Zero Punctuation: Sonic Unleashed

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God, I wish he was dead, when I was about 4 I've already beatin' all of the sonic games...but now I'm sixteen and wish he'd die already...sigh, I'm a nerd...and I loved them, but face it you can't hope for better, in case you haven't noticed their getting worse and worse, which I didn't think was possible, but still, all in all that was a pretty funny review.

I shut my brain off when playing this game, and actually came away pleased. I mainly got it for the Sonic daytime levels, and to the game's credit, those are immensely fun. As for the night levels, I would like Sonic Team to look at my bug testing report...

LET ME CONTROL THE GODDAMN FUCKING CAMERA YOU STUBBORN PRICKS. Thank you

XOXO
-Greg

Seriously, if they would have let me focus the camera wherever I pleased on the night levels, I wouldn't have to make blind jumps, or wild guesses based on the fact that the camera just randomly panned out backwards three miles mid-jump. It wouldn't have excelled the night levels in quality, but they would have at least been tolerable. Otherwise, it was a fun platformer with gorgeous art design and awesome music, and honestly, who needed more than 15 seconds to talk to villagers to figure out where to go?

P.S.- notice the hypocrisy in some people who claim that the people who liked the game are hivemind lemmings, are the same people who say "Yeah, good job Yahtzee, it's shit" without even looking at the game.

he put sonic in his place.

i would like to say the secount i saw the comercial i knew it would be terrible

antipunt:

seriously?...
Sry, didn't mean to pick on you, but your post is a paragon example of 'holier than thou, without a proper explanation'. Since I'm bored, I think I'm going to do a little something I call "an attack of rational thought!"

1. SOMEWHAT cheesy?...
2. You're complaining that Yatzhee 'picked apart the game' a bit TOO much? Do...you even KNOW what Yatzhee DOES at all? [btw, he also mentions in his review that he knew it was going to be bad, but it was SO BAD, that it surprised him altogether; I don't think that 'surprise' was due to premeditated bias]
3. yay stable frame-rate and...*wha? Wow your expectations are high
4. "butthurt"..nice...; and no I highly doubt Yatzhee was just oh-so very hurt about the E-ratings..................

done; good night; sonic = dead

The frame rate issue was actually one of the main concerns about the game before its release.

I probably have a 1/100000000000000000000000000 chance of him reading this but I might as well say it out of that chance. I actually quite liked the game and wish it not have a story line but other than that it was fabulous. Did you play the Xbox 360/PS3 version (I know you used the Wii version of the box but I'm just making sure you didn't just get the 1st one you saw) because I hear that one is the worst, the Wii one is much better with short dialogue trees instead of stupid walking around and talking. Also it has less levels that are'nt as much trial and error. Truly you have to review both versions of the game to fully review it. If he sees this I am the happiest person in the world for 2 seconds and am the happiest guy in the Universe if he sends back for 3 hours (more like 1 minute but still I will be very happy).

you have inspired me Yahtzee It`s time to make a sonic trash scoop or at least one made out of a stuffed hedgehog

Haven't played the game, curious to try, but this is definitely one of his best reviews :D

Yeah I agree to his review. The old sonic there was no issue with camera...I mean this is the game I grew up on. Now me personally I like Sonic Adventure 1 and 2. I mean those were cool because well good story line, and Sonic wasn't really a p*ssy nor were some of the characters. Now I made the mistake of buying Sonic The Hedgehog for the Xbox 360 and all I can say is they need to stop adding these power ups (I mean Sonic Adventures power ups were okay). Also stop adding characters, Shadow was the last cool character. I mean I could go on but all I can say is make it with a good camera, cool character, none of these stupid power ups, and so on.

All I can say is that this review was lagit. Let Ben start making games or be part of the planning processes (or atlese Beta test), cause his reviews find it all...you know I am studing game design if there are any game designers reading this

Yahtzee you are simply amazing!!

MeatSnack1:
Yahtzee, Sonic fans (like myself) know full well that sonics recent games have been shite.

But remember that for the fans it dosent matter, as long as we keep the love with us.

I'm a bit confused about this, how exactly you get "love" by playing awful games?

