun fun you can have by blowing up an oil rig and getting stuck underneath it

I have found it true ihat, i would be holding onto something that would kill every bad guy within 10 miles of me and i would still throwing pebbles and my empty soda can at a giant monster.

I just love the paedophile reference near the end! Very subtle!

I always thought that Yahtzee was over-exaggerating about the whole "airstrikes business". Out of curiosity I downloaded the demo, died fast and the first tip I got was "use airstrikes as often as you can". Wow...

I found Merc 2 was fun, but only in short burst and only if I pretty much ignored the set missions. Running off, doing your own thing, causing damage, great fun! Bad voice-acting, broken AI, tedious missions, not so much.

I still think this is one of the best reviews. I love the whole throwing peas at a giant robot crab joke, simply because it is so true of many players.

The Trope is known as Too Awesome To Use.

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