Tsk, tsk tsk....I knew that one day you'll come to this Yahtzee, I always knew you were nothing than a stiff played out troll. And well now you currently proven my point, not only did you lie/troll/bash on the game, but not one of your jokes was funny, but just simple lame ass humor. I knew that in time you would become what is know as the 'youtube generation', a retard who only trolls and a acts like a big shot with huge ego, because of all the sheep you have. You aren't a critic Yahtzee and never were, nor are you a reviewer, your a simple troll who likes to bash games because they aren't a pushover and you belive you know about games. Wich you don't in the slightest. I liked the game and I don't give a fuck what anyone say's (speacylly you Yahtzee sheep and old school whiny brats)

Great review and roast for that matter. Poor Sonic he used to be on top of the world, now he's nothing. To think when he first came out I thought he was going to knock Mario out, but instead he hit a wall (3D) and never recovered. RIP Sonic.

I'm a bit confused about this, how exactly you get "love" by playing awful games?[/quote]

we dont. we remember a better time.

besides the DS games are actually preety good.

The Sonic series has been going on over 10 years too long.

Russ Pitts:

Amplify:
The video's been up over 20 minutes and there are so few comments? Have I just walked into the twilight zone?

We were late getting it put up today. Tech issues. Nothing sinister.

Is it just me, or does that make it sound really sinister?

That review was a fucking joke

made me laugh =)

Poor Sonic. I remember him being my first video game and loving him so much I asked my mom for a stuffed sonic.

Now he's turning tricks to pay for his meth habit. :(

corectsion Yahtzee thay need to take shadow and shoot him he was the one who messt up the serese or has any onr notist it gos down hill from sonic adventure 2 here are the good sonic games all the game in sonic mega and gems collection and sonic adventure the bad games shadow, sonic the headghog 360. sonic heros, and the sonic riders seres the ok games sonic unleshed sonic dark brotherhood sonic rush 1 not two i heard sonic rush 2 sucked

WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

ssgt splatter:
WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

Great review my big fat hairy balls. This stuff just proved of what kind of hack Yahztee is, and proved on how many old school monkeys fill this goddamn forum

Kanashe:

ssgt splatter:
WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

Great review my big fat hairy balls. This stuff just proved of what kind of hack Yahztee is, and proved on how many old school monkeys fill this goddamn forum

No need for a temper-tantrum.

Anyway, it's not really about the old school monkeys that fill this forum, it's mainly the ZP fanboys who'll agree and follow all of Yahtzee's reviews, no matter how biased they are.

One thing I find funny, though, is that someone once put this review up on Youtube (which later got deleted), and the video got a low rating and was filled with negative comments.

qwmn:

Kanashe:

ssgt splatter:
WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

Great review my big fat hairy balls. This stuff just proved of what kind of hack Yahztee is, and proved on how many old school monkeys fill this goddamn forum

No need for a temper-tantrum.

Anyway, it's not really about the old school monkeys that fill this forum, it's mainly the ZP fanboys who'll agree and follow all of Yahtzee's reviews, no matter how biased they are.

One thing I find funny, though, is that someone once put this review up on Youtube (which later got deleted), and the video got a low rating and was filled with negative comments.

Why I'm not suprised. 'Course people who have a working brain and aren't Yahtzee sheep will say what they really think of his crap

I just wish the original Sonic Team would revive the Sonic franchise and make something as good as the Sonic Adventure games. The recent 3D Sonic games have been garbage encoded on a disc. Does anyone think it's sor of a "if a Sega console can't have it, nobody will."?

brtshstel:
I just wish the original Sonic Team would revive the Sonic franchise and make something as good as the Sonic Adventure games. The recent 3D Sonic games have been garbage encoded on a disc. Does anyone think it's sor of a "if a Sega console can't have it, nobody will."?

and I wish that most of you old school fucks would die in fire, but we can't all have our wishes come true, now can we?

qwmn:

Kanashe:

ssgt splatter:
WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

Great review my big fat hairy balls. This stuff just proved of what kind of hack Yahztee is, and proved on how many old school monkeys fill this goddamn forum

No need for a temper-tantrum.

Anyway, it's not really about the old school monkeys that fill this forum, it's mainly the ZP fanboys who'll agree and follow all of Yahtzee's reviews, no matter how biased they are.

One thing I find funny, though, is that someone once put this review up on Youtube (which later got deleted), and the video got a low rating and was filled with negative comments.

OK first, Kanashe, take a chill pill no need to go off half-cocked and second, qwmn, i'm not a Yahtzee fanboy, i just like his reviews cause they make me laugh. besides, you do have to admit he is right about SOME not ALL of the games he reviews

ssgt splatter:

qwmn:

Kanashe:

ssgt splatter:
WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

Great review my big fat hairy balls. This stuff just proved of what kind of hack Yahztee is, and proved on how many old school monkeys fill this goddamn forum

No need for a temper-tantrum.

Anyway, it's not really about the old school monkeys that fill this forum, it's mainly the ZP fanboys who'll agree and follow all of Yahtzee's reviews, no matter how biased they are.

One thing I find funny, though, is that someone once put this review up on Youtube (which later got deleted), and the video got a low rating and was filled with negative comments.

OK first, Kanashe, take a chill pill no need to go off half-cocked and second, qwmn, i'm not a Yahtzee fanboy, i just like his reviews cause they make me laugh. besides, you do have to admit he is right about SOME not ALL of the games he reviews

So far he's been right only bout three games: Halo3, Alone in the Dark 5 and Medal of Honor: Air Born. All othere's....Comeplet an utter bullshit. Ya know what, I don't care what he's fans will say, this guy isn't and never was a reviewer. A troll that goes on a bitch fest or over hype spree, yes. Reviewer, no fricking way

Kanashe:

and I wish that most of you old school fucks would die in fire, but we can't all have our wishes come true, now can we?

Let me draw it out in crayon for you, since I must have hit somebody's "fanboy troll" button.

1. Wanting a game that is not glitchy (like Sonic the Hedgehog 2006) does not make me an "oldschool fuck." The shoddy camera wants you to die in Shadow. I have no problem with a 3D Sonic game, and thouroughly enjoyed the two Dreamcast titles. MY problem with the latest Sonic titles is faulty mechanics, that's not fundamentalist old school ranting. Sonic Unleashed is an imporvement, but they need to keep going with it. If wanting a game with proper mechanics and is actually done before they release it and I pay my hard-earned dollars for it, then I guess I'm as oldschool as they come.

2. If I really was an "oldschool fuck" I would spout off something like "ZOMG Genesis FTW" or "2D or GTFO." I like to hold myself to a much higher standard than the vermin that infect 4chan forums.

ssgt splatter:

qwmn:

Kanashe:

ssgt splatter:
WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

Great review my big fat hairy balls. This stuff just proved of what kind of hack Yahztee is, and proved on how many old school monkeys fill this goddamn forum

No need for a temper-tantrum.

Anyway, it's not really about the old school monkeys that fill this forum, it's mainly the ZP fanboys who'll agree and follow all of Yahtzee's reviews, no matter how biased they are.

One thing I find funny, though, is that someone once put this review up on Youtube (which later got deleted), and the video got a low rating and was filled with negative comments.

OK first, Kanashe, take a chill pill no need to go off half-cocked and second, qwmn, i'm not a Yahtzee fanboy, i just like his reviews cause they make me laugh. besides, you do have to admit he is right about SOME not ALL of the games he reviews

I didn't mean that you were a yahtzee fanboy, I was talking about some other people.

But yeah, he is right on some of his reviews.

brtshstel:

Kanashe:

and I wish that most of you old school fucks would die in fire, but we can't all have our wishes come true, now can we?

Let me draw it out in crayon for you, since I must have hit somebody's "fanboy troll" button.

1. Wanting a game that is not glitchy (like Sonic the Hedgehog 2006) does not make me an "oldschool fuck." The shoddy camera wants you to die in Shadow. I have no problem with a 3D Sonic game, and thouroughly enjoyed the two Dreamcast titles. MY problem with the latest Sonic titles is faulty mechanics, that's not fundamentalist old school ranting. Sonic Unleashed is an imporvement, but they need to keep going with it. If wanting a game with proper mechanics and is actually done before they release it and I pay my hard-earned dollars for it, then I guess I'm as oldschool as they come.

2. If I really was an "oldschool fuck" I would spout off something like "ZOMG Genesis FTW" or "2D or GTFO." I like to hold myself to a much higher standard than the vermin that infect 4chan forums.

Alright, I stand corrected an I appologise. The thin' is when ever Adventures is mentioned it's usually mentioned by thoes old school purists, who won't stop with their brain numbing messiac comeplexes until people starts smashin' their skulls.

Kanashe:
So far he's been right only bout three games: Halo3, Alone in the Dark 5 and Medal of Honor: Air Born. All othere's....Comeplet an utter bullshit.

So... when you agree he's right, when you don't agree he's wrong? Who died and made you the boss?

Ya know what, I don't care what he's fans will say, this guy isn't and never was a reviewer. A troll that goes on a bitch fest or over hype spree, yes. Reviewer, no fricking way

What makes a reviewer then? He reviews games and puts that online. In my book that makes him a reviewer. You might not like his style, choice of words or haircut, but at the end of the day a review is always the personal opinion of someone about something. When you don't agree with a certain reviewer just look for someone who you can agree with.

li-ion:

Kanashe:
So far he's been right only bout three games: Halo3, Alone in the Dark 5 and Medal of Honor: Air Born. All othere's....Comeplet an utter bullshit.

So... when you agree he's right, when you don't agree he's wrong? Who died and made you the boss?

Ya know what, I don't care what he's fans will say, this guy isn't and never was a reviewer. A troll that goes on a bitch fest or over hype spree, yes. Reviewer, no fricking way

What makes a reviewer then? He reviews games and puts that online. In my book that makes him a reviewer. You might not like his style, choice of words or haircut, but at the end of the day a review is always the personal opinion of someone about something. When you don't agree with a certain reviewer just look for someone who you can agree with.

I never agreed with him, I just saying these were the only three games he was ever right bout.

Oh I don' know....Maybe a guy who can say what good or bad things the game had? When it comes to Yahtzee he either over hypes it or bitches on it, that's NOT fucking reviewing in any sort of way, unless in some twisted altered universe where sheep can fly, politics are honest people and Keanu Reeves actually has talent.

Kanashe:
Oh I don' know....Maybe a guy who can say what good or bad things the game had?

He does (usually).

When it comes to Yahtzee he either over hypes it or bitches on it, that's NOT fucking reviewing in any sort of way, unless in some twisted altered universe where sheep can fly, politics are honest people and Keanu Reeves actually has talent.

ha ha. funny.

I see this different (obviously) but arguing about this with you is probably pretty pointless, since your opinion seems to be as flexible as a diamond.

Kanashe:

ssgt splatter:

qwmn:

Kanashe:

ssgt splatter:
WHY WON'T SONIC DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! oh and great review

Great review my big fat hairy balls. This stuff just proved of what kind of hack Yahztee is, and proved on how many old school monkeys fill this goddamn forum

No need for a temper-tantrum.

Anyway, it's not really about the old school monkeys that fill this forum, it's mainly the ZP fanboys who'll agree and follow all of Yahtzee's reviews, no matter how biased they are.

One thing I find funny, though, is that someone once put this review up on Youtube (which later got deleted), and the video got a low rating and was filled with negative comments.

OK first, Kanashe, take a chill pill no need to go off half-cocked and second, qwmn, i'm not a Yahtzee fanboy, i just like his reviews cause they make me laugh. besides, you do have to admit he is right about SOME not ALL of the games he reviews

So far he's been right only bout three games: Halo3, Alone in the Dark 5 and Medal of Honor: Air Born. All othere's....Comeplet an utter bullshit. Ya know what, I don't care what he's fans will say, this guy isn't and never was a reviewer. A troll that goes on a bitch fest or over hype spree, yes. Reviewer, no fricking way

ok, that's you're opinion and i respect it...i still like his "reviews" though

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